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But Daddy I love Him! - pt. 2: The Life Of The Party (dbf!MattyxReader)

Summary: Matty and you try to keep your little affair going - and a secret.

Part 1

Thank you all so much for welcoming my little project so nicely, I was completely over the moon. A special thanks to @madeupinmyhead for the shoutout, since she’s the godmother of DBF!Matty, this really means a lot!

Since my muse is a feedback-artist, I spent my entire afternoon writing this next one down and wanted to share it with you. Minor mistakes will be edited by tomorrow.

Oh and I lied in the OG post. It’s going to be eight chapters instead of six.

I managed to make a nicer header. We cheered!

Warnings: Smut (oral - m receiving), Age-gap (reader is 23, Matty is 40), mental-health-struggles, angst, dbf!Matty. If I forgot anything, please let me know.

6.3k (No I have no clue how this happened either)

As stated before: please enjoy and let me know if you do. My asks are open so if you want to chat, hit me up!

Amber eyes reflecting the light

Warm and oh so beautiful and deep

Yours to keep. Forever.

I watch as they glide over words

drinking in sentences like cold water in the summer

Greedy. Needy. Drunk on beauty.

Yours to keep. Forever.

Raspberry lips.

Speaking truths, hushing promises, making the most profane things sound

like they bare the deepest meaning.

Yours to give. Forever.

I watch when you read. I listen when you speak. And I hope one day you’ll be mine. Forever.

Matty made a habit of writing you poems in no time. On Monday mornings to make the start to your week more easy. On Fridays to shorten the last hours until the weekend. And on Sundays and Saturdays as well if you had to work and the two of you couldn’t see each other. At first you only saved them to your phone, but only a few weeks passed before you deemed that not appropriate enough anymore. So you began to write them down in one of the notebooks you always kept in your flat, turning his beautiful words into little treasures you could keep because they were just that. Gifts from him to you. The two of you texted. Constantly. Ever since that night in your parents’ house. When you checked your phone during your lunch breaks nowadays, you could be sure to find several messages from Matty. Always. And sometimes, when you were on the early shift and got to leave the hospital by noon, you made a habit of stopping by at the place where he gave his lessons. You sneaked in, with his permission, of course and just listened to him teaching his pupils music theory and melodical structures and you enjoyed every second of it. Because being in his presence was pure heaven, now that you didn’t have to suppress your longing for him anymore. Although, to be fair, you weren’t quite sure yet if the same could be said about the feelings that slowly started to grow within you, you were totally aware of them.

You answered the message of his with a rose-emoji, a habit you two had developed quickly, put the phone down and focused on the task you had originally been onto: Getting ready. Your dad hosted a big party tonight for his birthday and had therefore rented a huge farm with enough space to accommodate all the guests. That, for one thing, would mean a lot of meetings with a lot of relatives you only saw every few years and who would make unwanted comments on your appearance if you didn’t look absolutely perfect. But for another it would also mean you’d get to spend an entire evening with Matty, in public and nobody would wonder if you talked for most of the evening, maybe casually, playfully, held hands at some point. Maybe that was the reason why you had spent way more time on your hair and make up than you usually would, making sure everything was capital p perfect. Your crimson red lips and the fitting nail polish. The rose that sat on top of the half updo your hair was put into. And the black high heels that would accentuate your legs perfectly. You had everything planned out, curious as to where it would lead you. A stupid smile started to form around the corners of your lips at the sheer thought of what the sight of you in that little dress might do to your dad’s best friend. After all, the first time, a pair of hotpants and a top has been enough to make him absolutely lose it. You took another look in the mirror while applying rouge. Jess always taught you that the best make up was the one that wasn’t seen and still managed to make the person wearing it more beautiful. She taught you herself in the endless hours you spent in your room together on the weekends after she moved out, giggling, listening to Paramore and Fall out Boy (yes, your sister was high-key responsible for your taste in music. She also smuggled you into concerts you were way too young for), drinking coke straight from the can and you listening to her complaining about her boring boyfriend.

