#cs61

[canuckingaround]

i miss stilly. 6190

-

His eyes are still closed when he feels Victor crawl into bed next to him. It causes him to shiver slightly, body curling up in on himself as cold hands move to pull him closer,

"Are you awake?" Victor whispers it just loud enough to hear. It's weird because he knows Chase can sleep through anything. The words don't come though, so he makes a small noise and lets his forehead press against Victor's shoulder. His eyes are slightly open now, staring at the shadow he casts onto bare skin. It feels oddly metaphorical.

An arm snakes it's way around his waist, still cold fingers slipping just under the hem of his shirt. Chase shivers again but doesn't protest the soft apology and kiss against the top of his head. He doesn't know what to do with his own arms, curled up and stuck between them. It feels like he should at least move them. The buzzing of something under his skin making them nearly tremble. He should be doing a lot of things right now, but the exhaustion had been so heavy and the bed had been so warm.

Chase hadn't realized just how much he had missed Victor. A feeling akin to guilt eating away at heart at the thought of it. He shouldn't be upset that Victor was getting to play hockey. It's not like he would rather he be injured like himself, confined to the apartment and press box. The selfish part of him wishes Victor would stay in Abbotsford forever, the smart part of him feels greedy for even getting this,

"Did you eat?" There's a dirty bowl in the sink that answers the question. Bits of rice still sticking to the inside. He ate, but there's no way to tell how much,

"Bowl of rice. With chicken." It's not like Chase wouldn't stick to his diet, his dad always made sure of that. Though as the nights grow longer and the days grow colder, he always finds himself veering on the edge of the minimum he should eat. Something small as he moves around the apartment like a ghost, footsteps lighter than his meal,

"Okay," Fingers rub soothingly against his side, "I can make more."

Chase shakes his head and ignores that nausea that follows it. The thought of food making his stomach turn even as it growls and aches. Guilt only follows, sticking to the fear of disappointing Victor, "Not hungry."

"Okay," Chase wants to sob, "We can just stay here." Victor's words are so gentle as he pulls Chase a little closer, lips pressing against his hair that's probably a bit gross now. His hands are holding him close and all Chase can feel like is that he's falling apart.

That things had been going so well or at least not as bad as it had been. That he had been keeping it together. That everything was fine until he let it collapse in on itself.

Tears still don't fall. Even as he hides his face against Victor's chest. Some sort of finality seeming to settle in his bones, even the broken one. That this year was it, this year was going to be the end of him. At the very least, Chase hopes he doesn't bother Victor too much until then.

[supersecret-hockeyblog]

eye to eye

"How long?" "How long since what?" "Since you've been human."

Lukas & Stilly fic, I am nothing if not predictable. New AU.

[read on ao3]

[maraschinodevil]

Stillman girl till I die ❤️🖤👊🏻

[canuckingaround]

You Are a Runner and I Am My Father’s Son

Chase and the feelings of isolation in the middle of a crowded room. And mental illness.

It's more fantabby au

Rating: General Fic Link

[canuckingaround]

stilly and "sunset" for the ask game!

Send me a ship/character(s) and a one word prompt and I will write a 5 sentence fic about it.

-

People always say to look at the sun and the moon when you miss someone, that you can find comfort in knowing you're looking at the same one. Chase never knew how to feel about it.

Watching the sunset in Abbotsford was different than watching it in Jersey or Toronto or Catchacoma. It doesn't feel like they're watching the same thing night after night, worlds still kept apart by the distance.

The sunset in California is probably better than here anyway.

[canuckingaround]

been meaning to write them again. cootman blast (also alien stilly au cause ive also been meaning to write it again)

-

"Do you miss home?" Braeden stared at the tiny creature in his hands. It was always weird holding Chase in his palms. The texture was odd and hearing his clear voice from a creature that didn't seem to have a mouth was unnerving. But Braeden would be a liar if he said he didn't enjoy it,

"A lot. I've never been gone this long before." The crash had been almost a month ago now, the dirt they piled into the crater has begun to sprout small weeds and grass. From what Chase has told him, he hasn't even been away from his family for this long let alone his home,

"I'm sorry. It would probably be easier if you crashed in the backyard of like a NASA employee or something," He could feel Chase laugh at that, "I don't really know how we're going to get you back."

