SUMMARY: Due to really bad anxiety, you sign up at an agency that matches you with a dominant partner.
WARNINGS: 18+ DOM/SUB. Noah is a soft!dom and pleasure!dom, but definitely dominant. Smut, control, rules, guidance, mild painplay, denial, exploration. (There is no harsh degradation, humiliation, punishment etc, it’s not going that hardcore.) Each chapter will have its own warnings.
It starts off a little slow for reasons the story will reveal – it’s not straight into the kinky stuff.
I’ve done research, but this will probably not be a typical display of dom/sub – not all elements will be present. I have a specific idea in my head for Noah and it does not always fit the ‘norm’.
Noah comes over, and you know, almost instantly, that something is off.
You made dinner and Noah is very polite and friendly during the meal, but his smiles were half-hearted, he seemed distracted and a little distant. There were small moments when true emotions came through, like when you said that you had a rough day, you saw his true concern.
He was also quiet, not really offering any information and adding very little to the conversations, but you noticed that he was trying – he just really was not feeling it.
You stand in the middle of the kitchen for a really long time staring at the door after he left. You play the evening over and over in your mind. You think about how even the texts have been stunted for the last few days.
You think back even further and remember that he was gone by the time you woke up on Sunday morning after a really intense session the whole of Saturday. You were looking forward to the comfort of waking up next to his sleeping form, and you felt so disappointed when you realised he had gone. But it’s only now that you are sure that something was wrong.
You have a panic attack right there in the kitchen, leaning on the counters while you couldn’t inhale, your chest so constricted that it felt impossible. After hours of crying and a lot of overthinking you couldn’t sleep. The gnawing pit in your stomach remaining uneasy and constantly on your mind.
But you didn’t let him know. You didn’t ask.
Thursday:
The email comes through while you were at work and you didn’t read it right away. You almost forgot about it. Until later that afternoon when you were at home and checking other messages.
Even then you didn’t think it was serious, you were expecting just a usual communication, but as it dawned on you what it is you are reading, you feel a heat spread through your body. You read it several times, almost sure you were mistaken, but every time your eyes see the words it cut a little deeper into your heart that was beating like it wanted to climb out of your mouth.
The very short and simple email confirmed that Mr Davis has cancelled the arrangement that he had with you and the agency and that it was in effect immediately. Thank you for your time with the agency. Please make use of our services in the future.
Your mind feels completely empty, unable to process the information. At the same time, it feels like your mind is screaming at the top of its lungs with the number of thoughts crashing through it.
You work your way through another panic attack, breathing just like he fucking showed you and you were not sure if it made it worse – thinking about him, when he was the cause of your anguish and pain and anger. How could he do this?
When you could breathe normally again you started to think about what you could do. Your options all seeming terrible. A really big part of you wanted to block him and never ask him why, the part of you that was proud and wanted to protect yourself. But there was a bigger part that kept telling you that Noah would not do this.
You think about calling him. But having this conversation over the phone was not something you wanted to do.
You laid in bed and could not sleep, could not stop thinking and worrying and wondering why this is happening.
The thought barely popped into your head before you jumped into action, throwing the blankets back and putting on just enough clothes that you could leave the house without freezing. You got in the car and started the drive to his house convinced that this was a great idea. The closer you get, though, your confidence starts to buckle, but you keep going. You feel fear like you haven’t felt in months grip you and yet you keep driving. Tears start for the first time since reading that fucking email and you wipe at them just enough that you could see where you were going as you keep moving forward.
When you park in the driveway, you opened the door and got out. It was dark, the lights in the house were off and it was quiet. Now what?
You send him a text. I am outside.
He doesn’t read it. He is probably sleeping.
You look in the direction of where his bedroom window should be and you start calling him. He answers a lot quicker than you expected. ‘Hey,’ he says his voice sleepy.
It took you a moment to think of something to say. ‘Can you come speak to me? I am outside.’
‘What?’ he says, clearly more woken up by the shock.
You see his bedroom light go on. ‘I know it’s late, but it couldn’t wait.’
‘Are you alright?’ he asks, sounding very worried.
‘I don’t know.’
‘I’m coming, just hang on,’ he says and then he hangs up.
Less than a minute later, you see the light go on and hear the key in the lock. He opens the door and he stands there slightly hunched over, his hair a mess, his face slightly sleep-swollen, but his eyes were alert.
‘What’s going on? What happened?’ he asks.
‘I got an email, Noah. From the agency,’ you say, trying to keep the anger out of your voice.
‘An email?’ he says frowning.
You do not reply, instead you wait.
‘Can you come in? It’s cold. Let’s talk inside,’ he says stepping back to make space for you.
You think about it for a few seconds, literally shaking from the cold, but also fear and anger. ‘I can’t, Noah. You need to tell me now.’
‘Tell you what?’ he asks.
When you try to think of how to respond, the feelings that have been overwhelming you just became too much. You start crying again, hiccupping into it, and hide your face in your hands. You try to compose yourself so that you could actually have a conversation. When you finally look up and away from your hands, Noah is standing in front of you, looking so worried and confused and conflicted that it made you desperate for this to be over. ‘Nutmeg!’ you say louder than it needed to be.
Noah has a visceral reaction to that. He steps forward like he wants to comfort you, and you take a step backward, away from him.
‘Nutmeg means everything stops,’ you say through the tears, your voice thick.
‘It does,’ he agrees.
‘So just get it over with, Noah,’ you say.
‘Tell me what the email said? Please,’ his eyes are shiny and begging with you.
You inhale shakily. ‘That you cancelled our arrangement with immediate effect.’
‘Fuck,’ he says under his breath, but it’s said with anger.
‘So, it’s true?’ you ask, your voice soft.
‘Peach, this is a misunderstanding, alright? Come inside, please, baby? I can explain everything,’ he says, reaching his hand out for you to take.
You wanted to take his hand so much, but not if he was going to rip you apart right after. You wipe at the tears that were falling down your face at an alarming rate.
‘Please trust me? I will let you out as soon as you want to leave. You know I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do,’ he says, his face serious, his eyes communicating so many emotions to you.
‘Okay,’ you say cautiously giving in. You step past him into the house and take the lead to his room, while he locks the door. The house is dark, except for the light from his bedroom, and the house is warm and you feel a tiny amount of tension leave your muscles.
He finally comes in and closes the door behind him. ‘Do you want to sit?’
‘No, thanks,’ you say.
He walks to his desk and takes an envelope into his hands and he fiddles with it nervously. ‘I was going to give this to you tomorrow night,’ he says. ‘I was supposed to be the one to tell you, I asked them not to email you.’
‘Is that the cancellation?’ you ask.
He nods apologetically.
‘Why?’ you ask, unable to stop your bottom lip from shaking. ‘What did I do wrong?’
‘No,’ he shakes his head and steps closer to you again. ‘You did nothing wrong, please don’t think that.’ He doesn’t come any closer, he pauses. ‘I was still figuring out how I was going to do this.’
‘Please. Can you please just say it?’ you whisper, finding it more difficult to hold yourself together the longer you stood in front of him.
‘Yes. I’m going to try my best,’ you see him wring his hands. ‘I don’t want to be your agency-appointed dom anymore. I can’t be.’
He had clearly not finished yet, but you interrupt. ‘Why?’
He takes a deep breath, his chest expanding and he lifts his eyes nervously to meet yours. ‘Because I love you.’
For a few seconds there is no oxygen in your lungs. ‘What?’
‘I can’t keep pretending at our meetings. Do you know how often I have to bite my tongue? Every time we are together, Peach,’ emotion is thick in his voice and his expression on his face is so open and vulnerable.
You process without a word.
‘I was going to do something more coherent tomorrow, maybe have a better plan,’ he runs his fingers through his hair.
You were still thinking of what to say, and then he slowly took a few steps closer to you, gauging your reaction at his movements.
‘I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear. I’m sorry it came out like this,’ he says closer to you now, almost touching.
‘Really?’ is all you manage.
He nods again.
‘Oh.’ You were looking down, not making eye contact.
He lets out a small sigh. ‘I have for a long time,’ he says softly. ‘I was worried it was just because we have a really good intimate connection. But I would fantasise about holding your hand or the way your hair smells when we sleep. I have wanted to tell you so many times.’
He was close enough to you that you didn’t have to reach far at all to touch his hand, and then your fingers twined together like they have many times before, so naturally. ‘Why didn’t you?’
He swallows. ‘I was scared. I am scared. I know that if you don’t feel the same way, this comes to an end, but I can’t hide it anymore.’
The tears welling up in your eyes now are different. The feeling bursting in your chest is different. ‘Noah?’ you whisper.
‘Baby?’ he says, also whispering, while his eyes look right into yours. The love pouring from the look he gives you, the raw feelings evident in the brown – it feels like a physical force hitting you.
You cup his cheek with your free hand. Right when the words were about to come out of your mouth, the reality of what you were about to say makes you choke on a sob. ‘Of course I feel the same.’
He smiles tearily. ‘You do?’ He steps even closer.
‘I love you, so much,’ you cry.
He wraps you up in a hug, and bends down far enough to bury his face in your neck. You feel his body and his heat and how he shakes. You are overwhelmed by the relief.
‘I thought you were going to break my heart tonight,’ you admit quietly in his ear.
He squeezes you a little tighter. ‘I was so scared to tell you.’ You feel his words in your body. ‘I was terrified this would end.’
You rub your hand up and down his back, while you think. ‘I don’t even know when it happened. Loving you. But it feels like it has been so long.’
He drops a kiss on your neck. ‘I was in denial, but when I realised that I craved being with you all the time, I knew.’ He pulls back from the hug but stays close. ‘The letter from the agency was supposed to be a romantic gesture.’
You grimace a little. ‘It nearly killed me.’
‘I’m sorry, this would have been simpler if I just said something like a normal person,’ he grimaces back. ‘Stay the night?’
You nod and Noah’s hands come up to cup your face, he asks permission with his eyes before he leans in slowly and presses his lips against yours and he sighs in relief as soon as he does. The kiss feels different. He kisses you like it’s the first time again. The parting of lips, the first touch of his tongue, sending shivers through your body. He pulls you backwards with him, while he carefully shuffles his way towards the bed. When the back of his legs hit the mattrass, he sits down on the edge.
You stand between his spread legs and he rests his hands on your hips while he looks up at you with his dark eyes. ‘I want to take my time with you,’ he pleads.
You brush back his hair with one hand. ‘I would love that.’
He looks down briefly, before those eyes are boring into yours again. ‘I want to be clear, baby. Before we go further. I want us to be together. I want to wake up next to you every morning.’
‘I want that, too,’ you drop a firm kiss on his forehead.
He slips his hands under your sleep shirt and touches and feels his way up your torso, then he pulls it off your body before his hands are at your breasts. True to his promise he takes his time and explores you like he doesn’t already know every inch of you. He spends so much time licking and kissing and pinching at your flesh and nipples. All you can do is breathe and enjoy his attention, because it is different now.
He makes you lay back on the bed and then spends a lot of time tasting you, no hesitation, lapping at you. Your hand finds the top of his head. ‘Noah,’ you exhale.
‘I got you,’ he pants and then he pushes two fingers into you tenderly. Then he works his fingers, with such familiarity, knowing what you like, softly sucking your clit – but it felt different. ‘Stop me before you cum, baby. You are cumming on my cock.’
‘Please hold my hand,’ you say as your hips roll against his face. He grips your hand, moaning against you. You stop him before you cum, and while you catch your breath, he gives you his fingers that you suck into your mouth. He kisses you so sweetly all the way up your body, until his tongue replaces his fingers.
‘I want you so much,’ he breathes into your mouth.
‘You have me, you’ve always had me,’ you answer back.
‘Why does it feel like it’s been months since I’ve been inside you? It feels like I missed you so much,’ he asks.
You hold his face close to you and kiss the tip of his nose. ‘Because something was missing until now.’
He nods with small movements of his head. ‘But I’ve loved you through so many times.’
You give a small smile, ‘But you didn’t know that I love you too.’
‘Mmm,’ he agrees. ‘You didn’t know either.’
‘No,’ you kiss him again. ‘But we know now.’
He runs his cock up and down the length of your pussy. ‘We know.’ His eyes alternate between yours and where he is pushing into you. His eyes fall closed when he has slowly worked his way all the way in. ‘I love you,’ he whispers, lowering himself down to be close to you. ‘I love you, so much.’
You adjust around him and soothingly hold on to him. ‘I love you, Noah.’
‘Oh my god,’ he says. ‘I thought this couldn’t be more perfect.’
You pull your knees up around his hips. ‘I know.’
He thrusts with slow and sure movements. ‘Seeing how I am covered in your wetness, it’s one of my favourite things.’
You smile softly at him. ‘Are you okay?’ you brush back his hair so you could see his eyes again.
‘Yes,’ he says, barely audible. ‘Maybe a little overcome.’
‘I know, baby,’ you kiss him. ‘Me, too.’
‘You feel so fucking good,’ he groans. ‘I’m not going to last long.’
‘That’s okay,’ you say.
‘No,’ he disagrees. ‘Together. Please? I want us to cum together.’
‘We can try,’ you say, feeling the need in his body and seeing it in his face.
He lifts himself back up, so his hands are free and then he rubs at your clit with his thumb. ‘Tell me what you need?’
‘Noah,’ you say almost wanting to sit up yourself. ‘Don’t put pressure on the moment. It’s already special, because it’s us.’
‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘You’re right.’
‘Come sit here,’ you pat the bed. ‘Let me take care of it.’
He pulls out of you slowly, and you watch his cock, painfully hard, slip free from your body, dripping wet, flexing between your legs. So beautiful.
He seems unsure as he sits down next to you.
‘Lean back, get comfortable,’ you say sweetly.
He does that, adjusting a pillow behind his back.
Then you sit up and straddle his hips. He looks up at you with awe in his eyes. You just sit lightly on the top on his thighs, then you wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him. You kiss like you wanted to tell him how much you felt for him with it. He kisses you back slowly and deliberately and you can feel the tension leave his muscles, his breathing more even. You move forward against his body where his cock is trapped between your stomachs.
Once you have thoroughly messed up his hair with your fingers and once you felt the wet spot on your stomach grow sticky with his precum you wrap your fingers around him and lift yourself so you could guide him back inside you.
‘Oh, baby,’ he almost sobs, letting his head fall forward against your chest. ‘Your pussy feels amazing.’
‘Because you were made for me, Noah. You fit so perfectly inside me,’ you pant, trying to keep your composure as he stretches you open again, filling your body and your soul with a feeling of completeness.
You rock your hips against his, with no rush. You feel him so deep inside where he sends waves of pleasure through your body. Noah’s hands explore your body, touching and squeezing all parts of you he could reach, treating each part like it’s lovely and worthy of being paid attention to.
Every now and again you hear him whisper how much he loves you, but he does it so softly, it’s like he is revelling in the fact that he could say it out loud now.
