I’ve thought long and hard about how I wanted to celebrate Pride month on this blog in 2023. My first year for Pride, I did a list of fics that were meaningful to me as a Queer person (just FYI - I identify as Bi and/or Queer. If reading the word Queer over and over is going to bother you, this post is not going to be for you). Last year, I did an inclusive list where I tried to find a fic to include every letter of LGBTQIA. But this year feels different, for a lot of reasons.
One is the ongoing homophobia and transphobia that the Queer community is facing, and very important to note, from J.K. Rowling in particular. A slew of new bills and laws that are designed to oppress, to eradicate, to force us back into closets, and to prevent anyone else from daring to leave the closet in the first place. Thankfully, in the US, they’re slowly being struck down but the heartache lingers.
Another reason this year feels different is because of some big changes in my personal life.
So, as I thought about how I wanted to celebrate Pride this month, I kept coming back to the thought of community. As lovely as fic recs are, and as much fun as I have writing them, it’s the community of creators and the friendships that I have found here that keep me involved in fandom.
As I was thinking about conversations that I’ve had about fandom friendships with @tackytigerfic and @babooshkart, I had the idea to reach out to them and other fandom friends to hear about their experiences and what keeps them in fandom. A beautiful thing happened — I asked one person to participate and they agreed, then recommended I ask another person. The next person also agreed, and had a suggestion of someone else I should ask. And on and on, until I was having lovely, in depth conversations with people I knew peripherally but hadn’t necessarily talked with before.
I first found fandom in 2013, through a chat room that has since been shut down. I was young, in college, reeling from a break up, and still trying to reconcile my conservative upbringing with these lovely, open, and accepting people that I’d found online who dared to be different and still so good in a way that I had never had the privilege of experiencing before. They answered my questions with patience, no matter how dumb or offensive they might’ve been, and were kind enough to ask gentle questions of their own.
Like so many others, I eventually realized I wasn’t as straight as my conservative, Christian upbringing would’ve liked me to believe.
It’s been ten years, and I still have friends that I regularly keep in contact with from that chat room. We’ve exchanged letters and cards, flown and driven across the country to hug each other, to go to each other’s weddings and stayed at each other’s houses. We don’t talk every single day like we used to, but I know that if I called them, they would answer and listen with every bit of love and patience that they gave me at the beginning. That means the world to me.
In those ten years, my circle of online friends has grown immensely. I love getting “Happy New Year!” messages all day from various time zones. I love that no matter what weird time of night I’m up, I’m never alone if I don’t want to be. I know the names of pets I will probably never meet and see dishes from kitchens around the world. All of these things bring joy into my life.
My partner and I moved across the country last year. It’s only a couple states difference on a map, but it’s 17 hours from my friends and family, and from the little in person Queer friend group that I had found. It’s a different culture, one that I’m still adapting to. We moved in early summer last year; my friends visited in June and we went to Pride events together, and I didn’t feel so alone. But now, a year later, it feels like forever since I’ve hugged them. It feels lonely sometimes, although I’m getting my feet under me again and finding different events to go to and organizations to join.
With all this real life change, fandom has been a lovely, stable rock in my life. No matter how godawful my day has been in my new job, I have online friends who cheer me up. I have people who message me and check on me, people who are excited to have those in depth, philosophical Queer conversations via discord messaging, even though we’re timezones apart and often messaging each other days later. These friendships have nourished my soul, sustained me, and I’m forever grateful for the way fandom has held its arms open for me.
So this Pride, instead of a themed rec list, I’m listening to and sharing other Queer creators about what fandom means to them. Stay tuned this week to see who else is sharing about what fandom means to them. We’re here, we’re Queer, and we’re supporting each other.
Much, much love,
The Drarry Librarian