Do you resent Marius' treatment of you, or are you appreciative of him taking care of you?
“(E), all of the above.
“After he bailed me out of jail, Marius was worried I’d do something stupid after what I saw. I straight up lied to him, told him going to New York had given me closure. I’d be okay and I’d check in.
“When I didn’t, he came looking for me. For a whole week, he followed me as I wandered from the Meatpacking District down to the Village and back, asking pedestrians about people who had long died. That dancer Armand adopted for a summer. Young men with handsomely-trimmed moustaches that never made it past 1990. Our bright, joyous friends. People I’d watched be the best I never could be. Anybody who might have seen a person with Armand’s description.
“Marius watched me do that for an entire week before he stepped in. He told me I had been desperate, confused, lost, sleeping in the trunk of my rental car that I’d locked from the inside with a bent coat hanger, a picture-hanging hook, and a super-strong magnet.
“It was a year before anybody bothered to tell me Armand was alive. It was longer than that before Armand bothered to tell me he was alive. But Marius was with me from the day Armand held a solo barbecue without even calling me to say goodbye. Without at least giving me the choice to join him.
“I couldn’t bear that he had died alone.
“…
“It’s okay. He’s alive. We texted last week. Where was I?
“But Marius had lost him twice before. He put up with me and took care of me when he must have been hurting too. He forced me to take his blood when I couldn’t bear to face an outside that didn’t have Armand in it somewhere. I don’t always remember what we did together, so half the time it feels like I’ve missed the thread of the conversation and failed to answer his affections. He usually doesn’t push it. He’s very patient with me.
“I’ll be honest. I don’t always trust Marius with Armand. Sometimes I wonder if the shit that he did to Armand he did to me too. I’m not his Renaissance apprentice and I don’t appreciate his contempt for my hobbies. But then I remember that Armand didn’t even bother to look for me.
“Armand made those decisions for us, as he’s always done. Marius let me build those houses and let me drink his blood and let me sleep under his protection.
“So my answer is, a little from column A, a little from column B. I love Marius. I don’t trust him. I don’t like what he says about Armand or about my stuff. And that stuff he did to Benji and Sybelle wasn’t cool. But I love him, and I’m grateful to him, and he can ask me for any favors I’m able and willing to fulfill.”