And Jess would be really pleased if she’d see you later, you thought, your make-up was discreet but doing its job, your lips were perfectly painted and the rouge sat on your cheekbones just right. The only thing missing was jewelry. And that had turned into a full-blown drama over the course of this afternoon. One would think that finding fitting jewelry for a plain white dress (that didn’t even have any patterns on it) wouldn’t be a hard task exactly. But the necklaces you owned were all too long, reaching onto the fabric of your dress instead of accentuating your décolleté as you had planned. Not even the one with the turquoise in it although the necklace with your birthstone sitting in its middle was usually one of your all time favourites. But today it seemed too sparkly, too over the top, too much. So you gave up on jewelry, eventually, and opted for the rose that was now gracing your hair instead.

Applying the rouge marked the last step of your make-up-routine and you shot yourself a questioning look in the mirror. That should be good enough, usually. But what if it wasn’t? And what exactly did ‘good enough’ mean, to begin with? You were actually really close to asking your sister for advice who sat downstairs, feeding her baby. But if you did, she’d know something was up. And that was the one thing that mustn’t happen. Nobody was supposed to know about this, you put a lot of effort into it these past few weeks. You gave yourself the side-eye again, looking at your face from all sides. Maybe if you put on a little more-

Your phone buzzed. Again.

“Show me what you’re wearing.”

There was no emoji. No additional “please” or conjunctives. It was an order. You smirked and shook your head at the same time. He was impudent. Outrageous. Arrogant. And you stood here, smiling like an idiot. So you took a picture of you in the mirror and you were just about to send it to him, when a sudden thought crossed your mind. Just riling him up a little bit couldn’t hurt, right? Just being this tiny little bit bratty that might make him want you even more. So you cropped the photo so that only the hem of your skirt and the piece of flesh of your thighs were visible. You chuckled slightly and hit “send”. Then you put your phone away. You would only take his complaint about this in person. And you were sure it was going to come.

The farm was a little car drive away from your parents’ house, about 30 minutes which you found passing amazingly fast in the presence of Jess and her husband. The clear advantage of this was that in making the decision of driving with her it was absolutely clear that you could and would get absolutely wasted tonight. It was summer, after all, your holidays just started and you had a whole evening full of Matty ahead of you. What was not to love about that? When the car finally stopped in the parking lot in front of the venue, you curiously looked around. Maybe a part of you really was delusional enough to think Matty was waiting there for you somewhere (you texted him when exactly you were going to come after all). But of course he wasn’t, so you kept checking your phone while you politely waited until Jess’ husband managed to get the stroller out of the trunk, offering Jess to take care of her crying baby but she declined. When you finally got everything ready, Finn was still crying which led to his father carrying him while Jess pushed the empty stroller and you being too focused on trying to distract the baby in discomfort to really watch where you were going. Otherwise, you were sure of that, you wouldn’t have jumped so hard at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

“Well if that isn’t the star of the evening.”

You didn’t even know where Matty came from, really. But you knew that he dropped his cigarette to the floor and blew the remaining smoke out of his lungs in the opposite direction as to where he was walking, absolutely making sure none of it came close to Jess or her baby. But you knew his eyes were on you with every step he took and throughout every word he had just spoken. Matty wore a dress shirt and matching pants that fitted him so well you knew they were tailor-made like so many of his nicer clothes which were. Either that, designer or both in the worst case. The first three buttons of his shirt were open so that his most high-up tattoo peaked out from underneath and the sleeves were rolled up until the inside of his elbow. There was no gel in his hair and his curls bounced with every step he took. You were so mesmerised by his appearance for no particular reason at all, that you realised a few moments too late that Matty was coming in your direction indeed but he went straight past you and up to Jess instead, caressed her arm and asked if she was alright with him taking a closer look at Finn. You watched as he approached the baby, the tenderness in his gaze, how absolutely careful his movements were when he touched the little boy, how he was fully and entirely focused on the baby, trying to make him laugh and genuinely happy to see him. A natural with children, honestly. Like with so many other things.

Matty went on to greet Jess’ husband, engaging in a little bit of smalltalk before - finally, you thought! - turning over to you.

