“daddy says you’re not suppose to cry.” ((:
@baptiscd // ( always accepting random asks! )
He couldn’t do it. If he did, John had made clear whatwas at stake and who would be made to suffer for it. Barely a year into livingunderground and his only option had been taken from him. Oh, there technically was still achoice, but he knew the repercussions. Even if he followedthrough, there’d be no peace in knowing what he’d cause after his death. Sara would be made to suffer, would be wiped outof existence alongside him and she wouldn’t have a choice in it. Could hereally do that to her? After everything she’d done to survive?
Even if he didn’t want to live anymore, he couldn’t takethat from her.
Alex stands up, violently launching himself away from the cot he’d beensitting on and curses, a stilted, cut off “Fuck!”As he slams his fist into the metal wall. His knuckles burn but it’s barelynoticeable, not when his heart acheswith the realization of what’s to come. He tilts his forehead until it restsagainst the wall, hand falling to hang beside him, arm limp. Tears build up, overflowing and he cries silently, barely a muffled sob to accompany them. The last time hecried had probably been when . . . he doesn’t want to think about it, but it’dbeen over a year ago. Since going underground he’d slowly been receding furtherinto himself, detaching from everyone else. Most of all himself, but he’s notso far gone as to miss the creaking sound of the door being opened. Alex liftshis head and looks over, watching as a small form peeks their head in.
It’s Alaric. The kid was getting good at finding whereAlex went off to spend time alone. He turns towards him and crouches down, moreon his level. Not that Alex is very tall anyway, and judging by the kids alreadylong limbs he’ll probably out-grow Alex by the time he’s an adult, but for nowhe makes himself as approachable as possible. Not in the least bit intimidatingtowards kids. Even if Alex can feel himself tearing apart at the seams, hepulls it all together, loose stitching, for when a child is around. Despite the dimlighting in the supply room, Alaric doesn’t look scared as he hurries over, leavingthe door open behind him.
He only falters when he gets close enough to see Alex’sface. The red in his eyes, and the wet tracks down his face from where he’d criedearlier. He hadn’t even thought about it until Alaric reaches out and with his smallhands wipes at the remaining tears. “Daddysays you’re not supposed to cry.” It’s startling to hear, and Alex blinksat him, taken aback by the advice, but he recovers within seconds.
There’s a few ways to go about this, and while Alex neverconsidered himself the type to ever settle down and have kids –– life just didn’thave that in store for him, he did like them, got along well enough withthem too.
“Crying isn’t abad thing. Sometimes you just feel alot and there’s nowhere else for it to go but your eyes. They can’t contain iteither and so you cry it out.” Alex smiles, the expression thinbut warm. Winding the thread tighter, keeping the stuffing where it needs tobe. “Besides I’m pretty sure I’ve seenyour dad cry. Not to mention there’s such a thing as . . .” Hetrails off, dramatically, leaving room for the tension to build. Alaric seemsto be buying it, eyes wide and waiting for the punchline. “Tears of joy.” At that Alex wraps an arm around him and lifts himup over his shoulder, having him partially upside down before he does a spin, lifting him enough to get him airborne before he settles him more securely around the back of his neck, fireman’s carry, and heads for the door. “You’re luckythe tickle monster wasn’t in there.” He gently pokes Alaric in the side ashe walks out the door, shutting it and the breakdown he’d had away.