use your heart ✦ 1
blurb ✦ you are very in love, very obvious, and very mad about it. halsin takes the lead for you, happily.
MINORS DNI ✦ WORDS: 4,000 ✦ INCLUDES: love confessions and a lot of fuckin'
digi note: for the sweetest anon. split it into two parts because it was getting crazy long.
ao3
"Halsin,” you paused, drunk giggles threatening to escape from the back of your throat. “Have you…ever had a crush on someone?”
Your druidic companion glanced up from his wood carving as you spoke. A slight surprise widened his eyes, and as he processed your words, he let out a hardy laugh. “Now, why would you ask me something like that?”
You rolled over onto your bare stomach, cowhide keeping you fuzzy and warm against the winter air. The inebriation was making you feel brave. “Oh… No reason. Is it so weird?” You said, avoiding the eye contact he was now attempting to make with you. “Curiosity, I mean.”
Halsin put his half-made duckie down and shifted to lean against his bedroll, facing you and the dying fire. He wrapped his huge fingers around his goblet and brought it to his lips, sipping his mead much faster than you were capable. As he moved, his pelt slipped, and he pulled it taut against his tree trunk arms; though Halsin’s body heat was supernaturally warm, when you split from the group to venture into Neverwinter for a cure, he made sure to bring all the warmth possible with him. ‘Where there’s heat and water, there’s life.’
“Well, to answer both of your questions, I have had many lovers over the years.” He nestled further into the skin, features tinged pink from the wind’s abrasive kiss. “And as to if it’s weird, hardly. 350 years is a long time to be…stoic, let’s say.”
You sat up and inched closer to him. There was considerable room between you, so you put your knees together and let them sway under your covers. Carefully, you plucked your stemmed goblet from the ground beside you and took another gulp of your brew. “That’s not really what I asked, Archdruid.” You hung onto the title like the last note in a ballad. Any excuse to use his title was happily taken. “I said crushes. I think what I’m truly asking is, “Have you ever held your feelings for someone?”
Your companion swallowed audibly and slipped a hand out of his pelt for his own drink once more. Goosebumps began dotting your arms, but it was hardly from the Neverwinter cold; the longer your little side quest went on, the harder it was to ignore the chemistry between you.
Your feelings for the man weighed on your back like a mighty anvil, obvious to all around you and arduous to carry. They were blatantly mutual, but you couldn’t help but hesitate in the face of such honest adoration; you took to teasing, fighting, and deflecting—anything to fend off your developing love. And to your surprise, Halsin let you. Never did he call you out for your feelings or his. You waited weeks, but he simply indulged you in play; ‘If you want to insult me, you must do better. I’m hardly blushing.’ The price of your confession, of loving freely, was your vulnerability and pride. And he would have to pry it from your cold, dead hands.
You knew this dynamic would end in one of two ways: Druidic babies or bust. Until then, you would enjoy his sensitivity to the cold and…ask questions you very well knew the answer to.
“Perhaps, if I think about it.” His tone changed in a way that let you know he was tipsy, and he readjusted his position; legs spread a bit more, shoulders rolled back, night clothes deathly tight around his muscles and soft stomach. In the weakening blaze, Halsin’s tattooed features danced and morphed along with the shadows on the cave walls. Steadily, he was beginning to look more bear than man. He started to say something, but the noise died in his throat, and he cleared it. “I was blessed in that regard. My heart does not wander where it may be unwanted, whether that is my will or not.”
You nodded at his unsurprisingly mature response. You beat the part of you that expected more. Were you hoping he’d lay back, finally say everything you’ve been wishing for all these months, and then bounce your ass off his cock in the wilds until sunbreak? Not that you even wanted that.
“Oh, well, you just have an answer for everyth-”
“Now that I’ve answered your question, I think I am owed an honest answer to mine.” He interrupted and leaned in further, spurred on by good drink and your inability to lie to anyone you cared about. You let out an unconvincing laugh that echoed across the cave interior as he gazed into your eyes, unyielding.
“I've already told you, curiosity.”
“And curiosity is always sparked by something, no? Satiate me.”
