i shouldn’t even be thinking it, much less writing it down
a playlist for the thirteen letters + the long way around or, bucky’s writing in not easily conquered, by dropdeaddream and whatarefears
{ 8tracks | spotify }
Anyway, Jesus — I shouldn’t even be thinking it, much less writing it down. I used to love you so sweet, the way kids love, the way I was supposed to. Then it turned greedy and true.
1. this is the last time / the national
when i lift you up you feel / like a hundred times yourself / i wish everybody knew / what's so great about you
Now everyone — the whole world, I guess — can see just what it is you’re made of.
2. a drop in the ocean / ron pope
i’m holding you closer than most / ‘cause you are my heaven
You’re especially heaven for a sinner like me.
3. smother / daughter
in the darkness i will meet my creators / and they will all agree / i’m a suffocator
They fucked me up, but I don’t ever wanna tell you just how bad. I won’t even now, don’t even want to think those things in your direction.
4. grand canyon / drive by truckers
it’s this life that we chose / that made it all worth living / through the horrors that life throws
So if we ever get out of this frozen wet hell we’re going out to the Grand Canyon. I tell you, I dream of the Grand Canyon.
5. is there somewhere / halsey
i try to refrain / but you’re stuck in my brain / all i do is cry and complain / because second’s not the same
She’s your true north. I know what that means, because you’re mine.
6. 10 am, gare du nord / keaton hensen
please do not break my heart / i think it’s had enough / pain to last the rest of my life
Stay for me. If you leave me alone in this world I’ll turn into something terrible.
7. robbers / the 1975
i’ll shoot him if that’s what you ask / but if you just take off your mask / you’d find out everything has gone wrong
Turns out that you’re still my favorite hiding place. Funny, too: turns out there are scarier things in the dark than vampires.
8. breezeblocks / alt-j
please don’t go / i’ll eat you whole / i love you so, i love you so
You make me hungry. You understand? You make me hungry.
9. heavy head / elder brother
don’t threaten me with better times / you ask me what our future holds / i’ll dig a hole and i’ll say let’s go
I should die out here. I’m the kind of guy who’s not meant to go back. I try to imagine a life after this and it just won’t come.
10. for me this is heaven / jimmy eat world
you can lose yourself in your courage / when the time we have now ends / when the big hand goes round again / can you still feel the butterflies? / can you still hear the last goodnight?
Right then I didn’t tell myself any stories. I was dying, and I was glad it was happening while I was next to you.
11. big black car / gregory alan isakov
love to just get into some of your stories / me in all my plain jane glory
I’m the story that’ll never get told, but that doesn’t bother me much. They’ll remember you, which is as it should be.
12. safe / the airborne toxic event
we can’t slow down now / this road’s not safe for driving
Some people are good at math and some people are good at art, but me, I’m good at shooting, and it scares me right to the bone the things I’d do for you.
13. i can feel your pain / manchester orchestra
‘cause i can feel your pain / in my bones, in my bones / and i can feel your pain / deep in my bones, deep in my bones
You look at me with those blue eyes all hot and electric in your face, blood on your cheek, soot smudged over your nose. Bone of my bones.
14. jesus christ / brand new
well jesus christ i’m not scared to die / i’m a little bit scared of what comes after
Hell is right here, and I’ve been damned for a long time.
15. the engine driver / the decemberists
and i am a writer, writer of fictions / i am the heart that you call home / and i’ve written pages upon pages / trying to rid you from my bones
You don’t need me. Doesn’t mean I’m not still afraid for you, not scared shitless that this world is gonna eat you alive.
16. samson / regina spektor
you are my sweetest downfall / i loved you first
But I loved you first.
17. second chances / needtobreathe
if time can break us, can it make us strong? / ‘cause seldom second chances come along
This story has been unbelievable and strange, but maybe this is the most unbelievable and strange part of all: I never forgot him, not really.
18. be the young (acoustic) / yellowcard
and i can’t believe my eyes / you are still here next to me / all i need, you’re all i see / in this life we hope to find
Even though I lost his specifics, his nose, his brow, I somehow knew that he lived safe and far away, and that knowledge alone was my comfort.
19. work song / hozier
no grave can hold my body down / i’ll crawl home to her
It’s why the grave couldn’t keep me in, sweetheart.
20. a way to you again / peter bradley adams
and every moment i thought of you / is written right there in my eyes / over and over / i got lost in my head / and i found the way to you again
I’ll always come back from the dead for you.