the inevitability of triads
in therapy it emerges that i do very poorly with threesomes. not sexual threesomes – human threesome. it emerges that i need “dyadic” relationships, and that “triadic” relationships undo me.
they do undo me. i have always known this. this is easy for me to understand.
what i’m realizing is that all of life involves triadic relationships. who knew? there is always more than one person in your life, more than one person you love. and three is the smallest non-dyadic number that does not involve everlasting aloneness.
if you are having therapy, triadic is the order the day because unless you love solely and forever your therapist, there will be others.
triadic relationships form at ever turn of the way. when i talk to my mom on the phone there is another i’m not talking to and could/should be talking to. when i’m having a great time with you there is another i’m not having a great tender time with. there is always a mother (amother). there is always a therapist. there is always one other. one primary other.
anyone who loves you becomes a third.
anyone you love becomes a third.
it’s maddening and despairing. how to tolerate these endless encroachments upon ancient oaths to love only one? how to survive the violation of a promise that formed the basis of your survival – the condition sine qua non, in fact, of your being alive?