“And you decided to let your poor sister play the driver for you? Just so that you could get wasted tonight? That’s not really nice, is it?”, he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Oh I think she was ok with it”, you replied, nodding. Matty smirked before pulling you into a hug. His head rested on your shoulder for a tad longer than it should have while he whispered in your ear: “That dress is a hell of a lot shorter than what I thought it would be. You have any idea what you’re doing to me here tonight, love?”

“One idea…or two…three, maybe. Four, if you’re really up for it…”, you replied, desperately trying to ignore how his breath tickling in your ear set your whole body on fire. It was ridiculous, really, how you physically reacted to every little one of his touches.

“Darling ‘up for it’ is basically my middle name”, Matty hushed but before you got to make the bad joke about how you thought it was Timothy, he pulled away from you again - which was probably for the better, taking into account that you could feel Jess’ curious looks on you already.

“What are you doing out here anyway, Matty?”, Jess asked, “How is there supposed to be a party there if you’re not there?”

Matty sighed in faux regret. “Oh I know. Unfortunately, addiction got the best of me, again and I needed to go outside for a smoke.”

Jess frowned. “And you couldn’t do it in there, because..?”, she asked, to which Matty explained that there was a strict non-smoking-policy in the area.

“Besides, I thought I could get some calm to practice my speech once again.”

The speech. Matty had teased you about it for weeks at this point, declaring how it was going to be the greatest of birthday-speeches in the history of birthday-speeches, how he spent hours and hours on writing it so that it would be in equal parts funny, touching and honest. But he refused to let you see it, hear it, although you had offered him that you’d happily be his test audience.

“Well, then we better not distract you any longer”, Jess’ husband said and was half a step away already when your mind started racing. If they left now, this was probably one of the very few chances of some fleeting moments alone with Matty. So you had to take it. At all costs. You turned to Matty.

“I can stay with you for a bit, if you want. You know, show you some techniques to calm down.”

From somewhere behind you, you could hear Jess snort.

“And how would you do that?”, she asked.

You turned around in an exaggerated fury. “I’m a nurse, in case you forgot. I know what it takes for the body to lower the levels of adrenaline again.”

You knew damn well that this was nonsense because of the level of training you received this far. But nobody apart from you had to know about that, really. You didn’t even know what it was Jess said before the three of them left. Your eyes were on Matty, and Matty alone. Matty with his slightly unbuttoned shirt, his way too beautiful hair and the sunlight catching in the earring he wore.

The millisecond Jess and her family were out of your sight he pulled you into him and kissed you. Hard. Full of longing. The taste of nicotine still on his lips and a hunger within him the fag couldn’t satisfy. Obviously. You held onto his shoulders for support, but you didn’t give in, reciprocating the kiss with just as much fever as he did. Because there was no guarantee that you’d get a second chance to do exactly that today. When you pulled away from him after a while, you couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of him. Your crimson red lipstick was all over his mouth. When you tried to wipe it away with your thumb, he tenderly trapped your finger between his lips.

“Stop it”, you giggled, “or I’ll leave you like this.”

You pulled your thumb away from his mouth and he raised his eyebrows at you.

“Here for it.”

“Yeah, I know you are, just until someone asks you why there are lipstick stains on your mouth and then you are in trouble”, you replied, sighing a little.

“So…was the stage freight only an excuse or do you actually need help with your speech?”

He chuckled slightly.

“Oh don’t worry, darling…”, he said while pulling the strap of your dress that must have fallen down your shoulder during your make-out-session back up, “I know exactly what to say.”

And thus it came that some time later you stood in the spacious garden that was part of the farm. All around you people were buzzing and you had a few drinks already - the Rosé was just way too good to pass on it. But now your entire focus was on Matty who, as you could see from where you stood, was ready to take the stage to hold his speech. Since your dad had opted against a classical dinner and instead chosen a buffet for his party, Matty obviously decided that it basically didn’t matter anyway when exactly he was giving his speech so he might as well do it now. You watched him run his right hand through his hair several times and for a moment you wondered if you could just go over to him, this time to calm him down for real or if it would be too obvious. You took a look to your left where Jess was talking to your mum and to your right where your dad was caught up in conversation with one of your uncles. Maybe nobody would notice. Maybe you could just go up to him, tell him everything would be fine and hug him, casually. But before you could take a final decision on it, Matty got ahead of you and entered the stage.

