#df'ed

[leynaintheskywithdiamonds]

Ex-JW's

Are you out there? Disfellowshipped or disassociated.

I'm really struggling with this right now.

Missing my family. Missing my friends.

It's been 2 years now that I've been DF'ed.

Maybe something about the anniversary that's getting to me.

Please, feel free to add me. Talk. Vent. Please share your experiences.

How do you cope?

[queersie]

Family Letter

I can’t believe this is actually happening now. I’m giving the letter to my sister in a few hours, along with an apology for disrespecting her by being rude to what she believes in.  I decided to do this cause whenever we speak we end up fighting about an emotional matter, we both know what makes us tickle . I say things that can potentially hurt her and she does the exact same thing back. I just really want to make sure she knows how I feel for her and my family.  I’ll be talking about the major points I want to address to everyone. Sister, I love you very much. I believe you are a truly intelligent, determined and talented young woman. I think you have an enormous potential to become anything you want to become, but Is my thinking that you might be suppressing a lot of you that could take you even farther. I respect your belief system, it doesn’t mean I agree with it or I want to take part on it, I hope you respect that too. No one is putting a gun against your head, religion leaders or other people might influence you, but in the end is your decision if you decide to exclude me from your life for having different beliefs. I refuse to condition my love to you based on the beliefs you have that I don’t agree on, instead all I can do is to respect. You are free to believe and act upon your beliefs as you please, you will always be my sister. I do not follow orders of a religious organization nor will i let them take control over who I love and who I don’t love.  I hope to be able to see my nieces and/or nephews grow up, be her auntie Tania and be able to be part of my family.  I’m always here. 

Mom, I love you dearly. You raised me to be an emotional and sensitive person, like yourself, I picked on that very easily. I’ve decided after a lot of thought to disassociate myself from the religion identity you decided to raised me in. I want to thank you for giving me an amazing childhood. I have nothing but good memories of you taking care of your daughters and playing with us. I do not have the same set of belief you hold anymore and that alone is enough reason for JW organization to indicate their members to exclude me from their social entity. I do not hate you for doing so, Is nothing but a flawed policy that I hope to be changed at some point since it does not show love to the members or ex members of the organization. You will always be my mother and I will always love you, but I refuse to avoid contact with you or my siblings, I refuse to not be true to you. I am done with lying and hiding who I am. I am not confused mom, I’ve discovered a Tania that is in love with life and herself, and I want to share it with you. I have nothing to hide anymore mother. 

Brother, you  are my little rock. You and I do not hang out a lot, I know little of your ideals or beliefs. Your personality however is interesting, you have a good heart and are a good person. You value love and companionship. Your simple logic and balance are something that I’ve always envied from you. You are a bit of a distracting person but is only human and even kind of cute. I am really proud of you and I love you a lot. I needed you to know that. I only want to encourage you to grow, the world is at your feet and you can do anything you want. Man I wish i was as young as you. When I was your age I was in my darkest times, I can burly  remember now, 6 years later what was all the fuzz about, you are a lot more grounded and mature that I was at that age. I believe you have been more honest to yourself, than anyone else in the family. Keep up the good work.

Dad, You were all I ever knew of man. I know I blame a lot of things on you, and I want to say is not your fault. If anything you are the reason why I strive to get things done in the best way possible. I am a lot like you. you are a strong man, you want the best for both you and your family, you can see your own limits and with lots of effort you can go pass them. You have shown to be a risk taker and a hard worker. I admire your dedication to our family and I dont think we ever tell you enough. I love you very much dad. I’m sorry Ive been taking you for granted. You’ve been an example for me of self-sacrificing love, that is what you’ve shown to your family and I want you to know, I appreciate that very much.  Grandma, I’ve felt like I’ve disappointed you way too many times. I am sorry. You’ve done nothing but good to me and my family. You want the best for us, always have and you always worry we have something to eat and drink and you want me to really explode all that is good in me and that I appreciate a lot. I’m like that to others now, and that’s thanks to you. You’ve showed me determination and strength goes a long way. You’ve always pushed me to develop myself and be responsible, take responsibility for my actions but have also saved my ass way too many times. I appreciate both things. I love you very much mother. I can’t explain to you how much I love and feel for you. You are my one favorite person and I aspire to be like you. Brave, resourceful and Loving. 

I decided to disassociate myself from the religion i was raised in. You all know this has been a decision I’ve been procrastinating for quite a while now. My efforts to discuss with you about ‘spiritual’ or ‘religious’ matters is often futile, since my now beliefs are different from the ones you taught me to believe, our conversations don’t seem to go anywhere.  I do no longer believe in the bible as a holy book, therefore I do not give any sort of  authority to it anymore than I give to myself the right to make my own decisions. My view of the god in the bible is different since I don’t follow the interpretation given by the self-proclaimed anointed ‘government body’ in Brooklyn NY. I’ve decided to love every single part of who I am for the sake of my own sanity, this includes my virtues and mistakes. Always to look for windows of opportunity. I am no longer ashamed or feeling guilt for just being myself and being human. I am always open to learn and experience life in the best way possible for me and those around me.  You are my family and you mean the world to me. I refuse to abandon my family for a religious policy that won’t show real christian love. If we do go after Jesus you should know he never shunned or avoid anyone, he even went in and talk to prostitutes and helped those in need. he only wanted us to love one another, and that is exactly what I am willing to do. Loving you!