"If I'm stuck on this planet, then I'm stuck," His tiny hands tap against Braeden's fingers in thought, "I can still see the snow, I can still skate. I have you at least too."

"Yeah," Something stirred in his chest, "You got me."

[supersecret-hockeyblog]

Reichs and the word cold :)

(u got the sneak peek but) WOE. fantabby au be upon ye. ft stilly bc he's back tonight and also That's Your Guy

The water from the stream is cold as he splashes it onto his face, a semi-desperate attempt to get himself to refocus before he's expected back at the camp again.

He had been lucky, really, that Ty had been shifted just a bit too long for anyone to be comfortable with him going out on a scouting trip. Even luckier that his (accurate) self-confessed reputation for being unable to cook was easily believed, causing those in camp whose job it was to actually prepare the food to all but shove him away.

Lukas has always had a bit of an issue with getting stuck in his own head. Failures, real or simply perceived, were often a one-way ticket to a self-doubt spiral. Another thing that, despite their best attempts, nobody had ever quite gotten him to break out of.

Even Pat couldn't do it. He had gotten close, been good at keeping Lukas from descending too far down that road, but he still always found himself there.

(He shakes his head. Thinking of Pat now would only serve to undo the admittedly minimal work done by the cold water of the stream to pull him back.)

He knows he's going to be late getting back now. He got stuck in his head too long, going from scouting to simply wandering until he realized just how close to sunset it is. There is a guilt that seizes his heart, one that he has to try his best to swallow as he finally makes his way back.

By the time he enters the small campsite, it's fully dark, Lukas having to rely mostly on the memory of his movements to get back after a certain point. The small of dinner is faint, likely long missed, which sucks. He does enjoy the group's cooking, even if it can't beat a nice, actually home-cooked one.

The only people out, likely waiting for him, are Stillman and a once-again shifted Ty, this time in his dog form. The shifter perks up as Lukas approaches, which causes Stillman to look up as well. His face is neutral, but there's something in his eyes that tells Lukas he's not happy.

Despite this, Stillman gently nudges Ty. After a moment, the dog is a human again, and said human walks towards the tent that Lukas knows Chase is staying in. Probably to let him know that Lukas is alive.

With Ty gone, it leaves the two of them—Lukas and Stillman—alone, staring at each other from over the quietly crackling campfire.

There is a moment of silence, then Stillman speaks.

"Just because you don't care about this group doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want."

Lukas stares at him. "What?"

The glare leveled at Lukas is enough to have him shrinking back slightly. He's seen what Stillman (a real knight, a proper one) can do. He doesn't want to be on the receiving end of it.

"They were worried about you. You left—alone—on a scouting trip, and don't come back until after everyone else is getting ready to sleep. I know you don't want to be here forever, but the least you could do is pretend like you care."

"I do care," Lukas retorts, because he does. He really, really does. His voice comes out softer than he means for it to. "I'm just…"

(Keenly aware of the fact that this isn't what he needs, that he isn't what they need either. That he cares about them and they care about him but—)

"… I'm sorry." Lukas finally finishes, voice quiet. Stillman's gaze remains cold, colder than the stream had been, and Lukas can't really blame him.

The Abbys are everything to Stillman, but despite how grateful Lukas is to the group, that's not what they are to him.

"You should be." Stillman says flatly.

The flickering fire casts deep shadows onto Stillman's face, making him look more menacing than he really has any right to. But, if he wants to say anything else about it, it's cut off by Ty re-emerging from the tent, cutting into the tension in the air like a knife.

Lukas clears his throat. "I can, uh, take watch. Let you guys get some—"

"I'll be fine," Stillman cuts off Lukas, earning a slight look from Ty. Stillman, after a moment, sighs. "You've done enough today. Get some rest."

Lukas wants to argue, but he also knows better than to. He just stands there awkwardly for a moment before nodding, muttering a quiet "Good night" before forcing himself to not bolt towards his tent.

[canuckingaround]

you're the only thing that's making me smile

Chase Stillman has been traded twice in the span of four months after a frankly shitty season. Braeden Cootes wants to know more about whatever the hell is going on there.

Rating: General Fic Link