Anchor - Jake Gray x Reader
Title: Anchor
Pairing: Jake Gray x Reader
Warnings: Hallucinations (?), Blood (not really I guess)
Prompt: Where it's his senior year of high school and his first love, who he was entirely honest with and she was there for him 100% but one day his visions get out of hand and he ends up hurting her when she tries to snap him out of it. Which results in her being put into a coma and that's what encouraged him to hide his visions from people and his anchor for while the game is happening
“Hey, hey Jake!” Dakota's voice caught his attention and he stopped on his tracks, turning to look at her.
“Hey” she said a little out of breath as she finally caught up with him “Where are you going in such a hurry?” she asked with a smile and he shrugged.
“Got something to do, that's all.” he fixed his bag on his shoulder as she raised an eyebrow.
“Right. Just like every Friday at this specific time of the day.” she smirked “Are you going to some strip club or something?”
Jake rolled his eyes with a laugh “No Dakota, I just- have something to do. That's all.” he mumbled but she still looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh so it is.” she rested and arm on his shoulder “Are you cheating on me or something?” she joked but Jake only laughed, although it was mostly forced. He hadn't had the easiest day, much less week. Birthday or not, things were still going awful in his life.
“Dakota, you know I'm not because we have nothing going on.” he laughed her off “But now I seriously need to go, this is very important.” and he slowly pushed her hand away, fact that got her serious in an instant.
“Of course. Because she always is very important, isn't she?” she raised an eyebrow, this time not suggesting a thing but being completely serious.
“What are you talking about?” he breathed out a nervous laugh, frowning at her.
“You know very well what I am talking about, Jake. Her. (Y/n). You still visit her every day even after all this time, don't you?”
“And what if I do? What is the problem with that?” he sudden;y got defensive not of himself but of you and as much as he hated it he could slowly begin to feel all those nasty feelings and thoughts he pushed away coming back to him.
“What's the problem?” she scoffed “Jake she's dead!”
“No she's not!” he roared back before he could stop himself and she clenched her jaw.
“Well, she practically is, Jake. When are you going to stop doing this? You go, pick up her favorite flowers and visit her for two hours every single Friday. What is it? Are you feeling guilty for being the reason she is in a coma?”
Jake clenched his jaw and looked down. The day he was the reason you found yourself in a hospital bed kept playing in his mind every single night, and just every time he woke up from the nightmare. He always put himself back to sleep in tears. Because on that, yes, Dakota was right. He was blaming himself and he would blame himself for the rest of his life for being the reason the love of his life would probably never wake up.
“Yes” he said in a hoarse voice, his baby green eyes looking at hers “Is that what you want to hear? Yes, I feel responsible for all that happened to her because I am. If she hadn't been this close to me she may have never gotten hurt but until that very last moment she was with me Dakota, and that's how I am going to be. Stay by her side.”
And he was determined to. Not because he felt guilty or responsible, not because he wanted to do the same you did for him but just because of how he felt for you. And the feelings he had for you only got stronger with each passing day. And it wasn't just your gentle and comforting touch, not your lingering kisses on the cheek to sooth him down and not your warm hugs that always made him feel at home that had him hopelessly falling for you. It was because you were everything and much more than his anchor. You were the small spark of light in his darkness, a darkness that he so desperately wanted to fight so that it wouldn't consume him. And you, the first love of his life and probably only true one, were the only one that could help him pull through.
You'd always been there for him. Always, no matter what time it was whenever he'd call you would be running to him. And you weren't there just for the bad, but also for the good. Every happy moment of his life, even if he really could only count them on the fingers of one hand, was shared with you. And it was just those sparkly eyes and wide smile that made him fall harder and harder. And he was convinced you were the only one for him.
And he was always honest with you as you'd been with him. Every small secret, every small or big fear and every small or big worry. Everything hed share with you and so would you do with him. And of course, every hope, and every wish. There were things he'd told to you that he hadn't told to his father or even mother. You were his other half, he very much had realized that. He only now wished he could have realized it sooner than that fateful night when things got out of hand.
Seriously out of hand.
“You can't do that for the rest of your life. Her life is hanging by a thread, she might day any given minute. What are you going to do then? You need to stop this, now! Focus on something else, focus on ourself. You're waiting your time, don't you see it?”
“No” he barked “Because I'm not. I want to go see her then I will. I don't care whether she can't speak or blink or do anything. I am willing to keep visiting her for as long as I want, Dakota. And if you can't understand that then I'm sorry. But (y/n) is and will always be the one I hold onto!”
