Damian opens a social media platform explaining medical stuff to people when he's in medical school. Thus ensue stupid questions.
"Does an autopsy hurt?"
Damian stares at the question for a moment, and then grins evilly. It's time to call in experts.
Damian: So. Yesterday I received a question asking if an autopsy was painful. I have never had one performed on me, so I cannot personally answer that question. Though I can say, I've had no patient complaints.
Damian: HOWEVER, to answer your question: I have called in a pair of experts.
Jason: I don't fucking know, I was unconscious?
Damian: Alright then, serves me right for considering Todd an expert in anything. Danny, does an autopsy hurt?
Danny(Having visible war flashbacks): Yes. Yes it does.
charles xavier told me the brotherhood of evil mutants keep killing his xmen so i asked how many xmen he has and he said he just goes to the school for gifted youngsters and gets a new xman afterwards so i said it just sounds like hes feeding mutants to the leftist infighting war and then scott summers started crying
are Indian people living in the United States not a diaspora because the modern country of India gained independence in 1947?
and you do understand that the word "diaspora" literally originally referred to Jewish people??
and you do also realize that Jews have been living in the land that state exists on consistently for thousands of years? that we never "left"? that we were forcibly displaced over and over again? that we tried to return to our native land to be with our people who remained there?
you do realize that the entire time Jews have been in Europe and the Americas we have been massacred and displaced, over and over and over again, right? that our population in Europe nearly disappeared entirely during the medieval period because people kept killing us? that Jews who still lived in our native land were massacred by invading crusaders?
and i am sure you are aware of the origins of the words "Jew" and "Jewish"? what about "Syria Palaestina"?
does this look like being in one place for centuries?
if this gets 1k notes by next Saturday I'll switch phone language to Russian and for every 1k notes more is another day I'll have phone language switched to Russian
“this is my wife” “this is my polycule” “this is my sona” THIS????? IS THE YEAR????????? Of JaSON’SSS????? BAR MITZ???? VAH???? (we’re more excited than we should be)
Quick lil childhoodbsf!Jabber x reader fic that was eating away at my brain!
Skip if you wish - vital instrument info!
Mc's vital instrument is three pieces of jewelry that make up a set, Nephalym, split into Ne(ring->glove, left ring finger) with the power to create medicines, Pha(ring->claw, right index finger) able to create painkillers and other drugs, and Lym(necklace with locket) grants accelerated natural healing to mc & her closest relationship. (Creative... I know)
Warnings!
ooc characters (Jabber especially), Fem!Reader, fully self indulgent, pet names (Babe, Baby, etc), violence, swearing, Jabber being Jabber, they got married as kids(as kids do), sexual references, biting, drug/poison use (intoxication), slight accidental zanka x reader?
I think that's all! (Pt.2 posted here :)
꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦
The group followed the off-putting woman as she led them towards a dark abandoned car garage, the place felt like it was asking her to go home as she hesitated, following Rudo's excited lead as she voiced her thoughts.
"I dunno about this guys... maybe I should wait out here, you know... in case anything happens inside.." She protested half-heartedly, already knowing the answer she would recieve.
"Of course not, you're the most experienced fighter here, (Name), we need you if anything happens." Gris replied, giving her an encouraging pat on the back.
Unbeknownst to their little group, one of those hiding in the shadows perked up at the little exchange a grin splitting their face from ear to ear in excitement.
The fight between Zanka and Jabber had just ended, Zanka dragged himself pitifully across the floor, worried more so for (name) than anyone else, that man was strong, and she was terrified of everything, he needed to protect her, now. He crawled his way over, hearing a voice in the distance, he muttered a few curses before moving faster.
"Well well well, what do we have here?" A voice came from the Shadows, a strikingly familiar voice at that. (Name) whipped around faster than she thought possible, staring at where the voice came from with a gleam in her eyes the others rarely saw. A squeal of excitement left her throat as she threw her arms up, not caring for the strange conditions surrounding their reunion.
"Hey baby, you miss me?"
Jabber stepped out of the shadows, a large grin plastered on his face as he opened his arms and walked towards her, the others backing away and yelling at her to stay back as she met Jabber half way, embracing him as he spun them around, causing confusion to flow through their onlookers from both sides. A cleaner and a Raider? Come on now, this isn't Romeo and Juliet.