The pleasure builds slowly and powerfully. ‘Please, baby? Please?’ he says looking up you.
‘What do you need?’ you ask him sweetly.
‘Please fuck me?’ he says and he means it, his eyes desperate.
You move your hips faster and harder against him and he tries his best to meet you with thrusts of his own. Your bodies working together to give each other what it needs.
‘You are incredible, baby. That’s it. Fuck me. Fuck me,’ he encourages. His two fingers start rubbing at your clit and you throw your head back. ‘No, baby, you need to look at me.’
You force your head back and then rest your forehead against his and there you stay. ‘I’m so close, Noah.’
‘Me too, baby, I am going to cum inside you,’ he says. ‘May I?’
‘Always,’ you answer. ‘Please, always.’
He forces his eyes to stay open long enough to look right into your soul when he says, ‘I love you so fucking much,’ and then he cums and grips onto you.
You knew this orgasm was going to be overwhelming, but it still shocks you. You cling to Noah as your body convulses out of your control, and you cry immediately, the emotion and closeness and Noah being too much.
His arms are tight around your waist as you cry into his shoulder. You whisper over and over that you love him, worried that he didn’t know. It took you a while to notice that he was crying too.
You finally break apart after a long time, when your legs start to ache and it’s still unpleasant when he pulls out of you. Before he could do it himself, you get up to get a cloth from the bathroom that you run under warm water and then you head back and clean him off first with gentle strokes. Then he takes it from you and does the same. It all felt different.
When you settle down, he rests his head on your chest and you hold on to each other.
‘So, this means that I get to fall asleep like this every night?’ he asks.
‘Yes, if that’s what you want,’ you answer.
‘It is,’ he sighs.
‘I didn’t realise how much I wanted this until this evening,’ you admit. ‘I kept telling myself that I was silly for loving you. But I don’t think I knew how much I needed you until I could have you.’ You say this shyly, afraid to admit it out loud.
‘I know what you mean,’ he says.
‘I would also think about the small things with you. Like hugs and phone calls. I craved it more than I wanted to admit to myself,’ you carry on.
‘We could have had each other so much sooner, if we just said something,’ he mumbles.
‘Maybe. But maybe we had to get to this point.’ You play with his hair until he falls asleep.
**
When you wake up, Noah is gone. It must be properly morning, because the light is bright in the room. You are not worried, though, because everything is different.
You cautiously creak the bedroom door open, unsure who might be there. But it’s only Noah in the kitchen, in only his boxers, stirring the coffee he had just made. ‘Morning.’
He jumps just a little at your voice. ‘Hey,’ he beams at you. ‘I was going to bring this to you in bed.’
You smile. ‘I can go right back?’
‘Yes, please. I’m right behind you,’ he says.
You arrange the pillows so both of you can sit in bed. Noah hands you a cup and then kisses you good morning. ‘Mmm, this is nice.’
‘It’s a new kind of coffee Jolly insisted we try,’ he says as he settles himself in.
‘I meant waking up with you. But the coffee is also good,’ you say turning your body a little towards his.
His eyes are almost sparkling when he looks at you. ‘I know we’ve woken up together before. But, today, I knew that it meant something more.’
You take a sip of the coffee. ‘So, how is this going to work?’
‘What?’ he asks.
‘Us? This is not very conventional,’ you say.
‘Well,’ he takes a big gulp of his coffee and then places it on the bedside table, then he opens his arms for you. You put yours aside too and climb right into his side where he holds you close, his chin rests on top of your head. ‘We make the rules.’
You squeeze him a little. ‘So, let’s make some rules.’
‘This does seem familiar,’ he teases.
‘I was awake a little after you feel asleep, wondering about how things might change,’ you say softly.
‘All I want is you,’ he whispers.
‘How do you want me?’
‘Baby?’ he says in his dom voice. ‘As long as we are together and you feel safe and loved with me, I don’t care how.’ He rubs your back a little. ‘Tell me what is worrying you. Then we talk about it.’
‘Are we going to carry on being each other’s dom and sub, because I really like what we have, but maybe sometimes, it can just be us,’ you start strong.
‘Yeah, that sounds perfect. I think we both benefit for some form of our arrangement, but some more casualness might also be good for us. I don’t want your anxiety to become worse again,’ his voice deeper than usual.
‘We can work on these things together,’ you say like you almost just realised.
‘I would love to,’ he says.
‘Where are we sleeping if you want to wake up together every morning?’ you ask.
He snorts a little. ‘We can alternate, literally whatever you want.’
‘I think it’s too soon to officially move in together,’ you say.
‘Yeah, I guess,’ he says. ‘But I am ready when you are.’
‘Oh my god,’ you mumble into his chest. ‘Okay, I’ll start thinking about that.’
‘Peach?’ he says. ‘We take it step by step. As long as I can hold your hand with each step, I am happy.’
You process for a moment. ‘I love you. You understand me so well. You have from the moment we met.’
‘We understand each other,’ he politely corrects you.
‘Okay, so no more worrying,’ you say sitting up and reaching for your coffee again. ‘What are we having for breakfast?’
‘Whatever you want,’ he says.
‘Don’t make a joke about eating me for breakfast, I am really hungry,’ you say seriously.
He looks defeated. ‘Fine, can I have you after breakfast?’
Excitement ripples through you. Not only at what this day has in store for you, but what your future could be with him. This beautiful soul, who has been what you needed and wanted from the start.
‘Drink up, we are going out for breakfast and coming right back here for the rest of the day.’
**
You wake in the middle of the night and the room is dark. Your dream woke you, but you could already feel the details of it slipping away. Noah has a protective arm draped across your middle and he breathes in even puffs next to you. You can see his dark hair contrast against the pillow. You notice how his tall frame struggles to find a position where his whole body fits on the bed, his feet dangling over the edge. You touch his hand and instinctively, in his sleep, he holds your hand and a few seconds later he uses his arm to pull you closer to him.
You lay there in utter disbelief, tears brimming in your eyes as you think. When the emotion becomes too much and you start crying, Noah clings to you even more.
‘What’s wrong?’ he says sleepily.
‘Nothing,’ you answer honestly.
He lifts his head to look at you, but he couldn’t really see you in the dark. ‘Why are you crying, baby?’
You try to keep your voice even when you say, ‘I think it all just hit me.’
‘What hit you?’ he asks, clearly confused.
‘I’ll tell you in the morning. It’s okay. You can sleep,’ you try.
‘No,’ he lifts himself up on his elbows. ‘Tell me now.’
You roll onto your side to face him. ‘You are the person who has made me feel the safest in my whole life. I’ve never been a priority for someone like I’ve been for you.’
He is quiet for a moment. ‘Keep going.’
‘I didn’t think I would ever feel like this,’ you say after a moment.
‘Like what?’ he asks sounding sad.
‘Wanted? Important? I can’t really pin point it,’ you say.
He sits up all the way, then he takes your hand again and kisses your knuckles. ‘You know, there’s a part of me that strongly believes that I am unlovable.’
‘What? No,’ you say scooting closer, overcome with a need to make him not believe that.
‘Hey, listen,’ he says sweetly. ‘I am convinced the reason we work, we fit… is because we give each other the very things we don’t think we deserve. So, from my side, I want you, and I cherish you and you are my first priority. I want you to be happy and comfortable more than anything. I love you.’
You process for a little while. ‘Okay, in that case.’ You grab a hold of his face with both hands. ‘You are the easiest person to love. Nothing has been more effortless, you are the best human I know. I can’t think of someone who deserves to be loved more thoroughly than you.’
He smiles sweetly, you feel his cheeks under your hands. ‘Thank you,’ he whispers.
‘I am going to make you believe it, I promise.’
‘Closest I have ever come to believing it has been with you.’
[END]
XX
A/N: A million thank yous to YOU! For giving this story a chance, for reading, interacting with it – I neeeever expected the response I got from you lovely people. I have criiied reading messages and comments and I cannot explain how it has healed a part of me I didn’t know was broken.
I have ideas for more stories, but I will be taking a break before I try that. (I also have a crazy idea to rewrite The Apparition idk) I might add something here and there to Nutmeg, because I feel so sad leaving Noah and Peach.
You guys will never know what you have done for my soul. I LOVE YOU ALL.
WARNINGS: fluff, Noah taking care of you, cuddles, cuddlefuck, outercourse, piv, choking if you squint (please let me know if I need to add something)
Noah walks in the door literal seconds after you knelt down on the pillow. You were not ready for him.
‘Peach?’ he says confusion clear in his voice. ‘Everything alright?’
He drops his backpack by the door, like he always does, and walks closer to you. You were trying to decide how to explain the situation to him.
‘Baby?’ he asks again, stepping even closer.
‘Do you remember that we are supposed to tell each other if we are not feeling well, if it will influence our meeting?’ You try to keep calm and keep your voice steady.
‘Of course,’ he says and he is quick to walk right up to you, concern on his face.
You nod a few times. ‘Okay well, I have had a bad day. And I don’t think I’m up for this tonight.’
‘That’s alright,’ he says immediately.
‘I’m really sorry, I still wanted to send you a text to cancel, but the day just ran away with me and when I saw the time, I was too late,’ you explain and you already feel the tightness in your lungs when you try to inhale.
‘Come here,’ he says softly and he grabs your hands to pull you up and he pulls you closer, his one hand on the back of your head, the other around your body.
Stunned for a second your arms hang limply at your sides, your head against his sternum. You feel the warmth of his body and you smell that he is freshly showered. But mostly you feel the peace start to drive away the chaos in your mind.
‘Breathe with me,’ he whispers and you feel his chest expand and you try your best to follow his instruction. But while the noise in your head is calming down, the relief you feel is the new emotion to overwhelm your senses and before you knew what happened, your arms were around his waist clinging to him. You cry into his shirt, unable to stop yourself.
He rubs your back. And he keeps the rhythm of steady breaths going against you. He even very gently, with small movements, start rocking from side to side.
‘It’s alright, baby. Try to breathe with me,’ he soothes and as you feel calmer, as the tears start to subside you are able to breathe more steadily, and soon he is following your lead again.
‘I’m okay,’ you mumble after a while.
‘Have you eaten today?’ he asks like he does not believe you.
‘Not really, but I feel a little nauseous,’ you reply.
‘Alright,’ he says. ‘Let’s sit down and then you tell me what happened today.’ He drags you to the couch and he sits in the corner in such a way that you can still have your face buried in his chest. ‘I’m listening.’
You tell him about the unpleasant incident at work without going into too much detail, mostly because reliving it too vividly might make you anxious again. ‘So, later during the day, I had a panic attack or anxiety attack, I’m not sure. It was to the point where I felt like I couldn’t breathe.’
He quietly continues to rub your back and listens.
‘So, my friend at work, she wanted to call the ambulance, I just had to stop her. But I did take the rest of the day off and came home and took a calming pill and then I fell asleep, I took the strong one. I woke up late and I didn’t have time to even change clothes, I didn’t shower or get the candles ready. And my head is pounding,’ you let it all out.
He is quiet a little bit, waiting to see if you have more to say. ‘Have you taken something for the headache?’
‘No,’ you shake your head.
‘Do you have something here?’ he asks.
‘No, I’ve checked.’
‘I’m going to pick something up for you, get some food, alright?’ he is already getting up. ‘I’ll be right back. Is there anything else you need?’
‘You don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay,’ you protest.
‘I want you to take a nice warm shower while I’m gone, try to relax,’ ignoring your words, he stands next to the couch looking at you waiting for a response, but you are just staring at him. ‘Did you hear me?’ he asks.
You nod.
‘Good girl,’ he leans down to kiss you and then turns to leave.
You watch the door close behind him and hear his car start. You try to process what just happened, but you found that the effort made your headache worse. Obediently, you head to the bathroom where you take a shower and stand under the warm spray for a while, letting the heat reach your soul. When you get out you already feel a bit better. You always felt better after washing the day off you.
When you were dressed in your most respectable PJs you lay down on your bed, putting a pillow over your eyes to block the light.
After a while Noah is carefully lifting the pillow off your face. ‘Can you sit up for me?’ he says softly.
He puts a few pills in your hand and gives you a glass of cold water, and without questioning a thing, you throw the pills into your mouth and swallow with as little water as possible. You wince at the bitterness in your mouth. ‘Thank you,’ you say.
‘Don’t you want some more water?’ he asks.
‘I’m too nauseous, I need to keep the pills down,’ you explain.
‘Alright,’ he says. ‘Lay back down. I’ll be right back.’
With the pillow over your eyes again, you don’t know what he is doing, but you hear him. So, you concentrate on the little sounds of him moving around your house and try not to figure out what he was up to.
‘I think we are ready now,’ he whispers and you feel the bed dip with his weight as he sits down. ‘It’s been ten minutes since you’ve taken the pill, I need you to eat something.’
‘I can’t,’ you protest.
‘You don’t have to eat it all. Two bites are all I ask,’ he negotiates with you. ‘It’ll make the pills work better.’
You emerge from under the pillow and he holds out half a sandwich to you. He kept it plain, which was perfect. You look at his hopeful brown eyes and reluctantly take the bread from him and take a bite. You chew slowly and swallow.
‘Good,’ he praises. ‘One more bite.’
You take another bite and do the same. Then you hand the rest back to him, and he puts it in a little container on the bedside table.
Then you notice that the lighting was low and instead of the candles he had a small lamp on the bedside table, with the rest of your sandwich and more water. ‘Now, you come here.’ He helps you climb under the covers and he gets in with you. ‘Right here,’ he says as he lifts his arm and you climb right into him, snuggle as close as you could get. ‘Before you get too comfortable, take this,’ he hands you the blindfold, the one you used on your first few meetings. ‘To block the light.’
The rise and fall of his chest lull you into a state of almost-sleep for a long time. But the peace you felt along with the pills soon had you fast asleep on his chest.
You were a little confused when you woke up and pulled the blindfold down and you blinked repeatedly. You seemed to have settled right next to Noah with the top of your head kind of in his armpit. You were warm and comfortable and you breathe a sigh of relief that the pounding in your brain was gone.
Noah had turned off the lights and he had your tablet balanced on his chest with a pillow, your headphones in his ears. He was watching Lord of the Rings – you saw how the only light in the room was cast onto his face.
When you move, Noah immediately takes the headphone from his ear. ‘Hey.’
‘Hi,’ you smile at him. ‘I just need the bathroom.’
‘Come back quickly, you are warm,’ he calls after you.
When you climb back on the bed, he had the movie paused and he was sitting up. ‘What time is it?’ you asked.
‘Still fairly early,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t sleepy yet. So, I went looking which streaming services you have. I hope you don’t mind.’
You shake your head. ‘Not at all.’
‘How’s your head?’ he pulls the covers up over both of your laps while you both lean back against the pillows.
‘A lot better,’ you say. ‘I feel extremely groggy, though. But, I think it’s the pills.’
