Stories of Doubt is a Doubters Anonymous series featuring the reflections of members of the community. Stories are shared in a spirit of understanding and healing, and reflect the personal beliefs …
I wrote this a couple of years ago after I first became agnostic. I'm not totally in that place of loving faith the same way anymore, but I thought it was important to share that it was part of my journey. I do still appreciate faith in a spiritual-but-not-religious kind of way, and I have a few people of faith I admire (Glennon Doyle Melton, Henri Nouwen), but it's less personal for me now. I have less tolerance for some forms of faith than I used to as I’ve realized how abusive and manipulative they can be. I think what I do still love is the mystery, which was not part of my picture of faith growing up but is very important to my understanding of it now. I think part of what I'm learning to love about my past faith is the passionate girl I was inside it, not the faith itself. I expressed that passion through faith because it was all I had access to, but I'm realizing I'm still asking a lot of the same questions, I'm just open to different answers.