Love Me Like You Do ( Guide To Getting Back Your Self-Respect)
Summary: Dae-sung just wants Sol-i to be happy, even if that’s not with him so he decides to bury his feelings while Sol-i realizes how much strength she gained from his constant unwavering support. She becomes to questions her feelings for Cha Heon.
Author's note: For the Dae-sung appreciators and anyone who wants Sol-i to keep her self-respect. I finally watched the recent episodes and I saw Heon making an effort but honestly I am already over him and anyone with some self-respect would be too. So in this my girl gets her self-respect back, wins over Dae-sung and gets the love and unconditional support she deserves.
He doesn't cry. Not there on the bench, in front of her lying his heart out. He'd never thought he'd have to lie to her always wanting to give her nothing but his genuine honesty and support, but her question had stunned him. It was ridiculously moronic of him to write something so.. revealing on the paper. He knew it was a possibility that she would see it. A small hopeful part of him wanted her to see it, to finally know his heart and how much she meant to him, she was like the sun on a gray stormy day and he was tired of carrying these feelings in his heart.
But she was uncomfortable, that much was evident. He couldn't handle that, she was his first real friend and he couldn't imagine his life without her dimpled smile- didn't want to. So he lied. It made his stomach churn, bubbling up with bile until he felt nauseous and he had to escape from her relief, she was so relieved by his admission. It was apparent that his feelings were unwelcome, she would never look at him the way she looked at Heon. He needed to find a way to accept that.
So he waits until he's in the pool to unleash the tsunami swirling in his eyes, sobs wrenched from his lungs as he breaks apart slapping at the water and wishing he could turn off his heart. He tried to stop this by calling her "brother" hoping he'd be able to trick his heart into truly seeing her as a brother. In the end it was all futile and every second he spent with her only heightened his infatuation, until it shifted from like and swung into dangerous territory.
It was good. This was good. It was better that he find out now, he needed to move on for the salvation of their friendship. He would do it. He could do anything for Sol-i. But he would let himself mourn today, mourn the loss of his feelings and any chance of her reciprocating. He would cry until his throat was hoarse. Roaring into the air before dunking his head under the chilling pool and submerging his feelings.
It isn't easy but he stops doing the things that are natural to him: buying snacks he knows she likes, saving the best hand warmer for her, going out of his way to make her smile and when he sees her with Heon, he doesn't interrupt leaving Sol-i to shine brightly up at someone else. Too sad to even be jealous.
"Woo Dae-sung? Are you listening? Who have I been talking to this whole time?" Jin-Hwan sighs exasperatedly, knocking into his shoulder. He turns to smile in apology, lost in his thoughts staring out the window. It was the safest place to look with Sol-i right in his line of vision, it was difficult not to get lost in the way the sunlight hit her dark brown hair, setting the strands ablaze.
"Sorry. I was daydreaming. What were you saying?" He nods staring into the spectacled eyes of his friend, giving his full attention and he laughs and nods at all the correct moments as Jin-Hwan regals his newest plot to win over Ha-Young, his latest idea a flash mob. He laughs freely at the other boys antics as he flails to mimic the possible choreography, at least Ha-Young never seemed uncomfortable with his various love confessions. He'd even found the other girl looking at the vocally gifted boy when she thought no one was looking, an inquisitive look as if she were seeing him for the first time.
Despite his own rejection he would be elated for his friends, he wanted those he cared about to always be smiling even if he wasn't.
Before he realizes it's time to go to the pool, he has a competition very soon and his coach has been shorter than usual pushing him past his limit. He accepts the punishment, enjoying the sharp knife of the water on his skin using his heartbreak as fuel. He was in control in the pool, his domain and his first love that would never turn its back on him.
"I'll see you all later!" He calls out to his small group of friends, making sure not to let his eyes linger on Sol-i as he usually does instead sprinting out of the room. He will get over this and things will go back to normal again.
When coach praises him on his form and speed he realizes for once his mind is not filled with a certain pint-sized girl.