‘Yeah, I got you the good stuff,’ he grimaces. ‘My friend gets migraines all the time, and I called him to hear what he takes. So, I was confident it would help.’
You think about him, making a call to find out how to best help you. ‘That’s so nice of you.’
‘Here,’ he reaches over and hands you the rest of the sandwich you didn’t eat. ‘You are probably hungry now.’
‘I am,’ you take it from him. ‘Thank you so much.’ You open it, and gratefully take a big bite.
‘Jesse said he also gets nauseous from the pain, and to just let you be. That you’ll eat when you feel better,’ he explains as he watches you devour the rest of the bread.
‘Mmm,’ you agree and then swallow. ‘I even know that eating something makes the medication more effective, but in the moment,’ you shrug. ‘I guess, I kind of forget.’
‘It’s alright,’ he smiles. He is quiet while you eat. ‘Hey, did you get an email from the agency?’
‘I did,’ you nod, thinking of reading through it all and how it made you feel.
He nods looking unsure. ‘You don’t have to tell me the details but I am curious, what did they ask?’
‘Um,’ you think for a moment, leaning into him a little. ‘They mostly asked if you were sticking to the rules.’
He glances at you sideways. ‘And what did you say?’
‘That you have been a very good boy,’ you nudge his shoulder with yours.
He snorts. ‘They asked me the same thing. If you were keeping to the agreement and if I was still happy with the arrangement.’
‘Is it because we were at the two-month mark?’ you ask.
‘Yes, I knew it was coming,’ he confirmed.
‘They asked me if I have used my safe word with you,’ you say almost shyly.
‘I was also asked that,’ his voice soft.
‘Is it a bad thing that I haven’t?’ you ask.
He turns his head to look at you fully in the eye. You think it was to see your face and gauge your emotion. ‘It’s a good thing.’
‘Really?’ you ask.
‘Yes,’ he takes a deep breath. ‘It means you have never felt unsafe with me. It means that I have never pushed too far.’
You nod, thinking about what he said. ‘What if I had used it, though?’
You see the thoughts whirl through his brain behind his eyes. ‘It wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. It is there to be used, after all. But if you had to use the safe word every time we met, for example, that would be a very bad sign.’
You let your head drop a little, feeling foolish for what you were about to say. ‘When I read the question, it was the first time I thought about it, with regards to you. But I must say when I was applying at the agency, I thought safe word use would be common.’
He frowns a little. ‘Do you feel that I am not pushing you enough?’
You keep your head down. You choose your words carefully. ‘I thought the process would be harsher, honestly. I think I was under the impression that having a Dom was, by definition, going to be harsh.’
The frown does not leave his forehead. ‘Keep going.’
‘But, instead you pushed me gently. You took me out of my comfort zone, while holding my hand,’ you want to look at him, but you just couldn’t get your eyes to lift. ‘I am glad I have never wanted to use the safe word.’
When you finally glance up at him, his eyes were fixed of his hands, where he was playing with the drawstring of his hoodie. When he glances up at you, his hair hanging in front of his face, he says softly, ‘You deserve to be guided gently to the place where you feel peace. I really think pushing you too hard would have done more damage than good.’
‘You’re right,’ you agree immediately. ‘You knew that from the beginning. Even when I didn’t.’
‘Thank you for saying that,’ his voice barely audible.
You can almost see that there is more that he wants to say, but he keeps his eyes down a little bit longer and swallows what he wanted to add. ‘I mean it. You were exactly what I needed.’
His eyes are still not looking at you and you begin to worry that you have said too much, or maybe said something he didn’t want to hear. Your brain started whirling with thoughts.
‘Did they also ask you to revise your list of things you are willing to try?’ he says after too long, changing the subject a little.
‘Yes, they did,’ you confirm with him. ‘Do they ask you that too?’
‘Yes, but I will receive a list from them on our compatible acts,’ he says and he finally glances up a little. ‘From there I can make new plans.’ He smiles, while looking pensive.
You decide to change the subject completely to lighten the mood or just get rid of the feeling in your stomach. ‘So, Lord of the Rings?’ you say in a light tone like you are teasing him a little.
‘Yeah,’ he huffs out a laugh and you see his shoulders relax just a bit. ‘It’s one of my favourites.’
You nod. ‘I’ve only seen the movies once a long time ago. But they were really good.’
‘Do you want to watch with me?’ he asks with such a vulnerable hopefulness on his face.
‘I’d love to,’ you say. ‘I just need to go brush my teeth.’
He looks a little lost for a moment.
‘Hey, have you eaten something?’ you ask him.
He nods. ‘I made myself a sandwich too.’
You think for a moment. ‘I have a brand-new toothbrush if you also want to brush yours?’
‘That would be nice,’ he gets up off the bed and follows you into the bathroom.
He opens the packaging of the bright pink toothbrush and he holds it out to you so you can squeeze some toothpaste onto it after you did your own. You stand next to each other, stealing glances in the mirror while you are trying to brush with dignity. Without the toothpaste dripping down your chin.
When you were getting back to bed he says, ‘Let me get the pillows ready for you.’ He packs them and you lay down on one side of the bed. You just watch as he executes his plan which ended up with you on your back, the tablet balanced on your thighs on pillows. Noah cuddles into you, resting his head on your chest with his arm around you, one leg over yours.
You did not expect it, but it was nice. So good to feel him hold on to you. ‘You really don’t have to start the movie from the beginning. You carry on. I am going to fall asleep probably anyway.’
‘Fine,’ he concedes after protestations. ‘One day, we need to watch all of them in full. While you are not drugged up.’
‘With snacks, please,’ you say.
‘Definitely,’ he agrees, nodding against your body and then he settles in. His breath is so hot that you feel it through the top you have on. His foot slowly moving back on forth against your leg.
You feel unsure of what to do. You end up playing with his hair almost absent-mindedly while trying to pay attention to the movie. But Noah was being very distracting. You are pretty sure that he falls asleep before you do.
You are not sure what woke you, but it was either the light of the morning sun or Noah very lightly grinding against you. You are sure that he is still asleep and that he is doing it without knowing. His breathing is still so steady and deep. You let yourself feel the comfort and peace of waking up with him holding your back tightly to his chest.
When he nuzzles into your neck and starts giving you small kisses you knew he was awake and you feel like you can push back a little bit where you can feel how hard he is.
‘Mmm, you feel so good,’ his voice croaks as he softly speaks. ‘But I need to pee.’
You laugh and turn your head. ‘Well, hurry, because I do too.’
He kisses right at the nape of your neck and get out of the bed and walks stiffly to the bathroom. You get up and head to the door for your turn. Noah did not close the door, so you just politely stand back.
‘Noah?’ you say after a while.
‘I can’t. I am hard,’ he says. ‘I can’t pee when I’m hard.’
‘Can I jump the line?’ you ask.
‘Yeah,’ he tucks himself back in and moves out of the way. He stays in the room but turns his back.
You don’t have time to think about it. You feel lighter and better, and wash your hands. ‘Is there something I can do?’
‘No, you’ll make it worse,’ he winks at you. ‘Go back to bed and wait for me. I’ll be there soon.’
You climb back in bed and pull the covers up to get warm and comfy again.
It’s not long before he climbs in right behind you and wiggles closer to your body. He meticulously moves your hair over your shoulder so her could have access to your neck where he left lazy kisses. ‘I hope it’s alright that I stayed the night. I wanted to be sure you were fine.’ His voice is still gravelly and you find it extremely attractive.
You nod and hold his hand that was resting on your hip. ‘It’s fine. Thank you for taking care of me.’ You feel him against you again, hard and very lightly grinding against you.
‘I love taking care of you,’ he whispers. His hand works under your top and his fingers touch and squeeze across your belly while he is making his way to your chest. He pays attention to your nipple by lightly pinching, and touching and he does it so slowly, taking his time. ‘I also love when your hips do this.’
Then you realise that you are meeting his movements by grinding back into him just a little. And you feel so relaxed in the moment that you just keep going and don’t feel ashamed about your body’s reaction. ‘You are so hard,’ you mumble, your breath already faster.
‘Mmm, I am aching to feel you,’ he mumbles back his kisses all over your neck and shoulder still happening. ‘Can you take your bottoms off for me? All the way off?’
You hum an affirmative and get yourself bare as quickly as you can manage and you get back against him. His hand is now all over you newly exposed skin and he growls behind you.
‘How’s your pussy, Peach?’ his voice is so low.
‘Needy,’ you answer.
‘Are you wet?’ he asks. ‘Take your fingers and check for me?’
You do what he asks and feel between your legs, you touch and get some on your fingers and then you show him. He grabs your wrist gently and guides your fingers closer to his mouth. He sucks them clean.
‘Mmm, not bad, but you are not ready yet,’ he says. You feel him move and struggle to get his boxers off. He hands them to you and you take them and just hold on, not sure what he meant by that. You feel his cock hard against you and the ache in you grows.
‘Can you please?’ you ask before you think too much. Your hips were so desperate to move.
You hear the smile in his voice when he asks, ‘Can I please do what?’
‘Please put it inside me?’ you ask. ‘I need it.’
‘If you need it, you need to get wetter, Peach,’ he teases you by grinding harder against you. ‘Lift you one leg a little,’ he instructs. ‘Push back, arch your back for me, please.’
You do as you are told and you feel as his cock slides between your legs, so close. ‘Noah,’ you whine.
‘Drop your leg, there you go. Grip me with your thighs.’ He slowly thrusts himself between your thighs and right up against your pussy. ‘Now I can feel when you are wet enough.’
‘I’m sure I’m wet enough, Noah,’ you argue.
‘No, I don’t think so,’ his voice so calm as he disagrees. He keeps thrusting shallowly. ‘I’m going to slide easily in a while, as soon as you are wet enough. Isn’t it amazing that your body can do that? That your pussy knows what it wants and will get so wet for me?’
You just moan in frustration.
‘Do you want my cock, Peach?’ he asks like he feels sorry for you.
‘Please,’ you beg.
‘Not yet,’ he answers you. ‘Oh, I think I feel it. Oh yeah, that’s it. Oh, Peach. You are slick is covering my dick. Do you feel how much easier I can move now?’
You start to lift your leg so he can guide himself inside of you.
‘No, keep your thighs squeezed together,’ he says as he works his thrusts closer to you pussy and soon he is tucked between your lips sliding up and down the whole length of you. And then his head pushes right up against your clit with each thrust.
‘Oh my god,’ you moan out reaching back to grab onto his hip. ‘Right there, Noah. Please.’
‘Am I getting your clit?’ he asks his mouth near your ear now.
‘Yes,’ you sob.
‘So, you don’t need me inside anymore?’ he asks.
‘No, I do,’ you whine.
‘But then I won’t touch that clit anymore,’ he pouts.
‘No, please stay right there,’ you ask, fighting your own brain and your body.
‘I’ll tell you what. I am staying right here, until you cum for me. And then I’ll slide into that freshly orgasmed pussy. Nice and deep,’ his breath is faster and he is thrusting harder and if you squeeze your thighs just right, his cock hits you exactly where it makes pleasure radiate through your body.
His hand comes up again, over your stomach and between your breasts and come to rest at the base of your neck. Not for a moment were you nervous, you knew he wouldn’t do anything you did not want. He uses the arm around you to pull you even closer to him. It felt secure. It felt safe. ‘Noah,’ you whisper. ‘You feel so good. Please don’t stop.’
‘I won’t,’ he whispers back.
‘Do I need permission?’ you ask.
‘You do,’ he says. ‘But you have it, baby. Cum for me, please. I can’t wait to get inside you.’
‘I’m so close,’ you say as your hand comes up to grip his that was resting on your neck. The tingle starts and spreads and then the powerful pleasure pulses throughout your body and while you were still processing how good it felt, he changes his angle and he thrusts into you.
‘Pull you knees up a bit to your chest,’ he pants. ‘Good girl.’
Overwhelmed by the new sensations that felt incredible on top of the tail end of your orgasm your body is shaking and your head tilts back towards Noah and he wastes no time getting his face next to yours.
‘Please kiss me?’ he asks.
While he is thrusting into you with fast and firm movements, when you turn your head towards him the kiss you share is so sweet and tender. He moans into your mouth. You feel the need in his body communicated by his tongue, those lips against yours. ‘I love when you are this deep,’ you say quietly.
He smiles. ‘You are so warm and tight. It feels like you were made for my cock. It’s too perfect,’ his eyes are squeezed shut. ‘I’m not going to last.’
‘It’s okay, baby,’ you try to soothe him. ‘Cum inside me.’
‘Christ,’ he moans and he pushes in really deep and stays there as he pulses inside you. ‘Oh Peach,’ he sighs. ‘My sweet, Peach.’
SUMMARY: Due to really bad anxiety, you sign up at an agency that matches you with a dominant partner.
WARNINGS: 18+ DOM/SUB. No sex in this chapter. Anxiety, meeting each other, rule discussion. (Let me know if I need to add something)
WORD COUNT: 2814
Nutmeg MASTERPOST | Chapter 2
@chey-h
You follow the instructions printed on a red piece of cardboard down halls and up stairs. The twisting feeling inside your gut makes you feel nauseous and shaky and while your whole brain is telling you, without uncertainty, that this was a stupid idea, you keep walking.
You reach the door with the black number 36 painted on it and take a deep breath, before you take the key you were given and unlock it.
You place the key on the small table right by the door as per instructions.
Before you step fully into the room, you look around. The room is surprisingly normal, in fact there was not a single indication of the room’s intent. It could be mistaken for a boring old hotel room, easily. You take a few steps while taking stock of your surroundings further. There was a large bed with white sheets and red accent colours present in the decorative cushions and extra blanket placed at the end of the bed. The curtains were a deep red and seemed to be made of a heavy, thick material. The carpet was thick and lush, a cream colour.
You take off your shoes. It was one of the instructions. It also would have made you uncomfortable walking on a carpet that colour with shoes on.
There is one door, you walk over to confirm that it is a bathroom. Also red and white.
You shake the cardboard still in your hand in nervousness, then read the instructions further.
The blanket at the end of the bed had to be thrown open across the carpet in the open space in the room. After that you remove your jacket and jeans. The only items of clothing you were allowed were panties, a bra and a plain black vest. You untie your hair. You put your clothes in the bag you brought along and leave it near the door.
After that, you had to find a blindfold that was left on one of the white pillows. A simple mask that covered your eyes and went around your head with an elastic, almost like a sleeping mask.
You were to sit on the middle of the red blanket on the floor with the blindfold in place.
Once you are seated, it only takes a few minutes for the shakiness to come back. If you had something to do, you were distracted. But now you were just sitting. Alone. Waiting.
You can feel your heart beating and there was a sense of tightness and dread that was filling your chest. This was a mistake. A crazy mistake. Yet, you did not get up to leave. You were free to. But you stayed right where you were.
While you wait, you think of the extensive process you had to go through to get to this point. An enormous rabbit hole led you to the agency that pairs you up with an ideal ‘partner’.
