by Dan Hart | As news broke that the United Kingdom's National Health Service (NHS) will increase restrictions on the use of puberty blockers for minors experiencing gender dysphoria, a leading pediatrician observed that multiple European countries and the American public have moved away from the Left's insistence on...
I feel like Randy would see Juniper and instantly be taken aback because of how cool they look and how much they stand out from the crowd. He would definitely be drawn to them and try to talk to them. And if he found out that they were a concubus? He would absolutely flip his shit and ask them so many questions. It’s extremely rare for him to meet someone who isn’t a human. He would also be totally down to do whatever they’d want to do
I think Dan would probably meet Avery in the ambulance after a horribly failed attempt to start a fight with someone. He thought it would be a good idea to prove to his friends that he can be cool and strong, but now he’s got bruises and broken bones so. I’m not sure if Avery would be interested in Dan, but if he did kidnap Dan and bring him to the facility, Dan would probably think that Avery is just trying to help him heal his broken ankles. He’d be very willing to do whatever Avery wanted, and the drugging would definitely work. Dan does have some slight knowledge on healing magic (he found a book that one of his friends had and taught himself), so the best he can do is heal some cuts. So he would definitely try to heal his cuts if it means that Avery can enjoy himself more by cutting him up all over again
Randy and Juniper is a wonderful, awful combination that I've definitely never thought of before, nope, never- two smoothbrained violent bastards set loose upon the world and enabling/encouraging each other's worst tendencies?? Spells trouble for everyone.
They’d be amenable to his questions but tbh they don’t know the answers to a lot of em, so Randy would mostly get a lot of giggling... and then a concubus trying to kiss him to make him more pliant, even though in his case it might not even be necessary. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The fact that Juniper regenerates to an extent, feels pain as both pain and pleasure, and is into getting fucked up just as much as fucking others up means that the second they know Randy likes his meat extra rare he's gonna get enthusiastically offered as many bites as he wants.
(Careful, Randy, their blood is horny juice just like the rest...)
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Dan is adorable and very much someone that would catch Avery's eye! His sheet says he cries easily- if Dan was a tearful mess upon Avery's arrival, it'd help trigger Avery's need to take care of him outside the bounds of his job... He's even a people pleaser with a sweet tooth, and his favourite dessert is Avery's too! I'd say it's a match meant to be (✿◡‿◡) Enjoy getting carried around, Dan!
OH MY GOD SO MANY PEOPLE DIED OSJPAJFJKS. I'M SO SORRY RANDY IS SUCH A HARD BITCH TO SURVIVE 😭😭😭. But anyways, let's get into the statistics 👀
I sadly won't be going through every character, but I'll try to explain my rankings
You can find the template here
First I'm gonna provide some color coding assignments, so if you wanna look for a specific oc, it'll be easier to do so lol
RED: Squirrel, Skull, Eugene
ORANGE: Tantrum, Clove, Fester, Elowyn
YELLOW: Cyrus
GREEN: Davis
BLUE: Dan, Bo, Oenis
PURPLE: Conrad, Ronny
PINK: Kalani, Colin, Vesper, Theo, Sable
Most/Least Likely to get Kidnapped
Dan is at the number one slot. SOMEONE HELP HIM. RANDY HAS BEEN MEANING TO EAT HIM FOR MONTHS NOW PSJFJSKA. THE SECOND DAVIS IS OUT OF THE PICTURE, DAN IS A DEAD MAN
Squirrel is next. Since she loves climbing trees, this means she's always out in the woods, and has a high likelihood of bumping into Randy lol
Then I have Conrad in third place because honestly, I feel like she's a danger magnet pajjcjs. Maybe she's seen way too many people bring Randy back to their hotel rooms, only for them to be found dead the next night. She made the mistake to confront him about it 😤
I've placed the people in the middle because I feel like they wouldn't be as likely to run into Randy, whether it's because they hang out in the wrong crowds, or because they won't venture the woods at night lol. It is leading with Vesper and Bo because they would smell delicious. Randy would approach them first 😔 pshjcksl
The last five starts with Fester. He might be too intimidating for Randy to try to eat lol. Randy does not want to get into a losing fight 😤. Next is Cyrus, who is only placed so low because he is VERY CAUTIOUS. He is making sure not to run into ANYONE. He wants to stay hidden. Davis is after him because if Randy goes after him, Dan might start to get suspicious. And he does honestly get the vibes that Davis wants to kill him too (he does lol). Oenis is there because he honestly does not look appetizing at all 😭. He looks so dirty and like he'd taste gross 😭
Then in the very last place is Skull. RANDY DOES NOT WANNA GET INTO A FIGHT WITH THIS GUY. HE COULD VERY CLEARLY OVERPOWER RANDY, AND HE DOES NOT WANNA TAKE THE RISK PSJFJKSL
