synopsis: the story of a man through the eyes of his falcon
pairing and characters: Diluc x fem!reader, feat Diluc’s falcon aka the Narrator. Crepus and Kaeya are mentioned
tw: unusual form of narration, angst, kind of hurt/comfort, character’s death.
word count: 2k words
author’s note: this work is one of my expirements I really wanted to try and write. As a fan of the film “A Dog’s Journey” I just couldn’t pass the opportunity to make a narration of Diluc’s life from the point of view of his lovely bird. How it became angst along the way? I have no idea.
Off note but falcon’s lifespan in captivity can be up to 25 years! Since there is no information of when Diluc got his bird companion, I headcannon it around ten or so years.
There always were flames in her life. At first there were two - a big one and a small one. When the big one made noise, the sound seemed to come from deep within, while the small one sounded much higher, cradling her in the warmth.
Hands, she learned quickly, growing accustomed to being held by those tiny soft things, not looking like her wings at all, with five strange sprouts each. Hands were good - they gave her food, they gently petted her, they carried her around. She felt so dependent on them, being so small and fragile, and not once had they failed her trust.
As she was getting older and her eyes were becoming sharper, she started to observe more. That flame, that she first saw as a flash of fire, didn't feel like flame at all. It strangely spread down and not up and was very soft. Maybe those were feathers? They must’ve been, they were on top of the head and she saw a lot how both big and small preened them strangely. Maybe she could pluck one and see?
Indeed she once tried to grab it with her beak and tag - the small one holding her yelped, hands reaching to press to the side of the head. The sound surprised her and she flapped her wings, ruffling the red and trying to fly up.
Ah, right. Red. She saw a lot of that, with two humans who regularly tended to her. There was red on top of their heads, there was red in their eyes and they sometimes carried some red things on their bodies. It didn't burn.
Out of the two the smaller human spent more time with her and soon he started to make things with her. He'd let her fly off his hand and then call back with a piece of delicious meat prepared for each time. Weeks later he'd start to make her do more difficult stuff, but she didn’t mind at all - he was being nice to her and the bond was growing.
Ah, there also was another small human with him at all times. While he didn’t look like one of the flames, he resembled the dark sky before the thunderstorm. His skin was colder and limbs were trembling a little when he tried to hold her for the first couple of times, but her human’s presence calmed him down gradually, she could sense it.
Her human… The realization came naturally. One moment he was simply the one who provided her with means to survive and then he became the one she started to treasure and consider a part of her flock. It felt nice actually, and, as much as a bird can enjoy another creature’s company, she did.
Then suddenly there was only one flame left. The thunderstorm was not there anymore too, and the shift she felt in her human worried her. One day he whistled and made her follow him, far far away from their home to somewhere unknown. Soon, her master’s pale complexion and red feathers started to associate with snow and blood, seeping through the cold unforgiving whiteness as bodies - one looking like the other - laid here and there.
During these wanderings it was the first time she witnessed the vicious wildfire burn in his eyes and it didn’t cease for years. There were now more commands to follow given by a stern and cold voice, yet, in the times of short-lived peace, with her he was the same, same petting, same praising tone of his voice coming back whenever she did good, same warmth, even if it all felt on edge.
She had no idea how much time had passed but they finally returned home. It was nice to soar in the same skies and see familiar faces around. The blazing in his eyes shifted to a calm campfire, flaring up only if annoying “wood” was put into it. Her master started to spend much more time inside but never forgot about her. For that she felt thankful.
The human of a thunderstorm appeared in their lives again. He changed, he felt much colder and hurt, and in his eye she saw nothing. At times when her master and that human communicated, the first was very tense, something that never happened between the two before. She couldn’t ask questions, and even if she could, she wasn’t sure she’d dare to.
It was like that for some time, she’d usually be outside, flying and hunting, and he’d be cooped inside the house or in the city. Only when the night fell would he actively roam the streets within the walls, being closely followed by her.
No changes were happening, until one day she saw her master close to another human. You looked different from him in physique, but similar to those humans that tended to try and cling to him in the city or that one with feathers of wheat color and eyes of clearest lakes he used to interact with a lot.
