“Please, don’t tell anyone.”
Setting: FutureFeaturing: @marymacdoncld with a side of @moodyauror
Mary’s pregnant, just a couple ofmonths now, and they’re sitting on the floor in this small flat in the middleof Shittsburgh. Her arms are cradledaround her still-flat stomach and when she speaks, Selina knows what she means.Knows what she is saying just as much as what she isn’t. Knows that anyone means just one. And she feels aslight sinking in the pit of her stomach at the thought. But she nods. “Ofcourse I won’t,” she murmurs as she tucks her best friend into her arms. “I’vegot you. I’ve got you and we’ve got this.”
It’s strange, really, how they’re still best friends. Best friends whoboth fell in love with the same man [Selina, just a little; Mary, in so deepshe’s still falling] at similar points in life. But while Selina had grown up,moved on, and cultivated a friendship with the gruff auror, Mary was stillhopelessly, madly in love with him. Even when he has nothing to give her, shecannot consider another.
Heknows, but he is so broken that he can do nothing.
Selina doesn’t ask Mary whose baby itis, but she doesn’t need to. Little Constance Marlene comes out with herfather’s eyes and Selina’s glance at Mary is knowing. Her smile thins as sheholds Mary’s hand, but she still says nothing. She will keep Mary’s secret. Andreally, when she holds her goddaughter for the first time she falls in lovewith her just as much as she did with her father. A glance at Mary tells herthat her best friend is the happiest she has ever been.
They both become quite adept atchanging nappies and it quickly becomes clear that Selina is going nowhere. Theirneighbors begin to wonder if they’re lesbians and Selina nearly chokes on heroverpriced American chain store coffee. Constancedoesn’t know what that word means, but Selina will have to keep her from usingit each time she sees a woman for the next year. Mary’s lips twist into asmirk when she replies. “Selina’s my sister,” she tells the neighbor, thoughher eyes are dancing as Selina scowls.
They outgrow the flat in Pittsburgh,move into a small house near the Monongahela. Selina continues to stay involvedin the magical world, finding that she can do quite a bit of herbology researchin North America that she cannot do across the pond. What’s more, the Britswill pay more for it now. Mary contents herself with the muggle, though theirhome combines the two as best they can. They do not speak of England, notreally. Selina keeps in touch with those she can, but Mary has cut them alloff. It’s just them now. Their little family of three.
Mary dates, occasionally, but none ofthem stick. They’re not him. Selinaknows her own mind well enough to know that she’d never be happy with a muggle.She dates a wizard from Boston for almost a year before calling it off when heasks her to move in with him. He does notunderstand her relationship with Mary and if he doesn’t understand, she’s notgoing to waste the time explaining it.
She goes home four times a year tocheck on her parents but Mary stays away. Each time, she drops by his flat fora drink and a conversation that consists of silence rather than the banterthey’d built up years ago. But still she comes, fingers bare, guilt graspingaround her heart like a vice, as she holds his key to absolution in a lockethanging round her neck.
It’s hard to keep a secret from someoneyou love. The only reason she is able to do so is because she loves Mary more. Mary willalways be her North Star.
Selina returns home and shrugs at theformer blonde when she asks if there’s anything she should know. “Someone’sgoing to ask questions eventually,” she finally says, glancing at the toddleron the floor. “Maybe you should figure out what you want to tell her.”
In the end, they don’t tell heranything. Constance never asks about a father, which Selina supposes is strangein itself, but they do not look a gift horse in the mouth. It is only when she hears the young girl telling a friend that she hastwo mommies that Selina understands.
Mary spends an hour howling in laughteras Selina drinks her weight in firewhiskey.
Constance is six when she begins askingabout grandparents – because apparently they’reworth asking about – and though Selina’s own parents have visited wellenough, it’s not the same. Mary’s parents died in 1980 and the Sapworthys arethe only grandparents the young girl has ever known.
Selina’s next visit to England has theyoung brunette copying photos of his parents and stowing them in her handbagwhile he’s in the loo. She hands them to Mary without fanfare when she returnshome. She should know her grandparents. She should know her father.
It is the only time that she questionsMary in this, the only time that Selina verbally lets on that she knows. There’s part of her that’s angryat Mary, at her refusal to allow her daughter to meet her father. Selina leavesfor two days at that, coming back with little more than a whisper. “She’s yourdaughter,” Selina tells Mary. “But I don’t agree.” She will never agree, willnever think that it’s acceptable to hide the most beautiful little girl fromthe man who would do nothing but adore her.
“She’syours too,” is Mary’s fierce reply. But Mary cannot face him and Selina cannot force her to. Mary has lost enough already.
The problem is that Alastor has lostjust as much.
Selina has seen him so broken, a shellof what he once was, and she knows that he is not hers to put back together. The only person who can put him backtogether is a small six-year-old who has never asked for her father. Selinadoes not agree – she does not agree atall – but she cannot betray the best friend she has ever known. BecauseMary is her family now and family matters most.