Favorite/Horrendous Victim
Davis 👏 is 👏 number 👏 one 👏 👁👁. HUNT THAT BITCH DOOOOWN. Randy would honestly love to hunt Davis. Give him a taste of his own medicine. He'd love to put him in his place. Randy is actually stronger than Davis. Davis would put up a good fight, and it'd definitely be very fun for Randy to watch him struggle, but unfortunately, he is going to end up dead. Randy has a vendetta against Davis. Not only is Davis preventing him from kidnapping Dan, but he's also just so passively aggressive in general. He gets bad vibes from Davis, and feels like Davis is constantly judging him (which he is). Randy hates those types of people
Squirrel and Colin are next because Randy would have a blast hunting them down. I feel like Squirrel's not the type to go down without a fight. You know she's gonna be climbing up trees and using that to her advantage. It's gonna be something that Randy's never seen before. Sure, people have climbed the trees to get away from him, but Squirrel is different, she's experienced, she knows what she's doing and she's swift with it. For Colin, Randy would be mesmerized by his outfit, and also he'd love watching Colin squirm and freak out lol. He's such a cutie that you could gobble right up! 😋
Starting from Theo, Randy starts to have less of an enjoyable time because these people are fighting back lol. He does love a good chase, but also he does NOT like dying. If you're fighting him with the intent to kill, he's putting a stop to that immediately. That being said, I do still think Randy would have a good time interacting with some of them. Theo seems super nice, and Tantrum would honestly be a blast to fight, he would love her spirit >:). Clove would be very fascinating as well, considering he's a fox beastkin. After the initial awe though, Randy is going to have to adjust to fighting him. I'd imagine Clove is very nimble, so that would really catch Randy off guard
Eugene's right in the middle because he would be too boring, he's too passive 😔 pzjfks. Ronny and Sable would be too eager to kill Randy, so he doesn't like them either lol. Same with Skull, Cyrus, and Fester, except they'd REALLY wanna kill Randy osjfkl
Elowyn is in last place because Randy would honestly just find her annoying psjfksk. She would be going into this too tactically. She is coming up with plans and backup plans, trying to figure out how to use the woods to her advantage, coming up with ways to manipulate Randy. But all of that shit would fly over his head. Nothing she says is gonna land with him. He's just gonna be like "she talks way too much and I don't get any of it 🙄" before stabbing her in the stomach lol
DEAD
For the last section, I'm gonna start by talking about the people who die lol
Unfortunately, Vesper, Bo, Dan, Conrad, Elowyn, Eugene, Colin, Cyrus, and Tantrum getting EATEN PAJFKSKA. The others are getting eaten too, but they're dying in a scuffle. I'm sure everyone is fighting back, but these guys are fighting back. Tantrum and Cyrus are too, but I feel like they're easier to take down than the last three
Survivors who KILLED
Theo, Skull, and Clove are killing Randy. Of course, Theo is immortal lol. So even if Randy somehow kills him, Theo is getting back up when Randy least expects it and is stabbing him in the back
Skull's massive size and wolf strength is easily overpowering Randy
I feel like Clove would also get the upper hand on Randy because he's not used to hunting people who are so quick. Clove is dodging all of his swings and it would honestly freak him out lol. Randy wouldn't be thinking straight in his panic 😔
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HE SPARES
He is vibing. He is chilling. They are all having a good time
Once Randy learns that Sable has been the one who's dumping bodies in the middle of the woods, they are immediately becoming best friends pekfkw. Killer solidarity. Sable needs a way to get rid of the bodies, and Randy needs to eat
I think Kalani would know exactly what to say to win Randy over and spare her, whether they end up as friends or lovers 😌
Squirrel is also just so cool. I could see them getting along really quickly lol. Randy might stop hunting her in the middle of it because her vibes are fantastic
Oenis is also surviving because the two of them would also get along lol. They have the same type of humor, and honestly I can imagine the both of them hunting people down together lol. Also, since Oenis is a shapeshifter, it would be an instant party trick between the two of them lol. Randy would love watching him turn into different people lol. (Also Oenis would NOT be pleasant to eat osjfjks. Man is too dense and chewy, he's grooosssss 😭)
for ship bingo Ronny/Theo? (lol bonus Davis x Dan aka Danvis)
OUGH I LOVE THESE TWO HONESTLY, THEIR DYNAMIC WOULD BE SO FUCKED BUT ALSO SO GOOD
Going back and forth between hating and loving each other 😚👌. I feel like Theo would be conflicted at first, especially considering this is RONNY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PSBFJDKKA. But once Ronny realizes that Theo actually likes him, he's gonna be like "Oh... Oh...~" LET THEM FUCK LAKFJKS