She saw you more and more together from her position high in the sky, but she never approached the two of you, not sure what to do with you and not being trained to. It all changed when one day you said something to her master and then pointed at her. Red eyes darted to look up too and soon a piercing whistle tore through the air. With a resounding cry of acknowledgement she redirected her route, dark wings swooping down to the two. However, much to her surprise, her master was holding your arm for her to perch on.
Without any objections - not like she could possibly think of one - she flew right to the offered limb and gracefully landed, being very mindful of her own claws.
You… felt soft. While her human felt solid and rough, you were very soft and smooth. Later she'd find out that many parts of your body were very soft, as she found herself cradled in its warmth a lot. Your voice was so calming and soothing, with some kind of emotion to it. Later she noticed the same emotion in her master's tone too whenever he talked to you.
Once the initial surprise of meeting and having you around faded, time started to pass as usual once again. You became a part of her master's life and that meant hers too. Changes were happening though - she could sense the stiffness in his body lessen, the edge in his voice becoming smoother and all of that positively intensified if you were right by his side. She thought that was a very good thing. Her master started to feel like her human once again and she couldn’t be more content.
Not only the changes within occured - you moved into the house her human shared with those black and white people only; that thunderstorm dark-feathered man started to visit again and it finally didn’t feel like a string of a bow was about to snap; the ever silent building where you now were residing was beginning to fill with more noise and vividness.
After one of such times of vivacity, her human and you started to wear strange metal things on your hands - the sun would reflect in them and never fail to catch her attention. Having zero idea about human customs she still somehow knew that you were mates now. Accepting you to her flock and sharing her human with you didn’t feel all that bad. You were special.
A couple of years after she noticed a new strange thing - your middle area got bigger and as time passed you got rounder and rounder. She saw you a lot outside: alone, with humans of white and black or with her human. The latter always had his arms around you, as if helping you to walk. The line under his beak - his nose - was stretched more often, she hadn't seen it a lot since the times when there still were two flames.
The general mood within the winery shifted and she knew - something new and exciting was coming and both of you were very eager for it to finally happen.
Until there was only one left. You.
You were still big in your stomach area when she flew through the window of your bedroom that evening. You were shaking, face hidden behind your palms and you were miserably whimpering as the dark-feathered man rubbed your shoulders in attempts to calm you down. He was kneeling beside your armchair and she couldn’t see his face, but the atmosphere was oppressive.
Not understanding what could’ve possibly put you in a state of despondency, she moved her head from side to side trying to locate the source of your stress. There, in the corner closest to the two people in the room she notices him - snow white and almost transparent her human was standing.
Something about seeing him like that and noticing how longing his gaze was, cast upon you, made everything click in her mind.
She moved towards you at the very moment he made the first step. She perched on the armrest when he stopped in front of your still shaking body. She tagged on your sleeve when the tips of his finger went through your hands. She waited for you to draw them back and watched as her human bent down to press a kiss to your tear-stained cheek, and then she pressed her beak to the other.
Stunned but genuinely touched you asked something sweetly through your sobbing, hand coming to ruffle her soft front feathers. Little did you know, it was the delivery of his last declaration of love and silent apology for leaving you like that, for his flame dying out and for no match being able to light it again. It hurt, it hurt so much when she turned to look at him one last time, but he was already gone.
Though not used to it, that night she spent in your bedroom, perched on the headboard and guarding your sleep. Your soft whimpers broke her heart and more times when one she found herself jumping down onto the pillow to comfort you with her company and, once you were back asleep, flying back onto the headboard. It was a hard night, and many nights after that were too, but she was always there for you, following you around just like she used to do with him. And it helped. Both of you.
Years have passed, she’s never seen him ever since. She continues flying in the skies, circling the area she has known her whole life, wings stretched and wind caressing each feather. All of these but without him.
But now there are two flames again! They are small, much smaller than her human and the one that had been there with him, but in them she senses it. She senses how his warmth is nestling inside, the same fire flickering in their red eyes and feathers of searing color swaying in the wind.
She sees you outside every day - you are always looking after the two little humans running around the wineyard. She feels you in them too and with how your eyes always trace over their heads she knows you miss him too, dearly.
However, he isn't coming back. He'll never come back, you both do not deny it, but you are learning how to heal and move on, finding solace in each other.
