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Different feelings today.

I’m inching closer to the edge and I’m running out of room.

Maybe this time I won’t be alright.

I can feel my health declining.

I guess this is what I want anyways right?

Whatever it takes to speed up the process.

I’m getting closer to free fall but at least it’ll be a fun descent.

I feel like I’m in control now.

09/19/2025

#crittle

I remember the peace I got when I would lie next to you. I listened to the beat of your heart and thought, "This love is true." We would close our eyes and fall asleep in each other's arms. During the cold season, all I wanted was to keep you warm.

I just want to feel you, darling. For every time I do, I forget the world exists. We were just two lovers caught in the wind. Two souls that were intertwined. The love we shared grew so much over time.

It's almost the end of summer. The weather will start to get cooler. However, I won't be the one keeping you warm this year. I read that line again, and it pains me to hear.

I don't want anyone else.

How do I say I miss you that'll make your heart ache like mine? How do I say I still love you in hopes that you'll feel the same? How can I sit here crying for hours every night about these thoughts when you know you've moved on? How can I make things whole again? How can I feel your love again?

Maybe there is no way. Maybe you really are gone. If so, then I hope I reach the end soon. This winter will be brutal, and I don't think I'll make it. Maybe I just don't have the will to try. The light can fade quickly in someone who no longer believes they matter. I don't see the light anymore.

#crittle

You think I'm going back home to go and "live my life." That home doesn't exist anymore. I'm leaving all of that behind. There was nothing for me there anyways. It's a hole that'll suck your soul lifelessly if you're there for too long. Nothing good happens there. "Sin City" was never supposed to be a place you stay forever, only for the weekend to fulfill your immoral dreams. I've been complacent for too long.

It's time for me to make a change. I might sink at first, but I know I have to keep pushing. I have to keep trying to swim and make it. I know I will make it here, even though I don't have much support. I'm going to try because now, home is where you are. However, I might just be chasing the dragon. Perhaps there is no longer a home for me.

The second option is to disappear. I really hope that in the end I'm relieved with whichever decision I make. I plan on making a decision soon. Hopefully, sooner rather than later, or hopefully I just go away in my sleep and save me from the hardship of making a decision myself.

Goodnight for now, love. I know I'll still wake up in the morning but I just want to rest. You understand.. right?

09/18/2025

#crittle

I was hoping deep down that you’d be the one. Unfortunately, self-sabotage ruined it. Made stupid decisions that I will never recover from. I’ll try to hold and carry on as much as I can but the building has crashed and plot of land has burned. I don’t think there’s anything that can stop me now.

9/16/25

#crittle