#denialstage

[iankarlo]

A Little Bit | 18th

Today, I feel like everything seems so busy for me and I don't know how will I fit a task in a day. My plate is full and I wish by the end of the week, I can clear them off already. It was indeed a tiring day from answering phone calls back and forth and talking to the project managers tire me so badly. 

Since I was busy the entire day, I also got a little less interaction with him which I think is good so I don't have enough time to think about him and how we made ourselves invisible. I really don't care if he interact or what since it was just a simple and just a regular admiration. I feel better somehow that we are just casual. Maybe he felt it or not at all. I just feel like escaping this makes it easier for me to feel better. 

Anyway, after work, we went out for a quick dinner and we ate in Patty Shake. I really enjoyed the food and I ordered a burger steak. I super love the ground beef and it is well seasoned. I actually craved for sinigang but since we all have limited budget, we just ate there. The food serving compare to the price, you will really find it very affordable. I hope we can have a date or dinner there too.

I don't know. I just don't know why I am feeling this way. I shouldn't feeling this feeling. WE ARE NOTHING. 

It feels like this is one of the shortest blog I will be having. I am really annoyed with myself. 

Good night.

Love always,

iankarlo

[imcamzalipio]

Missing you always Tatang. Can't stop thinking of you since you left us just last Friday. I maybe busy & smiling in most of my posts, but my heart is breaking every time I close my eyes & realized you're not here anymore. I love you always Tatang 😢❤️👴🏻 #family #grandpa #love #forever #thankyou #denialstage #latepost

[privatehikari]

Seems like I'll be back in France next week for Christmas... #DenialStage #StillWaitingForSnow #SoLongBremen (à Schlachte Bremen)

[onherownfeet]

river of tears

   Today may be my most sorrowful day - the day he'd go back to Manila.

   A week of him being here is such a blessing after how many months of waiting. But I know this day would come right from the start -the day that he'd leaving Dumaguete. I just didn't expect it would hurt this much.

   Being not able to be together after the day he arrived was dreadful. I got annoyed with him easily. I make sarcastic statements. And when the day came we had a chance to be together, I felt overwhelmingly happy. I just couldn't explain the joy I feel when I'm with him. But time was running out. After those cheesy days, my mind was full of thoughts that he'd be leaving.

   I got mad at him yesterday. I cried and cried last night and I couldn't sleep. I was thinking: If his vacation could just extend a little longer, I would make those days unforgettable. And maybe. Just maybe, I would gladly accept the fact that I'll wait for a year to see him again.

   I woke up with eyes bulging. I went to church and we started texting after. When he and his mom were at the cafe here in airport, I went there with a heavy heart. I had mixed emotions: mad, sad, pissed, regretful, etc. There, we didn't really talked that much because I was really mad at him. He kept teasing and wanted to make up. He apologized and said how much I mean to him. I eased up and all of a sudden, I burst into tears. And from that moment, it didn't stop falling. I didn't want the plane to arrive. I just want him by my side. Forever.  

It was very hard to see him go. A part of me just wanted to drag him out from that gate. To see him enter the Departure area, it's like my heart getting grated. And I just helplessly stood there, watching him walk away because I can't do a damn thing to make him stop from going. I cried continuously. Sht. His mom tried to comfort me and she said, "Ma.apil nlang pod tahg kahilak nimo oi." But I wanted to cry alone so said I'd be going home already. I went home with tears falling and I locked myself up in my room. It was and is really hard but the only thing to do now is to be strong. For him and for us. 

One year. It will just be like a blink of an eye. And maybe the next thing I'd see will be him standing in front of my doorstep - surprising me. Again. :")