"I've met one of those women and their men. She was an advisor to the dowager.
They were polite with us servants, and I'd wager all the good the dowager has done for us was because of the Aes Sedai. And her man too. They must have spent half of their time alone scheming together, while preparing their matching silver finery for court.
I remember, one time, they almost made the dowager's nephew lose his title after he proposed to her. I don't know what kind of fool would even think to try that, it was obvious to anyone they only had eyes for each other."
"I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend." - J.R.R Tolkien
Years ago, her cheeks would have been beet red as she approached her destination.
If she had friends among the Accepted, maybe she would have brought them along and made an excuse for this excursion, but all her companions were still novices and would be for many years still.
Despite it all, whatever would happen now, she wanted that moment to herself. She would not share it with anyone else, save the man she prayed was in those training grounds.
But now, what felt like a much more reasonable part of herself told her he wouldn't wait three years. Not just wait, but go through exactly what she went through in her training, except with many more bruises and cuts, with broken bones.
All these years away from him, she couldn't remember ever doubting him, pushing herself to her limit and beyond, making herself the perfect student to meet him as soon as it was possible.
Even if that was so, she needed to know it. See it for herself. Imagining things was a waste of time, and as a future Aes Sedai, she would not waste time. So, she quickened her pace (as much as she could, respectably), weaving a path through streets she had walked in her old life, to the barracks of the would-be Warders.
She could hear shouting, metal clashing, the thumping of bodies crashing into the ground, beyond the patched-up wooden walls, but most clearly, the blood thumping in her ears. She needed to get in there.
As if on cue, a voice startled her, "Now this is unusual," a Warder leaned by the gate, pipe in hand, and words smothered in smoke. "What's a sisterling doing here, exactly?"
Visits to the Warders weren't unusual for Accepted. None had seen men beyond a few bonded Warders in probably a decade, and many felt the absence. What better way to cure that than by looking through the list of candidates for Warders? But doing so alone was unusual - embarrassing - it would probably have meant one had no comrades among her sisters.
"An Aes Sedai has asked me to give a message to one of the trainees."
"Oh? Couldn't she come here by herself?"
"Sir, I'm sure you know this better than myself: I can't question an Aes Sedai. Much less, the... oddity of their requests."
The man laughed, shaking his head. Syla gave a sheepish smile as pride trickled through the back of her mind. Hook, line, and sinker.
"You know my wife's one of them? But sure enough, they're a mysterious folk. So, who's the brat?"
"The one she wanted me to relay the message to was Eamas Tivror."
"Oh, that's a young one. She better not be trying to bond him yet - good sport, but not done yet. Though, I'd think she'd come here by herself for that. Who's the mistress?"
Right. She really hoped Warders didn't know the name of every single Aes Sedai.
"Syla, sir. She told me he would know her."
"Syla? Yeah, he mentioned that name. Now, my heart is truly warmed that she remembered him through her training. But I'd be even more impressed if she was an Aes Sedai already," her cheeks warmed, she couldn't tell if it was because he caught up on her lie or because Eamas talked about her enough for him to be able to do so. "Not trying to minimize you being an Accepted after only three years. Congratulations."
Oh. He figured that, too. Her cheeks were flaming red now. Was she that bad?
"Now, now, kiddo. You didn't do a bad job- I wanted to believe you until you mentioned your name. Blame your friend- he was the one explaining to me why he needed to join us."
She wanted to bury herself deep into the earth. She needed to be good at this, Aes Sedai were good at this. Or at least she needed to know what battles she couldn't win to enter them humbly. No wisdom - she should've just admitted her motives, suffered the embarrassment, and spared herself this bigger one.
"I'm sorry, sir. I-"
"Oh, spare me, please. You girls are too quick to apologize - I'm not going to whip you. Once you get yourselves bonded up, you'll know how to not step on each other's toes. So, I'll call him over. Don't mind the smell."
She nodded, her neck and shoulders still stiff. Were he an Aes Sedai, he would have surely sent her to be punished for this.
"Thank you, sir."
He groaned at her address, and she wondered who his Aes Sedai was for him to be so tired of her politeness. Was it someone too strict (if so, she wept for him, she knew that kind, even as she evaded them)? Or a rebellious soul who could complain to him about the hierarchies in the Tower? Did Aes Sedai like that truly exist?
He entered the training grounds, closing the gates behind him and leaving her to her thoughts.
