You will never know
Series: The Perfect Match
A confession letter from Damien to Kai
This is just something short that I wrote. It came to me when Hayden had collapsed, before the next chapter was released, and before we knew what we now know. Now it kind of feels silly for me to have posted it now. But, I just feel like I want to post it.
Dear Kai
How do I tell you the truth without hurting myself. What if you do not feel the same way? Am I dooming this before I even tried? Ugh, I have no idea what is wrong with me, I never am at a loss for words. There are so many things that I want to tell you, so many things that I want to share with you.
But, you will never know. Never know how much it kills me to watch you with him. Every time you hold his hand, I feel it burn on me. When you look at him like that, with so much passion, I feel a piece of my soul die. When you tell me about your sunset dates and moonlit kisses, my heartbeat fades a little bit more. A little more with each touch, each look, each moment - I die a little more inside.
How can you not see what you mean to me? How can you not see how deeply I love you? Dammit, Kai, I’ve fallen in love with you. And you will never know.
Don’t get me wrong, I have loved before, but nothing like this. Can I then even say that that was love? She knew how I felt about her, I could tell her. There was nothing standing in our way, nothing hindering our feelings. We were just partners and it was easy. But, that flame died as quickly as it was ignited. So, why can I not kill this fire that I have for you?
I wanted to tell you, I want you to know. That is why I tried stopping you from doing the interview at Eros, stop you from going to see them, but you were too determined. Ha, when you’re determined you always get your way. That’s what I’ve always loved about you, you’re braver than you give yourself credit for and so much more intelligent. Your beauty knows no limits.
The only reason I took the interview was to see what it was about. All I could think of during the damn thing was, you. You are my perfect match.
But, this is where it will end. I cannot tell you, you can never know. I would rather die a little more everyday, watching you love someone else, than to know that I may have caused your heart to ache. I want you to be happy, even if it is not me that makes you happy. Even if I am not the one that you burn with passion for. Being your friend, and always having you in my life is enough for me.
Dammit, who am I kidding? I woke up wanting to kiss you. I always want to feel you by my side, you never will be though. Not completely at least.
But, you will always be my one. My perfect match.
The one that got away. The one that I let slip through my fingers.
All my love, desire and heart.
Damien
Just as he finished writing the letter, he tossed it into the flames and watched it burn.