The answer to his question was the reason for all of your teasing: goading him into confessing so you didn’t have to be vulnerable. Having all of his sweet attention without reaching out in sentimentality. But no way you were going to just say that! “It, uh…doesn’t.” You shifted uncomfortably. From where you were at now, you could smell the bite of his mead and the sweet of his honeysuckle soap. His hair, now slightly disheveled from hours of drinking, untangled from its braiding and fell into waves. Deep breaths of chilly air kept his chest rising and compressing, and you struggled to find an appropriate place to lay your eyes. Sweetness danced across your tongue, and your ears began to ring.
Everyone, everything, paled in comparison to Halsin.
You fidgeted with your hands, searching for a string of words that would validate your prolonged silence. and staring. Alcohol swished in your belly and stole your verbosity. “However, I was simply curious. I didn’t interact much with your kind, pre-parasite. It’s only natural to suspect you may…love differently.”
“My kind?” Halsin said, intrigued.
“Well, druids.” You looked down and stared into the murky depths of your glass, contemplative. Your home and people weren’t exactly…known for respect. Especially not for beings considered lower than your species. All the more reason why your strange affection bewildered you. Encompassing all you were taught to disregard, he still managed to purloin your heart. “You know, Defenders of Nature. Where I come from, kids make a game out of who can poke a dead body the hardest. Being around someone who cares so much is…” You grasped for the right word. Weird? Foreign? Gut wrenching?
“Unfamiliar, I suppose?”
“Yes!” You jumped, too excited to be embarrassed. “Unfamiliar—that’s the word. You’re able to find the positive in things most would not dream of. The cold, the bloody, the prickly. I don’t know how you’re able to do it. Or how you're able to be so...soft in spite of it all."
“I am only able to because I value the reward discomfort brings.” He gestured to the mouth of the cave. “The wind, rain, and dirt may be unpleasant in the moment, but look around us; polished rock, good wine, nourished bellies. My admiration for untamed nature heavily outweighs my fear of becoming a part of one of its many cycles.”
“Your poetic waxing about nature gets worse when you drink.”
“Would you like to know a fun fact about Winter Wolves?”
You shared another laugh, and as it died out, his eyes darted across your joyous expression. You sat next to him like a flower waiting to bloom; legs tucked under each other, hair tousled, skin hot from the liquid fire thrumming through your veins. You stared up at his hunched form, expression giddy, and a silent realization struck him like lightning.
Halsin had feelings for you, and you had feelings for him. That much was obvious to him. You were feisty, unpredictable, prickly, and paradoxically shy. As Shadowheart put it, ‘easy to fall for, hard to get close to.’ Your tough exterior endeared him, and he could not blame you for being a little rough around the proverbial edges from your upbringing. It wretched him to know that you had to adapt this way. To harden yourself against a world that you could benefit so greatly in. Once Halsin chipped away your shell, he found a sweet soul—one he was determined to widen the gates of his heart for.
And open he did. Your friendship blossomed, and you became someone he could truly play with. Nights like these, whether that was in the corner of your shared camp or alone, were common. Drinking with each other, confiding in each other, tending to each other’s wounds. A familiar tune played throughout his heart, a melody that weaves and supplants forever. He waited, and waited, and then waited longer for you to approach him.
Of course, you never did. Confused and worried, he was afraid he misinterpreted you. Had he made you feel unsafe? Strange? Gods forbid, unwanted? No, he had simply misjudged your character.
Halsin spent many years mastering the wild energy within him. He had been told, through many different contexts, his intensity could be…intimidating. ‘Off-putting’ plainly, if you were talking to a certain few. His healthy fear of scaring you clouded his judgement and encouraged his inaction He assumed that if he lowered his guard enough, you’d attack with the same ferocity you brandish elsewhere. But that’s exactly what it was: a foolish assumption.
Silvanus, save him. You wanted him to make the first move.
“I’m happy my caring has warmed you so.” Halsin said, smiling. “But I don’t believe you’re telling me the full truth.” If you wanted him to crack the cast of your heart, he had no issue in doing so. It was just a matter of how he’d go about it.
“Halsin, I…” You exhaled through your nose loudly and looked up at him with deceptively earnest eyes. Your chest was beating wildly, heart soaring into a cloud of soft ‘what if’s. “Don’t know what you’re on about.”
