#dddiary

[snapsies]

ok guys sooo basically the past two days or so it has been extremely hot. idk what to think of it, i'm not a big fan of the heat, but i love it at the same time. late spring will always be my favourite season/time of the year but this is just too much. going to school with 30°C is no joke when none of your classes have windows that can open and you go to a school with sweaty ass people.

stressed af for exams but i kind of want it to just be over so i guess throw them at me im ready

not yet tho jk i havent done shit omg what is my problem

also some of these exams are just oral so like idk if i should be more or less stressed? i will rank orders of how stressed i am and why

math- (5hrs)

literally suck at it, dont even remember everything we learnt and its a five hour exam in the heat like omg leave me alone. i just simply dont understand it and theres like a different answer for every question (idk if you understand what i mean) but so yeah you cant be 100% prepared cause what if you dont know that one answer??

dutch- (4hrs)

look this would be much lower usually, even one of the last, but it's just gotten so hard and so MUCH like omg how am i supposed to do this??? like eveyr language we have many pre exams (speaking, writing, listening). also i was supposed to read 3 books and have read none. i read the example questions and they're so specific i dont even think i can fake it if i read the most detailed summary.

biology- (2hrs)

again, i wouldnt put it this high. i totally understand it, but the questions she asks are just weird af? like they have nothing to do with what she teaches us and even if she did she never taught us how we would have to ajnswer any of that. i have three days to prepare tho, so we'll see ig? the problem is as much as i think im ready i know shes gonna pull up with weird ass questions.

chemistry- (2hrs)

i used to suck at this but i kind of like it now? when i dont understand i REALLY dont understand, but when i do i feel like a genius and i can answer every single question. he is a bit esigent on the answers of his tests and it is a LOT. idk.

german-- (2hrs)

guys im usually so good at languages but idkkk.. i understand german i think? but i always fail on the writing part n havent learnt well for any of the voc tests throughout the months; i will have to catch up everything 500+ words and their plural (which can differ a lot from the original, doesnt have a strict rule they follow). also all of the pre exams are hard for this subject (listening is fast and not understandable, writing i always fail because of the kasus, reading i always seem to miss what shes asking me). stressed!!! lowk a lot.

physics- (2hrs)

would have put it like second buttttt: on christmas exams i did pretty well and again, all you have to do is understand and make loads of exercises. idk. it is a lot and im not really paying attention. she has barely done any tests this semester and usually i would be happy, but this stresses me out. do i even know everything?

geography- (2hrs)

look i kind of dont know where to put this subject. is it a lot of hard info to memorize by heart? yes. are all of her tests easy and even multiple choice? also yes. is it the most out of every subject i need to learn? yes again. is it the subject that MATTERS the most? absolutely not. i guess we'll see i wont be devastated if i dont pass. idk.

french- (oral-- 30 mins?)

it's not my worst subject at all. i'm just stressed bc it's oral and as much as she's one of my fave teachers, she kind of scares me. we'll see how it goes.

history- (2hrs)

a LOT. i have to kind of memorize it but i will say: i love his class and the way he tells us these stories just makes it so fun and so so interesting to learn that i dont mind studying history at all. matter of fact i enjoy it. but it is sooo muchhh... we'll see. idk. also if you black out on one detail of the story, i tend to forget the rest.

english- (oral)

dont be fooled my my poor english skills on my posts, its because im typing fast before the idea slips away. english, my love, so so easy. usually. this year is harder but that doesnt stop it from being the easiest. also it being oral is cherry on top. im pretty ok at that. i talk to myself in english all the time while i pretend to be famous one day. we'll see

wish me luck.. fun fact its 14.30 rn on a wednesday and guess what i should be doing? studying ! i have my speaking exam of dutch tomorrow. so stressed i cant do anything but waste more time. im sitting here with a fan on my livingroom table with the worst posture ever writing barefoot in my summer clothes to no readers. how fun.

[snapsies]

morning

hey guys i'm writing to you at 10.43 in the morning. it's a saturday morning, my sister went to a party last night n should be back in about an hour? my parents are at the beach with their friends, and i'm peacefully enjoying my morning alone. before 11 i want to start studying and actually lock in. we had a long weekend, 4 days!! the first two days i barely did anything but that's totally fine. yesterday i tried to make a planning for exams, but today i should really get going and start studying for my tests on monday and tuesday. before that, i want to clean my room, cause if i dont do it now, i wont ever do it. so see you guys and yeah! im actually starting to get the urge to write to you; not that i have anything interesting to say, but idk. i dont have the intention to write every single day but i'll see what happens. sucks that i feel like doing it now, when my life is at its most boring days. anyways, imma go cause i have 15 minutes to clean my room and stay on track with my schedule. love ya !!

