Presence: The Path Leading Away from Old Habits and Towards Greater Choice
"The human body doesn't run on cognition alone. There's spirit, sensation, emotion: a whole host of components that make up who we are. And when we pay attention to all of these elements, we're much more complete than if we tune certain aspects out."
Leadership coach and author Doug Silsbee is a big advocate of listening, in the broadest sense of the word. During Visionary Leader, Extraordinary Life on July 15, Doug spoke with Kate Ebner about how presence can free us of old habits, allow us to become more resourceful in any situation and help us cope with the busyness of our everyday lives.
Just what is presence? Doug writes that, "Presence is a state of awareness, in the moment, characterized by the felt experience of timelessness, connectedness and a larger truth." By being present, people have access to more information in any given moment. Instead of furtively checking my email on my phone during a lunch with an old friend, I might be noticing how she lights up when talking about her new job, or the concern in her voice when discussing an ill family member. I could be noticing how refreshing my gazpacho tastes on the hot day, how uncomfortable my chair is, or realizing how wonderful it feels to spend time with and stay connected to my friend.
The key to presence is not just the noticing -- it's the fact that by tuning in to what is happening both around us and within us, we increase our power to self-regulate our attention. This can be especially helpful in choosing purposefully what to focus our minds on in a world where our technology channels feed us a constant stream of information on top of which we struggle to stay afloat. Increased presence cures the feeling that life is happening to us and we are merely reacting by reminding us that we have a choice- the choice to turn down the volume on the exterior world and simply be 100% where we are in this moment. This will enable us to be effective and also open to new possibilities.
One practical leadership application of increased presence is when trying to implement a new behavior at work, perhaps as a result of feedback from a 360. By being aware, we create more choices for ourselves about our behavior. For example, a person who was 100% present in a team meeting may neck notice their neck tensing up accompanied by an urge to interrupt a colleague whose idea they disagree with. But by noticing these things as they're happening, the person has a choice about what to do with that information- to let old habits react, or to consciously implement a new behavior.
We've included an exercise excerpted from Doug's book, Presence-Based Coaching to help you begin to increase your awareness of presence in the box below.
For more of Doug Silsbee's deep insights into how presence can help us all live happier lives of greater purpose and choice, listen to the full show here or download the podcast for free on iTunes.
"First, sit in a comfortable chair, without distractions. Close your eyes. Relax. Now, notice the short space between your thoughts. Notice that there is a moment of stillness between the ened of one thought and the beginning of the next. Bring your attention to that stillness. Watch, expectantly, for the beginning of the next thought, like a cat waiting, with total alertness, for a mouse to emerge. That moment, between thoughts, is presence.
Then, sit in front of something that moves you: a picture of a loved one, a view of nature, a special work of art. Close your eyes, and visualize it. Consider what it means to you. Hold it in your mind's eye, concentrating on the image. Now slowly open your eyes, and look at the object a if you were seeing it for the first time. Simply let yourself feel, with freshness and curiosity, this thing that you're seeing anew.
So, what did you notice? What did you feel? That's presence."
Excerpt from Presence-Based Coaching, p. 21, by Doug Silsbee, published by Jossey-Bass.
