#emma does confessions

[vorpalmuchness]

andimjavert

Pompeii doesn't sound the same without you

[errornoonefound]

I'm not as bad as last year.

My issues aren't as bad.

But--

I wish I killed myself last year.

There. I fucking said it.

[errornoonefound]

I just found this again. This was months ago.

Okay, anyone who reads this:

I need help. 

If you're reading this you know that I'm trying to recover from bulimia, I have other issues as well.

I asked someone close to me their opinions on these things and here are the responses:

ON SELF HARM

THEM: selfish

E (me, Emma) why

and then the person basically said self harmers were attention hogs, to toughen up and take Cymbalta

ON ED'S 

Anorexia and bulimia, go to the hospital. Obesity, get a treadmill. The dollar menu is not your friend.

ON SUICIDE

don't keep it to you yourself, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 

(so I was like, okay, they can't be that bad then, if they at least understand that.)

and then 

they said 

"SUICIDE IS THE EPITOME OF SELFISHNESS"

AND I USED TO REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON, AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT PERSON.

SHOULD I TRY AND EDUCATE THAT PERSON,

OR LEAVE THEM ALONE?

EVERYONE SAYS THAT PERSON'S AN ASSHOLE,

BUT I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO HATE THEM.

HELP! IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS, PLEASE MESSAGE ME!

-Emma

[errornoonefound]

What the hell's wrong with me?

[errornoonefound]

nearly got hit by a car today

it was my fault not theirs

and I really didn't care if I got hit, I realized later.

I also figured out a less cautious driver could have hit and killed me.

[errornoonefound]

I'm going to watch zombie movies and Walking Dead.And eat spicy food to punish myself. 

Spicy cheetos burn my throat since I've been throwing up at least once a week.

I'll be on. Just watching. 

-Emma

[errornoonefound]

I relapsed. I don't care. Rug burn on my leg, bloody skin caused by nail marks, cut on my finger, 

I don't have anything real to hurt with. 

I can't go to a dance. 

A Dance, you think, no big deal

BIG DEAL VERY BIG DEAL

I ASKED THE GUY OUT, PLUCKED UP THE FUCKING COURAGE AND HE SAID

YES

I HAD THE DRESS AND EVERYTHING WAS SET AND

POOF

YOU CAN'T GO TO THE DANCE.

YOU HAVE HORRIBLE GRADES IN SUBJECTS THAT DON'T MATTER.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EVERYBODY.

I HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

MYSELF.

[errornoonefound]

I think I hate everyone