#definitelynotelle

[definitelynotelle]

my heart sits so heavy in my chest that whenever i feel something it quickly empties out whatever it was the blood that pumps deep within is heavier than the tears to which is stubbornly stuck in my eyelids

the outbursts of varied emotions and the realization that doom is near and just ahead of me it puts me back in place where i don't know if i belong my only saving grace is loneliness

[definitelynotelle]

whenever i thought things are gradually going better life has its way of showing how wrong i am when i thought i couldn't go lower somehow i ended up six feet under and soon i might just reach hell as if the excuse of living wasn't already one

[definitelynotelle]

how am i supposed to believe you if your words don't line up with your actions do you suppose i simply trust you like blind faith when i had long abandoned my faith in god

[definitelynotelle]

it felt like i was fifteen again crescent-like graves on my skin i breath and breath, my body rejecting it feeling retched i gag, scoffing and coughing i plead to nothing for the storm to pass i convince myself of baseless promises it hasn't been that long until i glance at the clock when i thought the waves are ceasing to exist they aren't even dying down, i try to swallow it all the ocean wasn't supposed to be that deep but i fell on an endless pit even when the skies are clear they pour and when the self-inflicted reality hits is only when it vanishes, distracting oneself from the imaginary calamity one has conjured but reality itself can't be comprehended where should one take refuge? where should i take refuge? to the evacuation of unborn smiles or the haven that is unconscious dream

[definitelynotelle]

the little dance we shared reminds me of my childhood where mishaps were always overlooked and i was forced to just forget it all myself

[definitelynotelle]

two years it has almost been wrote several letters and poetry personal essays inspired of you none to which you read and to this day, you’re still the subject of all my matters

because so much, you matter

[definitelynotelle]

my raw emotions they make me vulnerable and selfish, very selfish yet i do not curse them

[definitelynotelle]

i don’t know how long i’ve been gone or how long i’ll be gone again for i can’t count the days anymore they’re all numbers to my eyes letters that don’t mean a thing but a countdown of the days left for me