Smiffina Episodes - Episode 139
The morning after the night before - where Smithy faces the wrath of Gina after cheating on their drinking game and slipping her doubles where he was drinking singles.
At work, Smithy is suffering the mother of all hangovers and of course custody is incredibly loud and busy. "I really don't need this today...."
An unsuspecting Gina drives to work - late and hungover but believing she is fit to drive after sleep given what she believed she'd been drinking. Unfortunately for her she's in a minor car prang when she's cut up by a white van man, which means she has to get breathalysed by PC Gary Best of all people. Gina's not best pleased to see him arrive with Cameron - and Gary's crapping himself when he realises what he has to do. (I love Cam's literal "uh oh!") ".... had an accident ma'am?" "You know, you should be in CID with detective skills like that." Gina tries to get moving so she can get on into work... only for the breath test to fail - Gina's still over the legal limit. Gary flails but quickly covers and tells Cameron to go to the shout that has just come in and he'll 'grab a lift with the Inspector'. Cameron does... and Gary is terrified. He has to arrest the Inspector. Gina is very pragmatic about it and tells him its not his fault. Smithy however is not quite so understanding. "Sarge, I've got a problem." "What?" "I've arrested the inspector…." "……. You've done what?"
Smithy and Gina have a private chat in the custody Sgt's office where Gina reaffirms that she's drunk that much plenty of times and always been fine the next morning. Smithy tries to blame a faulty breathalyser but Gina won't hear of it. She's fully aware she could lose her job over it and just wants to get the official stuff done. As they leave the office more loud and rowdy customers appear in custody and Smithy is Not. Happy. "Calm yourself down!" he orders, grabbing one by the neck and marching him to the desk. "Today is not a good day!"
Smithy tries ordering Gary to blow into the machine. He tells Gary he has to do it because he was the one that brought her in "All you had to do was tell her it was negative and let her get back in the car! But you didn't do that did you? You messed up big time so you're the one that's going to have to get her out of it!" Nothing to do with the fact that Smithy is potentially likely still over the limit himself, obviously. Gary's terrified "Sarge, you're going red..." mid bollocking is adorable and hilarious. Gary is worried that it might get out that they covered it up and he'd lose his job to - as would Smithy - so Gary brings her in. Smithy tells Gina that Gary is going to take the test for her. Gina refuses, she is the Inspector of the nick and she is going to take the consequences - whatever they are.
Smithy is not prepared to let her go - nor admit the truth yet - so he tells Gina that she has blown just under the legal limit. Gina thanks God, Smithy and Gary and leaves to take an asprin, have a smoke and a very strong coffee. Gary is really relieved it's all over - but it's not... it's reading 42. The legal limit is 35 for breath tests. With Gina out the room Gary volunteers to take the test - without telling Gina. He's under the limit as he's reading 32. Both Smithy and Gary are thrilled - but Gary for another reason too... it could be his leaverage to get into SWAMP!
Smithy thinks things are all back to normal as Sheelagh returns from court to take over custody and he escapes to his office... only to see Gina on her way out. She doesn't know she's not fit to drive so he has to quickly grab his things to join her for a 'hangover hotdog' so he can do the driving. (Though if Gary was blowing 32 hours after a 'couple of beers' the night before and a nights sleep, what would Smithy be blowing considering the state he was in?! Shush, we're not to think like this! It's The Bill (PM Era!) throw away your logic!)
At the burger van, Smithy could not be LESS ready for a Hangover Hotdog.
"What's the matter? Lost your appetite?"
"Rules are rules. If I thought you were bending those rules for anyone, including me, I'd kick you from hell to breakfast."
As an aside, both Honey and Gary show some excellent restraint not petting or even acknowledging the worlds friendliest dog as they come out of a shop - I'd still be there now.
Smithy and Gina go to a call where they find a man who has been harassed by a White Van Man who smashed his windscreen with a wheeljack after cutting him up. He managed to get the registration which is familiar to Gina - it's the same one who cut her up that morning. The van has been involved in another disturbance closeby but Smithy doesn't know where the street is. Gina marches off to go and deal with it and shouts for the keys. Smithy's in a bit of a bind... he can't let her drive! Gina's well aware of what is going on and forces (some of!) the truth from Smithy. He admits he doesn't know what he/they'd do if she had gotten into the car, driven and hit someone but he couldn't let her throw her career and pension away [for something he'd done.] She still doesn't know he cheated the drinking game yet. She does corner him in an interview room at the end however and point out how if she was over the limit - how wasn't he? (but not for the reasons you'd think. Also ignoring the genetic differences, age and metabolism but concentrating on them having had the 'same' drinks) and he confessed he cheated and got her doubles to his singles.
"You are like a puppy! Stupid, loyal, leaving a mess everywhere for someone else to clear up!"
Gary's ontop of the world and pinches some food from Smithy's plate in the canteen. Gabriel is curious what 'take risks' means when Gary adds it in as a reason he should be in SWAMP. Smithy dismisses it but comes up with an initiation challenge for Gary - he has to streak around the station.
"I seem to have been a bit premature, can you just forget everything I said, Ma'am?" "Whatever you say, but my door is always open if you change your mind-"
"........" "... can you close the door on your way out, please?"
Gary returns to Gabriel and Smithy, pleased as punch that he's done it and passed his initiation... only to be told he'd failed for actually doing it!
"And by the way, Gary... I've had to deal with enough knobs today. I'm sure it's very impressive but keep it in your pants."
