All Dorian/Iron Bull Dialogue
Here's all the party banter between Dorian and Iron Bull, presented in a mostly random order, aka the order my game gave them to me. Warnings for below the cut include #casual ableist language, #emetophobia, #cannibalism mention, #sexual assault discussion (by interpretation but like, that ain't what warnings are about) and, of course, #dai spoilers.
#casual ableist language
Iron Bull: Nice work with the magic back there, Dorian. You’re pretty good at blowing guys up.
Dorian: It’s significantly more impressive than hitting them with a sharp piece of metal.
Iron Bull: Hey, whoa, let’s not get crazy.
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(If you sided with the Chargers in “Demands of the Qun” and Dorian did not reconcile with his father in “The Last Resort of Good Men”.)
Iron Bull: You doing all right, Dorian? I know family stuff can be rough.
Dorian: What would you know about it? True Qunari don’t have families.
Iron Bull: Finding out you don’t fit in with the people who raised you?
Iron Bull: Having to walk away from everything you grew up with, knowing you’ve disappointed the ones who loved you?
Iron Bull: I might know a bit. Takes a tough man to do it, too. So good on you, you big old fop.
Dorian: Yay. Good on me.
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Dorian: You seemed remarkably comfortable at the Winter Palace, Bull.
Iron Bull: I do my best.
Dorian: You didn’t knock over a single priceless statue, or fart even once near the dessert table.
Iron Bull: That you know of.
Dorian: I’m surprised you never spent time in Tevinter courts. They would adore you.
Iron Bull: I did. After a while, the saddle just got too heavy.
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Dorian: I hope it doesn’t bother you to travel alongside a “Vint”, Iron Bull.
Iron Bull: That what you are? You people all kinda look the same to me.
Dorian: I’m also a mage. Would you prefer me bound and leashed?
Iron Bull: I’d buy you dinner first.
Dorian: Hopefully before you sewed my mouth shut.
Iron Bull: Depends how much you keep yapping.
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Iron Bull: Guess the Vints will be pissed with you running to warm everyone at Haven, huh?
Dorian: Not that my warning did much good.
Iron Bull: Didn’t see any rebel mages coming to do it.
Dorian: There is that. The ones who didn’t join the Venatori either ran off or were killed.
Iron Bull: Ah, see? Good on you. Way to join the underdogs.
Dorian: I’m thrilled, really.
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Dorian: Vishante kaffas! Don’t you ever bathe?
(If Iron Bull and Dorian have already had the conversation that starts with "So Dorian, about last night...")
Iron Bull: You like it.
Iron Bull: Sometimes. You want to watch, don’t you?
Dorian: I’d rather stand upwind.
Iron Bull: Human sweat smells like pork that’s been sitting in the sun. Just saying.
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Dorian: Watch where you’re pointing that thing!
Iron Bull: Dirty!
Dorian: Vishante kaffas! I meant your weapon!
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#cannibalism warn
Dorian: Nothing at all, Bull? No trouble having a “Vint” behind you?
Iron Bull: Hope you like the view.
Dorian: You can’t deny you enjoy butchering my people
Iron Bull: Hey, butchering implies I’m gonna eat ‘em. Most Vints are just gristle and fat in a wine marinade.
Dorian: Well, that much is true.
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Dorian: No Qunari would accept a Tevinter mage so easily...unless it was a ruse. When should I expect a knife in the back?
Iron Bull: You ever use that fancy magic of yours to burn down an orphanage full of kids?
Dorian: Er...not today.
Iron Bull: (laughs) Then I wouldn’t worry. Lot of other people need a knife in the back first.
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Dorian: You’ve killed lots of my countrymen, I take it?
Iron Bull: Sure, usually when I’m being paid for it.
Dorian: What? Never just for fun?
Iron Bull: I’m here, aren’t I? Man’s gotta take his fun where he can find it.
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#emetophobia warn
Iron Bull: Think I know what your problem is, Dorian.
Dorian: I have only the one?
Iron Bull: You see a man who’s burned out, who left his people and entire life behind...and for what?
Dorian: You’re not suggesting we’re similar.
Iron Bull: How’s that mirror treating you? Pretty picture, isn’t it?
Dorian: I may vomit.
Iron Bull: Wait, wait, I’ll flex a little for you. Make it easier.
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Iron Bull: Must grind your gristle the “Elder One” is some crazy Vint asshole, huh?
Dorian: I’m not thrilled to discover we should take those old legends at face value.
Iron Bull: Guess he thinks the modern Imperium is a real letdown, too.