First there was a lot of privacy paperwork – no photos, no digging, no posts on the internet – any violation will end the contract you signed immediately, and if it was taken too far could result in legal action. You were happy with this; you valued your privacy also.
Secondly, all-embracing forms filled in about your personality, preferences, limits, experience. All of this to the point where just filling in the forms felt too personal. But you submitted these forms anyway.
Photos were taken of you (strictly for office use). You had to pass a medical exam. You had to hand in a shirt you have slept in for three nights.
After weeks of waiting, you received an envelope via courier. Inside were two profiles for you to review. The agency matched you with candidates based on all your information, someone they are sure you would have the most success with. Out of the matches, candidates then may choose for themselves. The two profiles you received were of two people who chose you – now you had to pick.
This was a very attractive feature to you. Everyone was willing, everyone had a choice, everyone knew what they were walking into. Everyone had the option to terminate the agreement at any time for any reason. This was why the first meeting had to take place at the agency itself. To ensure both parties’ safety, for neutrality and to make termination, should someone choose it, easy and controlled.
You were confident in your choice. So why were you finding it so difficult to inhale?
You hold your breath when you hear the door open. You hear nothing but the door, how it clicks closed and then the key in the lock. The key being placed back on the table.
Soft footsteps coming closer, the rustling of someone’s weight on the bed. Oh shit.
You felt scared, exposed and nervous.
‘You followed the instructions well.’
You let out the breath when you hear the deep voice, the words spoken very softly and calmly. You decide not to respond.
‘You are nervous.’ It’s not a question. ‘I can see your hands shake.’
You fold your hands together, trying to stop the shaking.
‘It’s alright to be nervous,’ he continues. ‘You don’t have to hide it from me.’
In response you relax your hands, or try to.
‘Hmm, let’s take a moment before we go through the preliminaries.’
You hear him move and you think he might be sitting on the floor in front of you, but you are not sure.
‘I want you to sit up straight,’ he waits until you do so. ‘Place your hands on your knees, palms up,’ he waits. ‘And now, you are going to breathe. Listen carefully. Breathe in slowly through your nose and hold it a little, then breathe out through your mouth. As slowly as you can.’
You swallow thickly through the nerves, and then you do as you were told. As you inhale as deeply as you can, you hear him breathe with you. He follows your lead and lets you set the pace. Breath after breath you feel your brain calm down, your muscles relax a little.
‘Good,’ he comments. ‘Keep going. You’re doing well.’
It grounds you, the combination of the extra oxygen and his reassuring voice. You keep breathing. Through the inhales and exhales you tell yourself that it’s okay, that you are safe, that you made this decision for a reason. You’re okay.
‘Alright,’ he breaks the silence. ‘I’m going to go through the guidelines provided by the agency with you. If you feel nervous again, you just start the breathing again. Do you understand?’
You nod.
‘Please answer out loud,’ he instructs quietly.
‘I understand,’ you say and your own voice sounds strange to you.
‘Good,’ he says and then he takes his time before he speaks again. ‘There aren’t many, but it’s important we discuss them thoroughly.’
You sit in the silence and wonder whether you were supposed to answer or acknowledge, but he does not prompt you, so you keep quiet.
‘Participants are encouraged to keep personal details private until both parties explicitly agree to the sharing of details,’ he reads it slowly and clearly. ‘Do you understand?’
‘Yes,’ you respond.
‘For now, this stays in place for both our safety. Do you agree?’
‘I do.’
‘We will contact each other through the agency app for now. However, we need something to call each other. We do not know names, and I think we keep it like that.’
You nod, and then say, ‘Okay.’
‘Do you have a preference?’ he asks.
You think for a moment, and nothing comes to mind. ‘No.’
‘Alright, I actually mostly prefer real names, but for now let’s do ‘N’ for me. Is that fine with you?’
‘Yes.’
‘And I’ve thought maybe ‘Peach’ for you? It’s cute, not too personal and not degrading. Is that alright?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s important that you tell me if you do not agree,’ his tone of voice stays calm.
‘I’m fine with everything you’ve said so far,’ you answer.
‘Alright. Good.’ You hear the scratching of a pen on paper. ‘Next one. Participants are encouraged to discuss a safe word before any proceedings. Further rules about safe words should be agreed upon beforehand. Clarity on both sides are very important.’ You hear him shift a little bit. ‘You were instructed to have a safe word ready. Have you chosen one?’
‘Yes, it’s nutmeg.’
‘Good,’ he says and you hear him writing. ‘A safe word means a hard stop. Absolutely everything stops immediately. Is that fine with you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Some people have a lot of other methods, but I like to keep things simple. With the exception of the safe word, I am happy with you just telling me what you need,’ he says all of this slowly. ‘Do you understand?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can you repeat it back to me, so I am sure you understand?’ he asks.
You take a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘I can tell you what I need, we don’t need a code. But the safe word is a hard stop.’
‘Good,’ he says. ‘Do you understand then how important it is that you are honest with me about your needs?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you understand that you will have to speak up to let me know about your needs, even if I don’t ask?’
‘Yes,’ you nod along to try and make sure he knows you understand.
‘Good. Are you still doing alright?’ he asks, slight concern there.
‘Yes.’
‘You see, I don’t think you are being honest. Your hands are beginning to shake again.’
You hear him move again and you have a moment of fear shoot through you. You do not say anything.
‘Hey,’ he whispers. ‘It’s alright. Let’s breathe again. Come on, deep, slow breaths.’
You do it, but your breath shakes a little.
‘There you go, you are doing a good job. Keep going.’
You feel your heart rate slow down again, and it feels like you are back in your body again.
‘Keep breathing while you listen, please,’ he waits for you to take two more breaths. ‘You have to answer honestly when I ask you a question. So, take a moment before you answer. I can’t take care of you if I don’t know what’s going on. Do you understand?’
His voice remained so calm. You nod through the breathing.
‘I know we don’t know each other, but you do not have to be afraid of me. I will not do something you do not consent to. Is that clear?’
‘Yes.’
‘Alright,’ you hear him take a deep breath with you. ‘Ready for the next one?’
You nod, and you keep breathing.
‘Participants are encouraged to communicate clearly about all the rules before any acts begin. This communication should ideally happen before every interaction.’
Your breathing starts to slow down as you are less anxious. You wait for him to continue.
‘This goes for both of us,’ he says. ‘Anything the other one must know, like if you are not feeling well, or are in any pain, you know, something like that. Your mental state at the time. I will tell you about anything you need to know. We will also discuss any expectations and anything else that is applicable to the moment. It’s difficult to be very precise with this one, but the gist is clear and honest communication. Are you fine with this?’
‘I am,’ you answer, and again he writes something down.
‘They have a list of example rules here,’ he says and you hear paper shuffling. ‘I don’t think we need to go through all of them. I will give you the list and you can go through it and let me know if there’s anything that appeals to you. But for now, I don’t want to complicate things.’
‘Thank you,’ you say this and then realise how much you meant it.
You hear him get up and walk across the room to the door. ‘I am leaving the list here on the table.’ He walks back towards you. ‘Alright, I think we can start.’
You immediately take a deep breath again and start the exercise.
‘Good girl, do the breathing whenever you need it. But there’s nothing to be scared of. The only time I am going to touch you is now, when I offer you a hand to help you up. I want you to lay on the bed, please.’
You lift a hand, and he takes it and then he steadies you as you stand. He guides you towards the bed. ‘You can sit there,’ he waits. ‘Now climb on the bed and lay down anywhere you feel comfortable.’
It was very disorienting, but you take your time scooting backwards and you eased yourself down. You keep breathing.
‘You may tell me anything at any time you want. Do you understand?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well done,’ you hear a slight smile in his voice. ‘You’ve indicated on your paperwork that you struggle with anxiety a lot. Is that so?’
‘Yes,’ you say. You wonder if he is just standing next to the bed.
‘It must have been scary coming here today then. Actually following through?’
‘Very scary,’
‘I’m glad you did,’ he pauses a moment. ‘We are just going to do some relaxation tonight. I want you to ask me if there’s anything about this arrangement that is making you anxious.’
‘I will.’
‘Right, please start by relaxing your legs, you are keeping them clenched together. Keep breathing.’
You let go of the tension in your legs.
‘What made you choose me?’ he asks. The question caught you by surprise. ‘There is no reason to worry, I just want to understand.’
You remember your instruction to be honest. ‘It said you were soft-spoken.’
‘Oh,’ he reacts and you wonder whether that had been as strange thing to say. ‘Now concentrate on relaxing your shoulders, please.’
You try, you kind of roll your shoulders and just get the muscles to let go. You also pay attention to your legs that have tensed up again.
‘Is it difficult?’ he asks.
‘Yes,’ you keep trying.
‘Your jaw? Try to relax that also,’ he adds more to your to do list.
He waits a little bit, giving you a moment to achieve what he asked for, but you were really having a hard time, like your muscles just wouldn’t listen to your brain. Once you’ve managed to get your shoulders dropped, your jaw was tense again and it kept cycling like this.
‘You are having trouble, aren’t you? I think I am going give you some homework. I want you to do the breathing exercise during this coming week whenever you feel the need, and then I want you to write down where it happened and if you know, why it happened.’
“I can do that,’ you say.
‘If you are in a position where you have to wait before you can do it, you do it as soon as you are able. I want both of us to understand your anxiety better,’ he sounds like he is thinking deeply about this. ‘Now, I want you to tell me about at least one thing about this situation that makes you anxious.’
‘Making me anxious right now?’ you ask for clarification.
‘Yeah,’ he replies.
‘The list by the door,’ you answer quite quickly. ‘I don’t want to look at it.’
He takes a moment before he says. ‘That’s not a problem, I’ll take it away. Can you tell me why?’
‘I want you to choose,’ you say quietly.
‘Aaah, I get it,’ he takes a deep breath himself. ‘I should have known that. Thank you for being honest.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, don’t apologise. I need honesty remember? You did good,’ you hear him get up and you presume he is taking the paper away. ‘One more thing for homework; I want you to tell me next time one thing you require from me physically.’
You feel yourself blush.
‘We are going to explore a lot. But I want to make sure I start in the right place,’ he explains.
‘I understand.’
‘I want you to communicate with me on the app if there’s anything urgent I need to know. However, it is not your job to initiate a conversation or anything like that. You should not feel any anxiety about it at all. Am I clear?’
‘You are,’ you answer him.
‘Good, now you are going to try and relax as much as possible, fall asleep if you have to. There is an alarm that will wake you when the time is up. I am going to sit here and breathe with you. I will leave five minutes before the alarm, I’ll be as quiet as I can.’
‘I’ll try,’ you nod.
‘I think we are going to work well together, Peach.’
WARNINGS: new location, gifts, fluff, oral, piv, mentions of biting (let me know if I need to add something.)
You are sitting in your car, parked outside of a house that you are pretty sure is the correct one. The house is plain from the outside, fairly large with a small garden. Clean and neat. You were not sure why your anxiety was through the roof. Your stomach in knots.
You take a few breaths and then tell yourself out loud to just do it already. You grab the small bag you packed and put it on your lap. You were really not sure what to pack, because you had no idea what to expect. And even though you wanted to pack and pack and pack everything for every eventuality, you tried your best to be sensible.
You check your hair in the rearview mirror.
You grab your phone, wanting to just check the time but you had a message waiting for you. ‘How long are you going to sit in the car? Come in.’
You blush all alone in the car.
You get out, taking your bag and lock the car as you head for the front door. He opens it before you can knock and then leans against the door frame. ‘How anxious are you right now?’ he asks with a sweet smile on those lips.
‘I don’t know why, but I am very anxious,’ you say honestly as you step closer to him.
He reaches for you and kisses you before he hugs you right there in the door. ‘It’s something different, don’t be so hard on yourself.’
He smells so good. ‘Show me your house,’ you say when the hug ends and he lets you inside and closes the door.
‘It’s just a house,’ he says. ‘This is the living room, through there is the kitchen. Stairs,’ he points and you follow closely behind. ‘My roommates live upstairs. In here is the office,’ he makes air quotes with his fingers. ‘But this is my room,’ he says standing in front of the door with a grin.
You laugh softly at him. ‘Please don’t say that this is where the magic happens.’
He snorts. ‘I would never.’
He opens the door and steps inside and you follow immediately looking around and taking in as much information as you can. The room was really big, having its own little living room there in the entrance where he had a grey couch and a table with his computer, a mounted TV. And on the far end was his bed.
‘This is my bathroom,’ he points to a door to his right.
You walk inside a little further and notice that he has put effort into the space. ‘My biggest fear was you had a bare mattress on the floor. With like just a lamp in the corner.’
He laughs loudly. ‘I have sheets.’
‘Thank god for that,’ you laugh in relief. He stands with his arms folded as he watches you look.
His room was extremely neat. Anime figurines arranged neatly, vinyl records on display. A keyboard, and many lamps and lights that create a unique and welcoming atmosphere.
You turn to look at him and he is looking at you with anticipation. ‘I am very pleasantly surprised.’
He smiles, showing his teeth. ‘Good.’
‘You are so neat, though,’ you add.
‘Mmm, a bit of a neat freak,’ he shrugs his shoulders.
You pull a face. ‘Does my place bother you? Because I am not this neat,’ you gesture to the entirety of the room.
‘It does not bother me,’ he shakes his head. ‘Put your bag down.’
You place it neatly next to couch, out of the way. ‘So, where are your roommates?’
‘One of them have gone home to Sweden for a few weeks. And the other one is on a work trip. It’s rare that they both are gone at the same time,’ he tells you.
‘Do they not know about…’ you think how to word it. ‘Your involvement with the agency?’
He drops his head shyly. ‘No, they don’t.’
‘I also haven’t told anyone in my life,’ you say.
‘Jesse knows about you, though. It was him I called when you had the migraine. So, while he does not know exactly what is going on, he knows you exist,’ he says running his hand through his hair a few times.
‘I don’t know if I should ask this, and feel free to not answer if you don’t want to, but how many times have you been someone’s Dom?’ you ask.
He shyly rubs his hands together. ‘I have never been someone’s Dom before you.’
‘Really?’ you ask, shocked by what he said.
‘Yeah, really,’ he nods.
You frown and sit down on his couch. ‘You are so good at it, though.’
He sits next to you. ‘I’m not.’
‘Yeah, you are,’ you turn towards him.
‘I try really hard,’ he says like that is all he can concede. ‘I want to be a good Dom for you.’
‘Oh, Noah,’ you say and you scoot closer and put your head on his shoulder. ‘I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky to have a Dom that knew what I needed like you do.’
He tilts his head to rest on yours and there is a comfortable silence between you. ‘Alright,’ he says after a while, like he was giving in to himself. ‘I spent so much time thinking about what you said last week. About how I pushed you gently.’
‘I remember,’ you say.
