Plums (A Bucky x Reader fanfic)
“Y/N…” Steve sighed through the door, following a subdued knocking. As you opened your eyes from another restless, anxiety ridden night, you knew exactly what this meant. You rose from your unkempt bed and crushed the trashed smashed up paper against the soles of your feet, as you walked to the locked door.
The walls of your mind were messier than the room you have imprisoned yourself in. Today was the day, the one you have been dreading for months.
“Everything’s a mess.” You looked around, the tears in your eyes, blurring the ungodly sight. “Such a fucking mess!”
As you sunk to the floor in a heap, you caught one paper in your hand and gripped it tightly to your chest.
“Y/N?” Steve opened your door, you noticed he looked even worse than you did. His beard was unkempt, the bags under his eyes a dark mauve. You sat up, but couldn’t look him in the eyes, you couldn’t face him, because that meant facing today.
“We can’t leave him in there any longer, we need him.” Steve squatted beside you. “You both need each other.”
“That’s the problem, Cap.” You took a deep breath, trying will yourself not to cry. “I do need him, but Bucky didn’t fucking care how I felt. He didn’t want to listen to me.”
“You know that’s not true. He loves you so much.” Steve defended him like always. It angered you, but you’ve accepted the eternal brotherly bond by now. “But I know how you feel…” He continued. “I just got him back, then he left again.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Steve.” You started to get up. “But God, do I wish it was.”
Steve’s eyes drifted down to the papers on your floor. But you continued on, “I can’t see him. I won’t let myself, because I know I won’t be able to forgive him, not now, not ever.”
Steve’s lips parted as if to say something, but your hands were so thin, your face so pale, and the tears glistened like diamonds in the early morning light. He embraced you, for words weren’t enough for this situation.
“He left us when we needed him most.” You hiccuped into his shoulder.
“I know, Y/N, I know.” He stroked your hair.
You uncrumpled the paper in your hand, and the words you had written released a flood of anger in your heart.
“I should leave. Start a new life somewhere else. This war doesn’t involve me, Steve!” You hiccuped into his shirt.
“No Y/N, you can’t do that, you mean too much to all of us!”
You lifted your head from his chest and looked into his eyes and then you saw all the pain, you saw all the months of suffering that he endured and realized that he took this pain in a different way that you had, his heart was bleeding for Bucky to just come back.
Your heart was bleeding for him to come back whole.
“Please at least stay until after this is over we’ll need you at home base.” Steve released you, and gave you a pleading look.
“I can’t see Bucky.” You stated. “He broke me and I’m not going to let him pick these pieces of myself up, put them back together, and have him leave me again. Have him leave us again.”
“But Y/N-” You cut him off.
“You can’t keep defending every decision he makes Steve! Just because you fought together doesn’t mean he’s always on your side no matter what! He says he’s a danger to everyone, but he’s wrong, he is not HYDRA! Yes, I agree he was their weapon, was is the key word! And a weapon does not get to choose sides!”
You flung the paper you had unfolded in your hands at him.
“Once he realizes that he’s on the good side now, and once he decides to deal with his problems instead of letting time pass as he’s frozen tell him I’m willing to hear him out and see him.”
You turned to your closet and got your backpack you had neatly packed your necessities in.
“I’m sorry Steve, but I can’t stay.” You said, holding back tears as you hugged him in the doorway.
“Promise me you’ll be back? You’re family, Y/N. Not just an Avenger.”
“I promise I’ll come back home. Give him that note and he’ll know where to find me.“
“Where is she?” Were the first words that came out of Bucky’s cold lips, blue eyes looking around frantically.
“She left.” Steve held Bucky in place. “But-”
“What?” Bucky tried to stand up, his pupils still dilated, Steve continued to hold him down. “God! What did I do?!”
The former Winter Soldier looked up at his best friend in a frenzied panic.
“She told me to give you this. You’d know where to find her.” Steve handed him the slightly crumpled looseleaf paper. “You’re on the good side now, remember that.”
Bucky took the paper gently from Steve’s hands with tears in his eyes.
‘If love is enough, then let this ice thaw for good. You were never the “bad” guy, you were never the villain. I’ll be waiting for you where we first met, any evening, any day.
Because they’re ripe here no matter what season.’
“Plums.” Bucky smiled. “Of course”