He got up, and you only realized how much you were leaning into him when you nearly fell face-first into the dirt. He offered you a hand up, and took both as you rose to your feet. He held your hands in silent contemplation and studied your expression: your forehead wrinkled in intrigue, your lips twitching in strain from holding back a smile, and your eyes floating around his lips and chin. You were locked in anticipation, in want, and he needed to express himself succinctly.
“What are you doing?” You whispered.
He brought you closer and leaned into you, lips inches from your ear.
“Why did you insist on accompanying me to Neverwinter?”
“I didn’t insist.” You shot back, voice still low. The bubbly, playful energy from earlier nearly evaporated. He was close, impossibly close. Violent butterflies filled your stomach, and the cave suddenly felt much darker.
“Would you prefer the word ‘plead’?”
“I wanted to ensure your safety.” You ignored his previous statement, unable to disprove it.
“Anyone in our group could’ve done so.” He pulled you even closer, and you held your breath. He spread a hand across the small of your back and dipped you ever so slightly, forcing you to fully face him. “Just like anyone in our group could call me for dinner, cover my shivering body in blankets, or talk with me through the night. But it’s always you. Showing me extra care, without wanting to admit why.”
He held your gaze intensely, and exhaled loudly. “I grow weary of pretending, my flower. There is no limit to my adoration for you, and I am regretful that it took me so long to realize what needed to be done.” He chuckled halfheartedly. “I want to be with you, to make love to you. Tell me you do not feel the same, and I’ll stop this instant.”
“Please don’t stop.” You croaked, finally. “I insisted on coming because I wanted to be by your side. You’re so perfect, and I can’t stand how weak I’ve grown for you.” The words spilled from your mouth, and you were unable to stop once you started. Tears filled your waterline, and you vexed your asinine upbringing. Seeing your wet eyes twinkle, he cradled the back of your head and pulled you into a long, tight hug. “I...I'm sorry." You fumbled with your words, the final three you were dying to say stuck stubbornly in your throat.
“You needn’t force yourself to open up too fast. And apologizing isn't necessary, you’ve done nothing but protect your heart. ” He swayed gently, feeling you nod in his embrace. “I will wait however long it takes for you to feel safe expressing yourself to me. I love you so dearly. If I had known all you needed was confirmation, I wouldn’t have left you guessing so.”'
His kindness was setting a lump in your throat, and your emotional exhaustion was mounting. Your jelly knees gave out, and he followed you to the soft bed, still tight in a hug. You tangled yourselves together in ways you would’ve never had the confidence to do before. Head firm against his chest, legs interlocked, arms wrapped around the expanse of his back– Halsin’s skin against yours felt electric, magnetic. The moon could’ve fallen from the sky, the sun could’ve burst, and you would’ve been wholly ignorant to everything but the exhilaration tickling your nerves. You drew closer somehow, clinging like a pounced tiger.'
“I’ve always loved hugging you.” He sighed as you settled in with each other, long awaited relief hitting him. He flexed his arms around you, still high from the rush of confession . “Having you secure in my arms gives me the greatest comfort. I could not tell you how many nights I’ve spent pining for you. I want to share it all, when you are ready.” You strained your eyes to glance up at him, and he pulled back. Still tangled, he tilted your chin up and attempted to burn your face into his memory forever.
It would be wrong to say his embrace made you feel as fragile as glass, as you felt that way often. But his abundance of patience and consideration gave you something no other had provided; Permission to be soft. Assurance that if you began to plummet, you would be caught. Room to be selfish if you require it. Your previous attractions had been strong, but this was transformative. Primal.
You reached to cup Halsin’s cheek.
“May I…have a kiss?"
“I would like nothing more."
Halsin leaned in further for you and mimicked you by cupping your cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut in expectation, and he hesitated for just a moment to savor the picture; your soft, puckered lips stoked the already raging wildfire within him. He stared, mesmerized by the thought of drowning you in kisses and cock. Upon realizing what he was doing, you opened up one eye, embarrassed.
“Withholding affection already?”
“Eager.” He simply responded, his gaze soft yet unwavering. “I’ve been withholding a lot more than that from you, quite honestly. But for the sake of your question, yes.”
You jumped internally at the prospect of ‘more’ but kept outwardly reserved. “By morning, we may even hold hands. If you’re no prude.” He laughed at your obvious attempt at annoyance, and as you were caught up in your deflection, he seized your midsection and pulled you on top of him. You straddled his hips, painfully still, and watched as he intertwined both sets of your hands together with his.
