Bear of Creativity
An essay of sorts
Word count: 730 Warning: Somewhat fluffy at points, somewhat angsty/depressive at others, the f-word a lot. Sorry, it’s instinctual.
Masterlist
Someone tried to convince me that we should speak to ourselves, the way we think other people deserve to be spoken to. With kindness and such, you know?
How does that work?
When you sincerely can’t see what the fuck you can even to properly, what you can consistently engage with?
When your mind just rambles and rambles on. You hear the words “More dicks, more breasts, more filth, more nonsense! Be nonsensical! Just DO.” What’s even the meaning of it all? Is there one? Does anything matter at all? Is it fine that nothing matters?
It’s a wonderful paradox. A wonderful disaster.
Because what do you do then? When your mind rambles, gives you ideas, and you can’t decide? Can’t make a fucking decision what to do. And then, when you have finally managed to sit down and get on with one thing, you can’t fucking do it because you’re not skilled enough at that particular thing. What the hell. There’s just. No. Fucking. Break.
Should I just sit down and do what’s easy? That’s what all the gurus say we shouldn't… greatness lies beyond our comfort zone etc. Bloody hell. Is there a Wiki-How on how to overcome obstacles, say fuck and just do it anyway, even if it looks like shit or doesn’t make sense? Is that the nonsense he’s talking about? Just butcher away, like the fucking Butcher of Blaviken. See how much joy and peace of mind that gave him. None. Nonsense.
Sometimes I just want to be alone. Like really alone. A tiny house in the middle of Siberia. Just give me a fireplace and I’ll be alright. Can’t do shit when you’re freezing. Can probably hardly take a shit, if you wanted to, if you’re cold enough.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful though, to just wake up in solitude, a secret getaway with your lover? Your muse... Creativity, ideas, inspiration… Just you and him. Seduce him on that animal skin in front of the fireplace. Tear his clothes off, reveal the bear underneath. Reveal the bear within yourself. The bear of creativity, if there ever was one. Bear of creation? Sure, I guess. There is now, I just created it.
Shaggy bear. I wonder how he tastes… out in the wilderness, in your tiny log cabin. It’s unsettling. Unnerving. Would he make you create anything? Do anything? Besides what you’ll do to him, anyway… Gnaw at his face, take in his pleasure, his moans… your own cries. Cage him in your hands, between your thighs. Let yourself be caged. Cave in. Give up. Release.
All that bottled up frustration. Let it go. Let loose. Go crazy. Go wild. Run into the wild, into the woods. Together.
It’s cold out, it’s freezing. But there’s still a fire in the cabin, it will warm you when you get back in.
The wind is chilly. Freezing, actually. It licks your bones, if you stand still. But he’s with you, he came along. As you run, he runs behind you. You can hear him laughing in your head, although his face doesn’t express it. The trickster. How do you fool your ego? How do you make a fool of your ego, and not suffer in the process?
He catches up with you, but you wiggle out of his grasp before he gets a proper hold of you. Now you’re laughing. You stumble, he falls upon you. Gotcha.
His voice is so deep. A growl. You can feel it in your core. Your entire body is itching. He looks down at you, the size of him absolutely massive compared to you. He’s careful not to crush you, for now he just lets the warmth of his body melt you and the snow surrounding you.
His only wish is to be of purpose for you, but not too important. He wants to be wanted, but not desperately needed. It’s a balance, somewhat a paradox.
At times, his love and devotion is too much for you. You become flooded by overwhelm, and somehow just want to push him away, forget him. Other times he seems distant, as though he has abandoned you, forgotten you. Sometimes, you feel like the only being on Earth. Like the only being that has ever been on Earth, the desolation in the pit of your being swallowing you whole, leaving nothing back.
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Please drop a line or a ramble or anything if this hits spot in you or sparks something. Let me know, or if you prefer, don’t do anything at all <3