“So I was asked to do this, to make that clear, I did not personally insist on it. Yeah, yeah, I know, still hard to imagine for some people but I would have clearly preferred it if I could just have causally mingled with the crowd all night long.”

The crowd in question started to cheer.

“But since this is a really special day for Luke, I thought, I can’t let the opportunity slip to embarrass him properly in front of everybody. I mean, what kind of a bad friend would I be if I did that? So, here I am, ready to tell you all about the man who I have known for the most part of my life now. And, more importantly, who knows me and still chooses to be friends with me. Luke, I know that this is not easy, trust me I do know and I’m even more grateful that you chose to stick up with me through it all - this far.”

A short round of applause followed.

“We’ve really been through a lot, we’ve been there for each other for all of our so called ‘big moments’, the good ones and the bad ones alike. I think I was the second person you called after Jess was born and the first after Y/N had graced us with her presence on this earth - and although I couldn’t make a word out of what this crying emotional mess of a man blabbed into my phone on both occasions, I really appreciate the gesture.”

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“So anyway. Luke, what I could say about you as a friend, as a human being, wouldn't fit into a silly little speech like this anyway. I could ramble for hours now how your determination and your kindness brought you where you are today and you absolutely deserve everything of it. How it would have been so easy for you to get lost in the party-life of it all, how so many men who aspire to go into event management tend to do. But you didn’t. You never touched drugs, you never went so off your face for days you didn’t know where you were anymore, you always knew the limits of yourself and those around you. And that’s a character-trade that’s absolutely admirable, trust me, dude, I know what I’m talking about.”

A little lump started to build in your throat and you wondered how many more people there were in general who did in fact know what Matty was talking about. You looked over to your dad and could see that his eyes became misty.

“But instead of getting lost, like so many men in these businesses do, you got your shit together and I think there’s not many people about whom this can be said in the same way as for you. The event-management-company you own is thriving despite all the crises of the past two decades. Your marriage with an absolutely amazing woman is still intact after what is close to be 25 years soon, which is remarkable in this day and age. And you have two absolutely perfect daughters of which one is well-read and beautiful and funny and the other is intelligent and kind to the extreme. Yeah, you two can choose for yourselves which one is which, I’m not going to tell you that”, he added and the look he shot you when he did made a heat rise within you that was oh so familiar by now.

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: You have so many good things around you, Luke, and you deserve all of them. And I couldn’t be more proud to still call you my friend. I love you, mate. Here’s to you!”

And when he raised his glass, the crowd responded immediately. But you didn’t pay attention to that. At all. Your head was still fuzzy with everything Matty had just said right now. How he called you beautiful, well-read and funny and how hearing that made your heart race. You couldn’t quite tell why his praise meant so much to you. But you knew you wanted more of it. You needed more of it.

How exactly the two of you ended up in the little barn next to the farm house, nobody knew, really. It didn’t really matter to you anyway. What did matter was the slight look of suspicion on Matty’s face when you pulled him behind you through the door of the building by his hand. What did matter was how eagerly he responded to the kiss you gave him when you led him to the back part of the barn where the hay bales were. But when he tried to lift you up and have you sit down on one of them, in quite a similar way like he did back in your parents’ kitchen, you stopped him, shaking your head slightly.

“I want to say thank you…”, you whispered, eyes not leaving his while you slowly sank to your knees, “You’ve been so kind to me today, praising me in front of all of those people, complimenting my looks…please let me give something back. Please let me thank you.”

Matty chuckled darkly, his eyes still glued to the sight of you, right in front of him on your knees now, looking up to him through your eyelashes.

“Fuck, baby, that’s what you want? Really? Are you sure about that? Because you absolutely don’t have to.”

You slowly started to move your hands up his thighs. “I know. I’m perfectly aware of that. But I want to.”