Eamas had talked about her. Was it just in the early days, or did he still mention her? Did he still hope for her to meet him? Did he falter when the Warders told him how long it could take her? Did he still think about her as she thought about him? As she did through sleepless nights, her endless chores, and every challenging exercise. Through the Silver arches.
She was woken from her thoughts by the gate opening, then closing behind a tall figure. As he stepped out of the shadows, with a careful gait, Syla felt the world pulled from under her feet.
There was reality, and then there was seeing him. All her senses faded away, except her vision fixed on him. There was the exhilaration of Channeling, and then there was seeing him. Her blood felt like the purest Healing, rebirthing her as it pumped furiously in her veins.
Time seemed to stop as she took his figure in.
He had grown taller, although he had already been a giant of a boy, and she could see how he had grown so much stronger too, from his wide shoulders and uncovered arms, even if when he was a baker, he would already carry sacks of flour around his shoulders. He had let his hair grow longer, curls covering his chest.
He had grown as she had. But she could still notice the remnants of baby fat on his cheeks, despite being covered by a thick beard.
As she smiled, time rushed back to her, pushing her to run to Eamas. He crashed into her, their arms wrapping themselves around the other. Syla was lifted with a twirl, able to bury her face in his shoulders for a moment, before her feet hit the ground again. Slowly, they unwrapped themselves, and even more slowly, they gathered the courage to meet each other's gaze.
"You waited for me."
"Of course, I promised," it was all Syla could do not to look surprised. His voice had dropped much lower than when they last spoke. She remembered how it would still break back then, and after 3 years of hearing that voice in her mind, it was strange to have it replaced. But she liked how he sounded, his whispered tones warmer and richer, gravel that would pull her in and never let her out.
Syla pulled herself from her thoughts as he, more quickly, continued, "I wanted to. I wanted to. And you, you barely made me wait. I mean- I thought I'd- I should have known. You're brilliant, you're so brilliant, Syla!"
Warmth filled her from head to toe, blushing her cheeks and making her feel momentarily dizzy. She had almost forgotten how good it felt to hear him compliment her. When she met him, she felt so impossibly small, but he was her sun and rain. In the Tower, her teachers humbled her to the point of viciousness despite her efforts, but here with him again, she felt safe, she felt so powerful.
"I'm only here now because of you. You gave me my strength. I couldn't leave you waiting. And - I needed to see you again."
"I've missed you, too," he smiled a sweet smile. So sweet, nothing could stop her from laying her hand on his clothed chest, hoping to steal only a small piece of whatever warmth made Eamas himself.
It was his turn to turn red, eyes fidgeting as he spoke, "I would keep my promise. But-"
Syla's blood turned cold, and without noticing, she stepped closer to him. As if he could shield her from his own words. Had he found an Aes Sedai that wanted him? Had he stayed long enough to see her, and would try an easier life now? Go back to his own home?
"But you're you," she wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth, from the Wheel itself in that moment. Yes, Syla was Syla. She was Syla. Just Syla. Just some girl who was lucky to be born in Tar Valon and probably lucky to be born at all. Her mother didn't succeed in the Tower, so how could she? How could she wait for someone to dedicate their life to hers? What could she give?
"You've become an Accepted after just three years. I'm no one. I'm no one! You need a stronger Warder than what I can give you. I'm pushing myself, but when you become an Aes Sedai, you'll need your Warder. I'll still be training."
The ice in her vein turned colder still. Her self-hatred had blinded her to his doubting himself. Too concentrated on herself to notice how he felt.
"No, no, no! Do not say that. I will never take any Warder except you. If this was by some fault of mine, but - No one, and I mean no one, could ever reach your feet in my eyes. If I'm lucky enough that you would choose me, I'd never even dream of turning down that honor."
His fidgeting stopped as he looked at her, eyes blown wide. She didn't know what to do with herself, how to communicate how much she meant what she had said. So she held on tighter to him, her other hand by his hips. Maybe if she held onto him with enough strength, he wouldn't wander into such foolish ideas again.
"Truly?"
"Truly, Eamas," he hugged her tightly and she buried her face in his chest, willing herself to concentrate only on him, his warmth, his heartbeat, his breathing. Memorize him for all the days she won't see him. "I'll take you as you are. Whatever that is, I would want no other to be my confidant, I would trust no other as I trust you. But you were always a quick learner. And I'm certain you're a formidable warrior."
He chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest. "I have no choice but to trust you."
Syla hummed in response, "None at all."
Oh, but she already missed him. No matter how tightly they held each other, not knowing when she would have time again to visit him haunted Syla. She could exit the Tower at her leisure now, but she still had classes to plan and teach, not to mention tutoring to attend.
"You could ask to come train in the Tower," she ventured, not knowing much of the Warders' rules. "...I want to see you more."
"I'll try to ask, they'd allow me at least once in a while," Syla smiled wide at the reassurance and earned a smile back from Eamas. "And maybe we could manage a freeday at the same time, too... Go to the places we used to go."
"See how they've changed, too. I'd like that."
Eamas pulled her back into his chest, resting his chin on her head. She almost laughed at how clingy he was being, if only she didn't want it as much. Or much, much more.
As they unwrapped themselves, Syla couldn't say how long they had clung to one another. She only knew it was far from enough. If she had her way, she'd stay in his arms until the Dragon came and left, she'd find a weave to nestle herself beneath his skin.
But the frightened look on Eamas' face pulled her from her thoughts, nodding to ask what troubled him.
"Oh, oh no... Look at your robes. I'm sorry, I should have been more careful."
She looked down at her clothes, now matching his, with dirt turning white to brown. If an Aes Sedai, or even an older Accepted, saw her like this...
"And you're probably smelling of my sweat too, I'm so sorry!"
Yes, he was quite sweaty, thinking about it, but she'd rather not think too hard about just how much she didn't mind the smell of it, so she reassured him, "No, no, no. It's alright. There are weaves for cleaning. I've only practiced them in class, but I'll manage. They're very simple."
"Of course," he groaned, "oh, I'd rather you not go through whatever happens if showed up like this."
"It's not pleasant, of that, I'm sure."
It would probably, at best, involve washing all of the Aes Sedai's dirty clothing, at worst, that and a birching.
"What I hear about the Tower makes training here sound like a walk in the park..."
"A certain discipline is needed to learn to channel without danger, but... respecting the One Power is often mistaken for being the slave to the whims of older women. Who would've thought that my path would involve that again?"
"A few more years, and you'll be free. Let them try to take that from you."
"This is why I need you as my Warder, Eamas," she laughed, and he gave her his sweet smile again.
"I do need to get back in there," he sighed.
"Yes, you should probably go... I'll visit you whenever I'm free. Next time I'll know my schedule better, and we'll figure something out."
"And I'll try to get in the Tower, pass by us there when you can."
Syla nodded, biting her lip as she tried to ignore the stinging starting in her eyes. At least this time around she knew she'd see him soon, but she couldn't help but feel like she was leaving him behind, by the White Tower's gates once more.
He looked at her with a pained frown, and to her surprise, softly cupped her face, to bring his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes as his lips remained for some seconds, burning their softness into her skin.
As Eamas pulled away, he grabbed her hand, "I'll see you soon, Syla."
Bringing her hand to his lips, they said goodbye. And as she stood there, still in a daze, she saw him vanish once more behind gates.
Before Bonding, Syla explained Eamas everything she knew about the Aes Sedai/ Warder bond, including how an Aes Sedai could influence their Warder with it.
So she made Eamas promise he'd ask her once a month (originally she wanted once a week but they negotiated) if she had ever done it. Since Syla can't lie, it's pretty foul proof.
Syla was a Novice for 3 years, unable to get out of the White Tower or contact Eamas who was training with the Warders.
And 3 years is longer than they've known each other but they still trusted the other to wait for them.
When Syla becomes an Accepted, at the first opportunity, she goes meet Eamas, and they both have changed so much while away, but they still leap at each other for a hug.
They meet each other again, whenever they have time, sometimes managing to squeeze a visit to the city.
When Syla passes the Warders' training grounds with her other Accepted friends, she trades long looks with Eamas, and they're both left with a smile that lasts the whole day.
After Syla becomes an Aes Sedai, it's a torture waiting for her Grey sisters to teach her the bonding weave. But when she learns it, at the first opportunity, she almost runs to Eamas, bringing him somewhere private to channel the weave.
Syla and Eamas, binding themselves, and when it's done, they look at each other with just pure pride and fondness for each other, something melting inside them. And those feelings pass to the other and they finally realize that their love isn't unrequited.
