PSA: stop asking questions
Many times, when I am in public, perfect strangers feel it’s okay to ask me, “What happened?!” in a shocked and concerned voice.
I assume they are referring to the fact that I walk with a cane. I assume their intentions are entirely good and kind. I assume often it’s curiosity about something with which they’re unfamiliar.
But that’s a really entitled stance to take: you get to evaluate, comment upon or pry into the private condition of someone else’s body/life because it is not like yours.
People have said this for years, but instead of feeling entitled to comment and pry, and to be excused for “not knowing” and just “trying to learn,” I suggest, if one is tempted to stare at or make comments about another’s body (their ability, their way of talking/moving, their culture, their physical appearance, their choices...):
1. Stop. Hang back. Don’t speak for 30 seconds (this is harder than it sounds).
2. Listen. Observe without asking questions.
That’s it. That’s the entire plan.
I’m gearing up to participate in the Women’s March tomorrow in NYC in response to the American Presidential Inauguration, and my partner and my friend (both social workers) both insisted that I use my wheelchair instead of walking with my cane. They are probably right to suggest this, but I’m dreading this experience. I’m dreading being so visible, so open to everyone’s evaluation and comment.
Especially if I happen to get up from the chair--able-bodied folks expect that the only people who can/should/do use a wheelchair are para/quadriplegic people, and anyone else doing so is a faker and a lazy jerk. (Because of all the, you know, PRIVILEGES that come with using a wheelchair. Like inaccessible spaces, limited bathroom access, peoples’ stares, blisters on your hands from turning the wheels, many counters being too high to accommodate you... I won’t go on. You get my point.)
Come to think of it, though, even when people decide you “need” a wheelchair (and the minute you are using one, everyone else seems entitled to decide about the legitimacy of your body and your disability), they treat you like a faker and a lazy jerk.
I guess my point here is: my body, not yours.