Dorian: Why wouldn’t he? Tevinter one covered all Thedas, its glory only matched by its depravity.
Dorian: It’d be like Koslun showing up and learning the Qunari didn’t conquer the world after all.
Iron Bull: Hm, yes. Priesthood’s been trying to explain that one for centuries.
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Dorian: We have a Ben-hassrath with us? A spy. An actual Qunari spy.
Dorian: That doesn’t strike anyone as a bad thing?
Iron Bull: Says the Vint. When we’re fighting Vints.
Dorian: That’s...not a terrible point. Okay.
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Iron Bull: That staff’s in pretty good shape, Dorian.
Iron Bull: You spend a lot of time polishing it?
Dorian: (groans)
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Dorian: What does the Qunari priesthood tell your people about losing the war?
Iron Bull: Enh. The usual. Water comes, water goes, but eventually the tides wear away the mountain. Blah, blah, blah.
Dorian: They’ve been fighting Tevinter for centuries and still haven’t won.
Iron Bull: Wait, you think we’ve been at war all this time?
Dorian: It’s barely and eye-watering slap fight, I’ll grant you, but every now and again it heats up.
Iron Bull: (chuckles) That’s just force of habit. A real invasion’s different.
Dorian: What are they waiting for?
Iron Bull: Don’t know. Someone to tell someone to tell someone it’s on again, I guess.
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Dorian: So they’re the Chargers, and you’re the Bull. That’s clever.
Iron Bull: Worked that out on your own, did ya?
Iron Bull: You gotta keep the name simple, so the nobles get it. They pay us to fight, not to entertain at tea.
Dorian: That I’d like to see.
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#discussion of sexual assault
Iron Bull: Quite the stink eye you got going, Dorian.
Dorian: You stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden, with no thought save conquest.
Iron Bull: That’s right. These big, muscled hands could tear those robes off while you struggled, helpless in my grip.
Iron Bull: I’d pin you down, and as you gripped my horns, I would conquer you.
Dorian: Um...what?
Iron Bull: Oh. Is that not where we’re going?
Dorian: No, it was very much not.
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Iron Bull: I’m just saying, Dorian, you carry around this picture of the Qunari in your mind, like you see us as this forbidden, terrible thing.
Iron Bull: And you’re inclined to do the forbidden.
Dorian: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Iron Bull: All I’m saying is, you ever want to explore that, my door’s always open.
Dorian: You are impossible! This is… (frustrated noise)
Iron Bull: Good! I like that energy! Stoke those fires, big guy.
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Iron Bull: Better hike up your skirt, mage boy.
Dorian: I’m not wearing a skirt.
Iron Bull: You trip on that bustling whatever, don’t come crying to me.
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Dorian: Why is it always so cold? How do you southerners stand it?
Iron Bull: What’s the matter? Not enough slaves around to rub your footsies?
Dorian: (angrily) My footsies are freezing, thank you.
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#casual ableist language
Dorian: I will never understand why Qunari warriors spend half their time running around bare-chested.
Iron Bull: Thought you'd appreciate that.
Dorian: It's stupid. They should wear armor.
Iron Bull: You see a member of the beresaad in full armor, you run, because it's war.
Dorian: They should wear armor all the time!
Iron Bull: Then they'd have to invade everyone. You're so bloodthirsty.
Dorian: (growls)
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Iron Bull: Still stewing on it, eh, Dorian?
Dorian: Abelas said the elves destroyed themselves. I’m still wrapping my head around that.
Iron Bull: Why not tell everyone? Thought you wanted to take your fellow Vints down a peg or two.
Dorian: For one, I’ve no proof, secondly if I did, they’d lose their collective minds. They might decide they have something to prove. Can you imagine?
Iron Bull: (grunts) Good point.
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Iron Bull: Dorian, you’ve been to Minrathous, right?
Dorian: Of course. I’m not a plebian.
Iron Bull: You ever been to that place in the Vivazi Plaza, with the big, cracked bell hanging off the roof?
Dorian: With the dancers, yes. You’re making me homesick.
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Iron Bull: So, Dorian, about last night…
Dorian: (sighs) Discretion isn’t your thing, is it?
Iron Bull: Three times! Also, do you want those silky underthings back, or did you leave those like a token?
Iron Bull: Or...wait, did you “forget” them so you’d have an excuse to come back? You sly dog!
Dorian: If you choose to leave your door unlocked like a savage, I may or may not come.
Iron Bull: Speak for yourself.
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And there you have it. Here is the video where I got the few bits of dialogue I missed.