To be fair, that feeling was completely new to you as well. Giving blowjobs this far had always been surrounded by pressure, put on you indirectly and directly alike by your partners or certain circumstances. But it coming from you was something new. Alas, it still felt like the absolute right thing to do now after he had been so kind to you in public.

“So will you let me suck you off? Please?”

The chuckling was back. Again. The chuckling and him running a hand through his hair.

“Babygirl, how am I supposed to say no when you ask so nicely?”

You smiled. You won, actually. And the both of you knew it.

You had just started to fumble with the buckle of his belt, your cheek playfully nuzzling his upper thigh when he stopped you by forcing your head up with his hand. You could already tell that you had an effect on him. His pupils were blown, he swallowed heavily and the fingers with which he held your chin were slightly shaking.

“I’m not stopping you, I promise.”

Just the timber of his voice alone shot straight down to your core.

“But I can’t have you ruin your knees. Or your cute white dress, can I? That would not be me taking good care of my good girl, would it?”

In any other situation you would have been embarrassed by the way he spoke to you - by the way anybody spoke to you like that if they did. But right here, right now, as so often when you were with him, it felt nothing but fitting. So you just shook your head and watched how he took his jacket off, folded it two times and gently bowed down to lay it on the floor in front of you. You took the opportunity to kiss him again, groaning into his mouth when he bit your lower lip, tugging on his hair a little. Then you carefully moved onto the jacket, your hands not leaving Matty’s thighs. It did indeed feel better on the soft fabric, compared to the cold, hard, concrete floor, but frankly, that might as well be because him caring about you that much made something move inside of you.

You unbuckled his belt swiftly, opening the button of his trousers and pulled them down, before taking the waistband of his underwear between your teeth and tugging it down with some help of your hands.

“Oh fucking hell, you want me dead, don’t you?”, Matty groaned and you couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on your lips.

“Maybe…”, you whispered, grabbing for his cock and searching to make eye-contact again. When you were absolutely sure you had his undivided attention you lowered your mouth without letting go of his gaze and started to take him in. Slowly. Deliberately slowly, inch by inch, swirling your tongue around his tip as you did. And always keeping eye-contact. Always. A string of half-breathed swearwords and praises alike fell from his lips when you slowly started to move your head up and down rhythmically, a mix of your saliva and his precum covering his entire length by now. It was wet. It was messy. The sounds made when you moved your head were nothing short of pornographic. But the sweetest of them all was Matty’s whimpering. He was completely at your mercy and both of you knew it. And god, did you love every second of it.

You started increasing the pace of your movements, swirling your tongue along his length experimentally. He inhaled sharply, and incoherent rambling of “Fuck”, “Babygirl”, “Just like that” and “Take it” falling from his lips. His hands were shaky when he treaded them through your long, brown curls to gather them into a makeshift ponytail. You smirked to yourself again, moaning slightly when he tugged at your hair, looking back up to him. Sweat made some curls stick to his forehead. His pupils were completely blown out. There was nothing affectionate in the way he looked at you now. Just pure, raw, unfiltered want. And it set your blood on fire.

“Here let me help you with that a little bit, baby. Easier to suck my cock when there’s nothing in the way, right?”, he murmured before tugging at your hair. The slight burn on your scalp was heavenly.

“Better innit? Now will you go back to sucking me off now? Make me feel good because that’s what my little dirty girl wants?”

You didn’t even nod before you took him back into your mouth. He was rock hard and you loved everything about it. So you kept going, one hand on his cock, stroking what you couldn’t fit into your mouth, the other slowly, torturingly cupping his balls. His legs started shaking the moment you started this. He was about to be done for, you just knew it. You increased the pace in which you moved your mouth along his length, ignoring the throbbing between your own thighs that got meaner by the minute.

“Fuck, baby, slow down, I can’t, I-”

The rest of his sentence drowned in a moan and faded out into incoherent mumblings of praises of you. You could feel him leaking on your tongue. He was close. Oh so close.

“Fucking shit, baby, you gotta let go of me. Let go”, he commanded in a broken whisper, trying to pull back, even, but you kept him in place with your hands on his hips. You didn’t make him go this far to give up last minute.

