Right, I’m gonna start something that I’ve wanted to do for a while which is D&D story time featuring my old group called Goat Busters which is a name I will explain with this story. This was with my character Fayra Oakslayer, a half-drow pact of the blade warlock; one friend who we’ll call H, her character named Kaio, a tabaxi Thief rogue and the @easierbutnotbetter character named Bryggar, an aasimar Paladin of the ancients. We started off at 5th level just to give us a bit of a one up and this was pretty good on our parts as it meant we didn’t die in our first battle because at this time we were complete noobs at D&D.
The campaign began in the main city of that kingdom which I cannot remember to save the life of me because other than to accept our reward at the very end of the campaign, we did not return ever again. So Fayra was neutral evil and serving the god of mischief (both as a chosen which was basically a person chosen by the god to be a mortal servant, and as friends with benefits/girlfriend situation that gets sorted later on) and was sneaking through this city to try and mess with the massive celebration that was happening. Kaio and Bryggar both were chosen of good gods, known as Righteous, whereas Fayra’s was a Corrupt god. As they were all wandering the city, a demon broke out of a temple and stole the princess. After some panic, the three were pushed together by the guards and told to sort the situation out. You know, through chance and definitely not through force. That’s the main plot device and kinda sets the rest of the campaign up.
Some unimportant things happened, and then they left the city to seek a woman they were told could help in the countryside called Anyanka. After a few days of travelling and annoying each other they ended up at this woman’s house which was your standard farming cottage with a couple of goats roaming the front garden. As all PC’s do when they meet animals, we all immediately ran to pet the goats. Bryggar went first where he failed, then Kaio failed and lastly Fayra got a natural 1 which for all you newbies, that is a critical failure. So the goat bit her in frustration.
Fayra then kicked the goat and it died.
Now Fayra wasn’t particularly strong, but we never looked up the stats of a goat and my DM just decided it would have 1hp and so she killed it instantly. This caused uproar in my party but both myself and Fayra couldn’t give a flying fuck – it was essentially an NPC goat which could now be harvested. Which is exactly what happened – she skinned it, took the skin and then carried the carcass into the vacant house.
She opened the door and threw the goat in as a way of checking for traps just in case this woman was either evil or expecting trouble. Nothing happened so Fayra dragged the bloody carcass of the goat inwards into the kitchen and left it whilst looking for clues. Kaio joined her and together they discovered some notes on necromancy and the necromancers that could lead them to the demon’s whereabouts. Unfortunately, Fayra assumed that meant that Anyanka would be a necromancer and so she couldn’t use the notes, Fayra decided to burn them.
Marching downstairs, she burnt these notes in the fireplace and decided to cut up the dead goat and roast it over the fire for food. Now this would be fine if she had properly read the notes but she hadn’t and it turns out that these were some very important notes, detrimental to the campaign. Needless to say, my DM was not pleased.
Bryggar this entire time was being the typical lone wolf he was, skulking across the room whilst Kaio and Fayra roast and ate the entire goat as they were waiting for Anyanka to return which she did. And boy was she not happy with what she found. Rightly so she was annoyed at what happened but unfortunately for her, Fayra couldn’t give a hag’s flapping fanny about her opinion and when being told off about: killing a goat, breaking and entering, desecrating a corpse by flinging it into somebody’s house, stealing notes and burning them, and eating the dead goat that was definitely not hers, Fayra just turned around, goat leg in one hand, and flipped this poor woman off.
After this encounter, we did get the information we needed no thanks to Fayra, and every time somebody mentioned a goat (in game or out) I was stared at and jokes were constantly made. Then somebody had the great idea of naming our group Goat Busters to commemorate that wonderful moment where Fayra and by extension me, kicked a goat to death.