“It seems your confession did little to tame your thorny nature.” He observed, voice low. “Though, I never did mind.”
“Thorny nature?” You feigned disbelief, heart racing. He was absolutely correct; his acceptance only amplified the bliss of teasing him. Squirming atop of him in mutual agitation, you felt like you had won the lottery seven times over. You wanted to push, and you wanted to push now. “I’ve been the picture of politeness. You’re the one denying me.” You finally proclaimed, a mischievous grin spreading across your cheeks.
His eyes narrowed in a golden glint you only had the privilege of seeing in battle, and the grip around your hands tightened, a silent, fair warning.
“If you run, I will give chase. Do not venture where you may not be able to return from.”
A whimper escaped your lips. His infinite patience was waning like the moon, and you reveled in diminishing it. And to make things worse, attempts at advising you went through one ear and out the other, a fact you were both very aware of by now. You let go of his hands, lifted your hips, and dropped them square on his hardening cock. Your legs twitched, giddy from his pursuit.
“There’s nothing to run from. Not here.”
Halsin let his now free hands fall onto your thighs. Flexing his fingers, he grabbed your soft flesh and watched as you molded under his palms. An inhuman grunt rumbled in his chest at the sight, and the crackle of his wild magic filled the air. He glided them up further and settled at the curve of your waist. A beat passed, and he searched your face for any sign of remorse. He found none.
“Brat,” he scolded, eyes drifting down to where your lower halves connected. He rolled his hips, feeling your pussy spread deliciously through your thin clothes. Excitement rattled your bones, and your hands flew down to grasp at his meaty forearms. “Be still.”
You obeyed, and he shifted underneath you until he was against the cave wall and you were sitting on his lap. Much faster this time, he covered both sides of your neck with his open hands, stealing your ability to move freely. The distance between you shortened, and your lips connected—finally—connected.
A mess of teeth and tongue, Halsin gave you no time to adjust to his tough love. He dominated the kiss with steering hands, tilting your head to access you however he pleased. He pulled back just to clash with you over and over, tongue gliding against yours in an animalistic fervor that left you whining. Every half second he was away from your lips felt like wicked suffocation—you pinched his collar and brought him as close as possible, desperate to have more of his life-changing kisses.
“Listen to yourself.” Halsin said between brushes, hands falling down to cup your ass. “Listen to the way you chase my touch. Tell me, am I denying you now?” He pulled away from your lips in a final huff but kept you rooted on his cock. Gazes matched, you stumbled over your words.
Your earlier statement struck a nerve, it seemed.
“It’s—you’re— bastard.” You choked out, still holding onto your pathetic defiance.
He slipped his hands to your hips once more, fingernails digging into the soft fat. With bruising strength, he readjusted and locked himself in place against your still-clothed cunt. Eyes deceptively sweet, he began to pump his hips upside your most sensitive spot in an attempt to rip the orgasm right out of you. He slid you down his length fast, grunts spilling from the corners of his mouth in utmost satisfaction.
You shuddered, unable to keep up with the sudden change and piston of his hips. “Halsin!” You nearly shrieked, face now buried in shoulder. Embarrassment scalded you as the sound of your wet pussy rapidly filled the cave, echoing off its walls. Any squirming was met with a swift grounding and silent scolding. “Oh, Halsin!”
“Answer me, flower.” He insisted, large hands kneading your ass roughly. “I will not ask again.” His voice echoed as he well-nigh bounced you on his cock, ignoring your implicit pleas for him to slow down.
The humiliation of being surrounded by your own heat and friction was driving you mad. You sucked your teeth in response, ensnared. “No, you’re not. ” you begrudged. “Now please!”
“Good. Then allow me this.” He halted. Carefully, he ripped off your outer bottom layer and tossed the scraps aside. He damn near gasped at the sight of your panties; soaked through the fabric and heady, he grappled with the idea of pinning you down that instant. You were so small, so pliable, so ready to break and rebuild for him… He wanted to drag you through the Hells and back.