"Heon-ah! Wait let's go together!" She calls out to the retreating back of the boy who is always on her mind, her sweet honey Heon. Just his mere presence is enough to make her feel like she's on cloud nine. Huffing when he doesn't slow down at all, she starts to chase after him closing the gap between them. But being as clumsy as she is her feet get tangled up and she finds herself tripping over nothing, she closes her eyes waiting for the painful collision. It never comes.
Squinting one eye open she finds herself staring at the flecks of cobble in the ground, seemingly elevating above it.
"Brother! Are you okay?" A familiar voice greets her and when she twists to look behind her, Dae-sung’s hands are latched onto the top handle of her backpack preventing her fall. She smiles in gratitude, Dae-sung is such a great friend he's always there when she needs him. She beams up at him dimples making an appearance.
He smiles back, tugging her back onto her feet.
"I'm okay. Thank you for saving me." She bows her head slightly before remembering that she'd been following Heon. She spins around only to find the boy in question already climbing into his bike, looking at them with passive eyes before riding away.
"You should hurry so he doesn't leave you. Be careful and get home safely."
She hums not looking back before running over to follow Heon, he doesn't talk to her the entire ride home fleeing before she can even wish him goodnight. She huffs but goes inside her house calling out to her parents before running to her room and diving into her bed. Tomorrow, she'll make Heon like her tomorrow.
Probably.
Hopefully.
She dozes off her head filled with the boy who owns her mind, body and soul.
"Anyone know where Dae-sung is? Doesn't it feel like he's always in the pool, has he turned in a merman? Aquaman?" Ji-Hwan quips at the lunch table, looking around at them as he mimes swimming in a pool. Sol-i stops mid chew looking around, she hadn't noticed he was missing but it was so obvious, normally he'd be there handing out snacks and laughing at Ji-Hwan's bad jokes. Making everything brighter with his infectious smile.
"He has that big swim meet coming up remember? Are we all going to cheer him on?" Ha-Young responds, asking in a tone that leaves little room for argument. She looks at Heon to see his answer, he doesn't look up from his sandwich chewing slowly as if he's eating alone.
"Heon-ah, are you going?" She grins at him, willing him to agree with her winning smile.
His face remains impassive but he shrugs and she takes it as a yes. Jumping in her seat and turning back to Ha-Young nodding her head at the question finally.
Her friend squints at her though, looking annoyed for some reason. But the bell rings signaling the end of lunch before she can inquire why that cold look was directed her way. She nervously picks up her tray trailing behind her friends, not remembering to wait for Heon.
She almost slept through her alarm but she manages to drag herself out of bed and she dances when she sees that Heon is getting on his bicycle too, they can go together.
"Heon-ah! Good morning."
He turns to look at her nodding softly, "You actually woke up?"
She playfully glares at him, "If you were so worried about me, why didn't you call me?"
"Why would I call you? You have an alarm."
"Your voice is much better than an alarm though." She answers honestly, boldly staring into his eyes before he scoffs at her and grabs his bike riding off without a word.
She cries indignantly before racing off after him.
She wonders what it's like to be so good at something as she watches Dae-sung effortlessly swipe through the water, powerful strokes as he closes in on the wall reaching out a hand and screaming triumphantly when his name lights up, first place Woo Dae-sung.
They all jump up cheering, signs in their hands and they celebrate his win. Jin-Hwan starts the chant and soon every voice in the room has joined them, all cheering his name.
Woo Dae-sung! Woo Dae-sung! Woo Dae-sung!
They find him later, leaving the locker room in jeans and a hoodie now, hair still plastered to his head from the swim cap. They are cheer when they see him, his smile is blinding as he waves at them a slight blush rising on his cheeks.
"Dae-sung congratulations! You were amazing!" She proudly cries sticking two thumbs out at him.
He smiles back at her, "Thank you. Thanks for coming to cheer for me. You all really motivated me."
It's only right that they should have a celebratory meal, they stay close going to a tteokbokki place near by and easily getting a table. She sits down in the middle leaving two empty seats on either side of her, Ha-Young and Ji-Hwan sit on the opposite side. She turns to smile at Heon patting the seat next to her, he sits down immediately looking at the menu, barely sparing her a glance. She's momentarily surprised though when Dae-sung goes to sit on the other side as well, eyeing the empty seat right next to her that had been much closer.