She scoffed “Hold onto what exactly? Jake I don't get a single thing, why do you keep doing this? You feel guilty yes, I get it but you need to ask for forgiveness and get over this. Move on with your life!”
“I will never be able to move on, not without her.” he pursed his lips and looked down, tears filling his eyes.
And he couldn't fight them back because the image of him pushing ou from the stairs was so vivid it drove him insane. He hated himself, he never had more. All you had tried to do was snap him out of his living nightmare, his visions had started getting the best of him after some point, and in a moment of haze he had not been able to control himself and hurt you. But the way he hurt you had been even worse for him. He wished just as well he was the one dead until he realized you were still breathing.
And ever since that night he hadn't said a single word to anyone, instead he hid his visions from everyone. The only moment of the day he let himself be honest was when he visited you and started talking to you, telling you what you'd been missing of the senior year and all of the things he wished he'd do if you were there.
“Why?” she scoffed “Because you are in love with her or something?” she wasn't expecting an answer but Jake of course couldn't let it slip by.
“Yes. Because she is my first love and will always be. And that will never change, no matter what.” he said as firmly as he could.
Her lips parted as she stared at him “So- so what are you going to do? Keep visiting her? Hoping and praying she will wake up?”
“Exactly. And bring her flowers, every week.” he stated “And I don't care if you or anyone says that this is wrong. She stood by my side and I know she would have kept doing so if it wasn't for-” he felt his throat close for a moment “-but it doesn't matter. I will keep doing this as if she's here and I don't care what you think.” he said maybe a little more harshly than he should and walked past her.
~*~
“You shouldn't have talked to her like that.” the voice was soft and sweet and jake looked up from the single (y/f/f) to his left.
“She only was doing what a friend does.” you offered him a small smile but he he swallowed down his tears. You were a little see through, a soft and warm glow around you and he knew, oh he knew so well, that this wasn't you. It was just his mind, playing once again tricks on him but this time, this kid of visions oh he never pushed them away.
“What a friend does is try to understand the other, no matter what.” he said through pursed lips.
You shook your head “Not all friends can be like that. She is a different kind of friend, but still one that cares about you.” you placed a hand over his and Jake for a moment could swear he felt it.
He scoffed a laugh and you tilted your head to the side “What is it?” a small smile played on your lips and he turned his head to look at you again.
A vision that you were. He had to remind himself so many times, because you weren't real not at that moment. You were not sitting next to him, wearing that shirt that he loved so much on you and holding his hand as the bus kept going. Yet all it took was one look in your eyes and that skip of his heart that only you could give him and he forgot all about it.
“You didn't use to be this supportive of her behavior in the past.” he smiled sadly “More like, a little jealous of her.”
You hummed in agreement, looking down at your hands “Maybe a lot, you could say.” and there was that giggle that sent his heart on overdrive “But I- I know.” you shrugged softly, looking at him “I know how you feel about me, more so now than ever. So, no I don't think there is any need to be jealous of her anymore.”
“Yeah” he whispered and he wanted to squeeze your hand but he knew he couldn't. Hell he looked crazy enough at the moment talking int thin air, he was sure, but he didn't care.
“Promise me you'll apologize to her, J?” you whispered and he found himself going weak.
He nodded his head “I will.”
“Good. That's good.” you leaned in and Jake let his eyes flutter shut as you pressed your lips to his. And yet there therewas that small tingling sensation that signaled, much to his dismay, how you were not there but he wished it so bad.
“Now-” your voice was soothing and he opened his eyes just a little “-see you in a little while, alright? Don't leave me waiting any longer. I'm literally hanging by a thread.” you said with a small smirk and no matter how much it hurt him and he wanted to cry and sob he actually breathed out a chuckle.
“I will be there soon. As soon as I can.”
~*~
Jake walked past a nurse with a small sigh, but he still managed to smile as he looked down at your favorite flower. He didn't even have to look up to know where to go. He had learned the way by heart now. He didn't even have to think. He'd just get it, take away the previous flower and replace it with this new. He'd greet you as usual and just like every time you'd reply to him in his mind. And the conversation would go on as he'd fix your blankets, give you a kiss on the forehead and take care of you; making sure you were as comfortable as possible.
But this time something stopped him.
“Uh sorry but you cannot get in.” a nurse said politely to him and he frowned, finally looking up.
“Wh-what? Why? Is everything alright?” panic began to rise inside his chest as he managed to take a sneak peek through the window to see doctors all around you.
“Everything is great. Actually more than great. The doctors will talk to you in a little while.” she offered him a big smile and Jake's eye widened.
“Wh-what?” but that wasn't actually the question he wanted to ask. There was only one running through his mind.
'Were you awake?'