With a cry she draws your attention. No surprise, no hesitance - an arm is bent to offer a perch in a heartbeat. Within seconds there is an always welcomed warm weight on it. Two brown sharp eyes gaze into your shiny ones and a mutual understanding once again is reached. You are the one taking care of her now and even if she'll never forget the man with whom she began her life, she feels like you are very close to becoming her human too.
She'll look after the three of you. For him. And when time comes she'll be flying through a different kind of sky to meet him again.
Barbara and Kaeya became close because Jean and Diluc became friends. When Kaeya was finally warming up to other people, Diluc felt that Kaeya was ready to meet people their age; that was when he introduced him to the Gunnhildr siblings.
Kaeya was two years older than Barbara, a year younger than Diluc and barely a year older than Jean, but he still would say he was older than Jean by a year, to which Jean did not mind. Kaeya enjoyed annoying Barbara but clearly had a soft spot for the younger Gunnhildr sister. Despite Jean being younger than him, he felt that the eldest Gunnhildr daughter was too uptight for her own age, a different kind of uptightness from his adoptive brother.
Kaeya found joy in pestering Barbara because she was very expressive unlike Jean, but who would dare annoy Jean in front of Diluc, which was like asking for a death sentence. Kaeya was not blind and could see how much Diluc adored Jean even though he knew his brother would deny it.
One day when the four met up at Dawn Winery to play, Barbara decided to escape and disappeared from the three. The always happy Barbara was crouched behind a bush crying, this was the scene that squeezed Kaeya’s heart for the first time regarding Barbara.
“Barbara.” Kaeya called out softly as he squatted beside her.
“Leave me alone.” She whispered as she raised her wrist and waved him away.
“Barbara.” Kaeya poked her lightly on her shoulder.
“I said leave me alone!” She glared at Kaeya but she was pouting as tears were streaming down her face.
“Was I too much?” He asked with pressed lips as he sat on the grass. Seeing Kaeya sit down Barbara followed. He felt bad thinking that she was upset because of his incessant teasing.
“It’s not about you.” Barbara brought her face closer to her knees.
“Then--” Kaeya’s voice was very worried and Barbara looked at him with tears in her eyes and tackled him into an embrace as she wept. He hugged her silently as he rubbed her back. When Barbara’s weeping ceased he gently pushed her and seeing the tears on her face, he instantly wiped them away.
“Jean is very worried about you.” He sighed and she looked at him like he was lying and he cocked a brow at her. “I’m not lying, Diluc is making sure she won’t mobilize the Gunnhildr Clan resources to look for you.” Barbara pressed her lips and pulled away from Kaeya.
“Then we have to go.” She replied, her voice filled with worry. She knew her sister would actually do that but Kaeya’s face looked displeased.
“With those puffy eyes?” Kaeya crossed his arms.
“You can go and tell them that I am safe.” Barbara pleaded and he sighed, extending a hand for her to take,
“We can go tell them that you stumbled across a hilichurl and I saw you and ran as fast as I could to go and save you.” He stressed then continued, “That was why you were crying.” Barbara frowned at his lie but pressed her lips and nodded as she sniffled.
“Alright.” She agreed as she placed a hand over the hand he extended. Kaeya stood up and pulled her up, but Barabara continued to hold his hand and did not let go of her.
Kaeya and Barbara walked slowly and then a big bird that Kaeya recognized came flapping towards him. Barbara thought it was going to attack them and she instantly flinched. He felt her quiver and carefully covered her from the falcon to give her some peace of mind.
“Hello, Nightingale.” Kaeya said as it landed in front of them.
Barbara was familiar with the name as Jean had mentioned it to her before, so she took a peek from behind Kaeya. Nightingale was the falcon Diluc had raised when Nightingale was just a baby.
Kaeya had to let go of her hand when he noticed a piece of paper on Nightingale’s leg. Barbara unconsciously frowned with the absence of his hand and Kaeya squatted and took the paper and read it.
“Diluc is saying that Jean is really worried and hopes I found you, if not he will use the Ragnvindr men to find you, so as to not get Jean and you in trouble with your mother.” Kaeya summarized and took a pen and piece of paper from his pouch and wrote to his brother.