But he's looking at the menu as well as if they didn't come here specifically to eat the spicy noodle. Weird.
Ji-Hwan carries the conversation praising Dae-sung again then telling them all about his new favorite song, crying out with Ha-Young slaps his hand when he tries to serenade her. Dae-sung laughs at them both but never starts a conversation with her, never looking over at her for too long. She tries and fails to engage Heon in a conversation, her own voice filling the void.
After a few minutes, a waitress comes to take their order.
"Hi, I'm your server-- excuse me are you Woo Dae-sung?" The girl who looks like she's not much older than them, she's short with deep brown hair in a high ponytail and a small round face. Very pretty.
They all still and look up at her question, turning to Dae-sung who looks confused but nods in confirmation.
"I'm sorry I'm a fan of yours. I've seen you around school but I couldn't bring myself to say hi. You were amazing today, that was your best time!" She gushes practically bouncing in her spot, eyes bright as she looks at the boy, who is scarlet under her gaze.
"Oh. Thank you! You don't need to be shy, you can say hi. I'm just a student like you. I'm nobody special."
"Don't say that! You're the youngest in your group and you have the best time. I really admire you."
They all sit in silence watching the interaction, ping-ponging back and forth with each exchange. Before the girl seems to recall that they're all there.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She bows low, "Do you know what you want to order?" She asks avoiding eye contact now and Ha-Young orders for them all and she tells them their food will be out soon. Bowing another time before stealing a gaze at Dae-sung and scurrying off.
"Maybe I should start swimming. I want fan girls too." Ha-Young slaps Jin-Hwan in the back of the head and he folds over in pain before crying out that his heart belongs to her, gaining another smack that he receives like it's a hug smiling through the gentle abuse.
In a few minutes the food arrives, steaming hot and delicious aroma wafting off and filling her nostril. The waitress asks them if they need anything else and it is not lost on Sol-i that her eyes never leave Dae-sung’s face. They all decline and she bows before retreating, looking reluctant to leave. Sol-i feels uneasy but she can’t decipher why. Her emotions twisting up in the pits of her stomach.
Sol-i stealthy peeks over at Dae-sung to see if he's excited about having a fan girl but he's focused on eating, stuffing noodles into his cheeks before humming in pleasure, eyes closing as he enjoys the meal. Her stomach does a weird somersault. It must be indigestion. She grabs her glass of water, taking a big gulp. Choking a little when it goes down the wrong hole, Heon stares at her in the corner of his eye but then there's already a napkin in front of her face.
"Here. You should drink slower."
She takes the proffered napkin dabbing at her chin, "Thank you." Dae-sung smiles at her, but it looks different. Strained. Not quite reaching his eyes. Her stomach squeezes again.
What's wrong with me?
When it starts to get late they finally start to leave, Jin-Hwan slapping Dae-sung's wallet out of his hands when he tries to pay. They all chip in instead but he insists on leaving a tip and Jin- Hwan rolls his eyes but nods in agreement before a sly smile spreads across his face.
"Oh. I know why you want to leave the tip. Smooth." He throws a wink and smile the sputtering boy's way as he denies any ulterior motives. But their waitress is making her way back out and Jin-Hwan is already vibrating slapping Dae-sung on his back in encouragement.
"I hope you enjoyed your meal and I didn't bother you too much. I'm sorry about earlier." She apologizes again and Dae-sung smiles brightly at her, a real smile that curves his eyes into half moons. Sol-i feels that same tinge in her stomach, when will her food finally digest?
"You don't need to be sorry! What's your name? Next time I see you at school I'll say hi." He sounds so friendly and Sol-i watches the other girl blush as she stares at Dae-sung, she finally turns away looking at Heon. This is where her focus should be, why she finding it so hard to focus? She likes Heon. She always has.
