#cycle 46

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Cycle 46 CD15

I was getting worried about my opks but today's is suddenly super positive. 👍

[marriedandttc]

I’ve been away from Tumblr for a while, life has just been packed to the max. So I’m copying and pasting this update from Facebook. Hopefully it all makes sense, but if there’s any questions just ask!

“- Lengthy IVF Update -

Last week Stephen and I made the trek to Sioux Falls to get a consult with a new reproductive endocrinologist, we wanted to discuss our last cycle and potential for a future cycle.

I would like to start off by saying: because of this visit we accomplished two things.

1) We got some extra tests run that our original clinic did not offer. These tests came back great for what we need. We can take these results and proceed wherever we choose!

2) We got confirmation from a doctor outside our original clinic that our failed cycle was just shit circumstances. In their opinions there were no errors, or anything anyone could have done with the information they had. He’d have treated it the same. This eases a lot of nervous feelings we had.

But other than that, it was horrible.

- Just in general we didn’t enjoy the experience. Our original clinic is a private, stand-alone office. It is comfortable, quiet, and private. This new office is in the middle of a massive hospital campus. Everything is sterile, busy, and uncomfortable. Our entire two hour appointment was spent sitting in exam chairs, in what was basically a broom closet.

While nothing about IVF is sexy by any stretch of the imagination I’d like to be as comfortable as possible on our baby making journey. An ounce of dignity would be great. 👎🏻

- When we first got there they immediately sat Stephen in the room and rushed me off to get my vitals. Which is fine. But they never looked at Stephen, at all. Other than needing to provide a sample for testing he didn’t even need to come. When the source of our infertility is male factor I would appreciate if the staff actually... I dunno, acknowledged the male in the room. 👎🏻

- This doctor when talking about the future and things we had done, kept talking about repeating procedures that don’t need to be redone yet (if ever). I would tell him “We completed that in x of 2018. The records are in that file.” He would nod and say, “Ah. Well. We can look at that later then.”

I have an hour scheduled with you. You are holding $20,000+ of testing and treatment that I gathered from three separate doctor’s offices. If I am asking you a direct question about something and that test can give you insight GO READ IT. I am paying out the ass for this consult and would like my hour’s worth of information. 👎🏻

- At the end of the appointment we went to the lab for testing. The bloodwork they ran on me was unnecessary. Some of these specific tests have been run SIX times in 12 months. They have never been elevated. Every single time they do this panel it runs me between $200 - $400. It’s been done at three separate labs. There is no error. All of my hormone markers are exactly where you would expect them. It was unnecessary testing - because just as I knew, that all come back statistically identical to the previous six times. 👎🏻

- When using this clinic you have access to the records, results, and appointment notes online. When my appointment overview became available for viewing it said

“Unknown female infertility complicated by male factor.”

I. am. not. infertile.

While in the office discussing our last cycle and a future one the doctor even said, “Everything we know to, and have the knowledge to, test on you has come back normal. In ten years new advancements could possibly provide new information, but you look absolutely normal.”

Then WHY are you demanding these tests for the umpteenth time. Why are you listing me as infertile on my chart. Why are you completely IGNORING the infertile partner in the room to pick at my weight, my sexual history, etc. 👎🏻

- The big test we were needing was the DNA fragmentation index. This lets you know how much of the DNA within the tested sperm is normal, or abnormal. With IUI any number over 15% is less than ideal, but doable. Since we are doing IVF the doctor informed us that anything under 40% would be sufficient. We utilize ICSI to fertilize - which means an embryologist selects the healthiest looking sperm. This process should weed out some of the damaged sperm because they’re often misshapen or immobile, an embryologist would never select them anyway.

Stephen’s results came in at 24%!

This is far below the 40% threshold we needed to feel comfortable trying IVF again, and a “good-fair” fertility potential by the lab.

We got these results early online and celebrated. What a perfect result!

The nurse called back a few days later to tell us the results. It went a little something like this.

Nurse: Unfortunately these results came back elevated. We would like to see below 15%, and your husband’s were 24%. Ideally, we’d like him to start the suggested vitamin regimen and retest in a few months. If the numbers don’t improve you will need to move onto the next step in your treatment plan.

(Now, I know that’s immediately wrong because that’s NOT what we discussed with the doctor).

Me: Dr. X told us he’d like a result below 40.

Nurse: I think you may be confusing your numbers with motility, that’s how many move. We would like that over 40.

Me: No. His motility is over 60, but for ICSI we needed a DNA Fragmenration below 40 for a better chance at success.

Nurse: Oh! Yes! If you’re looking into ICSI that’s a great result.

Me: ICSI is our only option, we have completed one round and are preparing for our second.

Nurse: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that on your chart.

Bullshit. You didn’t LOOK at my chart. If you did you’d have seen it’s thicker than the first Harry Potter book and we are preparing for IVF ASAP.

If I didn’t pay attention and document everything to manage on my own she’d have just told us we need to move onto a sperm donor. It’s our logical next step, but not our ideal protocol right now. 👎🏻

- Lastly, everyone just really liked to comment on how much we have been through. “You’re awful young to be trying for four years!” “You’ve done so much aleady.” “You don’t need all this information, you’re pros.” and while I am sure it’s just an awkward attempt at humor, all it did was hurt. Perhaps my massive file is entertaining to you, but all I see as I watch you wave it around is lost money, emotional trauma, and crushed dreams. 👎🏻

We will not be returning, because unfortunately I *could* keep going.

On November 12 we will be returning to our doctor in Omaha and looking into another round.

With this doctor confirming our previous cycle was managed as well as possible with the information we had at the time, and tests confirming we aren’t doomed, we feel comfortable returning to an office that feels like home and a doctor who cares about us as individuals.”

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Cycle 46 CD9

Currently in a waiting game.

Can I go to the mikvah in a few days, or will I chas vshalom get a positive covid test? 😱 More and more people are getting it here and with the new UK rules for self isolation my daughter is merrily going to nursery with some of their kids.

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Cycle 46 CD1

Ugh. Life is such a mixed bag right now.

My parents are being real dicks - they're all over my cousin's new baby and her 3 year old, they know we've been TTC because I told them in 2019 and got told I was too impatient, they haven't seen my 4 year old, their one grandchild, since September 2019 and never call her and it was all their fault too because they couldn't have us come over beginning of 2020 because the house had to be baby proofed??? They had my cousin over a few months later with her child 🙄 they've seen them at least 3 times already.

This month I was pregnant last year. Anniversaries like that suck so much.

The RE said there is nothing wrong with us and none of the more invasive tests are worth it right now. So we're kind of stuck. He says we can go to IUI if we want or try more triggered cycles. Idk.

[marriedandttc]

CD 1

Cycle 46 is here.

My lower back aches, my vagina hurts, my bowels are rebelling, and there is minor cramping.

Having a uterus is over-rated, and it’s already not highly recommended.

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Cycle 46 13dpo

I desperately need my brain to chill the f out. All night I dreamed of positive pregnancy tests. Ggaaaahhhhhh.

My period is late. My cramps have mostly disappeared. I hate this hope.

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Cycle 46 12dpo

Expecting AF today.

My brain decided to torture me. I dreamed that I had a tiny newborn baby boy, and it was super realistic!!! Ugh. I hate that part of secondary infertility, the fact that I completely know what I'm missing! At least with primary it was all theoretical.