No one told me there would be so much drama in pharmacy school. It’s been 2 weeks and I can’t handle all this bullshit. I’ve never felt this lonely and confused. i don’t have anyone to talk to or confide in. I don’t really trust anyone at school yet. the people I did trust turned out to be fakes. and I don’t have the time to meet up with my old friends. and this is the only place for me to rant. give me some advice if you can bc im literally here crying while typing this out.
1. Power struggle with student organizations. we can only join student organizations in our first year. and it is important for me to get a leadership position because my end goal is to work in a research lab. Basically, I can only get a leadership position if I know the p2s and p3s that are in charge. And of course, I don’t know anyone but an old friend. And he got kicked out of one bc he was ‘too involved’. And word on the street is that he’s losing power of his frat so he can’t even guarantee if they will accept me in. Even if I do get into the frat, I can’t get a leadership position for the research organization bc they hate the frat. Like wtf. this whole process is basically nepotism. and I really hate nepotism. but all I needed to do is to make the right connections that will land me into residency. but I can’t yet. nor do I know how to.
2. Some students have the biggest egos. This bitch over here thinking that she’s such a good person by making quizlets and notes for us. And then volunteering herself as the class representative when no one even voted for her yet. today, she removed a student from our groupme without any explanation. only stating that she believed she made the best decision to keep all of us as professional as we can be. no one asked you to do that for us. and as far as I know, that student never used profanity or shit talk about any professors or other students. the bitch needs to calm the fuck down. and other people are spreading rumors and starting shit already.
3. my friend who got accepted with me turns out to be not so nice. I knew this girl since January and we both got accepted at the end of feb. and we kept in touch since because I thought she was down to earth. but it’s 2 weeks into school and she has shown her true personality. she is in a committed long-term relationship for the past 3 years and during orientation week, she's been flirting it up with all the guys in our class. and she fell hard for this one Korean boy. shes constantly playing him. one minute flirting with him and the other, setting up jealousy traps. she acts all cute in front of all the other guys to get them to like her only to make the Korean guy jealous. and when he talks to another girl, she gets super upset and takes it out on me and the other 2 girls in our group. on top of that, she knows all the Asians in the entire school and just talks shit about them every day. saying that this one girl is a whore because she broke up with her ex-bf bc she wasn't sexually satisfied. wtf, you the one flirting around and getting jealous when you’re already in a long-term relationship. and since she knows most of the upperclassmen, shes already boasting that she has the president-elect position in all the student organizations that she wants to be in. gloating that her friends will rig the system for her.
4. I don’t have an aggressive personality where I will do anything to get what I want nor do I like people who cheat their way through life. I don’t want to burn any bridges since I’m stuck with the same 90 students for the next 4 years (and it’s still only 2 weeks in.) I really don’t want to make things awkward. I want to be as friendly as possible in order to have the connections I need but I'm also very independent and I like to do things on my own. which makes me conflicted. I feel like I'm the fake one. everything that I have now, I earned it myself. I worked really hard for it. so I really don't understand the concept of using connections to get what I want. the fact that I have to use other people’s name to get where I want to be after these 4 years makes me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I owe them something. Like I have to constantly be on their good side for the sake of my future. I'm also in a constant state of regret and wonder. what if I had actually applied and gotten into medical school instead of pharmacy school? I mean, I know now that I could have been in medical school if I had just applied. all my friends are already in medical school anyway, so I probably don’t have to feel that pressure of making connections. it would probably be easier for me to adjust since I already have them as my support group.
I thought Dr. Ho's Muscle Therapy (massage thing) was supposed to help relieve the pain in my lower back. This feels more like someone is tapping away on my spine with a jackhammer.
Hay, pharma is so hard. There's this lecture which has been given to us, almost three times already. I have been studying it for two years already, but still, I have not yet understood it. Is it beyond my reach? Oh well.
