Genre: angst
Pairing: Xiaojun x fem reader
WARNINGS: angst lots of angst, language, implication of depression
listen to:
I don’t even know how I can talk to you now
It’s not you, the you who talks to me anymore
“Dejun what is wrong with you?! I can’t even have a conversation with you without us arguing!”
“Y/n I can’t with you. You’re such a pain in the ass!”
You’ve been arguing with your long-time boyfriend non-stop for the past few months without missing a beat. Everything is pretty on the outside but in reality, all you do is fight. You don’t know who this is but this is not the man you fell in love with. Far from it, he’s the opposite. When you met him he was beyond sweet to you and was nothing but amazing to you. He was the perfect gentleman, your parents adored him and so did everyone else in your family. But now, now he was horrid. He refused to come near your family and any family events. You’d think after four years of dating he would happily go to family events with you but he completely avoids them. His only hope is to be as far away from them as possible. It’s as if he hates them more than he seems to hate you. Your own boyfriend seems to hate you.
“Dejun you don’t even want to come near me anymore! I can barely even call you a boyfriend anymore.” you started to crumble “I- I love you so much Dejun but you seem to hate me” and you broke down crying while he showed no emotion.
Thought we were meant to be
I thought that you belonged to me
I’ll play the fool instead
“Y/n… I need to tell you something” he says as if it’s an everyday conversation “I have a girlfriend”
“Um, yeah, I’m your girlfriend” you scoff “I’ve been your girlfriend for the past four years Dejun” you laughed
“Just shut up and listen to me. I have another girlfriend… I’ve been seeing her for the past two years and love her.”
“What the fuck Dejun… two years?! You’ve been cheating on me for two fucking years?”
“I’m sorry”
“I’m sorry? That’s all you have to say?! It’s not like I didn’t already have a feeling about you going behind my back but seriously Dejun I had no idea it had been so long…” tears began to stream down your face “I played like I had no idea this entire time but I didn’t realize the extent…”
You had no idea what to feel, you were just told that he’s been cheating on you for the past two years. Not two weeks or two months, two fucking years. You wanted to run away, to cry, anything. But you felt numb, you couldn’t feel a thing. You just wanted him gone. To get the fuck out of your house and never come back to your house ever again.
“Get out.”
“What?”
“I said. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.” you reiterate “and don’t you dare come back to me”
Congratulations, glad you’re doing great
I hate that you’re happy
I hope you can’t sleep
It’s been months since your breakup and you’re still suffering wishing that this wasn’t real. You hope that this is all just a bad dream and you’ll wake up by Dejun’s side while he’s still in love with you. You drown yourself in the darkness allowing your dark thoughts to consume you. You allow yourself to hate him, for everything. Making you fall in love, making you have hope, making you hurt. Everything was his fault. A few months ago you would never have wished death on anyone but now you wish he would rot in some hole just to satisfy your hatred toward him. You can’t get even a wink of sleep despite the fact that you stay in bed all day every day since the breakup. You hope he has the same issue you do, you know all too well that he isn’t having this issue but god do you wish he did. Good for him, he’s happy with this newer girlfriend, he got bored of you but you wish he would suffer in the pits of hell. Your sheets still smell like him, you still wear the clothes that he left behind, you know you shouldn’t and that you should move on but you can’t you still love him. But you hate him.
You once finally decided to venture into the outside world, this was a mistake. You saw him there with his new girl toy. You looked him in the eye so he would see your pain and suffering. You know you conveyed your message to him by the look he returned to you. Just as pained and sorrowful. But he had no reason to feel as pitiful as you, he has a ‘perfect’ girlfriend, he moved on. You were wallowing in self-pity still.
“Babe, what are you looking at?” his girlfriend asks
“N- nothing baby. Just thought I saw a ghost” he has a biting undertone to his speech
You couldn’t help yourself, you had to approach them, “So I take it she never knew did she?” you finally speak to him, a heart full of pain and hate
“W- who are you?” he plays dumb
“Dejunnie don’t play dumb, your girlfriend deserves an explanation as to who I am and why you couldn’t be with her all the time until a few months ago” you sarcastically used a pet name
“Dejun who is she?” worry woven through her voice
“Hi, I’m Dejun’s ex-girlfriend. We just broke up a few months ago because of you” you smile at her bringing your hand up to offer a handshake
“Is she telling the truth Junnie? Is she why you could never go out on dates?” she blamed you
“She’s insane babe I don’t know who she is.”
You scoffed at his lie, you knew he was lying he knew he was lying, you just hope his girlfriend would see through his lies sooner rather than later. You feel sorry for her, and god do you hate her. She destroyed your relationship. Those two years ago was when he began to be disgusted by you and your family.
I knew you too damn well
I heard you laugh and knew that you did more than move on
Keep thinking about how she seems better off
Just like I was with you
You ran into them yet again in public seeing how he laughed with her. You knew that laugh, that fake ass laugh. You just wish she saw how fake it was, it was so obvious but she couldn’t seem to see that. It was played up, obviously to get a rise out of you. You wanted to punch him right across his face, maybe that’ll knock some sense into him for once. That cheating bastard doesn’t know how to deal with himself let alone someone who genuinely cares for him. All you know is she looks genuinely happy with him, just like you used to. You hope she keeps that happiness for a long time, if you can’t have him at least she can. She can be happy, that’s fine, you don’t mind suffering in the place of their happiness. You just wish her the happiness that you had while you were his and he was only yours.
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