Awakening Tann

[infomedicos]

[infomedicos]

Infomedicos

[unmedicoblasto]

Después de tu primer clase de anatomía nunca verás a nadie igual

-VIENDO COMO ESTUDIANTE DE MEDICINA.

[lovegaygirls]

[lovegaygirls]

MORE HOMO? MORE GIRLS? DOWNLOAD THE APP ! –>> HERE

[anothernotch-onmybelt]

[womenandwanderlust]

More women, more wanderlust…

[queersie]

Family Letter

I can’t believe this is actually happening now. I’m giving the letter to my sister in a few hours, along with an apology for disrespecting her by being rude to what she believes in.  I decided to do this cause whenever we speak we end up fighting about an emotional matter, we both know what makes us tickle . I say things that can potentially hurt her and she does the exact same thing back. I just really want to make sure she knows how I feel for her and my family.  I’ll be talking about the major points I want to address to everyone. Sister, I love you very much. I believe you are a truly intelligent, determined and talented young woman. I think you have an enormous potential to become anything you want to become, but Is my thinking that you might be suppressing a lot of you that could take you even farther. I respect your belief system, it doesn’t mean I agree with it or I want to take part on it, I hope you respect that too. No one is putting a gun against your head, religion leaders or other people might influence you, but in the end is your decision if you decide to exclude me from your life for having different beliefs. I refuse to condition my love to you based on the beliefs you have that I don’t agree on, instead all I can do is to respect. You are free to believe and act upon your beliefs as you please, you will always be my sister. I do not follow orders of a religious organization nor will i let them take control over who I love and who I don’t love.  I hope to be able to see my nieces and/or nephews grow up, be her auntie Tania and be able to be part of my family.  I’m always here. 

Mom, I love you dearly. You raised me to be an emotional and sensitive person, like yourself, I picked on that very easily. I’ve decided after a lot of thought to disassociate myself from the religion identity you decided to raised me in. I want to thank you for giving me an amazing childhood. I have nothing but good memories of you taking care of your daughters and playing with us. I do not have the same set of belief you hold anymore and that alone is enough reason for JW organization to indicate their members to exclude me from their social entity. I do not hate you for doing so, Is nothing but a flawed policy that I hope to be changed at some point since it does not show love to the members or ex members of the organization. You will always be my mother and I will always love you, but I refuse to avoid contact with you or my siblings, I refuse to not be true to you. I am done with lying and hiding who I am. I am not confused mom, I’ve discovered a Tania that is in love with life and herself, and I want to share it with you. I have nothing to hide anymore mother. 

Brother, you  are my little rock. You and I do not hang out a lot, I know little of your ideals or beliefs. Your personality however is interesting, you have a good heart and are a good person. You value love and companionship. Your simple logic and balance are something that I’ve always envied from you. You are a bit of a distracting person but is only human and even kind of cute. I am really proud of you and I love you a lot. I needed you to know that. I only want to encourage you to grow, the world is at your feet and you can do anything you want. Man I wish i was as young as you. When I was your age I was in my darkest times, I can burly  remember now, 6 years later what was all the fuzz about, you are a lot more grounded and mature that I was at that age. I believe you have been more honest to yourself, than anyone else in the family. Keep up the good work.

Dad, You were all I ever knew of man. I know I blame a lot of things on you, and I want to say is not your fault. If anything you are the reason why I strive to get things done in the best way possible. I am a lot like you. you are a strong man, you want the best for both you and your family, you can see your own limits and with lots of effort you can go pass them. You have shown to be a risk taker and a hard worker. I admire your dedication to our family and I dont think we ever tell you enough. I love you very much dad. I’m sorry Ive been taking you for granted. You’ve been an example for me of self-sacrificing love, that is what you’ve shown to your family and I want you to know, I appreciate that very much.  Grandma, I’ve felt like I’ve disappointed you way too many times. I am sorry. You’ve done nothing but good to me and my family. You want the best for us, always have and you always worry we have something to eat and drink and you want me to really explode all that is good in me and that I appreciate a lot. I’m like that to others now, and that’s thanks to you. You’ve showed me determination and strength goes a long way. You’ve always pushed me to develop myself and be responsible, take responsibility for my actions but have also saved my ass way too many times. I appreciate both things. I love you very much mother. I can’t explain to you how much I love and feel for you. You are my one favorite person and I aspire to be like you. Brave, resourceful and Loving. 

I decided to disassociate myself from the religion i was raised in. You all know this has been a decision I’ve been procrastinating for quite a while now. My efforts to discuss with you about ‘spiritual’ or ‘religious’ matters is often futile, since my now beliefs are different from the ones you taught me to believe, our conversations don’t seem to go anywhere.  I do no longer believe in the bible as a holy book, therefore I do not give any sort of  authority to it anymore than I give to myself the right to make my own decisions. My view of the god in the bible is different since I don’t follow the interpretation given by the self-proclaimed anointed ‘government body’ in Brooklyn NY. I’ve decided to love every single part of who I am for the sake of my own sanity, this includes my virtues and mistakes. Always to look for windows of opportunity. I am no longer ashamed or feeling guilt for just being myself and being human. I am always open to learn and experience life in the best way possible for me and those around me.  You are my family and you mean the world to me. I refuse to abandon my family for a religious policy that won’t show real christian love. If we do go after Jesus you should know he never shunned or avoid anyone, he even went in and talk to prostitutes and helped those in need. he only wanted us to love one another, and that is exactly what I am willing to do. Loving you! 