[snapsies]

organized

ok since exams are coming up i decided i am going to start on time this once. i kind of made my planning and i realize i only have ike three weeks left. i dont know if thats a lot or very little, i always forget when i started last exam season. anyways i want to be more organized and disciplined in what i do daily. i am not an organized person, but organization makes me feel so good.

i am the type of person that wakes up 20 minutes before leaving, throws on the clothes i wore yesterday, dont eat breakfast because i dont have time, hurry to get to school on time, doesn't always take notes in class, comes home and scrolls for at least 1.5 hours before actually starting. while starting if its somethiing hard, i get stressed and watch videos to take the stress off/ i feel paralysed by the amount of stuff i need to get done. when i actually think something is easy, my first thought is never 'oh lets get this out of the way, its easy and quick and i can relax the rest of the night'. i think more like 'omg this is easy i can afford to get distracted, i'll just do it later'. sometimes my procastination is so bad i dont even do it until the morning after, or the classes i have before the one where i need to take a test. and obviously doing this i never show my full potential. because sometimes even when i do, i seem to always fail and be average. i figured i could waste less time to get around the same grade, since it's not going to make a difference.

i feel like im just always looking for shortcuts in life, little pathways to avoid having to do things i dont want. a lot of people say 'the only way out, is through'. i dont know what to make of that. sometimes it motivates me, but i mostly dont think that is true at all. ii cheat on tests i dont want to study for or stay home when i didnt feel like studying the night before. white lies to get out of situations, procastination to the last possible moment, i lift when i dont feel like spending my money to buy something and i'll admit i even stolllle from other people. are these shortcuts for life or will it all catch up with me? i also dont seem to feel alot of guilt when it comes to these things. i dont know if thats selfish. for example when i stolle form someone, who never harmed me in any way, i didnt feel a drop of guilt. not even guilt for not feeling guilt. my mindset is more like 'its already not fair i can't get as much stuff as they can afford, so i deserve this. it wont hurt them, they'll get it back.'

in my brain i know this is wrong, but hey, im just typing out my real thoughts and feelings, wrong or not. i would also never admit to this to anybody, except my sister maybe. also im kind of getting along better with her since yesterday night. we were mocking and ragebaiting eachother at the dinner table, but instead of getting mad we were js laughing. the we spent a lot of time (like a bit less then two hours) together, just hanging out in my room. laughing and talking. im relieved. i feel like often i can only get along with her in moments where i dont totally get along with my parents. which is weird? but it feels like teaming up i guess and when my sister is the only one 'against' my parents i js find her disrespectfull and i cant seem to bond, cause shes pissed at me aswell. i dont know what just happened but this has nothing to do with the rest of the post.

anyways some of my organized journey im probably going to post on my other account, @ashighasthesky1. where i would track some glow up stuff and organisation things? i barely posted anything but im going to bring that blog back from the dead. anywyas, see ya!! im going to study some german vocab, to start early for exams, lol. byee

[charmmyhymn]

pls tell me someone has drawn princess bubblegum as walter white—i need to find fanart like this IMMEDIATELY

[charmmyhymn]

if only manny jacinto were in barbie

[charmmyhymn]

trying to court emily in sdv but seeing all these screenshots of sebastian's dialogue cuts... i may have made a mistake

[call-me-smile]

Cảm giác bất lực nhất vào buổi tối là rất muốn ngủ mà không ngủ được. Tôi tắt hết tất cả đèn, thả lỏng đầu óc, bỏ fone và ipad ra xa tầm tay. Cuối cùng lăn lộn cả tiếng đành đầu hàng. Tại sao tôi không ngủ được vào cái giờ đáng ra phải ngủ. Tôi thức suốt bao nhiêu năm tháng là do thói quen từ khi bắt đầu yêu anh. Chỉ thức vào giờ này mới gặp được anh ấy, mới trò chuyện được nên giờ có chia tay cả năm hơn tôi vẫn chưa ngủ lại được vào giờ này, cũng giống như chưa hoàn toàn quên lãng được anh. Có ngày mệt quá về lăn ra ngủ ngay thì ngủ được nhưng hiếm khi có lúc giấc ngủ đến dễ dàng như thế. Tôi tập thói quen ngủ sớm và thói quen quên anh trong gần 2 năm mà không thể nào dễ dàng như khi tập thức khuya và tập yêu anh. Nhìn chung đều là thói quen mà sao cái dễ dàng đến lạ còn cái khó đến không tưởng. Làm sao quên hết và làm sao ngủ ngon? Oct 03, 2015

[call-me-smile]

To the one who used to be my whole world

Finally, I see you. You found her. Hope you guys are always together and happy like this. You guys look perfectly together. Best wishes from the bottom of my heart to you.