#dailycommendationtip

[thebaileymail]

Commendation Tip No.8: DPS

I know it’s difficult to get that pat on your back when you leave duty as a DPS. But fear not, for if you follow these easy steps, you’ll be accumulating countless commendations in a matter of minutes!

Step 1: Queue up as DPS.

Pick your preferred DPS class and queue up for the duty you wish to enter.

Step 2: Change class while queued up.

As a DPS, your queue to get into your preferred duty will last anywhere from 453 to 666 hours. Use your time effectively by changing to a tank or healing class, and spamming FATEs while your queue is active.

Step 3: Leave queue.

You might notice that your DPS queue is as infuriatingly long as an eternity damned into Satan’s blazing hellfire. This is were you need to realise that sometimes, it’s entirely A-okay to give up.

Step 4: Re-queue as healer or tank.

You will enter your duty within 5 or so minutes. And everyone freaking loves you already for filling the two roles most people don’t want to play. Good on you, friend!

Step 5: Profit.

Reap your benefits. You deserve it, buddy.

“I was driving myself apart from my family, due to my addiction of spamming Guildhest roulette to get commendations. Now, having followed these simple tricks, I’m slowly able to reconnect with my family and pursue my dream of building a house out of commendations.” - @drazirae

“I never felt appreciated in my duties and it was plunging me into a great sadness. Now that I have learned to feign interest in random people whose names I don’t know, and likely never will or want to know, I finally feel valued when I receive their commendations.” - @tinyqote

[thebaileymail]

Commendation Tip no.6

I know you’re all struggling to get your commendation game up. But, don’t you worry. For a meager fee of an eighth of your soul, a single droplet of collibri blood, an undyed hair of Nicki Minaj and one gram of whatever it is they put in Kim Kardashian’s buttcheeks I’ll help you.

But wait there’s more!

This time, I’ll just put it on this blog, instead.

Go seasonal all over your PuGs. As soon as you enter your expert roulette (also known as Sohm Al (HM) ) ask your randomers if they had a nice Valentine’s, and make sure you really infringe on their personal situation. It shows you care. But, of course, if you’ve come here for help, you’re as desperate as can be, and most likely don’t care. But, don’t worry, gutterslut; I’ve got your back.

With a few of these seasonal lines, you’ll be sure to get your commendations in no-time!

“Hey, guys. How was your Valentine’s? I spent mine on my own with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s hahahaha. Aren’t I quirky???”

“My Valentine’s was great! Until it went sloppy.”

“Do you know what me and the Grinch have in common? We’re both really, really lonely.”

“Yeah, I spent this New Year’s with my in-laws. You know? The ones with the whips made out of barbed wire. Oops, MT!”

“I wish I could be like the Easter Bunny, you know? Like, dig myself a hole and only come out of once a year.”

And then, as soon as you’ve made your PuGs pity you, and you’ve dragged the entirety of your very little-remaining dignity through the mud, they’ll probably commend you!

Now, let’s look at some words from some of my many fans.

“I never thought I’d find myself getting any commendations. Now I have too many to count!” ~ @bexli-nelhah

“I’ve started to wear my commendations my forging them into fashionable, long, luscious dresses. Thanks for the opportunity to be a trendsetter, Ryder!” ~ @tinyqote

“One day I’ll reach a milestone of 5.000.000 commendations with your help, Ryder!” ~ @thelifeandtimesofrufus

“Huh?” ~ @clockworkbot

[thebaileymail]

Commendation tip no.5

Do you have trouble getting your daily fix of commendations because you are an absolute thumbsucker? Well, sod right off.

Sometimes, all it takes is a nice comment. Compliment a healer on being a great stance-dancer, compliment the DPS on having ace damage, and compliment tanks on whatever it is tanks actually do. (I mean, holding enmity really isn’t that difficult.)

Now, you might be thinking “Oh, but Ryder I’m a complete nob jockey. I can’t be nice!?”

Well, my friend, I’d see things from your perspective, but I can’t fit my head up my anal cavity.

Don’t be an insult to your local condom factory, and be nice.

“wow these comnemdateons relly helped me out!” ~Lorelei Larkin

“gr43t t1ps br4h 1337″ ~Kheja’a Akhabila

“Huh?” ~Stone Wall

"I was a miserable cretin without a single commendation to my name before I took Ryder's advice. Now Square Enix have to raise the commendation cap because I hit it within a month! Thanks, Ryder!"  ~Camerin Gilheart

[thebaileymail]

Commendation tip no.4

When it comes to it, you’ll need to suck up to your PuGs. Sure, you might think they’re dressed like your favourite porn star (but in a bad way) or a sexualised loaf of bread. But a surefire way to win over your PuGs’ hearts and get you those commendations is by commending them on their outfits or character design.

What I like to do is to write out several macros that are applicable in any scenario, so I don’t have to break my heart and write them out every time I lie to myself.

“Wow, <t>! Your character design is goals!”

“Damn, <t>, I love your outfit!”

“I don’t usually like Miqo’te, but you’re making me change my mind, <t>!”

Sure, you might be lying through your teeth and think they look like a dried-up, moldy piece of beef jerky. But even that piece of jerky needs an ego boost.

Now let’s look at some of my many readers’ comments.

“Wow. I read every word and used every tip. I’m drowning in all these commendations.” ~J’inarah Maradh

“Goodness golly, I never thought I could get those 3.000 commendations, but these tips helped me immensely.” ~Koneko Hidenka

“These tips not only helped me get my commendations, but helped me make many new friends as well. I’m recommending this blog to everyone.” ~Thya Kahzuun

“5/7 perfect score would use again” ~A mysterious shirtless Seeker

[thebaileymail]

Commendation tip no.3

One of the most important factors of receiving commendations is how your character looks. Most of the time, people won’t even care about if you’re not keeping enmity, or if you’ve forgotten you’re in cleric stance or that you’re in fact unable to complete your basic DPS combo because other less-damaging abilities just look so much cooler.

Are you a mediocre Hyur, an obese popoto or a free-loving dhalmel? Have no fear. All you need to do is buy a phial of fantasia and transform into the voluptuous Roegadame everyone loves. Not only will people commend you in every single trial, but you’ll get horrifically creepy (nice?) messages from random people and everyone will look up to you because of your Amazonian finesse.

[thebaileymail]

(Not) Daily commendation tip #2:

Say, do you like healing? And do you hate pesky tanks that nag at you to stancedance?

Well, if you find yourself in that situation often, look no further!

If the tank wants you to juggle 2 classes, (DPS and healer), why shouldn’t he take up that responsibility? In Final Fantasy XIV You’ve got these great things called Potions! Drink them, and regain HP. In fact, you don’t even need to heal when you’ve got a potion-gurgling warrior.

So, just enter Cleric’s stance, DPS away for the entire duty run, and make sure to share parser results at the end to show just how much faster you made that run! Everyone will commend you for sparing them several minutes of Cutter’s Cry or Aurum Vale.

Remember to subscribe for more daily Commendation news. My name is Ryder Bailey, and this was the Bailey News.

[thebaileymail]

People always ask me “Wow Ryder how do you get so many commendations, always?” 

Well, guys. gals and guttersluts, I will tell you, day after day.

Daily tip #1:

In dungeons, politics are difficult to discuss. However, after you get to know your Expert Roulette PuGs, you’ll likely already know their political agenda! And if you don’t, well, you don’t really need to, anyway! Just go ahead sarcastically bash controversial people! 

For instance: 

“You know who’s the sexiest person alive? Donald J Trump.”

Saying this is a surefire way to get all of your PuGs’ commendations.

Your daily commendation reminder was brought to you by The Bailey Mail.