‘I am really bad at showing my feelings sometimes, and I don’t want that for us. So, I just want to tell you that it meant so much to me,’ he says and you could tell that he found it difficult to say. ‘I have a gift for you.’
You want to say many things, but you couldn’t decide on what before he was literally sitting on the floor in front of you. He reaches for a small black box on the TV stand and hands it to you.
‘Before you open it, let me explain,’ he says.
‘Okay,’ you say and you slip down off the couch to sit with him on the floor.
‘I really hope you don’t think that this is too soon. But I felt like maybe it was appropriate,’ he starts explaining.
You are still lost about what he was talking about so you just nodded encouragingly, trying to get your expression to say that you are listening. ‘I trust you.’
He raises his eyebrows and smiles. ‘Well, that’s the thing. I trust you, too and this is to symbolize that. His fingers twist together. He is nervous. ‘It’s a symbolic collar,’ he says looking at you shyly. ‘It is meant to represent trust and respect, I feel we have that.’
You have an immediate image in your head of what the collar could look like. ‘I completely agree,’ you say softly, wishing you could make him feel less nervous.
‘So, it’s not really a collar in the traditional sense. It’s a piece of jewellery that I put way too much thought into. Something I thought would suit you and would be practical for wearing every day. Because I would be honoured if you would wear it, at all.’
‘Can I look?’ you ask for permission and he simply nods. You open the box and inside you see a silver chain. It takes you a moment to recognise that it’s exactly the same as the chain he wears around his neck. The difference is that it’s a lot smaller, like it’s meant to be a bracelet. The clasp is also different. You are deeply moved by this. Your chest is already feeling tight with emotion. ‘This is…’
He leans closer and he takes it out of the box. ‘The clasp is adjustable, so you can either wear it as a bracelet or around your ankle. I was thinking that I’ve never really seen you wear jewellery, so I thought an anklet would not annoy you. But then I thought having something around your wrist could give you something to fidget with if you feel anxious.’
He rambles when he is nervous. ‘I love it,’ you whisper, already blinking at tears in your eyes. ‘It’s the same as your chain.’
His hand touches his own chain. ‘Yes, so we match,’ he says with a blush.
‘What does the collar mean? Besides the trust and respect, I mean.’ you ask, wanting to be clear on everything.
‘It means whatever we say it means. But for me, I guess it’s my way of saying that I am committed to this,’ he stares at you with those brown eyes.
You hold it in your hands and touch it and process his words. Then you look up at him and hold the bracelet to your heart.
He smiles softly at you, his whole face just so soft. ‘Does it mean you’ll accept?’
‘Yes, Noah,’ you say nodding with small movements.
‘Where do you want it, then I’ll put it on for you?’ he asks.
‘You choose,’ you say. You quickly wipe at your tears.
‘I think let’s put it on your wrist for now,’ he says and he carefully clasps it onto you when you hold out your arm and looks at it for a long time. Then he wipes your tears with his thumbs. ‘Thank you, my Peach.’
‘I must thank you,’ you say quickly. ‘This is seriously one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me. I cannot tell you how much I love it,’ you try to explain.
With his hand still on your cheek, he leans in and kisses you. And the kiss is deep and needy and makes the oxygen leave your chest. You feel it even in your toes. A lot of things are being communicated without words. You feel his gratefulness at your acceptance and you feel his relief. You feel the trust and respect that the ‘collar’ around your wrist represents. You try to tell him how much it meant to you via your lips touching his.
When the kiss ends and you see his face, you are sure you see some wateriness in his eyes too. You grab his hands and say, ‘I actually have a gift for you too. But mine is comically stupid now after this,’ you lift your wrist.
He huffs out a laugh. ‘I’m sure I’ll love it,’ he says his face hopeful.
You give him a look and then crawl over to your bag and open the zip. Uggggh. ‘Please don’t judge me too harshly.’
‘I won’t,’ he laughs. And then you hand him a value pack of three boxer briefs. He looks for a second or two and then giggles. You decide that it is one your favourite sounds in the world. ‘They have peach emojis on them.’
You nod, ‘You will not believe how excited I was when I saw them. I ordered them right after your birthday, they just took a moment to get here. So, it’s a belated happy birthday gift.’
‘I love it so much,’ he says as he opens the package and takes one of them out to see the full glory. ‘Thank you,’ he kisses you.
You feel a little bashful as he smiles at his gift. You touch your new adornment around your wrist and is overwhelmed by what it makes you feel.
‘Are you sure you’re alright with me asking you to stay the night? It feels risky for you to travel at night. I don’t know, maybe I’m paranoid, but it makes me feel uneasy,’ he says still playing with the boxers in his hands, but he was looking you in the eye.
‘No, it’s fine, especially now that I’ve seen you have a bed,’ you joke.
‘You are obviously free to change your mind, but I wanted you to know you’re welcome,’ he gets up from the floor and stands in front of you. ‘I am going to get some ice from the kitchen for your water.’ He kisses your forehead. ‘When I come back, you should please be kneeling on the floor right next to the bed. You’ll see I put a pillow down for your knees.’ He smiles innocently and then he leaves.
You feel a thrill and get up to quickly undress, get your clothes put away in your bag and you head over to kneel next to his bed. He has grey sheets, everything very tasteful. You wait for quite long – it shouldn’t take this long to get ice. But it gave you some time to breathe and settle down. Where you were gripping your wrists behind your back, you kept feeling the collar.
You hear him enter and you keep your eyes down. He takes a few short moments and then he is in front of you, fully naked. Gloriously naked and beautiful. You feel his energy while you are looking at his shins. ‘Tell me what the rules are, Peach.’
He hasn’t made any specific rules for the evening, so you go for the usual. ‘I have to ask for permission to come. I am not allowed to feel self-conscious. I have to tell you if I am not comfortable with something.’
‘Good girl. Stick out your tongue and look at me, please,’ he says.
You raise your eyebrows a little at his instruction and do as you are told. His arms are at his sides and his cock is hard and flexing in front of your face, but you are looking at his eyes.
He grabs his cock after a few seconds and lightly tap it on your tongue twice. ‘I don’t want you to do anything, just hold me in your mouth.’ He pushes himself into your mouth about halfway and stops. You close your lips around him and he stays there, you are focusing on breathing through your nose. He is heavy and firm on your tongue, twitching a little every now and then. ‘That’s right. You listen so well, just hold me there.’
You feel how your whole body responds to him. You skin feels alive with tingles even though nothing is touching you, your nipples are hard.
‘You have been keeping to the rule of nothing but me goes inside your pussy, right?’ he asks.
You hum in response and try to nod with small movements.
‘Fuck that turns me on so much,’ he says his voice low. ‘I’m going pull out,’ he slowly moves his hips backwards. ‘Please use your fingers and show me how wet you are?’
You use two fingers to gather some of the mess you’ve made.
‘Lovely,’ he says after looking. ‘Get on the bed, quickly, legs nice and wide.’
You get on the bed and move backwards to make room for him and he gets on his stomach his head between your legs. But he is touching your inner thighs and kissing at your lower stomach, he gets dangerously close to touching you where you want him, but he doesn’t. He works his way up. He is paying attention to your body, touching, stroking, squeezing, kissing. He is on your stomach, and you bite your tongue through your insecure feelings and let him.
‘This body,’ he groans. ‘I love this body and how you react when I touch you.’
When he reaches your chest, he takes his time exploring each one with the sweetest kisses and gentlest licks. He loves to test how his hands fit over your breasts, you’ve noticed. You are squirming with need underneath him.
‘Are you alright, baby?’ he asks after a while.
‘Yes, I am just impatient,’ you groan out while struggling to keep still for him.
‘Impatient for what?’ he asks.
‘For you to touch me, I’ve waited so long,’ you say, knowing your voice is bordering on whining.
‘I am touching you,’ he says emphasising his words with a lustful swirl of his tongue around a nipple.
‘I mean inside me. Inside my pussy,’ your hips cannot stop moving a little.
‘Soon, my sweet,’ he moves upwards and licks at your neck. Goosebumps explode when his tongue goes inside the shell of your ear.
While you wait for him to give you what you want, you take the opportunity to touch him too. You loved running your hands over his upper arms, where you could feel the lean muscle and how it connects to his bones in his shoulder. His skin was smooth. Your hand in his hair that was always soft and almost fluffy. You loved running a foot over his leg, where you could feel the hair.
‘I’m going to enter you now, and you are going to keep very still for me, alright? No hips,’ he smiles when he waits for you to nod in confirmation that you understood him.
While he guides himself inside you, you watch his face and how he scrunches his eyes shut when the head is inside and you squeeze him. You watch as his mouth hangs open in pleasure as he works himself deeper and then bites his bottom lip as he sinks all the way home. You let out a sigh of relief. ‘Finally,’ you whisper.
He exhales a small laugh. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he says as he rests his head next to yours. You hear and feel him breathe. ‘Do you feel how our bodies crave each other?’ he whispers.
‘I feel it,’ you say softly. ‘Can we move?’
‘No, baby. Just feel me all the way inside of you,’ he breathes.
‘I think I can feel you throb,’ you say ready to start begging.
‘Do you feel how I stretch you open?’ he asks.
‘Yes, it hurts a little bit,’ you say.
He pulls his head back. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he says.
‘It always hurts a bit at first. I’ll get used to you again,’ you explain trying to put him at ease.
‘You’ll tell me if it’s too much?’ he says a frown between his eyebrows.
‘I will,’ you nod.
He leans down and kisses you slowly. His tongue dragging lazily against yours. Sucking on your lower lip. Just so gently taking you apart with the tenderness and care that he conveys with his lips. All while he is unmoving inside you. He ends off with kisses on your nose and then forehead. ‘I’m going to pull out now.’
He slowly pulls out and then sits back on his heels.
‘Can you come clean my cock, baby?’ he asks.
You are surprised by what he says, but willing. ‘With my mouth?’
He nods with an encouraging smile.
So, you get closer and take in the fact that he was shiny and wet, covered in you. You take his head in your mouth and suck him clean. It was a strangely appealing mixture of bitter and salty. He moans and rests his hand on your head in your hair as you concentrate on getting him clean.
‘How do we taste?’ he asks.
‘Good,’ you say looking up at him.
‘Come let me taste,’ he leans down to kiss you, running his tongue across yours like he wanted every bit of the taste he could get. ‘Alright, now lay back.’
When he buries his face between your legs, the first things he does is push his tongue as deeply into you as he could, wanting to taste.
‘That is so goddamn good,’ he pants. ‘Perfect combination.’
He spends time circling your clit with his tongue, sucking lightly and just devouring you.
‘I can’t decide what’s my favourite,’ he says as he positions his hips between your legs, holding his cock at the base to press it to your pussy and kind of flick it through your mess of your wetness and his saliva. ‘Eating your pussy, or being inside your pussy,’ he finishes his sentence.
You try to process his words.
‘But for now, I want to be inside, because I want to give you my cum. I want to put it really deep inside of your body,’ as he says this, he pushes inside again slowly. You are sure he is thinking about how you said it hurts a little.
You tilt your hips to accommodate him, wanting him as deep as what he is saying. ‘Please just stay inside me.’ You don’t want to say out loud that you feel whole when he is in you. Like every second without him feels like you are missing an essential part of your puzzle.
He starts thrusting shallowly, like he does when he doesn’t want to leave you, exactly what you need. You feel him so deep sending sensations through your body that are too much, its all-consuming. ‘Oh, baby,’ he almost sobs. ‘You feel so fucking perfect.’
You are grabbing onto him, trying to pull him closer in every sense. ‘Noah,’ in a whisper is all you can manage.
‘I want you to try and cum from just me inside,’ he manages to get out a sentence while not faltering in his thrusts. ‘Can we try?’
‘Yes,’ you moan out.
‘Good girl,’ he exhales. ‘Don’t worry about it, though. There is no pressure. We are just going to try.’ He comes almost to a stop to say this to you. He kisses you a few times.
He speeds up again, and its intense. You hear your bodies come together and his ragged breathing. ‘You feel so good,’ you say. You wanted to try and explain what you did not understand yourself. ‘I cannot put into words what it feels like when you are pushing into me.’
He slows again, to listen, to pay attention. ‘It’s alright, baby.’
‘It should make me cum, it really should. It feels amazing, it’s all over my body. Its all-consuming,’ you tell him, and it’s all true.
‘You don’t have to explain, baby,’ he is frowning.
‘I want you to understand that it’s not your fault. It’s not you doing anything wrong,’ you say, desperate for him to understand.
‘Oh, Peach,’ he smiles and kisses you. ‘Thank you, for saying that.’ He moves a little faster. ‘Now I need you to stop thinking. Just feel. Just concentrate on what you are feeling and stop analysing.’
‘I’ll try,’ and your voice hitches as he puts more energy into his movements again and it does not take long before you are clinging to his shoulders.
‘Oh, fuck, I’m going to cum,’ he grunts out. His hips slow and his thrusts are so deep and his head had dropped to your shoulder. ‘I am right against your cervix, do you feel me?’
‘Yes,’ you say, stroking his hair. ‘I feel you.’
‘I hope I’m not hurting you, are you alright?’ he says out of breath.
You kiss his temple. ‘No, baby, you’re not hurting me.’
‘Like this, we could not get any closer than we are,’ he says softly against your skin. ‘We belong to each other in this moment.’
‘We do,’ you agree and you try to hold him as close as you can.
After a few moments of him catching his breath, he starts grinding against you. ‘I’m still so hard,’ he says.
The way he moves, it stimulates you differently, not directly on your clit, but you feel something near it, or something you were not sure of. But it feels so good. ‘Right there, please. That feels so nice.’
‘I tried to not touch myself either this last week,’ he admits suddenly. ‘I have craved you all week. I am not going anywhere.’
‘What do you mean you tried?’ you ask.
‘I couldn’t control myself one night. I came my brains out thinking about how badly I wanted to bite you. Bite your nipples and your clit. Bite into the flesh of your tummy, your thighs,’ he says.
‘Oh my god,’ you moan. ‘Tell me more.’
‘It’s after I got the updated list from the agency,’ he says. ‘You were open to so many things.’
‘Noah, please can I cum?’ you ask.
‘Yes,’ he grunts. ‘I’m right behind you.’
The build was beautiful. You were right on the edge for so long, that when you finally went over, your back arches, your thighs shake. And Noah was growling into your neck for the second time before you were completely finished.
You felt emotional again to the point where you had to blink tears away. Noah laid down on top of you and he was breathing against your jaw. ‘Thank you,’ he says first.
You hug him close and wait while both of you catch your breaths.
‘I’m going to get up in a minute,’ he mumbles.
‘You don’t have to,’ you say softly.
‘I’m going to have to clean you up, I came in you twice,’ he explains.
‘Don’t worry about that,’ you try to get him to stop worrying. After a while you say, ‘The list from the agency? It was so much easier to be open to things if I know it will be you guiding me through them.’
