Jan 25, 2017
DEBRIS, TRASH AND LEAVES The grass is greener that’s what they believe. Not noticing the debris, trash and leaves. Their life is easy that what it seems.
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DEBRIS, TRASH AND LEAVES The grass is greener that’s what they believe. Not noticing the debris, trash and leaves. Their life is easy that what it seems.
I have a habit of finding a way to get exactly what I want, only to find out that's it's just not what I really need
things we lost along the way.
When I look back at my life it hard to paint a complete picture. There's gaps, large ones. It's like a bad film adaptation to your favorite book that you can't help but be utterly dissatisfied with. In the past 20 years, more specifically the past 7, I done things I'm not proud of, things I'm ashamed of and things that will never be mouthed to anyone. Does that mean these things never happened? Of course it does. If I've learned anything truth is only what your willing to admit too, and even that doesn't mean it happened.
I used to care a lot about what people thought of me. I used to crave attention from girls like a baby to its mother. I used to want respect from everyone who ever mentioned my name. I don't care anymore. I need to start taking care of me and my own. The matter of fact in this is that it doesn't matter what you want or where your going. It will only ever be about what you have and where you are. I live life day by day and that's not going to stop. Maybe in another 20 years I'll write something just like this, condemning my 20 year old self. Or maybe I'll be at peace, and not even have to write anymore.
When I look at myself, I look at all my flaws and see what's wrong with me. I see what I wish could be different. I wish when people were to look at me that they would be like wow, she's gorgeous. Even though my friends say I'm pretty, it still doesn't satisfy me. I know that kinda sounds selfish yeah? But I wish I was more excepting of myself. I wish I could wake up in the morning and be like, "yeah this is gonna be a good day." Instead of dreading everyday, trying to make it through the day without feeling worthless. Sometimes I won't eat, and i don't even know why. And other times I will stuff my face for hours. It's just weird, i don't know. Nothing anyone says now ever phases me.. Okkkkay, well I'm done. I just had to get this out.