#diary of yearning

[yearning4life]

hello! welcome!!

i yearn for everything i don't have in life and for everything i do have. this blog will be a testament of that. i think i'm cool but i am searching for proof.

[yearning4life]

this is the first post i make about her. it may also be the last. maybe in three months i don't even remember who “her” is. i do hope she goes out with me though. i hope she's as nice and pretty as she seems. i hope she finds me funny. i hope we kiss. i really want to kiss her. i hope this ache is worth it and i don't have to go back to tinder.

[yearning4life]

not manifesting summer skinny. materialising summer skinny.

[yearning4life]

and suddenly all the pieces fall into place and everything makes sense for you

[yearning4life]

im tanking 2 exams but passing 5 so it's fine

[yearning4life]

i just read some old posts of mine and damn if i'm not still that same person

[yearning4life]

so there are two possibilities:

a) im in love with a woman

b) my self esteem is so low i can't imagine getting validation from a man so i turn my focus on people i know already value me, putting a romantic aspect in purely platonic relationships

in any case it's fine

2026 is the year i am focusing on becoming a better version of myself

better not as in thinner and cooler but as in happier and healthier (that also means thinner and cooler btw)

so i will start with some affirmations, let's do 5 today:

1. i speak english fluently. i am actually so confident and im good and i've gotten so many compliments on that

2. i am funny. maybe i'm the only person that thinks that (that's not true) but, even if i am, it matters, because i make myself laugh. in my own head.

3. i pick good movies. i have never in all my years watched a movie and not found something worthwhile in it

4. i like what i am studying. no i am not an academic weapon. and no i am not a straight-As student anymore. however i am passionate and that's evident when they let me occupy myself with something that actually interests me, like that bomb-ass presentation i did last month.

5. “i have not had sex with anyone, ever. that is my choice. and i can now finally confidently say: i would like to have sex with a man but also with a woman. i will not be putting any labels on that for the time being. i just really like-”. sound cuts off but you can picture a woman mouthing the word boob.