“This should stop the two from making any drastic actions.” He said once he finished writing and tied the paper on the falcon’s leg. “Go back to Diluc now.” And the bird flapped its wings and flew away.
Barbara had heard that Nightingale was a very smart bird and she was rather amazed seeing him for the first time. Kaeya’s calmness at handling Nightingale and Nightingale listening to Kaeya’s command showed the level of trust the two had formed.
Kaeya stood up and extended his hand for Barbara again, his expression serious that Barbara was startled. Kaeya to her was never a serious person. She reached out and accepted his hand and the two rushed back to Dawn Winery.
He may appear serious to everyone else but never truly to her, at least that was how she always saw him and yet, there was a small part of her that wondered if Barbara ever knew Kaeya at all.
Jean and Diluc were waiting at the fence surrounding the side portion of the house at Dawn Winery. Jean and Diluc looked like they were stuck in some kind of staring contest. Diluc noticed Kaeya and Barbara holding hands as they made their way to the two. Diluc reached for Jean’s hand and pointed behind her and she turned with wide teary eyes.
“Barbara!” Jean yelled as she ran to the two while Barbara squeezed Kaeya’s hand firmly.
“Barbara where--” Jean instantly said but was cut off noticing her little sister’s appearance. “Why were you crying? What happened?” She asked, her voice filled with anger, she looked at Kaeya and their hands.
“Kaeya what happened?” Diluc said in a firm tone as he reached their side. Barbara was nervous but avoided her sister’s stare.
“She went out to look for flowers for you, Jean.” Kaeya said smoothly and Barbara glanced at him and could not hide her surprise. He turned to look at her as if saying: I have no choice, I have to tell her the truth. “But unfortunately stumbled onto one hilichurl.”
Jean was frozen at the thought of her dear sister facing a hilichurl.
“Luckily I arrived just a few seconds after her encounter, but she was petrified and scared.” Kaeya lied smoothly and Barbara was surprised at how convincing he was and at the fact that he would go that far for her.
Barbara looked down on Jean’s shoes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered gently as she squeezed Kaeya’s hand.
“Barbara,” Jean sighed seeing her sister’s anxiousness and strangely it was reassuring to see how Kaeya had comforted her in some way, since the two seemed like they didn’t get along quite so well. But she knew that Kaeya adored her sister despite his teasing.
“I’m just glad Kaeya got there in time then.” She added as she went to embrace Barbara. As Barbara felt the warm arms of her sister, she let go of Kaeya’s hand and hugged her sister back as she wept and apologized.
Diluc quietly stared at his brother knowingly, but not in full certainty, that Kaeya was lying. However, since Barbara did not say anything to oppose Kaeya’s claims and since Jean did not try to ask her sister anything more, he did not say a word. Diluc could tell as Kaeya glanced at him for a moment, that Kaeya knew Diluc was doubtful of him.
That was probably the day that the dynamic of Barbara and Kaeya really changed.
On Diluc’s twelfth birthday, when Kaeya saw Barbara he was instantly drawn to her. The moment he saw her, he knew he had to pull her away from Jean so that Barbara could relax, he knew he had to look out for her and he knew he had to keep her from feeling alone. Even though Barbara was all smiles and sunshines he knew how lonely she was feeling and how desperate she was to hide the fact, but with him she didn’t have to continue with the pretense.
They never really talked about that day just like they don’t talk about sentimental things to each other but they knew each other well even without saying them. Perhaps it started on the day he caught her crying behind a bush, hiding away from everyone.
“Jean!” He called out to the eldest Gunnhildr first as he merrily jogged to the sisters. “Barbara.” Kaeya stopped near Barbara with a smile and Barbara smiled and her eyes twinkled as she stretched her hand out to Kaeya.
Jean sighed, “Alright, you two go and play.” Kaeya turned to Jean with a smile. “Take good care of my sister.” She added with a strict tone and Kaeya bowed his head seriously.
“Of course.” And Kaeya brought Barbara somewhere not towards the other kids. Kaeya held Barbara’s hand firmly as he brought her to the buffet table.
“Look at this!” Kaeya said as he let go of her hand and pointed at the cake. “Or maybe you’d like to eat this?” He asked, pointing at a ball of meat. Barbara stared at his serious expression which she rarely saw.
