#dontbeanaskbutt

[dontbeanassbutt]

Plz hold this for me for a sec.

🗡️

yeah dude I gotcha 🗡️

[dontbeanassbutt]

I followed you for a blowjob joke like a decade ago and now here i am reblogging a blowjob joke post from you today 🥲 i love tumblr

time may pass but head jokes remain eternal

[dontbeanassbutt]

i saw jesus in the pool of fart bloodwater i sharted out into my e coli infested toilet yesterday and he cried when i flushed him down

hey yknow what man? Happy for you

[dontbeanassbutt]

there are southern lights?!

YES THERE ARE MY FRIEND AURORA AUSTRALIS THE DAWN OF THE SOTUH. CAUSE THEY'RE IN THE SOUTH

they're the exact same thing as the northern lights: a phenomenon in the atmosphere due to the interaction of the solar winds against the earth's magnetic field and gases up there

HOWEVER

they differ in one major way however: pink as a color shows up more commonly than in the north!

LOOK AT HOW PRETTY

the classic green aurora is of course still around it is one of the more common colors but pink shows up just a bit more frequently than in the north!

unobtainable watermelon

they are absolutely stunning and one of the best ways to see them is on a cruise (ehhhhhhhh) or going to antarctica!!!!!

i'm obsessed with these funky little things like look at nature's neon lights she's so pretty. they're absolutely beautiful and it is on my bucket list to see both of them

[dontbeanassbutt]

~~

I love her

[dontbeanassbutt]

The fact that your URL is 10 years old is wild, I remember when you changed it and kept getting asks saying "I thought it was don't BEAN assbutt" 😩

I still get them sometimes! It’s not as common anymore but they do crop up on occasion

[dontbeanassbutt]

Staying hydrated today, bestie? 🔫

you'll never catch me alive

[dontbeanassbutt]

Can you explain ur argument for Sans? Maybe its because i was already drifting away from the fandom-y side of tumblr when Undertale came out but i didn't ever see anyone lusting after Sans lol so Cecil was the obvious choice for me

Sans had a grip on this website that only had been previously achieved by the onceler. Sans had his own fandom, AUs of the game had their own, smaller subset of fandoms (underfell was pretty popular)

He breached containment of his fandom in a way I never even played undertale and I was almost swept up into his power. I never saw Cecil being lusted after in the same way because I only saw his horny art ft him and Carlos

And if we want numbers: ao3 has answers

And let’s look at the top three fics under those filters by amount of hits

Cecil

vs Sans

(You may have to click to see the numbers, they’re at the bottom of the screenshot)

however, this doesn’t fully encompass why Sans should remain the Ultimate Sexyman. For this, we have to look to some qualities I have identified as the pillars that make a Sexyman

(Source: yours truly)

Cecil is undoubtedly a True Sexyman, however, there are a few elements that are missing from his checklist. The two that truly, to me, put him a step below Sans is Cecil’s canon ship. Carlos/Cecil was a huge pairing here, and that is a key element of a True Sexyman. There are exceptions, of course.

The biggest piece that is missing? Cecil, as far as I could tell, didn’t have the “wait, what?” moment from non-WTNV fans. After all, Cecil has a very…soothing voice. It’s understandable that people would be attracted to him based on that alone.

Sans, however? He’s bones. If you tell a non-tumblrina you want the ecto-dick from a pixel skeleton, they’d probably give you a very perplexed look

So all this to say: when you analyze what a tumblr sexyman truly is and the chokehold one of them has on this website, there is one clear answer

Vote sans <3