An apology is due.
I know that those who still remember me as “darkness is inevitable”/”Stefan” most likely want nothing to do with me, and, after having enough time to look back on my actions, I can see and understand why. You’re right to still be upset about me.
You might ask questions; why now, what do I hope to gain from this, etc.
The short answer is... I don’t expect people to accept my apology, I expect no credit for the archive or anything else I did when I was in the fandom, I expect nothing in return. There’s no catch to this. I’m done acting like an entitled child, and I’d like to just move forward with a peaceful mindset.
To get to the point, I’d like to apologize to the TT fans (especially ones from the official Discord server) that I’ve lashed out on, multiple times in the time that I was still in the fandom, and even after I had long since left it. I could give many explanations and excuses for my actions at the time, and the behavior I’d call as, honestly, just unnecessary, but none of it matters, because this apology isn’t about how I feel. It’s about how I’ve left everyone else feeling.
If I could, I’d apologize to each person individually, but I’d much rather not go out of my way to cause any more anxiety than I have already (but if you’re willing to speak with me, I won’t push you away). If you’d like to leave a response, positive, negative, neutral, feel very free to do so. I’m listening. I’d like to address any and all concerns you have, if any at all.
Every nasty thing I said, every little thing I did to “leave the fandom faster”, I regret it. And I now realize, I should have acted like an adult.
I’ve hurt the people I saw (and still do see) as a family; what I take away from my behavior is that... I felt entitled to some kind of respect, and after everything I had done, I just wanted an easy way out of the fandom, even if it meant that I’ll be hated by so, so many people. I took everything with me (deleted the archive, all the theory things, etc).
I genuinely, for real this time, apologize to anyone who I’ve harmed, directly or indirectly. You were right, I was very, very wrong, about so many things. I know I’ve been angry, whiny, and terrible, as recently as even some months ago, but I now see, that anger is unjustified.
And like I said. I expect nothing in return.
And... for sake of closure, I will leave you something I recently re-discovered on a hard drive section of mine, if it matters in any way (might not, but hey, you might have more use out of it than I probably will. I also apologize for even taking it down to begin with).
[ Archive ]
This time, it’s permanently gonna stay up. It’s quite out-dated, sort of, but maybe you’ll still find some use for it (I’d like to think I’d update it eventually, but I’m just unsure if anyone needs that to happen). I ask for no credit, as there’s nothing to ask credit for (never was, I mean, it’s not my series, I was a fan just like anyone else).
I’m sorry for all I’ve done to all of you. You didn’t deserve what I said/did. I accept it now.
If you still have any questions/concerns/etc, I’ll answer them on this blog, no matter what it is. I want to (at least try to) make things right.
~Stef/11 EYED ROOK/Darkness.