As much as Ronny loves taking advantage of Theo, he is also the first person to swing fists when someone is being mean to Theo. Theo should NOT bring Ronny over to work. He is THROWING HANDS at rude customers and employees pskfjka. No one else can take advantage of Theo but HIM, only RONNY'S allowed to do that. He refuses to let anyone walk all over him 😤
Honestly would also be super jealous of Masha, especially if Ronny has his eye on Theo, whether they're dating or not 👀
Also sorry, I don't talk about this ship a lot but IT'S THERE AND I LIKE IT
Dan is just. Not gonna have a good time 😭😭😭 pskfjks. There's definitely a power dynamic there, especially since Dan is the type to follow orders without any questions. Davis has had his eye on him for a while now, and if he gets the opportunity to kidnap Dan, it's all over 👁👁. Kinda imagine their relationship is like a wet dog following their owner lol
Now even though it's fucking bad and toxic as hell, Davis would honestly have a small soft spot for Dan, especially if other people are bugging him. Just like Ronny and Theo lol, Davis would stand up to Dan's bullies, pull him in close, and make sure he's a force to be reckoned with. If you wanna mess with Dan, you've gotta go through him first 😤
Hey quick question, feel free to skip ☝️😃 but uhhh. How quick do your ocs bust ✊️😐 asking for no real reason
PSJJFKLSLAKKFJS
Ok so, I don't have like a specific metric of time or anything, so I'm just gonna answer generally oshfksk. Uhhhh let's do longest to shortest lol
Randy can last A LONG TIME osnfksl. Get ready for a workout, he's got a lot of stamina. He gets really into it too. I am so sorry because if you tire out quickly, he is keeping you there until he is done. You are going to be so exhausted afterwards 😭
Elowyn is surprisingly next. Of course she can't last as long as Randy, but she's got more stamina than you'd expect. Ig it also kinda helps that she's the type that makes her partner do most of the work. But other than that, she knows how to keep her arousal under control. She loves having long sessions, so she's going to make sure she's finished when she wants to.
Davis is after Elowyn. He'd be higher up, but he actually wants to cum pskfjks. He still lasts longer than average though lol (i. if there is an average, idk-). Be warned, he is very rough during sex, so you are walking out of there with so many bruises.
Sable is next, and is right in the middle psjfjks. He is the reference point for everyone honestly lol. He does go back and forth though, like he could definitely finish quicker than he's expecting if he's really excited. He's kinda a wildcard in a way. If he really tries, he can last longer, but more often than not, he's not holding out psjfksl. He's also very vocal 😳
I'm putting Eugene next, mainly because he would get way too excited way too quickly lol. He is EAGER he is SO EXCITED TO BE THERE. Just seeing his partner excited is enough for him too tbh. Bro he's soooo horny, he's fucked 😭. He wants to last longer, but he is horrible at controlling his own arousal lol. Bro is shaking, he is trembling, he's fucking like his life depends on it psjcjskd
This one was kinda tough, because I feel like they'd all last around the same time lol. But if I had to choose, I'd say Ronny comes next. Once he gets more experience, he'll definitely be able to last longer lol. But as of right now, he's busting kinda quick. He's already super shy when it comes to sex in general, so he would hate it if you made fun of him for finishing so fast psjjfkzla. He's not used to physical contact in general, so he's definitely more sensitive and can get overwhelmed easily 😏
Second to last is Dan (I feel so bad because Dan would be like "Woopey, I'm not last!" pzkfjkdl). He's already very prone to teasing in general, so if he ever has sex, HE IS TURNING SO RED HE IS GETTING SO FLUSTERED. He would be a trembling mess, I feel bad because he wouldn't know what to do with his hands either 😭 psjfjkz. But like, my guy is getting hard so fast. It's easy to get him to cum lol
And then we have Cyrus, who gets the crown for fastest nut I'm sorry I like bullying him psjfksa. Bro is TOUCH STARVED he is NOT used to physical contact AT ALL. He's never done anything sexual in his life, nor has he ever met anyone that was interested in him in that way. He would honestly be so shocked if you wanted to have sex with him too, he would not know what to do at all. You'd definitely have to guide him through it to help ease his nerves. But either way, he's cumming quick
43) Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately
"UM- I- WELL- HAHA, UM- L-listen. Don't take this the wrong way. This doesn't mean anything. But. Um. R. Randy??? LISTEN LISTEN NOT LIKE THAT THOUGH, IT- IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK-"
[Dan doesn't know any celebrities or people like that, so he can only go off of people that he knows. And even though he won't admit it, he does think Randy is attractive 👀. He would never act out on these feelings though. He's way too nervous to, and doesn't think Randy would feel the same way anyways. He's completely content on just being friends lol. I mean, deep down, he is kinda curious though-]