@danielle-mertina replied to your post “@danielle-mertina replied to your post: ...”
In your other post, I was interested in how you combined heterosexuality with class advancement. Do you see those things as combined when hetero black women speak about marriage? Or do you mostly perceive it as an emotional dependency on male approval more generally?
i think its a bit of both but more to do with seeing Black male approval as respect because you get to subvert the idea that Black women arent [insert stepford house ideas here]
i was talking to a friend about how wanting Black male approval holds Black women back. when it comes down to it, being fine with being subjugated to another patriarchal standard even if you want to be different (even just a little bit) you’re not asking for respect. i dont think a lot of Black women see any of other out because even when Black women do amazing things, being childless and manless gets pinned to her like a character flaw.
women point blank struggle with it but i think for hetero women struggle more to see how much they compromise on their self actualisation to be with a man. companionship does mean you will have to rethink things but often it goes beyond how can i be with this person and make it work to slowly giving up on parts of you self in ways they do not expect their husband to
many Black women would love to marry up and not have to fight as much (which i understand) but i dont see how in a male supremacist society advocating for that kind of dependency doesn’t cause some pause . i do think alot of Black women see class advancement through marriage as some kind of feminist point and its really not. too many women get eaten and spat out to even entertain that as a tactic to put all your eggs in. just because Black women do not often get to do X or Y doesn’t mean its wise that we duplicate the behaviour of others just to meet some standard of woman. we can do better than capping it off there but its a big unknown many are afraid of but ive not really had a choice since realising im gay to plunge straight into what does it look and what deep seated fears and anxieties will i have to face to get there. it a very embarrassing experience asking your self those questions and owning up to what you really wanted vs what good for you
