I’ve been on radio silence for a lot of January trying to deal with this divorce crap. Completed two divorce mediations sessions, thought we were ready to roll with just getting this done and over with. Then all the military legal loopholes caught up with me when I went to the legal office on base for information. Yet more reasons not to get married follow -
In the military, there are rules regarding time in service, time married, and how benefits affect all these things. The ex will hit twenty years in service in March. We got married a year later, which means according to military law if I want to have any health benefits at all we can’t file until August of this year. Now, if I wait one more full year until the August after that to file for dissolution of marriage, I get Tricare for Life. I swear I wanted to headdesk so very hard when I handed all this information yesterday.
Another fun fact I learned is that since we’re no longer “amicable” cuz y’know, the guy decided an affair would be fun, we have to just the date he moved out which is last Saturday as our separation date. Here in Virginia, there’s a fun domestic law that states if there are children under the age of 18, the parents must be physically separated and not cohabitating in any way, for one year before dissolution of marriage can be filed. So...even if the health benefits weren’t a concern, we also can’t file through Virginia until January of next year.
Basically, what it boils down to is that we can physically separate, we can have a separation agreement, but we cannot file for divorce yet. I wanted to get this done and over with ASAP, but given the ex’s impulsivity, and the fact that I do need health benefits, it’s really looking like waiting is going to be the best option. FML. This does guarantee that he can’t just remarry right out of the divorce, which is a huge concern I have for the kids currently. I mean, he can obviously still remarry once we are finally able to file, but this keeps him from getting remarried this year, which I think would have been devastating for the kids.
So, I get to meet with another lawyer next week and have him help me look over the separation agreement. I’m going to be asking him lots of questions and finding out what are the best options for both myself and the kids in this mess. Any kind thoughts would be appreciated. I’m going to try to get back to writing soon, but I just haven’t been able to focus on it with all this going on.