“Shit, baby, I’m so serious, I won’t last, I’m gonna cum down your throat…”

You hummed around his length in approval, doubling your efforts on him. A breathy chuckle left his lips while he tightened his grip on your hair, carefully paying attention to not push you down in any way though.

“Alright, take it then. Fucking take it, fuck-”

Warm. Salty. So new yet so familiar. You swallowed his cum, slowly sliding your mouth off his softening cock, kissing the tip and looking back up to Matty. The man was done for a panting, whimpering mess, barely standing straight. His trousers and his underwear were bunched around his ankles but when you tugged them up again he swatted your hands away.

“Later…”, he mumbled, still out of breath, grabbing you by the arms and pulling you up rather harshly, “Need you here. C’mon!”

He lost his balance when he pulled you up which resulted in him falling backwards and the two of you landing on the hay bale. He didn’t care, obviously, pulling you into him, kissing you with abandon.

“Holy shit, you’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

And you just giggled. “Not so sure I’d make jokes about that if I were you, old man.”

“Oi! Watch it!”, he warned you, but the softness in his voice took away every single ounce of a threat his words should have borne. So you kissed him again instead. Softer this time. Deeper. He moaned into your mouth.

“Can still taste me on your tongue, holy shit…”

“You said you were all in for taking a piece of me with you not that long ago. I thought I’d just switch it up a little.”

He put a kiss to your forehead. “Just you wait”, he murmured, his lips brushing over your skin, “Just you wait.”

“I will”, you giggled slightly.

“Good”, he murmured, putting another kiss in your hair. “OH!”, he exclaimed at once just as he pulled away from you again.

“Oh, I almost forgot…”

He sat up and started to fumble in the pockets of his trousers. You watched him curiously, completely at loss as to what exactly he was doing there. After a few moments, he pulled a tiny sack out of the pocket. It was white, with a black bow on it.

“I got you a little something. You know just…just like that.”

You giggled again. “But you’re aware that it’s my dad’s birthday, not mine, right?”

“And you are aware that I don’t need a stupid excuse like a birthday to give my most beautiful girl a present, right?”, he echoed and you couldn’t help but preen at the praise.

“Open it!”, he encouraged you and you carefully reached into the sack. You could feel cold metal between your fingers and when you pulled it out, a tiny golden necklace dangled in between them. It was solid gold with no stones, simple but unbelievably beautiful.

“Matty…”, you said speechless before looking up to him again, “That must have cost a fortune.”

He just shrugged. “I thought it would go perfectly with your eyes, darling. And I wanted to see that. May I?”

You nodded enthusiastically and Matty gestured you to turn around before he carefully took the necklace out of your hands. He placed it around your chin and you gasped slightly in excitement. It was ages ago that somebody who was not a relative gave you something so amazingly beautiful.

“See, and this right here is the main reason why I got it. I was selfish. Because the moment I close the clasp of this, you won’t get rid of it anymore. It’s way too tiny to be opened by the person wearing it. You’ll always have me with you. How does that sound to you, darling?”

It was impossible for you to tell whether it was the meaning of his words that made your hackles rise now or the way he whispered them directly in your ear.

“Perfect”, you whispered. Matty hummed in approval and the clasp clicked slightly when he finally closed it. He didn’t promise you too much. At all. It felt good. Amazingly good.

You decided to leave the barn separately, just in case somebody could see you, because there was no plausible excuse for what you two could have done in there. So you stood there, next to the bar that was included in the catering, sipping on your whine. You still felt like you could taste Matty on your tongue, although, realistically speaking, that was bullshit. You also still tried to process what exactly happened there. What about him made you go so absolutely feral you did something so absolutely stupid. You didn’t know. Yet. All you knew was that it felt good. Everything about it did.

“Here you are. Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Matty was back, touching your shoulder in the most casual way. For a moment you were perplexed by his approach but then it came back to you that you were literally standing in a crowd of people for whom you had to keep up appearances.

“Yeah, sorry. Just…needed to get away from the crowd for a little bit. Felt slightly…overwhelmed. And we don’t all have a smoking-habit to turn to if we do, you know.”