Instead, he let his tip peek from the top of his underwear and returned you to his bulge. Locked in even firmer this time, your eyes rolled back as his fat head mashed into your clit without restraint. You muttered a line of expletives, your stomach turning at how fast your orgasm was building. “Could never deny you.” Halsin slipped, his voice uneven and gruff from motion. He curled in on you, pressing every inch of your exposed skin against his own in an attempt to meld you. “My lover, my companion, my mate.” He repeated, punctuating every new title with a possessive touch. You tensed and wailed, tears pricking your lashes. Mate, companion, lover.
The dam broke, and you cried out until you couldn’t anymore, climax flinging you against the proverbial wall. You stayed in his arms as you rode out your high, hips jutting. Basking in the afterglow of your orgasm and the chorus of hardy cricketing around you, you wondered indulgently if this was just the beginning. You leaned back in his hold to get your answer, only to be held in place.
“Hey, what’s…?”
Halsin ignored you and, to your surprise, simply stood up with you in his arms. He walked over to your pile of blankets and cradled the back of your head as he laid you out, caging you within his limbs.
With the moon hung high and full, you got a good look at him for the first time in the last few hours. Coarse, dark hair covered his back and chest, even more so than usual. His kind eyes were blown out, black, and nearly unrecognizable. Nails that should’ve been relatively dull were oddly sharp. The buzz of magic filled the air and made your hair stand on end; you had successfully poked the bear.
“Oh.”
His lips flew into yours once again, but not the ones north of your navel; Halsin rested on his stomach with his arms bracing your thighs, nose nestled sinfully snug against your clothed clit. He shamelessly inhaled your unique scent with a shudder, cock bobbing at the thought of immortalizing himself within you. Looking up, he dragged the flat of his tongue up against your wet panties, earning him a high-pitched yelp. “You are irresistible to me in this cold,” he huffed, hot breath fanning your molten core. As if unwrapping a present, he finally slid the fabric aside, eyes widening at all your warmth and beauty.
Halsin ate you out with no mercy. The tip of his tongue circled your clit with brutal expertise, attacking your sensitive bud relentlessly. You whined, and cried, and creased your eyebrows, every flick driving you up a wall. Your lover drank up your honest reactions greedily, another unmistakably primal moan rumbling through his chest as you begged him once more, slow down! You squirmed increasingly hard in his grasp as he learned your weaknesses, but this only seemed to goad his instincts. “I can’t be satiated until I see you wrung in ecstasy. I want—I must—fuck you full. If it were not for our circumstances, I’d tuck you away all winter and never let you rest.” He barely got out before returning to your need. He drove his tongue deep within you, his moans buzzing against your delicate folds in ways no toy or hand could replicate. His hands guided yours to his thick waves, encouraging you to pull for comfort.
After a few minutes, you were already well on your way to being close. He rubbed your pearl with the pad of his thumb tortuously slowly. Studying your reaction, he slipped one finger through the tight band of your pussy, knuckle by knuckle, and hushed you as you babbled. As his thick finger curled inside of you, your back arched off the soft blankets. “Beautiful thing,” he bemused, now picking up a gentle rhythm—in and out, in and out—“Taking your pleasure so well for me. I’m going to ruin you by night’s end.”
A second finger came to join the first, spreading you apart so indecently you wanted to hide your face. The drag of his fingers became your sole sensation, winding a familiar knot within your stomach. His blunt fingertips hammered into your sweet spot in a very…special way, barreling you towards a messy climax. You gulped.
“H-Halsin,” He tilted his head up to show you he was listening but never stopped the quick motion of his fingers and tongue. “You can’t; if you keep going, I…”
He caught onto what you meant immediately, interest surging. How far could he push you, he pondered? His fingers coasted deeper somehow, determined to dig out the fresh water spring buried deep inside you. His tongue lolled, and he pressed the wet muscle against anywhere that wasn’t currently occupied. He twisted and licked and suckled until you were scrambling, hips jerking away erratically from his effort. He pinned you finally, slamming your hips down with enough force to make you moan. “Stay put and receive.”
You gushed around his digits at his dirty words, your body whipping up in a fierce tempest. His movements only completely stopped when you had ridden out every wave, each twitch around his fingers an accomplishment. You drifted among the clouds for a moment, now thoroughly spent from cumming.
You sucked in air through your teeth as Halsin’s fingertips made contact with your inner thigh, just shy of your swollen mound.
"One more time for me."
