Today in Ableist Microaggressions at Dollar Tree
Just had one of those “wow, disability in public” moments that’s still sitting with me. While looking for a sewing kit at Dollar Tree, a kid (maybe 12?) rushed up, super excited to talk about the Ren fest tail they got today. (Cute! Love sharing joyful little nerd moments with people) Their mom came over, asked what was up, and when she heard us both say “Ren fest,” she just… yanked her child away and hurried off. The child still waved bye, though.
A few minutes later, I’m at checkout and the mom/child are in line behind me. The mom holds up a ‘Thankful’ house decor bulb thing and straight-up says, “When I seen you and then seen this, I thought of you rolling by and thought about how thankful I’m not like you.” Her kid giggled, embarrassed.
I just told her, as calmly as I could:
“That wasn’t funny, ma’am. That was ableist for being thankful you’re not disabled like me. But don’t worry, you probably will be, one day. Everyone finds out eventually. I’m not trying to hurt you, just… this is how to be an ally. Please try to do better.”
She gets huffy and says, “Well, I have autism, so I can’t be ableist.”
I respond, “I have autism too, ma’am. I’m just telling you how it was received so you can do better.” Her child nodded silently, and the mom stormed into a different checkout lane.
People need to hear this: Having a marginalized identity does NOT make anyone immune from perpetuating harm toward other marginalized groups. The urge some folks have to make others' existence a punchline? To teach their kids that pity or “thankfulness” for being able-bodied is kindness? Enough.
If this makes anyone squirm or feel defensive then good, Sit with it & Learn from it. Disabled people get used as teaching moments, sources of “inspiration” or “gratitude,” or just objects of awkwardness or hostility in public all the time. It’s exhausting.
To that kid: you were just excited about your tail. Keep that energy. I hope you find kinder grown-ups soon.