#disassembling myself

[brgndyhydrangeas]

you're so in love with nostalgia to the point you long for the present in a future that is yet to come

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"I untangle my hair just to tie it back again Like I say I'll change Only to fall into the same patterns anyway"

Original posting date: April 17th, 2022 / 12:32 am

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"I want to love men the way men love each other, I want to respect them and look up to them, I want them to see me as an equal, to be able to stand by their side as a full person, instead of my name getting lost in the title of my relationship with them. To be and, and not of.

I want to love men the way men love each other, I want to be a teen boy confused by my quickened heartbeat when I see him To kiss and never tell because what will others think To be ''his boyfriend'' And yet, I would still fear my feminine traits For it will be what breaks me"

Original posting date: September 29th, 2022 / 12:56 am

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"I do, in fact, wish to be a misty memory. A face you don't quite remember all too well but know you were fond of the person it belonged to. Not caring about specifics, it's the affection that makes you reminisce of it as beautiful."

Original posting date: December 26th, 2022 / 10:09 pm

[brgndyhydrangeas]

so yeah maybe i am still young and dumb and naive and too innocent, i am all too aware, but precisely because i am young i want to have a chance to be stupid. i want to love recklessly and not regret showing that i care, i want to make big mistakes and get hurt and learn from it, i want to be hopeful before i have to be realistic, before i have to be mature.

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"I made a list with all the things wrong with me Ran out of ink Ran out of paper And I can do nothing more other than live with it"

Original posting date: December 21st, 2021 / 1:41 am

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"i look at my reflection in the mirror, and it looks back at me— and i wonder who that is and why do they look so familiar but at the same time so foreign, like someone i should know but can't quite put my finger on their name"

Original posting date: January 29th, 2022 / 12:46 am

[brgndyhydrangeas]

"i feel like im just a fleeting memory in everyone's life, not meant to stay long, not meant to stick around. that im only meant to give my best; the laughs, the fun, the good. and once it has all been given, once i show a crack, once i want to reach out and go deeper, im meant to leave like i was never there to begin with. placeholder, that's what i am. until something better comes along. until someone who can give more comes along."

Original posting date: February 2nd, 2022 / 1:08 am