Constance doesn’t go to Hogwarts. Herbest friend, a Pureblood cousin of a friend from home, tells her aboutIlvermorny in the northeast part of the continent. Mary’s almost sigh of reliefis palpable and Selina grabs her best friend’s hand. They can do this.
Years pass.
The house is almost quiet withConstance gone, but Selina and Mary do not voice the subject of moving on, ofgrowing up, away from each other. It is nothing they even consider as they goout in the evenings, finding that the city’s nightlife is better than theyexpected. After all, if they spend their early thirties acting more likethey’re in their early twenties, it’s no one’s business, is it?
Summers are spent traveling in NorthAmerica, teaching Constance everything about quidditch – Selina still turns hernose up at quodpot – and visiting with her parents. They’ve never gotten overtheir eldest daughter’s death, probably never will, but they take Mary on as asurrogate daughter. They are family inevery single way that matters.
Sirius Black escapes from prison. It isboth a blessing and a curse, though Selina still gets roaring drunk when shefinds out. She’s never thought he wasguilty. A year or so later, when a Death Eater impersonates hergoddaughter’s father, Selina and Mary are visited by what’s left of theMarauders on a Tuesday afternoon. Mary refuses to return, her head stubbornlyshaking as she looks at both of them with trepidation. What if they find out? She has made her life here built on secretsand she will be damned if they crush her house of cards.
Selina is slightly more accommodating,promising help if they truly need it.“I’ll gladly do research from here, but I have more than myself to considernow,” she murmurs under her breath to Sirius as Remus tries to make Mary see sense. It’s not until Constancecomes down from bed – she sleeps like hermother – that Sirius gets the understanding look on her face. When heleaves, he whispers in her ear. “Does he know?”
Selina shakes her head against Sirius’neck and kisses his temple before he leaves. It is the last time she will see him.
While the war in Europe is discussed inthe North American magical circles, it is nothing that they concern themselveswith. But sometimes Selina catches Mary reading her copy of the Daily Prophet – she gets it on a delay –at night when Constance is asleep. She’s not sure what Mary’s looking for untilshe realizes that it’s what she isn’tlooking for.
Selina spirits her parents away toScandinavia once more and on her way back, she stops at his flat. He hands hera beer and she leans against the doorway. He’s more skittish than before, butshe supposes a year in his own trunk can do that to a man. She kisses his cheekas she leaves and he stops her only to hand her a key. Her eyes openquizzically as she glances to see it’s a Gringottskey.
“Did you think I didn’t know?” he asksher, tone slightly mocking. Selina merely looks at him, eyes wide. She isshocked. He will always believe that hemust stay away from those he loves and he does not expect to survive this war. There is nothing for her to sayand she looks abashed as she pulls out the latest school photo from her purse,leaving it on the table by the door.
It’sthe last time she sees him again, too.
Selina says nothing to Mary for nothingis going to change. She puts the key in the safe next to their muggle passportsand continues on.
The darkness in Europe does not spreadto North America and it is not until they read the Prophet – which has turned into nothing more than Death Eaterpropaganda – that they discover the man they’ve both loved is gone. Selina’slips thin and Mary blinks water out of her eyes, but they say nothing.
They’ve shared everything else – theirhome, their child, their lives – and it makes sense to share this grief too.They drink – too much – that night. And the next one. And the next one. It isnot until they receive an owl from Ilvermorny asking if Constance can bring afriend home for Christmas that they realize they might have a bit of a problem.At least for now.
They get by. There’s no other way toput it. But Constance has always been their sun in the darkness of Pittsburgh,and when she comes back home, it feels just that much brighter.
When the war is over, they return toEngland. It’s just for a visit, but Mary hasn’t been back in a decade and ahalf and Selina wants to check on her parents, who have decided to move toScandinavia permanently. She knows how to ask the right questions and Sundayafternoon finds the three of them holding hands while they stand underneath thetree where Harry Potter had planted what was left of the man they loved.
Selina hands Mary the Gringotts keyshe’s kept on her person for the past year and a half. She nods towardsConstance. Mary’s eyebrow rises, fingers tightening on Selina’s. The brunettenods, leaning her head onto Mary’s shoulder.
“Mom? Aunt Selina?” The teenager comestoward them, not yet understanding just what type of grief they areexperiencing. She does not know this manthey are grieving and she wonders if she should.
“Yes, sunshine?” Selina’s voice isn’tas thick as her best friend’s and she squeezes Mary’s hand in solidarity.
“Why are we here?” Selina and Mary catch each other’s eye andSelina’s understanding gives Mary the bravery she’d buried long ago.
“That’s a long story, love,” Mary’svoice is rough, gravelly. She tries to smile, but her lips only make theslightest of quirks.
“About your dad,” Selina finishes.
Constance is quiet for a moment. They don’t speak of her father. For years,she didn’t think she’d had one.
“I’d like to hear it anyway.”
