okay so i’ve matched with a few ladies on dating apps and i don’t know how to start the conversations???? i don’t mean to be a loser who doesn’t know how to talk to people, but like i’ve never genuinely flirted with someone a day in my life and i don’t wanna start it off with a boring “hi!” or “hey” LMAO. i’m sure you’ve had your fill with people asking basic questions about flirting and sparking convos with people you find attractive, but please i beg
this will be long so I'll put the cut right here and there's some topics. so first is the sparking conversation and creating opportunities for talking, then i talk ab the flirting
if someone else has more tips, helpful information, any corrections to what i said, please put in the comments and tags, i absolutely will be grateful bc i can't give an answer to this that would be conclusive 😭😭
listen, I'm not the best person to answer that. for context: because with the autism and being demiromantic (and demisexual in some level) and all, it's hard for me to develop a real contact with people which leads me to mask even over text sometimes - that's not to say I don't have good, fun and nice conversations with people, i absolutely do, but i truly need the other person to be into this so i can fully get into it over time and get used to it. not only that, but online contact is not the same as in person stuff. here i can have sexual conversations more easily because i have no irl contact. irl i need more physical moments with the person, being around them, having in person conversations - quality time if you will - and i have dozens of dozens of external factors I can't control (light, weather, sounds, the amount of people around, where i am exactly) and that will impact my mood, my expression, the level of masking; essentially everything in my social exchange. so it's harder.
with that being said, there's some things i usually ask/talk ab, because i genuinely want to get to know people and I'm interested on them as humans overall. don't be afraid to say "hii", be cliche or something, that's not as bad as it seems. you can say "heey i saw we matched, do you want to talk?", idk, be polite and express interest (I don't do dating apps and i know 0 about dating apps social conveniences, I'm saying based on what i usually do in regular conversations). if you're meeting them irl, there's nothing wrong in making small talk. other things i do, both irl and online:
- asking ab interests! music, movies, books, shows, hobbies, studies, job. i love getting to know that, bc i express a lot of myself through these things and i learned that others do the same. that's not a rule but it can happen, and sharing interests always gives more opportunities to other conversations and interactions, like exchanging memes, inside jokes. irl i also like to spend time doing something together: museum dates, library dates, movies, park; there's hundreds of possibilities. i truly enjoy the museum/library if the other person is into it because through talking ab these things you can learn a lot about them, their responses and ways of thinking, beliefs, etc.
- asking ab their day. i know it seems lame and basic. but you can talk abour what they do, if they have pets, if they like this or that;
- to me this is when I'm more comfortable with the person irl, which takes in consideration many things that I'll spare details, but inviting them over your place. to play some games, to spend time, to talk;
about the flirting: i think generally being comfortable with the person helps me. if we're talking ab a situation where both of you know there's an sexual tone and intention and interest, it's way easier (like around here, for example, if you slide in my DMs with a sexual tone, I'll suppose you want sexual conversation). but not everyone feels comfortable with the advance, or maybe they like to talk first and go tipping the waters slowly. if it's a situation where the sexual intention, or second intentions in general, isn't clear, I'd say talk a bit first and try to fit some things here and there. talk ab them being pretty in that photo, about them looking good while talking about their interests, about your reaction to them (does that way of talking make you feel things? do you think it's hot how they do something? do you find something attractive?) and see how they respond. also I don't know if it sounds ridiculous, but maybe... asking what they're looking for in a conversation on a dating app? bc i also wouldn't know wkdkkdd i guess it's supposed to be flirting all around so maybe let's start from that presupposition
there's no specific formula on this, which i truly lament about. i wish there was, trust me [*sweating, gripping my clothes and trying not to freak out about social interactions in general*]. if you have specific questions, you can always ask in the comments and also i will put this on general tags so people can see it and insert their tips
this was long and i feel like i was rambling. if it's nonsense, do let me know, but i hope it was somehow helpful. I'm 0 sure about this, again, the autism makes it extremely hard but this is what i could piece together up until this point in my very humble and quiet life.
