A mouse who lives in a warm nest where it is well fed will venture out and then, when frightened, rapidly return to its home. A mouse who has an uncomfortable nest—where it experiences pain and lack of food—when out of its nest in a place with warmth and food, and then suddenly frightened, will also return home, just like the other mouse. Experiments with other animals proved the same—when an animal is scared, it goes home, no matter how terrifying home is.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
I needed to get this out of my system before writing another thing with them so here! Have a break up!
Laïs could hear familiar footsteps behind her- far quicker and heavier than they should be. She whipped around.
Deimos was angry, and at that moment she knew why.
He had figured it all out. She had slipped up.
When had she gotten so sloppy? She swallowed in dry, she knew exactly when.
"You!" She didn't flinch, but her heart twisted at the scream. "You traitor! You really thought you could keep me in the dark?"
Her mouth opened uselessly. Guilt pooled on her belly and twisted her insides. She could almost feel fear. Paralyzed, she could almost inspect it- she wasn't scared of him, she was scared for him.
Her and her damned masks- keeping her safe, separating her from the world. She wanted to scream.
She let out a huff as he pushed her against the wall, forearm pressing against her ribcage, below her neck.
Laïs swallowed in dry, feeling the pricking in her eyes.
"Please, listen to me."
Deimos let out a grunt- and she could see his eyes glint, hear a shakiness to his voice.
"I am so sorry you found it this way, at least let me explain everything," she took a shaky breath, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. "I met your si- Kassandra after I met you. Before your cult's gathering. I knew my aunt's killer was part of something bigger, so I was also searching for them.
I only discovered who you were when she got out and told me your name. I never told her about you- I thought it didn't matter then, but then I kept seeing you, and I was afraid she would think I was a cultist.
She wanted you back, and I know what it's like to lose your family, so I had to help her.
I befriended you. But despite Kassandra or the Cult, it was genuine. You can think whatever you want of me, but you have to know, I truly care for you. So much..."
He didn't look at her as he let his arm fall to his side. A tentative relief crept up on her.
"You-" he pursed his lips as he stopped himself, "I will let you go. But if we cross paths again, I will kill you."
Laïs gave a heavy nod, unable to look at him either. She heard his footsteps fading away through the streets, and when she was finally alone, Laïs let herself slide to the floor.
Exhaustion hit her then, and she couldn't stop a sob from bubbling up. She growled at the defeat, as her shoulders shook and tears fell. She dug her fingers into her hair, her bun coming undone.
What did she think would happen, anyway? He would have found out, one way or the other. Would she run away, if he hadn't walked away? She probably would.
It had been easy being his friend, despite her growing feelings, because in the end, they'd always separate. That was their thing. They were on two different sides, both knew it way before this. At the end of the day, their duties, their lives, would irrevocably keep them apart. He couldn't be taken from her, because he was anything but hers, and that was so easy.
At least, she had thought so. But she could feel her heart tearing itself apart, choking her.
If she hadn't relied on that, on her masks, what would have even happened? They had met time and time again by some trick of the Fates. Would she have avoided him?
The shards of her heart twisted at the idea. And she hated herself for it. Now that he had discovered she was with Kassandra, would he ever think about escaping the Cult? Had she ruined any chance for Kassandra to convince him to leave?
There was nothing she could do now, except staying out of the way.
Would she ever even see him again?
She allowed herself this moment, crying until she had no more tears left.
Then she stood up, trying her best to clean any evidence of her breakdown. She was still needed by her allies. No, her friends.
Her friends, her people.
Keeping herself so separate had already cost her too much. Even as it terrified her so, as she walked back to them, she vowed to let go of her masks.
The house was so small- as small as she had been when she lived there.
Back then, her aunt would tell her stories as she brushed her hair. And Laïs would have told her about her day, about her friends, about a crush. About how hard it was to play the lyre, and how hard she tried anyway.
Laïs could almost feel her warmth, how sweet the fruit had always tasted back then, how soft the bread seemed to be.
As she risked a few more steps inside, she clenched her teeth, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill as the memories resurfaced.
The house was so small, and she couldn't fit in it anymore.
It was no use.
Laïs' whole body shook as a pained sob ripped her open.
She would do anything to go back in time. To keep replaying those old days of peace. She'd tear herself into pieces to fit into this house again- but instead, she wrapped her arms around herself, seeking whatever little comfort it gave her.
Laïs froze as a hand fell on her shoulders, her head snapping to the man behind her. But as she recognized Deimos over her blurred vision, all of her tension seeped away.
She turned around, bringing her hands to her face and letting her tears flow freely once more, as he wrapped her into a tight hug.
Grief still crashed against her chest like waves, but in his arms, she felt steadier, the fear of drowning melting away completely under his warmth.
Laïs couldn't tell how much time had passed until her sobs weren't painful anymore, or until they stopped and her eyes were run dry. But even then he hadn't let her go, fingers drawing soothing patterns on her back.
"You didn't need to do this alone."
She pulled herself even closer, as she felt the worry in his voice, "This once, I did, but you came around just in time."
"Of course," Deimos scoffed, pulling a broken giggle out of her.
He was right- even while spending so much time apart, it seemed the Fates always permitted their reunions when it really counted. It felt absurd to even think one couldn't be there for the other, now that they traveled together.
Laïs felt another wave of grief then. She should have been able to introduce him to her aunt- to her parents too. They would've liked Deimos, even if they started off a bit weary of him. How could they not? She loved him.
Gently, she pulled herself away from his arms, just enough to see his face, and Deimos cupped her cheeks and brushed away her tears. In turn, Laïs brought his palm to her lips. His frown softened then.
"You know, ever since I fled Mytilene I-" she cleared her throat when her voice gave out, "I've been searching for something."
She took a second to gather her words, leaning into Deimos' hands. It was far too late to start being bashful around him, but this kind of vulnerability was still so foreign to her. Yet, he looked so earnest, with his brown eyes fixed on hers.
"War had already stolen so much from me. Seeing it with my own eyes, seeing it be repeated- I thought there was nothing left in me.
Nothing I could give, no matter how much I tried. And seeing so much being stolen, I needed to give something. I still do. But-"
She took a deep breath, her voice was steadier now, fuller, "You changed that. It sounds so selfish in my mind, but you changed everything, even if I was scared of it.
You made me remember hope.
Life is still so hard- but I can finally see a future.
What I was seeking, all that time, was you. It's always been you."
