Dissociation
I’ve been trying to put words to my dissociation to better understand it, so I threw on some headphones and wrote down whatever came to mind. It is unedited and very raw but it put so many things into perspective for me and I hope it does for you too.
“It’s like you’re swimming in the ocean. You see a wave coming at you in the distance, but you aren’t afraid. It’s nothing you can’t handle. And then it hits you. You didn’t have enough time to breath before you were completely engulfed with water. The shore is suddenly so far and you don’t have enough air to make it back, but the surface isn’t safe. There is no air left for you. This is it. How could you possibly survive this? You stop struggling and decide to enjoy your last few moments before you drift away. As you close your eyes you find yourself lying in the sand. The sun is shining down on you. You are warm and dry and safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore. It isn’t until you open your eyes again that you realize none of it is real. You are not drowning, you are not on the beach, and you are neither safe or in danger. It’s all in your head.”