"Jabber!" She exclaimed, crushing him in her grip, giggles leaving her mouth while Mankira slightly piercing her thighs as he held her up, the feeling sending a shiver up her spine. Before anyone could react she grinned and sent a punch straight to his face, causing him to drop her and go flying back into a wall. Zanka, who had finally caught up, felt his jaw drop at the sudden action, never having witnessed the cowardly medic confront someone first, physically atleast. What stunned them all more, were the ecstatic cackles that left Jabber mouth as he sit back up running at (Name) who shrieked in excitement, giggling as he came at her with Mankira, her own Nephalym blocking its path.
"Wuahhh! Babe you know I love it when you hit first! Come on, I'm so close!" Jabber groaned, licking his lips, "Hit me a lil harder next time, yeah? Mark me up good!" He grinned manically, lunging towards her as his poisoned claws sliced at her ribs, she giggled in delight, sighing at the familiar feeling of the neurotoxins invading her bloodstream. "I missed that feeling," she smiles, clawing back with Pha, injecting Oxycodone into his veins with a wink. "I've got a present for you too!" He laughs, delighted as the painkillers start working their way through his system, no longer able to feel the multiple cuts and bruises that littered his body. It was an apology, really, as her next strike crushed his ribs before she jumped away, panting with the adrenaline, excitement, and strenuous activity.
As the two went back to fighting there was varying levels of confusion and worry amongst her friends. "What the actual fuck happened to her??" Zanka asked with wide eyes, following the fight that was taking place, "I... I'm not sure, I knew she was powerful, but I've never seen her like this before, it's like she's a while different person." Gris responded, like Zanka, his eyes were stuck on the girl who wore a grin as she took hits and returned them with the Raider she somehow knew by name. "So, uh, you guys didn't know he was her boyfriend either..?" Rudo chimed in, listening intently to the words being exchanged between the pair, eager for some form of context.
"HER WHAT?!" The two replied in sync, mirroring expressions aswell, shock evident in the way their Jaws hung slack and their eyes tried to escape the information overloading their brains. "Yeah, I mean, he was calling her babe and everything, so I just thought... or is it different on the ground?" Rudo mumbled in response, still wrapped in his own veil of confusion as he tried to process how the girl who had just been asking to go home or atleast just stay outside was now fighting the enemy so... he wasn't even sure how to describe it actually, she was fighting for her life, but the grin of her face and the laughter escaping it told a different story, as if this was something she was used to, something she looked forward to, she was delighted to be fighting, having the time of her life even. What the hell was going on??
"No.. I can't say that's not an indicator of romance down here too..." Gris muttered, hand rubbing his eye as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "She never mentioned it, so I never really thought about it.." Follo finally chimed in, eyes struggling to keep up with the fight infront of them that only escalated, the two moving faster with each exchange as though it was fueling them to do better. "She's single, she told Semiu that while being a shameless flirt." Zanka scoffed, still confused and now slightly angry as his brain struggled to fit the pieces of multiple puzzles together to make a mishmashed picture that didn't make any sense.
"Okay, wait... let me recap." Rudo spoke up, hand on his chin as he tried to go over everything in his mind. "So, (Name) is a coward, single, and a cleaner of... what was it? four years? She somehow knows this Raider guy, whos our enemy, they're fighting, happily at that, he keps calling her pet names, they're high out of their minds right now, and they're pretty evenly matched, like this isn't the first time they're fighting... is that it? I might be missing stuff." Rudo spoke up, trying to put his thoughts in order before mumbling a quiet "This is so confusing!" as the others thought his words over. "Uh, yeah, she can apparently inject others with drugs?!" Zanka cried out, a hand threading through his hair as if to clear the confusion fogging his thoughts.
"Yeah, I could've sworn she could only make medicines with Nephalym..." Follo chimed in, eyes in disbelief as she was thrown in the air like a child by Jabber before using her newfound momentum to pin him to the ground with an excited yell, pausing to catch her breath before grinning, bearing her teeth and sinking them into the tender flesh of his neck until she drew blood. the sticky red liquid clung to her lips and chin as she licked it up, going as far to lick it off his neck aswell.
Jabber on the otherhand shuddered in delight at the feeling of her teeth puncturing his skin, eyes rolling back as he groaned, holding her neck down with a clawed hand as she ran her tounge over the fresh marking. He looked like he was torn between continuing the fight or just letting her do whatever she wanted with him, a lovesick grin plastered in his face as his eyes followed her every breath and swipe of her tounge over his blood coating her mouth. "Fuckkk baby, just like that." He panted heavily, letting his head fall back against the ground with a groan and a few curses as he secured her body against him, wrapping his hands around her waist, leaving pinpricks of poison and antidote along her torso, eyes closed in pleasure as she sighed happily.