He is quiet for a while. ‘I cannot tell you what that means to me.’
The two of you shower lazily, later on, quietly washing and touching and kissing under the warm spray. You get into bed and cuddle close when you fall asleep, and you notice that Noah wants to touch the collar around your arm, like it reminded him that you are his in a way.
The next morning, he cooks you breakfast and you play silly games on his X-box and by the time you get home it was past midday. You were already looking forward to next week.
WARNINGS: new location, edging, oral (f receiving), discussing a past experiece, fingering, piv, 'panties'. (let me know if I need to add something.)
Noah sent a list of instructions to you well in advance and it stopped you from having a week of worry about him coming over.
You went over the list a while before he was to arrive to make sure you had done everything he had asked for. You made sure your house was an acceptable level of clean and tidy – you tended to be a little disorganised – and you thought it looked better than it had in a while. You silently thank him for forcing that to happen unknowingly.
The polite knock on the door made you nervous, but you also felt excited. When you opened the door, he stood there looking lost and confused, his hoody pulled over his head, until he sees you. ‘Thank god, I was worried I had the wrong house.’
‘My neighbours are nice, they would have pointed you in the right direction,’ you answer.
‘Your neighbours would keel right over if they knew why I was looking for you, though,’ he smiles innocently and steps inside. His tall frame looked strange standing in your small house. He looked so much bigger all of a sudden. He smelled the same.
‘Surely you wouldn’t have led with that information, though,’ you ask.
‘No, I guess not,’ he says as he looks all over, taking in your little space with all of the things you love and treasure. ‘This is nice,’ he nods and he takes a few more steps inside. He walks over to the bookcase and looks a little.
You take a breath. ‘Thank you for the list.’
‘Did it make you less anxious?’ he asks, running a finger along the spines of some of your books.
‘It helped a lot, yes,’ you confirm.
‘Alright,’ he turns around slowly. ‘Show me the things I asked for.’ He bounces a little on the balls of his feet, and then takes his hood down. ‘I already see you have adjusted the lighting. I like it.’
‘Okay,’ you turn and lead him to the bedroom. ‘Three candles on the bedside table, a pitcher with ice water and glasses, an extra blanket on the bed.’
‘Very good,’ he smiles and then bites his bottom lip. ‘You are not wearing what I asked for?’ he states as his eyes slowly drift over your body.
‘I am, it’s just under this. I got a little cold,’ you explain quickly, not wanting to disappoint.
‘Alright, good,’ he says, nodding as he takes in what you are saying. ‘Shower ready for us later?’
‘Yes,’ you nod, you added an extra towel.
He nods a little bit more. Takes his time in looking around still, not looking at you anymore. ‘How’s your pussy?’
You blush and actually hide your face in your hands for a moment before you look up at him. ‘Really in need of some attention. The movement when I walk is enough to turn me on.’ You say all of this while looking at the floor.
He laughs softly, not at you, more like he was happy he had achieved what he wanted. ‘You didn’t cum at all this week?’
‘No,’ you say honestly.
‘Did you touch?’ he asked, finally making eye contact with you when you both look up.
‘Only when I was washing, but no,’ you explain.
‘Did you want to?’ he says his eyes getting darker by the minute.
‘So much. It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be,’ you admit.
‘Well, that is so good,’ he says tilting his head to the side. ‘You listen very well.’
You are reminded of how good it feels to hear him say something like that to you. ‘Thank you.’
‘May I use your bathroom to wash my hands?’ he asks.
‘Of course,’ you say and kind of point him in the right direction, not that it was needed the house is so small. You frown a little as you can see him from your bedroom leaning over the basin.
‘Hygiene is important,’ he smirks at you. ‘I washed at the agency too, before I came to you. I am not going to touch you so intimately with unwashed hands,’ he dries his hands on the towel.
‘Oh,’ you say, thinking about it. ‘Why is that such a turn on?’
He laughs, ‘I don’t know. Didn’t you also do something similar before I came over tonight?’
‘I showered before every meeting,’ you shrug.
‘I know you did, good girl.’ He steps back towards your bedroom and takes his hoody off in a swift and stupidly sexy move. ‘Go pour a glass of water, Peach. I need to eat that pussy right now.’
Your knees almost buckle. You are shaking when you are pouring the water, but the shaking is not from overwhelming anxiety, but overwhelming need and desire.
‘Is it alright if I still call you ‘Peach’?’ he asks as you take a few sips of water. ‘I’ve really grown fond of it.’
‘Yeah, of course,’ you say also having grown oddly attach to it very quickly. You hand him a glass also. He takes two sips.
He gets on the bed, standing on his knees and holds a hand out for you. ‘Come on,’ he says. As soon as he has your hand, he pulls you onto the bed faster, and helps you lie down with urgency in his actions.
He immediately takes off the simple robe you had on. He smiles when he sees you are wearing what he requested.
‘I like the colour,’ he says as his eyes roam over your body that has been exposed to him a little. ‘There is something very alluring about a simple, slightly lacy, night dress. Good girl, no bra like I asked. Let me see,’ he runs his hands up your thighs and pushes the dress up. ‘No panties. So good at following directions.’
You rub your thighs together like you have no control over your body.
‘Mm, no, don’t do that,’ he says softly. ‘Open up, you know how.’
You bend your legs, lifting your knees and ease them to the sides, just like he instructed last time.
‘Thank god,’ he growls a little and then his face is buried.
You cry out and buck your hips immediately at the contact.
‘You remember the rules?’ he asks, his voice muffled.
‘No closing my legs,’ you choke out.
‘Mmm yes, and what else?’ he barely gets out.
‘Don’t think too much and don’t feel self-conscious,’ you say wondering how your brain worked enough to remember that.
‘There you go. Also, baby, look at me,’ he waits for you to look before he continues. ‘You have to ask me before you cum. Alright?’
‘Okay,’ you say.
‘I am going to focus on getting my tongue as deep into your hole as I can,’ he says.
His words were turning you on just as much his touches were, as much as his tongue was. You squirm at the feeling of his tongue moving inside you as it tries to get deeper. Then, he moves up and sucks very lightly on your clit and you grip at the blanket on either side of your hips to not die right there. Then he stops.
When you look down, he is smiling at you. ‘Hey, Peach?’
‘Mmmm,’ you say, ready to start crying at the need growing between your legs.
‘You are on birth control, right?’ he asks.
‘I am,’ you agree. ‘It was a requirement from the agency…’ you start to explain, but then he is sucking again. ‘Oh fuck,’ your voice getting high pitched.
He looks up again. ‘I don’t know which method you use, but it’s up to date? You are good?’
‘I am good,’ you confirm.
‘Good,’ he gives a quick suck and then right before his tongue is working its way inside of you again, he says, ‘Because I am going to breed this pretty pink pussy tonight.’
‘Jesus,’ you say and move your hips, the movement was completely out of your control. ‘Please, Noah.’
‘Mmmm, please what?’ he only takes his mouth away long enough to say the necessary words.
‘I want to cum so bad,’ you beg.
‘You do?’ he says softly. ‘Alright, I can help you.’
He sucks very slowly and softly on your clit and he uses one finger to circle at your opening, just like he did last week. And it is delicious and amazing and, ‘So fucking good,’ you tell him. ‘Please, may I cum? Please?’
‘Yes, baby, make a mess I get to clean,’ he says and he works you over the edge, not going too hard.
You shake and move and moan, your thighs try to clench closed, but he stops you, with his hands and shoulders in the way.
‘Fuck,’ he groans out against you. ‘That was so good.’ He keeps licking at you very softly as the aftershocks go through you. ‘There you go,’ he smiles up at you, then wipes at his face with the back of his hand.
He crawls over you, and leans down to kiss you. His hair falling forward, the silver chain around his neck hanging down. He kisses you with such tenderness.
‘Does your pussy feel better now?’ he asks with a devilish grin on his face.
‘So much better,’ you answer, your ears ringing.
‘Good,’ he says, kissing you one more time before he gets up and off the bed.
You are trying to catch your breath, trying to float back down. Then he is next to you on the bed, handing you a glass of water. After a few sips, he puts the glass away and he is next to you, his head propped up on a hand. You still felt like you couldn’t look at him too long.
‘Your profile from the agency says you have limited experience,’ he says quietly and it breaks the spell a little bit.
You pull the dress down to cover yourself, and then you say, ‘Yeah, that’s right.’
‘I just want to understand so that I can give you what you need, Peach,’ he explains, with a furrow between his eyebrows. ‘Did that question make you feel uncomfortable?’
You take a breath to calm yourself down. ‘Not uncomfortable, really. Maybe a little embarrassed?’
His frown deepens. ‘Why embarrassed?’
You shrug your shoulders, reminding yourself that you can be honest with him. ‘I’m not even entirely sure. I feel like maybe it is failure on my part, like there is something wrong with me?’
He shakes his head and leans down to kiss your lips quickly. ‘Well, that’s not the case.’
‘I think it is, though. Being a highly anxious introvert does not provide a lot of opportunities,’ you try to untangle your thoughts about this.
‘Alright,’ he concedes a little. ‘But why is being an anxious introvert wrong?’
‘Okay, may ‘wrong’ in not the word I should use,’ you answer.
‘Also,’ he says while putting one arm across your middle, pulling you a little bit closer to him. ‘I don’t think that there is anything embarrassing about not having a lot of experience. It just is what it is.’
You nod without saying anything, thinking about his words.
‘Alright so, from your forms I know you’ve never had a dom before. But now I must ask you other questions. No need to feel ashamed of a thing. Just answer me honestly,’ his voice is a whisper that you feel against your skin.
‘I’ll be honest,’ you say.
‘Alright, close your eyes for me,’ he starts off. You know it’s because he can tell your anxiety is flaring up at this conversation. ‘Have you ever had penetrative sex before?’
You start off with a deep breath and slow exhale. ‘Yes, but it was a really long time ago.’
‘Alright. If you say a long time, what are we talking about?’ he says patiently.
‘Years,’ you answer simply. Not wanting to give more than you needed to.
‘Good,’ he says like he is proud of you. ‘I don’t want details about your past relationships, but tell me, did you have an orgasm during sex with the previous person?’
‘No,’ you almost let out the mirthless laugh you always did when you thought about it.
‘Hmm, tell me, was it a bad experience?’ he asks and it unlocks a very unexpected flood of emotions within you.
You think before you answer. ‘Well, it wasn’t traumatic or something serious like that,’ you start. ‘But I sometimes think that I deserved better, you know?’
‘In what way? What happened?’ he seemed to genuinely curious about your answers, and that made you feel more at ease with telling him.
‘It was when I lost my virginity,’ you say. ‘I told him that it was my first time, but he must have missed it or something, because afterwards when I mentioned it again, he freaked out a little bit and he took off.’
‘He left?’ his voice filled with concern.
‘Yeah,’ you say trying not to cry. ‘I felt a little used. And then I went back to my bed and saw the small bloodstain on my comforter. I just had to deal with all of that completely alone, the thoughts, I mean.’
‘Was he rough with you?’ he asks softly.
‘No, not really. But he wasn’t as gentle as he needed to be, I suppose,’ you clarify.
‘How old were you?’ he asks.
‘In my twenties already. I know,’ you say before he could mention it. ‘It’s old to lose your virginity.’
‘I don’t think so,’ he says. ‘I think you have too much on an idea of what sex is ‘supposed’ to be. Stop comparing yourself to others. There’s nothing wrong with your timeline.’
‘You’re right,’ you say feeling your lower lip tremble.
‘Now, let’s just acknowledge some things. You did deserve better, my sweet Peach. You deserved someone who made sure you enjoyed yourself. And you deserved someone who took their time and made sure they didn’t hurt you. You deserved to be held and cherished afterwards.’
Tears were rolling down your face by the time he had said these words.
‘I’m sorry you didn’t get what you deserved,’ he says with so much kindness in his voice and then he was wiping at your tears with gentle fingers. After a while he says, ‘Am I right if I understand that you’ve only had sex once?’
‘Yeah,’ you answer voice thick with crying.
‘Thank you for telling me all of that,’ he says placing a firm kiss on your temple. ‘I will make it my mission to make sure you never feel like that again.’
You didn’t know what to do with the emotions your brain was swimming in. ‘I’m sure you were expecting a simpler answer than that.’
‘I was, I won’t lie. But it is important I know these things. It’s my job to look after you, and that is so much easier to do if I understand you better,’ he patiently explains to you.
‘That makes sense,’ you agree. ‘But I just killed the mood entirely.’
He lets out a low laugh. ‘Then we just get the mood back,’ he says like it is a simple thing to do. ‘We start that by trying to forget that guy,’ he spits the word ‘guy’ out with some disdain. ‘I think we should put some music on.’
‘Okay,’ you say, sitting up. ‘What do you want to listen to?’
He kisses your shoulder as he sits up next to you. ‘Give me your phone,’ he holds out a hand. Music starts playing softly from your speakers. ‘Now, I want you to get back into a comfortable position.’
You do as you are told.
‘Are you sure you want to carry on tonight, though?’ he asks.
You look him in the eye when you say, ‘I am ready to have an experience that will show me what I was missing out on.’
His eyes widen a little. ‘Well, I am sure I can help you with that. Confident, in fact.’
‘I have no doubt,’ you smile at him. The tears have stopped and while you are sure your face probably all red, you felt better after getting all of that off your chest. You had never told another human being how that experience had made you feel.
‘Right, so let’s do this right, shall we?’ he says with a lighter tone as he starts shifting around again. ‘Please open your legs for me again?’
You do that, and then watch him as he settles in exactly like he was a few minutes earlier, lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows.
He smiles at you. ‘You know that you need to tell me if you don’t like something, right?’
‘I know,’ you smile back.
His mouth is on you again, but now he is focusing more on your clit, teasing, circling his tongue around it slowly. You look down at him. His eyes are closed, but every now and then he peaks up at you, probably to see your response. ‘I’m going to put a finger inside you, is that alright?’
‘It’s fine,’ you feel calm, because you know he will be what you need.
He has his head pulled back so he could look at what he was doing. You think that the little frown of concentration on his face is adorable. He circles the tip of his finger right at your entrance, then he dips inside just a little. He is being careful, too careful, trying to not hurt you or push you, and a small part of your heart that was broken by your past experience is stitched back together by Noah’s care. His finger goes incrementally deeper and deeper, until he is slowly pumping it in and out of you. ‘How is that?’ he asks looking up at you.
‘It feels really good,’ you smile encouragingly at him.
‘How do you feel about two fingers?’ he asks hopefully.
‘Please,’ you say. ‘I’m ready.’
He works two fingers into you gradually, waiting for you to adjust. ‘You still feeling good?’
‘Yes,’ you breathe out as you realise that the desire that had built up over the last week was not entirely taken care of yet. ‘Please, can you go faster?’