Barbara saw Kaeya as a rather mischievous soul. He would make her an unknowing accomplice on his schemes at times. Kaeya was mischievous, as Diluc was rambunctious, in this sense they were a perfect match. There were times that Kaeya would unnecessarily solve a problem in the most inconvenient way that it made Barbara think that he was just after the chaos that ensued in his plan. However when it gets to that point and Barbara decides to put her foot down, surprisingly Kaeya would actually oblige to her wishes. And even when Kaeya was being mischievous, he always looked after her.
She asked once if he worried about his brother or Jean in such a manner, and he instantly told her no: because they could handle themselves. Barbara at first felt as though she should have been offended by that statement but then realized it was because Kaeya knew she could not harm another soul which led to his conclusion. Safeguarding her when the four were together was always his duty and she didn’t mind that.
“This-- I think you would like a lot.” He said picking up a white piece of treat. “It has strawberries inside.” Barbara’s eyes twinkled at the thought and she smiled.
Kaeya grabbed a plate and stacked it with things he thought she would like and as she observed him, she smiled. They were mostly things she would really enjoy, everything sweet.
Kaeya didn’t hate her, the moment he saw Barbara, he felt he met a kindred spirit. It was odd, because she was clearly so pure, and he did not feel the same thing about himself. He felt that he had to look out for her no matter what. He enjoyed annoying her not only because she was expressive but because it seemed like she was upset even though she was smiling. He annoyed her to keep her spirits up.
In a simple word, he adored her. He didn’t know why but maybe because Jean and Diluc were busy with each other that Kaeya felt he had to look after Barbara. She had to be protected because he could see how she could not hurt a fly, he saw how she would keep her pain inside because she did not want to worry her sister. He just saw her as someone who had to be shielded by how cruel the world truly was.
“Kaeya.” Barbara called out with a frown. He smiled at her charmingly that Barbara actually frowned deeper. She had heard the older woman saying that Kaeya would be a dangerous man once he had gotten older. She had also heard that women would surely flock to him and that he could get any girl he wanted and yet the same was said about Diluc however not as often as Kaeya.
Barbara never understood those words, but when he smiled like that, she felt like she could understand what they meant a little bit more.
You can’t be trusted, Barbara almost said it aloud to Kaeya, but as she stared at his eager periwinkle eyes, she thought that if she had said it, he would surely be hurt.
“You seemed lost in thought.” Kaeya said and Barbara smiled tightly, brushing off her dark thoughts.
No matter what, Kaeya was never truly mean to her. She knew his pestering was his way to distract her and entertain Barbara because she would be with Diluc and Jean who were not exactly the approachable types. Kaeya however, was very patient, sometimes Barbara thought he was a little too patient.
“The adults seem to say: that people should be cautious of you.” Barbara confessed with a rueful smile, and for a moment Kaeya’s eyes flashed with a dark intention that Barbara missed as she was playing with the bow on her dress. “Mother thinks I should stay away from you when I get older.”
Kaeya froze, he looked very upset. When Barbara looked up to see his reaction, she found that he was smiling at her sincerely and shrugged his shoulders.
“Adults are odd,” He spoke lightly. “They tell you to do one thing, warn you about another; and expect you to do something wrong.”
Barbara gazed at Kaeya in confusion, knowing full well that his words held a deeper meaning, but she simply could not ask him about it. She could feel any query was not welcomed at that moment even when Kaeya was smiling-- politely that is.
“Well, here we go, I have all your favourites, Barbara.” Kaeya smiled as if their topic had not upset him one bit. He will continue to look out for Barbara even when he gets older, this was his silent oath to himself.
Kaeya carried two plates of food and Barbara followed behind him with one plate. Even though the plates were three and were supposed to be shared, it was mostly just for Barbara. Kaeya simply enjoyed watching her joyous eyes and smile as she ate the treats.
In a way he both admired and envied the purity Barbara had.
~.~.~.~.~
Two years passed and Barbara was still similar in that aspect, she was still pure, innocent and kind.
Kaeya quietly observed Barbara as she ate a terribly sweet cupcake and she cannot hide the joy in her eyes as she ate. But she has changed, she was much more mature at the age of eleven and was certain that she wanted to continue to make people smile. Barbara was sitting across from Kaeya with the grace and elegance of a fine young lady.