That's when Zanka snapped, being somewhat consumed with rage as he seethed about his own experience with Jabber and his ruthlessness. Gris quickly shushed him and pointed back to where (Name) straddled Jabber, pinning his hands above his head with a giddy smile on her face. the fight seemingly over as they conversed, Jabber seeming all too happy to stay pinned under her like this.
"Its been like, forever since I've seen you!" She whined as their bodies took on a dim gold hue that had their audience wondering if it was just a hallucination. "Why didn't you visit? You know how worried I was you asshole?!" She slammed his hands back into the dirt, biting at the other side of his neck as he shuddered, another groan escaping his lips. A frown overtaking her face as his shifted to pleasure.
"Cmon, (Nickname), you know I wouldn't just be able to walk into the Cleaner HQ, I'm a Raider now, I would've gotten my ass beat, and not by you! that wouldn't be any fun! Then someone else would be marking me up, you know thats your privilege, baby!" He whined, sitting up and shifting her weight into his arms as he stood up, her body instinctively wrapping around his as he held her up with one arm. "You know how hot that was? I coulda come in my pants if you had kept me down for much longer. If those pretty teeth of your latch onto me one more time i might have to take you back with me." He grinned, a loving and lustful look emanating from him as he made no moves to bring her to her friends. "Nice to see you still got Nephalym though, thought ya woulda thrown 'er out by now cause you didn't want anything to do with me." He grinned, a small snicker leaving his mouth as she rolled her eyes.
"You're so dramatic, just cause you refused to visit doesn't mean I'd throw out my most prized possessions cause you got them for me." she laughed, leaning back in his arms as he supported her, "Also, stop being such a freak infront of my team." she gave him a light hit on the shoulder as she hopped down from his arms, not a second too late as Zanka grabbed hold of her protectivly, pointing his Assistaff at Jabber, threatening him to keep his distance as her eyes went wide.
"Stay the fuck away from her." He spoke lowly, eyes glaring holes into Jabber as he backed away, (Name) still snug in his hold. "Woah, woah, Zanka, it's okay, he's a friend-" She started to explain before Jabber pouted with a whine, crossing his arms while cutting her off. "We're married! how could you say that we're just friends, you're breaking my heart here, dear wife." Jabber smirked, tugging her out of Zankas arms to stand by his side as the boy reacted with Assisaff pointed threateningly to Jabbers neck. Pulling her left hand up infront of Zanka.
"Go on, show him babe." He pressed, making her sigh and show off her ring finger, adorned with Ne, the first piece of her vital instrument, and also her wedding ring while he showed off his own, a silver ring that stood out from the rest on his left hand. "God, Jabber, we were like, what? Ten? You can't just go around saying shit, you'll just confuse them more, I already have a ridiculous amount to explain.." He gasped, offended, replying with a whine. "How could you say that! firstly, we were nine! Our age didn't matter then, and it sure as hell don't matter now. We're married, that's final (Name)."
He smirked, planting a smug kiss to the ring as she deadpanned at him. "Oh my fuck... ignore him. Everybody... just please ignore him, for my own sanity if nothing else." she groaned, massaging her temples as a Jabber induced headache started up. "He's my bestfriend, we've known eachother since we were kids. Matter of fact, he's the one who got me Nephalym. He's only a danger most of the time, we fought, he got rid of his horniness, for now atleast... speaking of it'll probably come back soon, I'm gonna sedate you, kay?"
She didn't wait for confirmation before sinking a claw into Jabbers neck and injecting him with some sedatives and hallucinogens to keep him entertained and out of the way, though it seemed to have the opposite effect as he clung to her like a child begging for attention as she tried to explain the current situation. "You know what, let's just... yeah, let's have this talk at HQ..."
She sighed as Jabber manhandled her like a stuffed animal as he pushed them onto the ground to sit in her lap as she ran a hand down his back with a fond smile on her face. "You're such a child." She muttered, to which he grinned, nuzzling into her neck, nipping at it softly. "You got someone to pick you up? or are you gonna have to deal with coming back with us?" She asked quietly, not wanting others to prepare to chain him up and bring him back to the cleaners for information. He just nodded, saying someone should be there soon and to shut up and let him enjoy this before Cthoni picked him up. she sighed with a smile but indulged him as she continued to pamper him, much to the disgust of some, and the confusion of all her friends.
me when task is really vague and I don't know where to begin: *full executive dysfunction shutdown*
me when I've figured out a plan and broken things into steps: well now it's boring, I already know exactly what I'll be doing so do I even have to do it