"They look good together." Jin-Hwan claims shamelessly watching them talk through the window, Sol-i pointedly doesn't look. Telling herself she wants to respect his privacy.
Minutes pass by before Dae-sung rejoins them.
"Where did you all go?" He tilts his head and this time to her surprise, it's Ha-Young who teases him.
"We wanted to give you space. It seemed like she wanted to say something to you. Did you have a good talk? Did you learn her name?" She raises her eyebrows and smirks at him.
Sol-i feels uneasy listening to them interrogate Dae-sung even more so when he looks down bashfully, running a hand across his head.
"It's Seong Mi-Ho. She um...she gave me her number."
Ji-Hwan cheers loudly jumping to put him in a headlock and Sol-i feels sick to her stomach now, like a someone is doing a drumline in her small intestine.
She doesn't notice Heon nudging at her shoulder, until he calls her name. In a daze she turns to look at him.
"Sorry?"
"I asked if you were ready to go. I'm leaving."
She nods quietly before calling out to her friends, Ha-Young now has Jin-Hwan in a headlock as Dae-sung laughs watching them another real smile, it makes her feel small and jagged.
"We're leaving." The three stop to look at her before saying their goodbyes.
Impulsively she looks at Dae-sung and he meets her eyes for once. Maybe this had all been in her head. Her stupid imagination.
"Dae-sung, I'm so proud of you! Good night."
He stands frozen, unprepared for her exclamation before he nods smiling at her.
"Thank you brother. Get home safely."
Fake smile. This time the pain is in her chest.
When she's safely back in her room she stares at her ceiling, head of full of questions and worries. All about a certain swimmer. Void of another stoic boy.
She wakes up late and dashes through the door, grabbing her bike and pedaling until her feet hurt but she makes it to school with two minutes to spare.
Waves good morning to her friends minus Dae-sung who isn't in his seat, she struggles to focus as she stares blankly at her notebook devoid of any notes. Head too full of thoughts to process any new information. She doesn't even notice Heon staring at her, confused that she isn't staring back.
Dae-sung doesn't show up until lunch and she lights up before realizing he isn't alone. The same girl from the tteokbokki shop is walking very close to him, their shoulders brushing with every step. Dae-sung waves happily when he sees them all before stopping to motion at the girl.
"Everyone this is Seong Mi-Ho, she's in the same lunch period as us! Is it okay if she sits with us?" He asks hopefully and Ha-Young scoots over giving her ample space and he smiles in gratitude. Dae-sung looks at the remaining seats hesitating before sitting next to her, directly across the other girl.
They eat comfortably, but she can't help sneaking glances at the other girl. She seems nice, laughing and asking them all questions but it's obvious her attention is mostly focused on Dae-sung, enraptured every time he speaks.
"Sol-i ah do you want to go to the bathroom with me?" Ha-Young's voice cuts through her contemplation and she jumps before answering, "Yes I'll come."
She bounds after her friend before walking straight into her back with a soft oomph.
Grabbing her forehead she looks up at Ha-Young in question.
"Sol-i, are you okay?"
She squirms under the penetrating stare, shifting from side to side before tugging at her hair.
"What do you mean?"
A thin eyebrow raises, "You haven't been staring at Heon at all today. Do you not like Seong Mi-Ho? You keep looking at her."
She rushes to immediately deny that speculation, "No! I mean yes! I mean..."
Ha-Young crosses her arms now, gaze getting harder as she struggles to find an answer.
"I.. Ha-Young ah....have you ever realized something when it was too late?"
The girl tilts her head accessing her with a sharp gaze.
"What are you talking about?"
She loses her nerve, feeling stupid in Ha-Young's no nonsense gaze. The last time they'd spoken she had adamantly told the other girl she had no interest in Dae-sung, how could she possibly say that she was faltering now? Plus he'd only been joking she'd gotten nervous for no reason, overwhelmed at the idea of someone liking her. Liking Heon was easier, she could do so without any expectation.
"Nothing. I'm just feeling tired I didn't get enough sleep last night." She lies walking towards the bathroom, desperate to keep her new feelings to herself.