‘Of course, I can,’ he says. He kisses your clit a few times before he changes position to get more leverage with his movements. Then he moves his fingers inside of you, faster and a little bit harder, he watches your face to gauge how he is doing.
Pleasure coursed through you. ‘Please,’ you moan at him again.
‘What is it, baby?’ he asks you.
‘I need more,’ your hips were moving on their own again.
‘Does it feel good when I’m stretching you out with my fingers?’ he asks, his voice almost a little teasing.
‘It does feel good,’ you moan.
‘Do you want me to go even faster, little Peach?’ he asks, his eyes darting between your face and where his fingers were.
‘Yes, please,’ you beg him, feeling the need to grip onto something.
‘Alright,’ his movement speeds up even more and you reach a hand out to him. Without you having to ask, he takes your hand in his free hand and holds, resting your interlocked hands on your hip. ‘Look at you, just look at you,’ he says a little out of breath. ‘Look at your perfect hole taking my fingers like that.’
You squeeze his hand.
‘Can you take three fingers, baby?’ he asks you. ‘I want you to be ready for my cock.’
‘I can take it,’ you assure him.
This time he is a little less timeous while working the third finger in. ‘Good,’ he sooths. ‘That’s so good. You are getting so wet. So ready.’
‘Oh my god that feels good,’ you squeak out. ‘It’s going to make me cum.’
‘You need my mouth?’ he asks.
‘Please, oh my god, please,’ you repeat yourself.
He sucks on your clit with extreme gentleness which you appreciate because while it’s feels amazing, you are sensitive. He keeps at it with steady rhythm.
‘May I cum, please? Oh my god, please, Noah?’
‘Yes, yes, cum for me. You can do it, you are doing so good,’ he says.
Your hips buck as soon as the orgasm hits and you feel wave after wave of sensation, you grip his hand so tight. He works his fingers a little slower and a little slower, until he stops moving. He removes his fingers and licks them clean without even looking like he thought about it.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks.
‘Mmhmm,’ you confirm.
He climbs over you quickly to kiss your lips. Then gets off the bed, he stands next to the bed, looking at you for a moment and then hastily starts removing his clothes. You watch as his hair flops back down after his shirt was pulled over his head. He pulls his pants and boxers down at the same time and then he is naked next to the bed.
‘Look at me, Peach,’ he says. ‘Look how hard I am from having my fingers in your pussy.’
You look and then don’t know what you were supposed to say… or do. He was very hard, his cock flexing a little bit along with his heartbeat and you had many thoughts. But before you could put a response together, he speaks.
‘Come here, right to the edge of the bed. Put your butt right here,’ he pats the bed.
You shuffle closer, sure that it was not sexy at all. ‘Where do I put my legs?’ you ask as he grabs your hips and pulls you where he wants you – which was with your butt pretty much hanging over the edge.
‘If they are not comfortable at the edge, you can just wrap them around me?’ he says like it’s not even a big deal.
You try to get your heels on the edge of the bed.
‘You will need them wider than that, though,’ he says. He steps in between your legs more thoroughly when your legs allow him the space. ‘Before we do this,’ he seems like he struggling to think straight. ‘Are you still doing alright?’
‘I am fine, I promise,’ you answer. ‘I will tell you if I’m not. Don’t worry.’
‘Thank you,’ he sighs. He takes his cock in hand, and he shuffles as close to you as he can get. ‘First, I am going to just run the tip all along your pussy, so you can feel it. Oh god, that already feels really good.’ He squeezes his eyes shut.
The feeling was good, but your clit was still very sensitive. You hissed just a little when he passes over it.
‘You are still sensitive,’ he acknowledges. ‘We will go easy on your clit for a while.’
‘Um, I have never had two orgasms in a row like this,’ you mention.
He looks up so he can see your face. ‘Have you ever tried?’
‘Not really,’ you admit. ‘I usually just stop after one.’
‘We are going for at least three tonight,’ he declares. ‘It’s also added to my list of things we will work on,’ he winks at you. ‘Now, I am going to put this very hard cock inside you, just the tip for now, alright?’
You nod as you kind of brace yourself. You feel the pressure, you feel the slight stretch as he pushes in and then he stops.
He lets out a long, drawn-out moan. ‘That is tight,’ he breathes out from between his teeth.
‘Are you okay?’ you ask him. He looks at you with a small amount of surprise displayed on his face.
‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘You feel really good, Peach.’
‘You can keep going,’ you encourage him.
He starts to thrust very shallowly, just the tip, in and out. Then slowly he starts thrusting deeper and deeper taking his time. ‘Oh fuck, I am halfway in. Still alright?’
‘Yes,’ you choke out, because it feels good, but also your legs are tired.
He does the last bit a little faster. ‘The feeling of you opening up for me,’ he drops his head to his chest. ‘It’s so good. Just a little more, just a little bit more.’
You are mesmerized by the way he looks when his hips move against your like that.
‘I’m all the way in,’ he groans
‘Noah?’ you ask. ‘Please can I wrap my legs around you now?’
‘God, yes, please,’ he even helps you hold your legs in place a little bit. ‘Can I move?’ he asks.
You nod with enthusiasm and he slowly starts by pulling out about halfway and sinking back in, his eyes are shut again, his hair hanging forward, the chain too. He was so beautiful. He leans forward more, resting his hands on the bed on either side of you, and then he goes deeper, pulling almost all the way out before he fucks back in.
Your breathing is faster and you are making small sounds that you cannot control, the feeling of him inside you was so overwhelmingly good that you had to let something out. ‘You are so deep,’ you almost sob.
‘Does it hurt?’ he asks, his hips stuttering.
‘No, please don’t stop, please,’ you say quickly, desperate for him.
‘I won’t,’ he says soothingly. ‘Can I lean forward more? Get closer to you?’ his voice hitches with every thrust.
‘Please,’ you whisper to him and reach your hands out to him as he lowers himself down. It changes the angle of the thrusts, but it still feels so good. You settle your hands on his waist where you can feel his muscles working under his skin as he moves, as he thrusts. He kisses you deeper than he has before, but also like he wanted to communicate with you through the kiss and then he moans into your mouth.
‘I am not going to last much longer,’ he says. ‘You are so tight and warm. Put your hand down and rub your clit please? I want to feel you cum around me, I don’t want to finish first.’
‘Yes, I can do that.’ You were completely soaked when your fingers worked themselves between your bodies. The added sensation was almost too much.
‘Good girl,’ he manages to get out. He is starting to softly growl with every thrust and it is the most arousing sound you have ever heard. He drops his head and kisses at your collarbone, the tops of your breasts, your neck.
When you feel the orgasm start to build, it already felt like it was too much. ‘May I cum?’ you whisper into his hair.
‘Yes, baby, please,’ his voice cracks.
Right before it hits, you start crying, then it crashed through your body with a force you have never felt before. You squeeze his hips with your thighs and your free hand move away from his waist and holds the back of his head. You cry out his name.
Mid-way through yours, he also cums and he simply rests his forehead against your chest and you feel his heavy breathing against you. ‘Fffffff…. ,’ he tries to say something, but it’s not words.
You hold him now with both hands, the other one rubbing lightly across his shoulders. Tears are running down the side of your face. He is still slowly rocking into you with his hips. He lifts his head.
His hips stop immediately. ‘Oh no, what’s wrong?’ concern dripping from his lips, his eyebrows deeply furrowed, his arms coming up so he can touch your face.
‘Nothing is wrong,’ you sob. ‘Really, I promise. Hey,’ you grab his face between your hands. ‘You were so perfect. Thank you.’
You see relief on his face. ‘Why are you crying?’ he pouts, beginning to wipe at the tears.
‘Overcame by good sensations, I think,’ you pick your words carefully.
He kisses you softly. ‘Are you sure you are fine?’
‘I’m sure,’ you smile through the tears.
‘Alright, I want to hold you,’ he says. He pulls out of you slowly and you feel empty. But quickly, he helps you back onto the bed fully and he climbs on with you. Both of you lying on your sides, he covers the both of you with the extra blanket and he pulls you closer and rests his lips against your forehead. He tangles your legs until you are both comfortable and he holds on to you.
You couldn’t stop quietly crying and he would kiss your face every so often to get rid of the tears. He held you so close to him, you felt so safe and warm.
‘You did so good,’ he whispers so softly.
‘We need to shower soon,’ you mumble.
‘Is my cum leaking out of you?’ he asks, his lips squished against you.
‘Yup,’ you confirm.
‘That is hot,’ he says sleepily. ‘Just a little bit longer.’
After a while you both head to the bathroom, where you have a slow shower together and help each other get clean. You take your time washing Noah’s back, letting your hands not miss a single spot. You get dressed in your PJs. Noah puts his hoodie back on. You hold each other on the bed again, fully clothed this time.
‘Was there anything I did that you didn’t like?’ he asks.
‘No,’ you kiss his chin in front of you. ‘Thank you for being so good to me.’
‘You were also good to me, my sweet,’ his voice so soft.
‘Do I have homework this week?’ you remind him.
‘Oh yeah, you do,’ he pulls back a little bit so he can see your eyes. ‘This week you may masturbate, every night. But you may not cum.’ He says it so calmly. ‘You may touch as much as you want to,’ he kisses your mouth that has fallen open at his words. ‘But no cumming.’
‘That is mean,’ you pout at him.
‘I know,’ he kisses you again. ‘Also, the texts again, like always.’
‘You coming here again?’ you brush his hair from him face.
‘If that’s alright with you? One day when I have the house to myself, I will invite you over.’
‘Okay,’ you kiss the tip of his nose.
When he has left, you get in bed, under the covers, grabbing a pillow to snuggle into because it felt so empty without him there.
Someone asked what a normal day would be like with Noah and Peach's dynamic. I wrote some headcanons that I have for them.
Word count: 850
I just miss them, I think.
WARNINGS: None really. Mild mentions of sex, but nothing too graphic.
Headcanon:
Noah is possessive when you are sleeping. He loves cuddling with you, and will turn the AC on high so that even on hot nights he can hold onto you. Even if it’s just some part of his body touching yours. He will tuck a hand into your underwear or whatever you are wearing to prevent his hand from slipping off you in his sleep.
He will kiss you awake when you ignore your alarm and groggily remind you that you need to get up and be responsible.
He will complain when you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. You always have to promise him that you’ll be right back.
While you get dressed and ready, Noah will make coffee for the both of you and then he will sit near you with his eyes half closed and listen while you talk about what your day has in store. He goes back to bed once you’ve left for work.
He spends a lot of time thinking about things that you complain about, because he wants to solve your problems. He will go shopping for new shoes when your strap breaks. He will make sure there is always a pitcher of cold water in the fridge and will bring you a glass whenever he feels you need it. He constantly asks if you’ve taken your pills. If you are working late, he will bring you something to eat. He will take your hand and guide you to the shower to join him when you have been obsessing over something and lost track of time.
He is quick to defend you and tell his friends to stop their shit whenever they tease you or take jokes too far.
He loves cooking and more often than not, dinner will be ready for you. He tries new things with your preferences and will try to push you to try new things that he has come up with.
He is still the only person who can grip your hands and press his forehead to yours and calm a panic attack down in record time, while reminding you how to breathe.
He knows you. He knows how you take your coffee and he knows which treats to bring you from a shopping trip. He knows when your period is near and he will make sure there is chocolate and pain meds in the house – he loves rubbing your belly when you have cramps.
You know that Noah has insecurities and you make a point of telling him when you are proud of him, or how much you appreciate him and his efforts. You know that you never have to question his methods – you know he is always trying to be his best for you.
You are happy to sit with him while he games. You will have something you are doing with you to keep yourself busy, but will look when he is telling you about the game.
You know birthdays and other holidays are a very weird time for Noah. So, you don’t force anything. Instead, you will come up with a distracting activity that has nothing to do with the event – making an effort to make sure it’s still fun and comforting and something he would enjoy. You make it special without drawing attention to the parts that make him unhappy or uncomfortable.
When he is in a bad mood, you let him rest his head on your chest (your chest as naked as he needs it to be) and play with his hair.
Whenever you see a new brand of flavoured water or a new flavour, you get one for him to try.
While both of you prefer to hand out alone together, you always enjoy spending some time with his friends. You make an effort because you know they are his family and very important to him.
Normally the dom/sub dynamic is only really evident during a scene.
Both of you will grab the other’s hand whenever there is a social situation where the other one feels unsure or uncomfortable.
Some rules remain in place. Like nothing may be inside of you if it’s not him. He will often forbid orgasms just to elevate sensations when you are together.
He knows when a scene will be the thing to help you feel better, to get yourself out of your mind and he has a talent for knowing how far to push.
He insists on you not hiding from him – he wants to know all the gory details and he wants to be a witness to what you consider your shame. He accepts you fully – and slowly you start to really know that nothing is going to scare him away.
Saying ‘I love you’ does not happen very often. But he will mumble it into your neck. During sex, Noah will repeat it over and over – you can hear how deeply he feels it.
WARNINGS: oral (f receiving), piv, crying (let me know if I need to add something), Halloween,
You notice as you ease down onto your knees, using the pillow Noah had allowed, putting your hands behind your back, the pose had in fact gotten easier. You didn’t really want to admit it, though. But even more than that, you notice that already your anxiety from the day was calming down. All the thoughts that have been cycling through your mind have gone quiet and all you are thinking about is whether your pose was good enough. Did you remember all the things that Noah asked for? What did he have in mind for tonight?
You also notice that it was not only quiet, but peaceful, as soon as Noah slips inside and locks the door. You wanted to look at him, but you kept your gaze down.
‘The street is full of people,’ he states simply instead of a greeting.
You laugh softly. ‘Well, yes. We need to keep the lights off tonight so we are not interrupted constantly.’
‘You’ve already got the lights pretty low,’ he says, coming closer. ‘But we shouldn’t take chances.’
‘Children looking for treats can be very persistent,’ you want to look at him so much. ‘Doors locked and curtains closed.’
‘To be safe, yes,’ he comes to stand in front of you. You look at his socks and slides and briefly wonder how he makes that look hot. He bends down and puts a finger under your chin and lightly tilts your head up. ‘Hi,’ he smiles and then he kisses you soundly.
Chills run down your back, mostly because you were not expecting a greeting like that. ‘Hi,’ you say when he pulls back, smiling back at him.
‘Come on,’ he says and he helps you up. He switches off the one light that was on in the living room and you go the bedroom. ‘One candle? That should be enough that we can see what we are doing and that we don’t injure each other,’ he asks, turning to look at you.
‘Yes, it should do,’ you agree and he gets to the candles first where he blows out two of the three.
‘Do you even have any candy?’ he asks, kicking off the slides and getting on your bed.
‘No,’ you whisper feeling like you are going to get caught if someone outside hears your voice. ‘I didn’t think you’d come tonight, to be honest. Thought you might have a big dress up party with your friends.’
‘Nah,’ he shakes his head and he gestures with his hands for you to join him on the bed. ‘Halloween is actually my favourite holiday, and yet I hate all the fuss.’