Barbara picked up her tea cup as she studied Kaeya who was sitting across from her. She was sitting prim and proper while Kaeya was leaning on the back corner of the chair while resting his head against his hand which was on the arm rest. He looked very bored and indifferent. To Barbara he was kind of different at the age of thirteen.
The two were currently at a parlour room at the Dawn Winery Manor enjoying tea and sweets and the mere company of each other.
“I heard Diluc’s inauguration as a Knight of Favonius will happen next week.” Barbara spoke gently. Kaeya couldn’t help but dislike and yet admire the gentleness that she has developed in two years. A part of Kaeya wished he had a similar kind of tenderness in him, a random thought that he shook off.
“Ah yes, but I heard that you won’t be attending?” Kaeya relayed and he noticed that when Barbara put her teacup down it was empty and so he refilled it. It was natural for him to take care of her and tend to her needs, he wondered when this habit developed.
“Oh, I couldn’t but mother changed her mind and thought that I should go and see it myself. She said that it would be best for both Jean and I to be there as a Gunnhildr.” She cleared her throat uncomfortably and Kaeya frowned. He was into collecting secrets or as Jean and Diluc would say-- gossip. Kaeya had caught wind of Frederica and Seamus’ discord, though in truth a lot seemed to be aware of the rumor and were waiting for the official news of their break-up but kept quiet, like a predator stalking its prey.
“Well, then I shall see you on that day then.” He smiled politely as he placed four cubes of sugar and a dash of milk on her cup, the way Barbara likes it.
“Thank you,” Barbara smiled as she gently looked at his hands putting the sugar cubes and such. They had known each other enough to know their preferences.
Barbara sighed and Kaeya looked up at her with the faintest worry in his eyes. She had never discussed her family’s issues with Kaeya and Kaeya did not wish to pry on the matter if she was not opening up about it. However, he clearly sees that it was taking a toll on Barbara. Kaeya couldn’t help but wonder if Diluc knows about the details from Jean, but his brother surely would not divulge such a sensitive thing to him especially since Jean is involved and it came from her own lips.
“Jean and Diluc-- those two clearly like each other.” Barbara mumbled as she stirred her tea.
“It isn’t really a secret.” Kaeya replied as he leaned back seeing Barbara stir her tea, it seemed that she didn’t need him to stir her tea for her. She wouldn't like it if he did it for her anyways.
“Well, they obviously don’t see how they look at each other with big bright loving eyes.” Hearing this Kaeya wanted to laugh at her words but ultimately didn’t. He found her words funny because Barbara was like she was describing how he sees her, big bright eyes.
It was very clear that Jean and Diluc liked one another, everyone literally calls the pair childhood sweethearts.
“They’ll figure it out.” He remarked and his companion merely lifted her teacup and drank her tea in silence. “I heard from Diluc that they are meeting today?”
Barbara simply nodded her head in response.
“And that is why you are spending time with me.” Kaeya sarcastically spoke and feigned hurt by putting a fist over his heart.
Barbara put her teacup away from her lips. “You sound as if I don’t visit you if they aren’t together.” She replied and took one last sip from her cup before putting it back down on the table.
“Well, you and I know why we became close.” Kaeya mumbled and Barbara said nothing.
Barbara had felt that Kaeya had only befriended her because she was left alone when Jean and Diluc were together and Kaeya noticed her loneliness. But even so, Barbara and Kaeya now were close friends and that was all that mattered.
“Well, while I wait for her, I might as well talk to you, aren’t we close friends?” Barbara asked with a gentle gaze and soft countenance.
“Yes, we are quite close.” Kaeya reaffirmed as he observed Barbara quietly. He wondered when she started acting so quiet and gentle in front of him, in fact he remembered thinking that she was sick but now it appeared that she was just tired. It must be due to her family discord that has become an open secret, it was clear it was close to breaking.
At the very least it appeared that now she can truly relax in front of him. Barbara’s gaze was distant and far but he let her doze off into her thoughts as he simply-- just quietly accompanied her in a quiet room with only the two of them as he too got lost in his own thoughts.
~.~.~.~.~.
A03: (currently 5 chapters)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