He chuckled but you could totally feel his gaze on you. Warm. Affectionate. It made your hackles rise in the best way.

“So this is a very bad timing for me to ask if you’d dance with me?”

For a moment your breath hitched in your throat. Dancing was dangerous. Dancing was something incredibly intimate. Dancing was something you definitely shouldn’t do with your dad’s best friend.

“It absolutely is…”, you replied and saw him lower his gaze. You kept him in suspense for a little bit. Then you said: “... but it’s also a party. And if I remember my dad correctly, there’s no party without Matty Healy dancing. So…let’s go.”

A bright smile of a sort you didn’t see on him all day appeared on Matty’s face, lighting up his features. Without saying another word he took you to the dancefloor.

The band your dad had engaged had just started playing Adele’s “When we were young” and the two of you started moving. Slowly. Carefully. You let him guide you because you know how great of a dancer he was. And that he needed it. You could tell from the way the hand on your waist gripped it a little too tightly. You could tell from the way he looked into your eyes and your eyes alone, avoiding any look over to the stage. You could tell from the way he swallowed. Hard. Several times.

“You miss it, don’t you? Giving that speech reminded you how it was being on stage.”

Matty shrugged. “What’s done is done.”

But his voice was full of grief, you heard it dripping from every word.

“Is it though?”, you asked softly, carefully. You didn’t want to push him, just to show him that he got a confidant in you.

“Yeah…”, he said, somewhat absentmindedly, “Yeah I guess. It was an episode of my life. One I loved. One that gave me everything. And one that cost me everything. Way more than once. And I can’t go back to that.”

His words made a lump built up in your throat, because you knew exactly what he was talking about. Of course you knew. Who would, if it wasn’t for you? You had just opened your mouth to say something when you saw him shook his head slightly.

“It’s ok, darling, don’t worry about me.”

You pursed your lips. “That’s hard sometimes, you know.”

He chuckled. “Oh I know. Trust me, I do. But let me tell you something.”

Matty leaned in so that his lips were close to your right ear.

“I don’t want to go back to that, ok? Because what I got from leaving, what I gained is so much more and so much better.”

And when he looked back into your eyes you knew he was absolutely serious about that. It made your knees weak in an instant and you had to hold onto him for dear life. He noticed and caught you before you would have dropped to the floor.

“I got you, baby. It’s alright. I got you. I’m here.”

Unfortunately, Matty and you moving across the dancefloor had lead to a few people remembering that the man was actually able to dance. Alas, he was occupied for the foreseeable future with seemingly every female person at the party demanding him to dance. But you didn’t really complain because a) you knew none of them had him like you did and b) it gave you the pleasure of watching Matty dance from a little more afar which always was a spectacle in itself.

"Enjoying the show?”

Jess showing up next to you seemingly out of nowhere made you jump.

“Oh yeah he’s…he’s a sensation to look at, really.”

Jess nodded slowly. “He sure is…”, she said, sipping on her Bloody Mary of which you could only hope it was a virgin one, because you definitely had too much to drink tonight to drive anybody home safely. A few moments of silence followed. Then Jess said, completely out of nowhere: “So how long have you two been fucking?”

With everybody else you would have gone into full on denial mode now. Maybe told her she was crazy. But this was Jess. Your older sister Jess you shared all of your secrets with ever since you could talk. There was no use in you lying now and the two of you knew about it.

“A few weeks. Two months, maybe.” (It was two and a half at this point but you didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that you counted every single one of those days because you enjoyed them so much).

Jess nodded slowly.

“You know this is wrong, right?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Jess, I’m not a minor, he’s not exploiting my naivety or anything, we’re two adults having fun, everything is consensual-”

“I don’t care about the age-gap in this. To each their own. But this is Matty Healy you’re hooking up with, Y/N. You have known him for your entire life, both of us have. You know his deal, darling. You know his fucked up twisted games as well as the next person. And you’re still sure you want to get caught in that?”

You downed your drink instead of answering, kept on watching Matty dance with one of your cousins. You didn’t have to reply. Jess knew anyway.

Part 3

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