“I’m still experimenting.” Ever heard of that quote? Apparently Stevie Wonder said it. I find it fitting. Life is…an experiment. I never really realized how true that was until I finished high school and started college. And this blog is my attempt at experimentation. Don’t be too harsh on me, please… Quite frankly, I must’ve typed and re-typed this very blog dozens of times before even I was satisfied with the ending result.
Have you ever wanted to change something about yourself? It can be anything. Your hair color, your style, the type of people you hang out with. Do you want to know something beautiful about wanting to change yourself? You can. You have the power. You can dye your hair fifty times, you can put together outfits that others wouldn’t dream of wearing, and you can pick and choose your friends like there’s no tomorrow, but at the end of it all, you have to be satisfied with it. There’s no sense in going through all of that change, all of that experimentation, if you’re not determined to end up with something you’ll love. And who knows what that can be. A person’s interests can change drastically. You know what I'm talking about! Speaking from experience, I used to love collecting the glass figurines you can buy in a dollar store. Now I fancy collecting old, weird things like raggedy, used books, writing about star-crossed lovers, and drying out flowers. Strange, but it’s my strange. I can’t even remember how those hobbies began, they just did.
Call it teenage rebellion, but I want to change my image. Not my style—I already love the way I dress. But I want to add red and orange highlights to my blonde hair so that this wild mane I possess can resemble flames. I want to get eyebrow pierced and my body tattooed. Experience some controlled pain. The kind of change I desire does not involve mental strain or getting my heart ripped from my chest cavity by a man who doesn’t realize that he’s done so. No, the kind of change I want does not involve love, yet I crave it like a moth craves to go to the light.
Why? Why does love exist? Why is the Universe so expansive? Why do people say that it’s always darkest before the dawn? Why do I feel like a fool even asking such things? It’s going to take time figuring out the answers to those questions. And experimentation. Yeah, experimentation will also be necessary.
