#dirtylittlesecret

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Ooops...here we go again

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I still feel something for her. I don't know what this is or going to be. She's very professional I can't tell what she actually thinks of me anymore.

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It‘s been some time and my birthday party is over. As you may know, I‘va also invited her to it. Of course she didn‘t come. She was sick though. She wrote me a text, said she coudln‘t come and that she‘s sorry and so in. Now maybe this might be the sign to let her go.

I‘m deeply hurt by that and I don‘t know how to behave now. I don‘t think this might be ever more than just work friends. I hoped it could be more but she doesn‘t want it.

I have to accept it.

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I'll let go on her, I don't want to have a romantic interest for her.

It's still there but it won't last long when I think about her ignoring me or not texting me by herself. I've given all for this relationship between us, kept in contact and so on.. But nothing comes from her side.

Maybe everything I did was a mistake, I should have never been "flirting" with her. Maybe she realised, that for me it's more than just a friendship, maybe she feels the same way but is afraid, maybe she doesn't have interest at all.

I don't know, probably won't ever find out about it, but it's okay now. I can handle it.

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It's the first time since weeks that she actually said "that's so sweet of you". It doesn't sound like anything special but for me it means a lot because she only used "sweet" on me once (she usually says another word which has a similar meaning but not as strong as sweet).

My face gets red when I think about it... Sweet... Sweet.... It makes me smile.

Also yesterday she made me laugh so hard because she acted clumsy. It was sooo cute, we laughed together, it was such a great moment.

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I'm still thinking many hours of the day about her. I should keep it down. But how?

Tomorrow I'll see her again, I'm so excited. Maybe she'll talk to me, maybe not. But seeing her smile is worth everything I'm going through. Why do I feel like this?

Whenever she's replying to my messages I start to smile AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!

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We've had some contact, of course I started the conversation. Yesterday I asked her, if she'd like to go on a walk with me and her dog because my fiancé and I have a lot of dog stuff we don't need. She said it sounds good but she's got a lot of stuff to do this week. I told her it's no problem and we can do it whenever she's got time.

She will also be part of my birthday party which is on October 31. I'm so hyped for that.

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She still didn‘t contact me. Am I turning insane? Yes. I want you to text me, ask me how I am, ask me out for an activity, but no.

I wish I could text you, ask you, what you are up to, but I can‘t. I don‘t want to disturb you while you‘re off from work. First week is already over. Will you contact me in your second one?