[queersie]

DA, my [only] way to go.

My sister and I had a wild discussion about religion today, I end up cursing the god she loves and she was deeply offended. I should’ve known better, it was my mistake, I know I should be careful with my wording. She and my mom are talking to the elders tomorrow after their meeting. Her words were “I’d make sure you are no longer a witness” .. Mom heard from the hall and said “I will come with you (sis)”.  I’ve been successfully been fading for 5 years, the problem is the more I know the more difficult is been to try to stay in the shadows and silent.  I first stopped going on service (door knocking) because I could not face a stranger and try to convince them to join an organization I wasn’t even sure it was ‘the truth’, the ‘only channel to a higher power’, such as god, and therefore ‘salvation’, since everything that involves a God also involves some sort of natural or horrid disaster or massacre, a end of the world as we know it. I wasn’t selling candy, I was selling a ‘way of life’, I’d have rather be selling candy, honest, no pressure.

I researched, and I wasn’t happy about what I found. I was scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared before in my life. I stopped going to the meetings and eventually just ceased my service to the organization altogether. I told my parents I did not believe in God, that my beliefs now did not work well with what they believed, therefore my way of life was different from theirs. I told them I needed to accept myself. I tried to explain and give my reasons but their circular thinking was not helpful in a discussion, It was almost impossible to have a decent and objective conversation about anything religious. We would always get upset, one way or another. I was really angry and resentful, the organization ways had done me wrong in so many ways, i was hurt and I wanted my family to acknowledge that, little did I know I was just making things worse.

I’ve written down so many DA letters in my fading time, from very long ass letters to a 3 line paragraph with my name and signature on it. The one I’ll be turning in is just like that, 3 line paragraph saying I do not wish to be a jw or be contacted about such regard anymore. I’ll be giving it to my sister for her to turn in to the elders, It’ll be my apology and show love to her. My family has encouraged me to DA myself before, countless times, I wonder if they really know what it means for us as a family. I have no idea what will it be like for me, will the elders suggest my parents that I should live somewhere else?  Will they be encouraged not to talk to me at all?  I’m giving so much power to the 7 men in brooklyn, is scary. I’ll be losing my community. The only social circle I ever knew. I will however never leave them or stop loving them.  It scares the shit out of me, but at the same time I feel, I need this, I need closure and I need it to move forwards. Is time to let go.

[strshw]

[queersie]

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is one out of 4 ladies locked in a bunker by the leader of their  cult, from which she is finally released 15 years later and starts a new life in NYC. They lived in the bunker believing that everything and everyone outside had been destroyed. They would get visits from their leader only to worship him or listen to his stories.  They didn’t seem to have any sense of self when they came out, it was their opportunity to find themselves now.  And the show follows Kimmy into doing exactly that. It was oh-so-relatable to me. I understood why situations presented themselves the way they did, it made sense!, why was she so excited about trying new things and scared at the same time. She would take in new information and be more open, she became a new person, the person she wanted to be and no one would tell her it was wrong to do so, she became self conscious and self aware, she wasn’t careless or irresponsible about it. It was a beautiful transformation. For many the show might not seem like a lot, but to me it was just beautiful! Leaving a cult is not easy, but she was forced to exit it and was dragged to reality, so you don’t see that process, however i still loved the focus they gave to the series and the humor added to such delicate topic. One of my favorite shows on Netflix for sure.

[queersie]

Zero.

Tann is my name, 26 my age, pretty gay my game. I’m a recovering from EDNOS, Depression and Anxiety Disorders and a current pot lover. I was both born and raised Mexican and a Jehovah Witness. I love Mexican culture, the day of the dead is my favorite holiday and I’m always eager to learn about other cultures and languages, I’m an English Language teacher now. However,  I am no longer a believer or active member of the Church I was raised in, I’m an agnostic and what jw’s would call an apostate (Since I don’t agree with their beliefs anymore) The leaving of the organization that shaped me into being myself was a huge event for me, it is redefining who I am, what I want and where I’m heading as well as understanding the world in a very different way that I used to. Even tho these few background facts could give you a blur idea of who I am,  none of them is the most interesting part about me yet it is what I’ll be writing about in this blog. I’ll be writing about what happens and had happened to me, where have my decision taken me, my young adult life, being a lady in love with ladies, my recovery, my culture and my exit of the Jehovah’s Witness organization, which i’ll be referring to as the borg. (Startrek anyone?). I could describe myself better as a passionate and curious young adult, eager to live and understand life. I love learning and have new experiences, working under pressure is my best way to accomplish productivity, unfortunately. I’ve failed and gotten up again quite a lot; it’s always a lesson and is thanks to those lessons that I am who I am today. Thanks for reading (: