So I’ve been reading up on everything about autism bc I honestly believe I could fall somewhere on the spectrum. And idky I thought that your either nonverbal or not. No in between. But I’ve realized that’s another trait I have, where there are some times when I physically can’t produce any words even if I wanted too. One time in highschool I was completely nonverbal for almost two whole months. I realize looking back was it was during my junior year, one of the worst years of highschool i had, and it was durning exam time, and when everyone was figuring out what they wanted to do. So I can only assume that since I was under a lot of stress, on top of my other current issues, the I just became non verbal. That wasn’t by choice, I remember family, friends, and the school getting so frustrated and angry at me but no matter how hard I tired it just wasn’t happening. Some times I could get a word or two out but that was it.
And even today, I’m under a lot of stress, and exhausted, and I just went to say hi to my cat and nothing came out. And none of this is new, it’s been happening like this for as long as I can remember. When ever my parents would want to talk about something I was going through, or why I was upset or something, I would find myself unable to make any noise. Or if I could force words out, I wasn’t able to articulate what was going on inside my head.
Idk where I was going with this rant, just putting out somewhere another dot that lines up with my assumptions. I’m still trying to work this out, and clearly it’s self diagnosing, I want to have a more solid grip on it before I talk to anyone professional about it. I am 22 and AFAB (although I’m non-binary) so from what I read it would’ve been harder to diagnose me? And that Afabs have an easier time masking. Although I don’t think I did a wonderful job, I was horribly bullied growing up, and people often find me weird, but usually had at leaast one friend. And even today, I’m told it’s like a “good” kind of weird whatever that means.