Ok. Okay. I gotta ask what Hiro would think about the potential of Kit for the ship ask. 👀👀👀
Shipping/dating ask for @a-pirate 💖💖
Ooo this is interesting! I definitely think it could work, but it would probably some sort of slow-burn. Both of them are so wary, and stubborn, and there'd be a lot of them going in circles, and having to earn the others trust--much to the eternal exasperation of anyone watching. They probably met through mutual friends--had to work together on a few gigs, maybe brushed shoulders at Lizzies or the Coyote, and Hiro quickly became used to the wary, sarcastic presence (even enjoyed it, as much as he won't admit it). It's something gradual--gets used to seeing the other around, and eventually inviting him along, or out for a drink. He genuinely enjoys the other's presence, and the guardedness doesn't bother him. He gets it--doesn't press the other on it, and knows how that is/how unwelcome it can be. But he also has the patience to stick around long-term, see if those walls can be eroded a bit. It doesn't help that the two have a similar eye for trouble--occasionally seeking it out when it doesn't happen to find them, and egging each other on.
Hiro enjoys seeing the other happy--the feeling of wrestling a smile or a laugh from him oddly satisfying, doesn't know why his stomach seems to flip when it does, or why his face feels so hot at the other's cheeky grin--especially when the other seems to delight in pointing it out. I can see both of them sort of coming upon it accidentally, starting as friends and spending more and more time together, and neither one really knows when it started, and doesn't seem very inclined to figure it out, but he doesn't ask too many questions and adores the other, at any rate. But Kit would be able to find someone who's deeply loyal, and has a lot of affection to give, if it's something they also want~ <3
D7: Would your character ever be in an open/poly relationship?
D11: What's your character's perfect partner like? Would a person like that like your character?
for Rayla and also Rasaj 👀👀
For Rayla:
D3:
Oh boy. If I had to put a positive spin on the pile of lies and deeply seeded trauma that is Rayla, I'd go about it like this:
She'd be there for you, but not in the ways you expect, more like a slightly helpful friend acting in the shadows. Maybe not the one to leave notes in your lunch every day before work, but the kind of love that buries the bodies and keeps you safe even in dangerous places. In a less extreme sense, she'd show her love in ways you wouldn't tend to notice unless you ask. She'd notice the small details about you, for example. Her place would always have that one brand of chips you like so much because you mentioned them once in front of her. She could learn the particular way you braid your hair because she's watched you do it so many times. Things like that.
She'd always understand you if you got angry or hateful towards others, and she would not tolerate any disrespect towards you. If you needed someone to listen to you for hours on end while you ranted, or someone to tell about your newest hyper fixation, she'd always be willing to listen. Something about "information is power"
If Rayla was willing to get attached to you, she'd protect you at all costs.
I don't recommend dating Rayla unless you're okay with a partner who's happy to murder for you. I don't recommend dating Rayla.
D7 was already answered here
D11: Rayla's perfect partner would be someone willing to look at a lying, killing, monster who's been through the worst kinds of hell and made it out, and still find something in that mess worth loving. Her partner would have to be willing to accept that she'll never be a fully "good" or pure hearted person. They'd have to see the darkest parts of her and fall in love with that.
For Rasaj:
D3: He's fiercely loyal and protective. If you manage to win his angry blueberry heart, he'd be by your side always. He'd do his best to keep you safe, to always be there for you when you need him, and to make sure you're happy and enjoying yourself.
Plus, if someone were to mess with his partner, he'd be ready to fight for them in any way, anytime, against anyone or anything. For better or worse, he's ride or die.
D7: I have to be honest, I've never considered this for him before. I can't think of a definitive answer for him, so I'd say it depended on the person. Although I love the idea for him because Rasaj deserves nice things okay.
D11: Rasaj would absolutely need someone who's willing to respect his boundaries, especially the physical ones. After everything jvar put him through, most forms of touch are scary and triggering to him, so he'd lover to have a partner willing to go slow and work with him on that.
Plus, someone who's outwardly affectionate. He struggles with feeling like he has value because he blames himself so much for Lyran's death that he'd absolutely melt at being told he's loved or that he's very kind or a good partner.
And now I'm imagining the first time Rasaj allows a partner of his to hug him or hold his hand and he slowly melts into it, eyes lighting up, and it's super soft.
0326. I don't want to sound so down but I a little while ago I took a girl on a date. Totally fell for her and nothing ended up happening with the relationship romance wise. We were still friends, and she told me a lot of things about her making me like her even more. And then we kinda stopped talking for a few months and I saw her the other day. And she is still cute and charming as ever..... I just tired of still not being able to get her out of my head. And thank you for listening I needed to tell someone.
Oh I'm so sorry dear..
Have you told her she's still on your mind? Maybe it's the same for her, you can tell her. There's nothing to lose, because atm there's nothing between you two. So messaging might either make something happen or things just stay like this. You can only gain something ❤
anonymously tell me what time it is and what you're thinking about