‘I was just going to put some candy outside and then hide anyway. Random people knocking on my door makes me anxious,’ you tell him while you get on the bed and he shows you he wants you to sit between his legs. He pulls you back against his body, your back against his chest.
‘Strangers make you anxious?’ he says, teasing maybe a little.
‘Yes. But, also, the talking to them,’ you joke back. His arms wrap around your waist and he holds you close, his chin resting on your shoulder. ‘What is your issue with Halloween, then?’
‘I don’t have an issue,’ his voice is soft. ‘I like the spooky vibes a lot. I just don’t want to dress up. I’m too serious.’
‘Hmmm, did you decorate your house?’ you ask curious now.
‘Yes,’ you hear him smile. ‘I cannot resist.’
‘What did you do?’ you ask, resting your head far back, relaxing into him.
‘Um, I have some fake cobwebs up, some skulls, some lights,’ he says slowly, tilting his head slightly towards you.
‘Sounds nice, you should send me some photos tonight,’ you say, not knowing what to picture really.
‘I will,’ he says and he kisses your neck. ‘Speaking of photos, I’ve really enjoyed yours this week.’
‘It complicated things a lot,’ you say.
‘How so?’ he keeps lazily kissing your neck, shoulder, behind your ear.
‘I had to worry about lighting and things so you could see,’ you say moving your head to give him better access.
He snorts a laugh softly against your skin. ‘Sorry, it was supposed to be sexy not frustrating.’
‘It was still sexy to think about you knowing,’ your breath was getting shallow.
‘Did it turn you on knowing that I was getting hard looking at pictures of your perfect little pussy?’ he says his voice low and it felt like his words were crawling across your body.
‘Yes,’ you say simply. ‘I hoped.’
‘What did you hope?’
‘That you were affected,’ you clarify while you feel his teeth every now and then.
‘Of course I was,’ he says like you were ridiculous. ‘Especially since I know what you taste like, and feel like.’
‘I was trying not to think about how you feel,’ your hands hold on to his arms that are still around you. ‘Because I was not allowed to have an orgasm.’
‘Oh poor, Peach,’ he is smiling again. ‘But you were good this week, right?’
‘I was,’ you tell him.
‘I don’t know whether I am proud or disappointed,’ he kisses your cheek.
‘It was very difficult,’ you say, pouting a little.
‘I know it was,’ he pouts back. ‘I am proud.’
‘Thank you,’ you give him a small smile.
‘So, what you are saying is that you want to think of my cock when you touch yourself?’ he says and you feel his breath against your neck. His hands start to move towards your breasts.
You blush. You already pretty much admitted it. ‘Yes, I want to.’
‘But you don’t, because it’s too good?’ he teases you while he runs one finger lightly over the top of your breasts that were exposed.
‘I try not to, but even that was difficult,’ you cannot help but think that the very thing you were talking about was just behind you. You want to reach for it, but you hold back.
‘Tell me what you like about my cock, Peach,’ he mumbles against your shoulder.
You struggle to focus because his fingers were snaking their way into the night dress from the top. ‘I like how pale the skin is, except for the tip.’ You push into his hand when he finds a nipple that he was lazily paying attention to. ‘I like the way it tastes. I like the way it reacts when I touch that little slit with my tongue.’
‘Well fuck,’ he chokes out. ‘Do you feel it? It’s very pleased with what you just said.’
You do feel him, but he is still dressed and you suddenly really need to feel more. ‘May I please taste it again?’ You have no idea where your boldness came from.
‘Hmm, can you do something for me first?’ he asks.
You nod and turn your head to try and see his face. ‘Take a finger and put it between your legs. I want to know if you’re wet.’
You spread your legs enough to get your hand close enough. You are not surprised to find that you were soaked. ‘I’ve been wet all week.’
‘Show me,’ he instructs.
You bring you fingers up, covered in the slick mess and show him.
He slowly reaches out and takes a hold of your wrist and brings your hand close enough that he could suck your fingers clean. ‘Oh yeah. That’s so good.’
The sensation of his tongue on your fingers were maddening.
‘You can take me out, baby,’ he says and you turn around and lay down on your stomach and fight his pants down.
‘Help me please,’ you ask him.
He helps you wiggle the pants and boxers down enough that you can touch him. He sighs when your hand wraps around him. You work a little at his base while you take his head into your mouth and get the taste you have been missing. You see his head fall back, his jaw slack. ‘I thought about this so many times this week,’ he chokes out.
‘Mm, me too,’ you try to work yourself a little bit lower.
‘Look at those hips,’ he says like was in disbelief. ‘Just looking for something to grind against.’
You were not even aware that you were doing that. ‘I can’t help it.’
‘You can’t help it? Is it because you need to cum?’ he says softly.
You moan at him with his cock in your mouth.
‘Don’t worry, baby. You will,’ he says. ‘I think you should sit on it instead. Don’t you think?’
‘Yes, okay,’ you kiss his tip once before you get up, and crawl over him.
He holds it for you and you carefully lower yourself onto him, gripping onto his shoulders and watching his face. His eyes were squeezed shut. You go slow because it hurts just a little. ‘There you are, good girl. Now you just sit. Don’t move, keep those hips still.’ He moves his hips a little bit, making sure there was not any part of him that was not enveloped by you. ‘Just feel me deep inside you. Just touching your cervix with the tip.’
‘I feel you,’ you whisper.
‘Just keep my cock warm,’ his hands lift the night dress enough so he can rest his hands on your bare hips. ‘Now I have a question for you. When you touch yourself, do you put anything inside your pussy?’
‘Sometimes,’ you answer, wondering where he was going.
‘Your fingers?’ he asks.
‘No, I don’t really like that,’ you say honestly.
He frowns. ‘Do you like my fingers inside?’
‘Yes, I do. My own just doesn’t feel good, I can’t get deep enough,’ you explain tracing a finger over the lines of his neck tattoo.
‘My fingers? Do they get deep enough?’ he asks.
You nod at him. ‘Your fingers are so long.’
‘Alright, so what do you put inside? You have a toy?’ he seems extremely curious.
‘Yes,’ you say blushing again. ‘I don’t use it very often.’ You feel like you’ve been caught.
‘Why not?’ he says, his hands squeezing at your hips.
‘Because it’s a lot of effort to wash it again, and make sure everything is hygienic. But, also,’ you take a breath before you say something stupidly honest again. ‘I feel so empty afterwards.’
‘You pussy feels empty?’ he is frowning again.
‘Yes, but the experience feels empty. I am a little sad that it was not someone…’ you trail off.
‘Keep going,’ he prompts you after a while, his one hand putting your hair behind your ear and then lingers right there.
You sigh deeply. ‘Someone who can hold me after, kiss me? You know?’ You try to make your voice sound lighter than the words felt in your chest.
His eyes soften. ‘I understand,’ he says softly. ‘I’ve noticed you don’t like when I pull out.’ He tilts his head a little as he talks to you. ‘I thought it was because of the mess.’
‘I kind of like the mess,’ you confess shyly.
‘Noted,’ he smiles. ‘And anything else? That you put inside?’
‘No,’ you shake your head. ‘Nothing else.’
‘I think we should make a new rule. Nothing goes inside that is not me,’ he says and his eyes are darker again. ‘My tongue,’ he leans forward and kisses you. ‘My fingers,’ he kisses you again. ‘And my cock. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, I understand,’ you feel him twitch inside of you. You clench down involuntarily as a response and Noah squeezes his eyes shut again.
‘Now, you are going to get on your hands and knees for me, Peach. I am going to pull out, but I will be back inside soon, alright?’ he says to you and then he helps the process of you lifting yourself off him.
You take the position he has requested and it makes you feel very vulnerable. But you do it anyway. He moves himself so that he is behind you. ‘Is this right?’ you ask him.
‘Put your head down on the bed, keep your ass up as high as you can. Mmmm, yeah like that. Such a good girl,’ he says and while you were still trying to figure out where your arms were supposed to be his mouth was on your pussy. ‘Spread your legs a little more.’
You were not expecting that, but you widen your knees.
‘You taste so goddamn good. Fuck,’ he almost growls. He moves again and you feel his cock against you. ‘I’m going back inside. You ready?’
‘Yes,’ you squeak out. He pushes in quite quickly.
He groans loudly. ‘If I go too hard, you tell me, alright?’
‘Okay,’ you say a little nervous. He pulls out slowly, dragging himself out so that you feel every inch of him. Then he slams back in. ‘Oh,’ you exclaim at the sensations. The feeling of him opening you up, going so deep. His body connecting with yours, sending a shock wave through you.
‘Too much?’ he asks breathing heavily.
‘No, please do it again,’ you say holding your breath after to brace yourself.
He repeats the movement, grunting loudly when he is fully back inside. ‘You are so fucking tight,’ he says through his teeth. He waits.
‘Noah, it’s okay,’ you say. ‘Keep going.’
He doesn’t wait and sets a slow and hard rhythm. ‘Do you know how,’ thrust. ‘Hot it looks when,’ thrust. ‘It ripples through your whole,’ thrust. ‘Body when I fuck you,’ thrust.
At this angle, you were not sure what was happening, but he was touching something inside of you that felt, ‘So good, please don’t stop.’ You bite down on your own wrist to deal with the overwhelm.
‘Oh, you feel amazing. Are you still alright?’ he asks, completely out of breath.
‘Mmhmm,’ you manage to get out.
‘Hang on,’ he says and he abruptly pulls out and his mouth is immediately on you instead. He laps at you hungrily and moans all the while. You can hear how wet you are. ‘You are taking my cock so well,’ he says when he lines himself back up and enters you again. ‘Look at you.’
He moves inside you with shallow thrusts now, his hands digging into your hips as he grips you tight, or running a hand up and down the length of your spine under the night dress you still had on, or just touching your cheeks, your thighs. It was like he was learning, testing your flesh.
You were barely hanging on. It was all-consuming for you, almost too much. At the same time, you needed more, more connection. And like he knew, like he could sense it, like he could feel it communicated by your body, he slows down his movements, and he lowers his body across your back and kisses your shoulder.
‘Peach? Are you still alright?’ he whispers to you.
‘Can you please stay close? Like this?’ you ask him.
‘Are you crying?’ he comes even closer. ‘Hey, baby, look at me.’
You didn’t really realise. ‘Don’t stop,’ you whisper back while you look at him.
‘Am I hurting you?’ he asks.
‘No, just hold me, please,’ you say and you hear the thickness in your voice.
He brings his arms in closer and he holds one of your hands. You feel his upper body on your back, while he slowly moves inside you. ‘Why are you crying?’ his voice so small.
‘I don’t know. I’m sorry,’ you say, feeling the anxiousness growing in your chest. ‘I didn’t mean to.’
He kisses your cheek with urgency. ‘It’s alright, don’t apologise. You are not doing anything wrong.’
‘I just needed to feel you closer to me,’ you say while the stupid tears keep falling.
‘That’s completely fine, I’ll happily give you what you want. Thank you for asking for it,’ he kisses any place his lips could reach. He thrusts slowly and deeply and stays close, holding onto you with as much of his body as he can. ‘Is it alright if I touch your clit?’
‘Yes,’ you say, slowly feeling yourself calming down again. The tension in your chest easing a little and you could give over to the pleasure again. When his fingers touch you, lightly rubbing in circles it adds a whole new level to the pleasure and you breathe through it.
‘You just clenched around me,’ he says in your ear. ‘Is it alright? Tell me what you need.’
‘What you are doing is perfect,’ you tell him, squeezing his hand. ‘Thank you.’
‘Oh baby,’ he says. ‘You don’t have to thank me.’
Fresh tears. And you try to think of how to explain to him that you have never felt like this before, so taken care of, without sounding sappy. He kisses the tears away. Before you can formulate a sentence, the orgasm builds. ‘Noah, may I cum?’
‘Yes, please cum for me, my sweet. Let go. I am right here,’ he calmly encourages you. It rolls through your body and you press your forehead down into the bed and grip his hand. ‘There you go. Such a good job.’
You hear the strain in his voice and after a few more thrusts, he cums quietly moaning into your shoulder. He stays deep inside you.
‘Let’s try to lay down like this,’ he says. ‘Straighten your legs and lay down.’
You do as he says, and he lowers himself with you and then rolls the both of you onto your sides, holding onto your hips with all his might so that he stays inside you. He tells you to lift your head and then he puts his arm under your neck and his other over your waist and he just holds onto you as close as he possibly can.
You couldn’t stop crying and every little thing he does to comfort you and make you feel safe, just makes you cry harder. ‘Thank you,’ you sob out, holding onto his arms.
‘I told you, you don’t have to thank me,’ he whispers and his voice sounds concerned.
You think for a moment and decide honesty is what you promised. ‘I do have to thank you,’ you try to keep your words steady. ‘I’m crying because I have never felt this cherished before.’ You feel your own heart break when the words come out of your mouth.
He holds you even closer if that was even possible and he rests his lips on top of your head. ‘I’m so sorry, baby. Because you deserve to be cherished.’
‘I’m sorry for crying. I ruined the mood again,’ you say kissing his knuckles.
‘You didn’t ruin anything,’ he reassures you.
His one foot was moving back and forth over your ankle, you wondered if he was doing it consciously.
‘Being your dom does not only mean for sex, Peach. It’s so much more than that and I am so proud of you and I am touched that you feel comfortable enough with me to let me have these moments with you,’ his voice soothing you, giving you comfort.
‘Is it really okay?’ you ask him.
‘It’s more than okay. I need you to know that I will be here and I will hold you through anything you throw at me.’
‘I am not used to that,’ you say your voice small.
‘You are going to get used to it.’ You feel him soften inside you and he keeps holding you. After a long silence he says, ‘You make me feel special, too.’
‘Really?’ you ask your eyes closed by now, the tears having stopped.
‘That you want me to hold you, and be close to you. That I am the one who is allowed to provide that for you. That you trust me with your body and trust me to show so much emotion… God, it means so much to me,’ he tells you this taking his time.
You process his words slowly. ‘I didn’t realise,’ you finally say.
‘Now you know,’ he sighs. ‘We are helping each other. It’s not just a one-way street. We both need something.’
‘I am so glad I picked you,’ you let out after a while.
‘Me too,’ he murmurs. ‘I think this is one of my best birthdays ever.’
What? ‘What?’ you ask in disbelief. ‘It’s your birthday?’
‘Mmm,’ he makes the sounds like he is not eager to admit it.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ you ask.
‘I just told you.’
‘You know what I mean,’ you say.
‘I don’t like my birthday,’ he shrugs.
‘Why not?’ you ask softly.
‘It’s too much fussing,’ he shrugs again. ‘It’s alright, it’s not in a sad way.’
‘Okay,’ you answer. ‘I get it. I feel similarly about mine.’
With the one candle burning low, he says, ‘I just wanted you to know that I don’t hate this birthday.’
